Penn's Author's Note:

Well in this case, I, Pennhothwen, am only partially the author. My collaborators on this chapter are Aranel and Nodalec. (psst… Aranel, Nodalec, if you have author's notes you want me to add, send them to me and I'll revise this posting.) Also, anyone who sees typos or other boo-boos, I beg of you to inform me either by review or email. ( Thanks! I'm a perfectionist, but my spell-check isn't working for some reason, so it's hard to get every typo by eye alone. I'm still trying, though… any help would be greatly appreciated.

Anyway, this was great fun to write, and Miss Cam said 'it looks okay', so here's the first chapter of The Great SNAOL Collaboration!

Disclaimer: Camilla Sandman owns OFUM in all its forms, we're just grateful she lets us play in it. J.R.R. Tolkien owns Middle Earth in all its forms, and we're doubly grateful to be allowed to play there, too. Jay and Acacia own the PPC, and I hope it's ok that I mentioned it in here… heh, yeah. Anyone who thinks we're making any money from this ought to get his or her head examined. Heh.

Penn walked into the empty conference room that Miss Cam had generously made available for the purpose. "SNAOL, eh?" she muttered. "First meeting." Secretly she wondered if anyone would actually show up.

Aranel tugged on her shirt nervously as she opened the door to the hall. A grin split her face when she saw Penn already there. "Heya, are we the only ones so far?"

Penn grinned. "Yep, so far it's just us." Looking around, she saw the unmistakable signs of a Morgoth-Sauron Supremacy Battle - pitted, blackened holes in the ceiling and walls. No wonder Miss Cam hadn't minded donating this room. "So... is this it? SNAOL... two people... real encouraging, eh?"

Feeling like her arms were about to fall off from carrying all the book(s) required for Elrond's class, Nodalec entered the room. "Umm... SNAOL, right?" she asked, glancing at the almost empty room.

"Woohoo!" Penn did a little happy dance. "Three people - that makes a real student organization!"

"We'll have more people in no time." Aranel grinned and helped Nodalec with her books. "I hope anyway..."

Nodalec laughed. "Aren't you two optimistic," she commented. She set her books down and then used them as a nice stool to sit upon.

"Aw, yeah," Penn shrugged. "I'm sure people will show up. I mean, I was just talking to Amber, and she said she was coming. Dunno what could have held her up..." She shuddered as she imagined the possibilities. The minis had slowly been returning to normal after their - ahem - mass romantic interlude. As a result, they were bright, chipper, and even more vigilent. And Amber had been known to attract their attention, on occasion.

"She's too nice to those Balrogs." Aranel stated. "Normal people don't carry around eggs for them."

"Normal people don't go to universities that reside in Middle Earth either," Nodalec pointed out mildly.

"Pfft. I know, really..." Penn glanced around nervously as if she'd been reminded of something, then wandered casually over to her backpack to check on the egg stash within. Satisfied, she ambled back over to where Nodalec was sitting.

"You know... If I didn't know any better, I'd think you two were trying to get on their good sides." Aranel wrinkled her nose. "If they even have one."

"Well, you can't be too careful, can you?" Penn's eyes glazed over as she thought about her personal mini-balrog 'friend', Glorfindell. "Besides," she said, smiling, "they have feelings too, Aranel. Have a heart."

Nodalec gave a wry smile. "They don't have a good side," she told Aranel. She flipped some of her dark brown hair over her shoulder. "Have a heart indeed," she muttered.

Aranel nodded in agreement. "So what's our first order of business, then?"

"Hm," mused Penn. Then she grinned evilly. "Well, I guess we could always start with electing officers."

Nodalec looked from Penn to Aranel, then back to Penn. "You realize, that with three people, an election would be rather odd."

"Oh, Sauron's class must be wearing off on you." Aranel said, noting the disturbing look that just crossed Penn's normally cheery face.

Penn's only response was to giggle - a rather unnerving little giggle, at that. "Maybe so." Then she cleared her throat. "Well, ok. So we can't start electing officers until there are more people around to vote. So, what else do we do, until then?"

"We should try to get to know each other, shouldn't we? I mean," Aranel pushed back her too long red bangs. "We sort of know each other on sight, but we could do better."

Penn thought about this for a moment, then extended her hand to Aranel. "Hi, Aranel, I'm Penn. Nice to meet you," she intoned, barely suppressing a smirk. "Just kidding," she added quickly. "I agree, we need to get better acquainted. I mean, after all, we're supposed to be a Sisterhood, here, right?"

"Indeed," Nodalec agreed. "Why don't you go first?"

Aranel giggled. "Yeah Penn. We'll follow the leader."

