Authoressssses' notessssses at bottom! As for the Disclaimer, well... It don't b'long to us'n, it don't. None of it. Much. Except for the Uruk-Hair Styling Salon, a typo-by-Shada, made-into-joke-by-Penn. And added on to by various others, as indicated by their individual commentsssses within the text. Tally-ho! Oh, and. we ain't the type to beg for reviews, but hey. if you like it, just hit that little blue button at the bottom of the screen and type something in the resulting little pop-up box! I promise, nothing bad will happen, and you'll make us all very happy! Ta!


Shada settled down on the green grass. The sun was shining, the birds were singing... which usually signaled that something very bad was going to happen. But until something did happen, the Vice President of SNAOL decided to enjoy the calm, and spend the time off looking for her L.O.

GreyLadyBast almost stalked past SNAOL's new "Secret Hideaway" - a copse of trees ideally placed for L.O. drooling. She was flipping through some papers and muttering things better left unsaid about Lord Elrond.

"Taking his name in vain?" came a voice from the top of the tree. Craning her neck upward, Shada could make out a figure perched high up in the branches of an elm.

"I thought none of these were ents!" Mytsie had been walking around the perimeter of the new 'hideout' and nearly fell over when she heard a voice come out of the tree.

"Jesus! You scared the... nope, can't say that. Anyway, you startled me," the catgirl said, taking the hint to settle down below the speaker. "Besides, YOU try writing a 3000-word essay on "Why Sam Adams Is Not an Acceptable Middle Earth Personage". You'll take that... nope, can't say that either... anyway, you'd take his name in vain too!"

"Who wouldn't?" Aranel said, popping up behind Bast suddenly. "He snitched to Miss Cam about Mablung liking me."

"Can someone help get me down?" the voice interrupted. "Please? The portal's aim was off..."

"Hiiiiidey-hooo!" Penn trilled as she skipped into the clearing. "Hey... I love the new 'secret hideaway' motif." The lithe elf-girl nodded approvingly, then held out her arms. "Here, Jay dear, let me help you."

"Jay?" Mytsie blinked and remembered the incident with Elrond and the green dress.

"She'll drop you," Aranel said with a grin as she backed away.

Bast glanced up. "You can't get down from there? It looks easy to me."

"Bite me, Cat gaaaaaaaaaaah!" The figure fell heavily next to Penn.

Aranel snickered. "I told you."

Bast leapt nimbly aside just before catching a faceful of Jay. Sometimes that whole catgirl thing came in handy. "Wait, don't I know you?" she asked, looking at the fallen Protector closely, for the first time.

"I would have caught you, Jay," Penn pouted. "I'm an elf, for corn's sake, the least I can do is *catch* someone."

"You could use those magical ears to get my Mablung back!" Aranel said, with something akin to a whine in her voice.

"*My* magical ears?" Penn sounded affronted. "My ears are very delicate, thankyouverymuch."

Shada touched her own ears. She had recently snuck into the Forbidden Chambers of Records and changed her Race to Eldar, though she knew it was inevitable that she would face a punishment.

Bast glanced at Aranel. "Would you like some cheese with that?" she asked oh-so-innocently. She didn't draw attention to her ears, letting Penn take the brunt of that joke. The furry jibes were enough for her.

Aranel looked slightly sheepish. "Sorry, I'm just depressed. I was this close..."

"What happened to Mud-lung? Errr... Mablung?" Mytsie asked, staring at Aranel.

"Miss Cam was looking at me in an evil way after she caught me erm *cough* leading him away." Aranel grimaced. "I decided to stay away for a while."

"You had to face Miss Cam? Poor thing. At least that rot... er, Elrond didn't go through with his threat to take me to her for the beer incident. Though I DID have to listen to THREE HOURS of Bombadil's poetry." Bast's fur rippled with the horror of the memory.

"But on the upside, I got to touch his shoulder, hand, arm, and I was close enough to find out what he smells like!" Aranel suddenly turned giddy again.

Bast glared at Aranel. Her Shelob fixation was widely known and teased about, but she'd never gotten close to her true L.O. - Frodo Baggins.

Diane came running across the lawn muttering "I'm late, I'm late, I'm late," before tripping just short of the tree and dropping her sketchpad and pencil. "Sorry," she said as she sat up quickly and began grabbing her stuff. "Didn't want to miss this meeting."

"That's okay," Shada reassured her. "It's hard to catch all the meetings... they're rather random."

Jay muttered something. It sounded like "try staff meetings."

"Yeah, whenever two of us catch up with one another, it's a meeting!" Bast chimed in.

" Wow... there are lots of people here today..." Mytsie blinked and demonstrated her mastery of the completely obvious.