"Uh... okay. Smart aleck! Well..." Penn shoved her hands into her back pockets and sighed. "I'm 23 years old, freakishly tall, human, and female. That's back in real life. Somehow, I ended up here as a freakishly normal elf-maiden." She ran a hand through her long brown hair, continuing, "I have an unhealthy Glorfindel fixation, but as we all know, stampeding only makes your feet hurt, so, that's why I joined SNAOL. We're still lusters, we just aren't as *obvious* about it."

Nodalec shook her head. "While I don't know you that well, I have a feeling 'normal' is not a word that describes you."

Penn giggled again. "Oh... you're right about that, Nodalec. All too right." She grinned. "Why don't you go next?"

Nodalec gave a mock-bow in Penn's direction after standing up. "Your wish is my command," she grinned, before starting her own introduction. "My name is Nodalec. I'm 16 and a half years old, tall, human, and female." Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she went on. "My lust object is Boromir, because he's a hottie. And I've never written a Mary Sue."

"I wish I could say that." Aranel muttered, flushing a deep red color.

"Ah, so we might be changing our name to the 'Sisterhood of Tall Chicks Who Lust After Hotties'," Penn murmured, nodding approvingly.

Aranel grinned. "Well, back in real time I'm freakishly short and obviously human. Here... well. I'm pretty much the same here. No sense changing perfection, right?" Penn just laughed eerily.

Nodalec laughed. "Perfection indeed."

"Sorry... yeah," Penn apologized. "Haven't been getting enough sleep lately - I've been reading up on the PPC, seeing exactly what courses I need to get on my transcript for them to let me in after I graduate."

"That was a joke..." Aranel trailed off before clearing her throat and moving on. "Anyway, my lust object is in all reality Mablung. He's a Ranger, and pretty much nobody knows who he is. Except for me!" She concluded triumphantly.

"Aren't you lucky," Nodalec commented. "Does he know you?"

At that, Penn patted Aranel on the back. "Points for originality, m'dear." She shot a look at Nodalec. "At least *her* fellow isn't a pincushion..."

"Eg, sort of. He smiled at me and helped me up once after Sauron threw me across the building." Aranel grinned. "I still haven't washed my hand!"

"Glorfindel," Nodalec pointed out, a bit coldly, "wasn't even considered important enough to be in the movie."

"Ew..." Penn eyed Aranel's hand, and thought about this for a moment. "Well, I guess I wouldn't either... but... ew." Then she appeared to register what Nodalec had said. "Hey!"Her eyes filled with barely suppressed rage. "That damn Arwen..." she growled.

Nodalec looked at Aranel funny, then glanced down at her hands, before sitting down on her books again and giving a smug smile to Penn.

"Oh! Chick fight!" Aranel hopped up on one of the tables. "Proceed. I'll just watch."

Nodalec bit her tongue to keep from saying anything. She wasn't sure how far she could push Penn before she went on a homicidal rage or anything close to that. She decided that it would be best not to insult Penn's lust object, after all. Penn, though, looked exasperated. "Can't we just get along? I mean, we're not the enemy here..." She threw up her hands.

Aranel looked disapointed but got back down. "Fighting is really more of a Sisterhood of Evil thing anyway."

"Yep," Penn said, getting happy again. "And I'm not in *that*. My chosen side is 'good', thank you very much. Because we always win." She looked smug. "Miss Cam even said so."

Nodalec raised an eyebrow and then grinned. "Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb," she quoted.

Aranel suddenly went teary eyed. "I miss Mel Brooks so much!"

"Aww," Penn patted her commiseratingly. "I understand. When I first got here, I almost went mad from lack of Python."

"But you have Mudlung, or whoever," Nodalec pointed out.

"Mablung!" Aranel snapped.

Nodalec grinned and shrugged. "I'm horrible with names. Besides, they sound rather the same..."

Aranel ground her teeth and tried to laugh, but it came off as more of growl. "Really? You think?"

Nodalec decided it would be safer to back off before she lost her arm or anything to that extent. "Every so often I do try to think," she responded cautiously. "Though it rather hurts my brain."

Aranel softened slightly. "Oh, think nothing of it then."

Penn had jumped up onto the nearby Morgoth-scarred table. "Ok, ok, girls, let's not turn this into anything ugly. I mean, we can all take a little good-natured ribbing..." She trailed off, as it became clear that no one was listening to her. "Good, good," she murmured. "At least I won't be wiping up any blood... yet."

Nodalec looked up at Penn. "Um...what's next on the agenda?" she asked, not really wanting to stay on a subject that could be dangerous to her health.

Suddenly Aranel flew towards the window (well, more like hole...). "Oh, oh! There he is!" She pointed wildly at a far off figure. "That's him!" By now her voice had hit a rather high range. "I will not stampede." She bagan to chant under her breath. "I need my towel!" she wailed.