Diane smiled and brushed the grass from her clothes before sitting down. "Thanks, nice to see all of y'all." Then, "A furry!?" she exclaimed, eyeing Bast. Diane opened her sketchpad quickly and began scribbling furiously. "Finally get a pic chance."

Jay was ignoring the discussion, and digging in her pack. "I hope it's not broken... Please, please, any deity in the area, let it not be broken..."

Shada looked on, wondering what Jay had in the pack. Something forbidden to OFUM?

Penn, who was getting a bit of a headache, just nodded, in response nothing in particular. Then she heard Jay's frantic prayer and leapt to the assassin's side. "The camera - tell me it's okay!"

"It's safe!" Jay brandished the Polaroid with great relief.

Camera! Shada's eyebrows shot way up.

"Camera!" Mytsie immediately looked over at Jay and Penn with a mischievous look. "What camera?" Aranel said, hopping over to Jay and Penn. The assassin heaved a sigh. "My Polaroid. I never go ANYWHERE without my Polaroid. I've almost got a full roll... who wants a picture of their Lust Object?"

Mytsie quickly skipped over in her strange little way and tried to get a look at the alleged 'camera'. "I think that would be everyone..." She smiled and looked around at the others.

Shada edged closer: she hadn't seen a camera in months, since every time one was found in a student's possession, it was burned... and subsequently the student, usually. Then, agreeing with Mytsie, she smiled.

"I DO!" Aranel shrieked, quite close to one of Penn's 'magical' ears.

"Me! ME! MEEE!!" Penn shrieked, in a very un-elven way. "I want a picture of Glorfindel!!" Then, "OWW!" as Aranel's exclamation pierced her eardrum.

"Take turns, please. If you don't behave, I'll bring Acy along next time."

Taking Jay at her word, both Penn and Aranel quickly becalmed themselves - Acacia was not the kind of person one would want to irritate, anger, or otherwise disturb.

Diane just looked up from her sketch for a moment and then back down. She already had several drawings. It was enough for her that she did - let the others have their fun.

"Unfortunately, there's almost no way I would ever get a chance to be close enough to take a picture of Legolas," Shada sighed. "You'd need a telescoping lens for that."

"Funny you should mention," Jay said.

"Indeed," Mytsie nodded in agreement. It was the same situation with cosplayers at conventions back home.

"Most Lust Objects are currently in hiding between classes..." Shada continued.

"You like Legolas?" Aranel said, surprised. "I thought that we didn't have any Legolusters."

"Yes, I know," Shada answered. "They're rarer now, but the infamous mobs do still charge him from time to time."

"Hey, can I get more than one LO picture? Since I have more than one LO?" Bast asked.

"Yeah, and possibly one extra for E-bay..." Mytsie trailed off and laughed nervously.

"Hmm...." Shada pondered, wondering how many Elves she could count as L.O.'s.

"I have ONE roll of film. That's twenty-seven pictures. And I want one of Shelob and of Glorfindel, too."

"Oooh!" Penn squealed. "I just want a really good one of Glorfindel, please. And... Jay? I didn't know you liked Glory, too?"

"I just want a picture," Jay replied. "He's FAMOUS. And we didn't get him in the movie... stupid Arwen. And for bob's sake, you can take duplicates!"

"Hey! Wait just one second here! If ANYONE's getting pictures of Her Ladyship, it's ME! *I* muck out Her lair and *I* have to lead fangirls to Her to eat!" Bast bristled indignantly.

"Now that makes me feel really safe,"Aranel said, backing away from Bast. "Maybe we could get them in groups," she continued. "Lust Objects do tend to go with safety in numbers."

"Hurray!" Mytsie cheered and imagined what kind of pictures they'd get.

"If you can, you should take a picture of the new Uruk-Hair Salon," Shada recommended into the midst. "Though it's not Lust Object Material."

"The WHAT?" Jay did a doubletake.

"The 'Uruk-Hair', Evilest Styling Salon east of the Misty Mountains," Penn supplied.

"Makes sense." Mytsie grinned.

"Don't go there. I took Her Ladyship there, to get Her leg-hairs done, and they ruined it! Dyed Her legs urple!"

"And one of Saruman's Happy Nails," Aranel added with a grin.

"Uruk-Hair? Oh yeah! Don't they have that free manicure and such...?" Mytsie asked and looked at the others.

"Yeah, but only if you like urple leg-hair." Bast was not one to let a subject go.

"Did you let Ragna dye her or something?" Aranel asked Bast.