Penn peered out the 'window'. "Ah, yeah. He's, um, cute, Aranel. Here." She handed Aranel a small hand towel. "Or will you be needing something bigger? More absorbent, perhaps?"

Nodalec stood up and and walked over to the hole in the wall. "Who are we looking at?" she asked, looking out.

Aranel didn't reply, she just gnawed on the towel. "MuphRangerness," she managed to mumble through the wad of cloth.

"Mad-lung," Penn replied absently, as she helped Aranel with drool damage control.

"His name's Manmung," Nodalec corrected her.

"Oh, sorry. By Eru, she drools a lot," Penn observed.

"MABLUNG!" The shout reverberated off the walls, and Aranel was suddenly embarrassed to see him actually turning around and looking at her. "Eeep..."

"Oops," Penn smirked.

"Sorry," Nodalec said, not sounding very sorry at all. "I'm trying to decide if his name sounds like an exotic dish, or something you'd find on the bottom of your shoe."

Aranel swept the towel behind her back. "Hey, isn't that Glorfindel with him?" she asked, nudging Penn, as a tall blond walked over to where the annoyed Ranger stood. "And I didn't name Mablung," the redhead snapped. "Tolkien did."

Penn shrieked. "Ai! GLORFINDEL!" It came out a bit louder than she had anticipated, and suddenly there was not one annoyed lust-object, but two. Penn cowered on the floor, holding her head and rocking. And drooling.

"Yes, but Tolkien never lusted after him," Nodalec replied, leaving the 'window' to get her towel, in case Penn needed it.

"Oh my Valar! They're coming this way!" Aranel hissed, dropping down beside Penn.

"Mmmph…" Penn accepted the proffered towel, wrapping it around her slack jaw.

"Aren't ya'll lucky," Nodalec said with ill-disguised amusement. "Perhaps you can tell Maglunk how you feel about him."

Penn was too busy cowering and gnawing on the non-Aranel-occupied end of the towel to answer her.

"Ack! If you call him that one more time I'll-" Aranel was suddenly cut off by the very voice that reduced her to jelly.


"Good afternoon, gentlemen," Nodalec said cheerfully. After all, they weren't her lust objects. She had no worries.

Aranel jumped up, leaving the towel to Penn. "Oh man! You do look just like Temuera Morrison!"

Nodalec's face kept twitching as she tried not to laugh. This was no easy feat. Penn, meanwhile, was still gnawing on the nearly-saturated towel. She looked a bit... dazed.

Mablung lifted his eyebrow and leaned on the 'window/hole'. "Hey Glorfindel, I think you have an admirer." At that, Penn dropped into a dead faint. For a second, Nodalec was torn between helping her friend or laughing at her. Laughing won.

Aranel was in a daze. "You have brown eyes," she told Mablung solemly.

Glorfindel peered in. "Why yes, it would appear so. An admirer… poor thing." He laughed. "Lina was right, hormones are immortal."

Aranel was still unable to stop staring at Mablung. "So Nodalec, how much of an ass do I look like right now?"

Nodalec barely heard the question, she was laughing so hard. Looking up from her doubled-over position, she grinned. "Do you really want me to answer that? I mean, if I don't, you can keep the fantasy that you look totally normal."

Glorfindel glanced uneasily at Mablung. "Perhaps... we should take our leave, sir Ranger?"

"My eyes refuse to blink." Aranel nudged Penn until the girl gave a halfhearted groan. "Wake up... They might leave."

"I'm sure these two would rather you stay," Nodalec gasped amid her laughter.

"We promise not to tackle you! We're members of SNAOL!" Aranel gulped. "This is good practice." He voice was particularly high on 'practice'.

Bleary-eyed, Penn stared up at Aranel. "Why did you wake me up?" she moaned. "I was having such a lovely dream about Glor... Glorfin... Oh Eru." He was actually looking at her. She swooned again. Visibly.

"Stop it!" Aranel kicked Penn in the shoulder. "Control, we need control. Anybody have any eye drops? I'm feeling rather dry."

Glorfindel cleared his throat. "Yes, Mablung, we were on our way to a very *important meeting of S.I.C.T.N.I.T.M, remember?" He elbowed Mablung urgently.

Mablung glanced at him. "You know, you may be used to having girls gawk at you, but I'm not. I want to savor the moment."

"I want to savor you!" Aranel said without thought.

Penn gazed at Glorfindel, seemingly unaware of his growing uneasiness. "Aah... you're... so beautiful, my valiant elf Lord... so... gorgeous..." she mumbled, before drool got in the way again.

Nodalec finally managed to keep her amusement to snickers, instead of her usual loud laughter. "Oh my valiant elf lord," she mimicked, softly so Penn wouldn't hear, "let me drool at your feet."

But Nodalec hadn't counted on Penn's elvish sense of hearing. Penn whirled to face her. "You're just lucky *Boromir* isn't around, you hypocrite," she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Oh, Boromir, is it?" Glorfindel brightened. "He's right over there. Boromir! There's a young lady here who'd like a word with you!"

Nodalec, chagrined, muttered at Penn, "I'm going to kill you slowly. Preferably in Morgoth's dungeon. Where's my towel?"

"Here," Aranel thrust the dripping one at Nodalec. "This one's only slightly used."

Nodalec stepped back quickly. "Umm… I'll try to tough this out without a towel," she said hurriedly. She tried to peer out past Glorfindel and Mablung to see if she could see Boromir. She couldn't.

Aranel brazenly stepped up to where Glorfindel was and pushed him aside. "Hello, Lord Boromir."

"Good day. Glorfindel, what trickery are you up to?" Nodalec's knees gave out on her when she heard Boromir's voice, and she sat down rather suddenly on the floor.

Glorfindel regarded Boromir with an air of mock injury. "Why, there is no trickery about me, Son of Gondor. It's only that this young lady expressed a desire to speak with you." His eyes held more than a glimmer of amusement as he motioned toward the unfortunate Nodalec.

Aranel snickered. "She deserved it. Calling him Mublunk."

Nodalec gave a squeak that was definitely a couple of octaves above her normal speaking range, and then shut her mouth, determined not to drool. She favored Aranel with a death glare. Glorfindel elbowed Mablung again. "As I was saying, Sir, we were on our way to a vital meeting of the S.I.C.T.N.I.T.M, were we not?"

Mablung nodded. "Yes, we were indeed. Farewell, ladies." He winked at Aranel, causing her to drop to the floor beside Nodalec.

Penn sighed loudly as Glorfindel turned away. "Ah... my valiant elf Lord..."

Aranel kicked Penn soundly. "Stop saying that."

Boromir looked into the window. "Which one?" he asked, looking at the three rather stricken girls.

"The dark headed one." Mablung called back to him.

"The dark-haired one who's not an elf," Glorfindel amended.

Nodalec nearly melted into goo when Boromir looked at her.

Mablung laughed. "Yes, the elf-lass belongs to our 'valiant elf lord'."

The girls all clamored to their feet and watched their lust objects walk away. "I want him so badly." Aranel moaned.

"Me... too..." Penn's eyes looked permanently glazed. "But at least we didn't stampede, right?" She looked at Nodalec, who nodded vaguely.

"I touched Glorfindel." Aranel inclined her head to one side. "I've never done that before."

Penn instantly un-glazed herself. "What? When did this happen?" she yelped. "Was I passed out?"

"When I pushed him out of the way. It was a gentle nudge really... no, you were just sitting there." Aranel shrugged. "He's hard… in a silky kind of way. Well, his shoulder, that is."

Penn looked as if she were about to start crying. Then, she did. "It's... it's not fair!" she squeaked. "You - TOUCHED HIM! MY VALIANT ELF-LORD!" She broke down into full-fledged hysterical sobbing.

Aranel patted her on the back. "It's ok, I'm sure we'll see them again. We lust after the rarer ones, you know." She paused. "It's not as if I grabbed his crotch."

Neither of them noticed that Nodalec had slipped away, probably to follow Boromir. Penn sniffled, great hiccuping sobs racking her body. "Don't say thi- things like that, about muh-muh-muh - MY Glorfindel!"

Aranel sighed. "We need to get to class, besides, I think I can hear Sauron and Morgoth heading this way."

Penn hiccuped again, nodding tearily. "Okay. Just... Aranel? Puh-promise me you won't tell anyone, about touching Glorfindel? Okay?" she pleaded, gazing at Aranel with her best 'for the love of Eru and all the Valar' gaze.

"I promise." Aranel held her hand up Spock-style. "In fact," she proceeded to rub her hand vigorously against Penn's. "You've got whatever residual leftover there may be. Just feel lucky Mablung touched me with the other hand."

Penn shuddered. "Aaaahhh... "

"Eww! Don't orgasm while I'm still here!"

Penn took a moment to compose herself, then grinned wickedly at Aranel, seizing her in a tight hug. "Ew! I'd never do that! But… now I know I've made a true friend, if you're willing to share your Glorfindel residue with me!"

The two headed out of the scorched room, glowing in a manner only outdone by urple. "Yup, the beginning of a very good friendship!" Aranel exclaimed. "Long live SNAOL!!!"

Their laughter echoed down the halls.