Bast bristled indignantly. She took her duties to Her Ladyship seriously. It was one of the *only* things she took seriously. "I did no such thing! Those twits at Uruk-Hair screwed up! It wasn't my fault! Even Shelob admitted it." Bast grew thoughtful. "Of course, that was after I slipped Her some of my home-grown. From the Real World," she grinned.

"Saruman studied there a long time ago, I heard," Shada mused.

"Dear Lady." Jay shook her head. "Not since the ghostly surfer dude Nazcool have I heard of something so bizarre."

"Why else does he have such wonderful nails?" Shada replied, then shook her head. She probably should not have brought it up. Fortunately, before the discussion could break into an argument, distant rumbling could be heard. Shada peered out of the trees, but she saw no L.O.

"That's nothing!" Morgoth roared, flames wreathing his amorphous body as he faced his arch nemesis Sauron. "I'm so evil I even attracted the wrath of Il├║vatar in past ages! You were nothing but a bug to him - he ignored you completely!"

"Oooh, so maybe you got on the nerves of the Valar a while back," Sauron retorted. "Back in the day, you might have been a big bad villain. But no one knows you anymore. I myself am now renowned by many names, including the fearsome 'Gorthaur the Cruel!'"

"Bloody he-." Jay shook her head. "SHUT UP! We're trying to have a MEETING!" Her instinct for self-preservation was on the fritz.

"Hah, like 'cruel' is such a terrifying name," Morgoth sneered. "Now, 'mighty,' that will strike fear into the hearts of your subordinates! Try that on for size! Oh, wait, you can't! It was I that was once called that! Hah!"

Bast glanced over at the commotion. "Oh god! I REALLY wish somebody'd do something about those two! They have a unique knack for wrecking a girl's buzz." The catgirl had not stopped smuggling in beer and other intoxicants, just because she got caught once. She was simply more careful these days.

"If I had not created the Orcs, you would not even be here! Without my own fell creations, the Orcs, you would have no followers, except for those idiotic Easterlings!" thundered Morgoth. "Not to mention you once were one of my own servants before you fell prey to your own stupidity!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Sauron, whose eyes could be seen glittering with wrath. "You think that just because you managed to sneak away the Silmarils for a while, you rule the place? And then of course some insignificant Elf put you to sleep easily, snoring cavernously!"

Mytsie refrained from yelling anything, hoping silently that her new set of 'dark-lord of the fourth age' fashion sketches hadn't been found.

"I am the evilest, most powerful Dark Lord of all! I do NOT snore!" Morgoth scowled viciously.

Aranel peered around the tree she was hiding behind. "I still think Sauron's sexy."

"Do too!"

"Oh man..." Penn sighed. "There goes the meeting. Those two..."

"Do not!"

Jay flashed a picture of them both. "Two idiots in one picture! Hurrah!"

"Do TOO!"

Bast snorted. "Honestly, neither of them could hold a candle to Her Ladyship, if they had the balls to enter Her lair. Which they don't!"

"Woohoo!" cheered Penn. "Damn right, Bast."

"Indeed." Mytsie too agreed with Bast.

Their bellowing echoed in the hills as they passed the group. Finally the shouting could not be heard any longer. Diane watched the two dark lords and then shook her head quietly.

Aranel giggled. "But he's *still* sexy."

Shada giggled too, agreeing.

"Ew, you guys." Penn did *not* find Evil sexy.

Bast shrugged. She didn't like getting into who she honestly thought sexy.

Jay shrugged. "Different strokes. After all, can I talk?" She pulled a huge feather out of her bag and smiled.

"Ooo..." Penn looked at Jay, and grinned. Maybe Evil wasn't so bad after all...

"I think Morgoth has to compensate, though." Aranel said with a nod.

"Oh I see..." Mytsie shot her a look and snickered.

Meanwhile, Bast's attention had wandered. Her *true* LO, the male she drooled over, as opposed to Shelob, whom she admired, had entered her line- of-sight, and she obediently drooled.

"Well why else is he always farting flames?" Aranel said, not noting Bast's faraway look.

"Hmm, who's that over there?" Jay followed her gaze.

"I think it's one of those little men," Penn replied casually.

Shada's head snapped over to the approaching...hobbit?

"Puppy boy? You lust after large-eyed Puppy boy?" Jay stowed the Metatron's feather back in her pack carefully and stared. This would be interesting...

"Mmmmm.... hobbit..." Bast murmured, not noticing the others staring at her.

"Hobbitssez?" Mytsie quoted in a gollum-like way.

"Frodo?" Aranel giggled. "She likes Frodo?"

Penn just rolled her eyes and sighed. Why anyone would be sexually attracted to a man half their own height, she would never understand.

Diane shrugged, she could imagine why someone would want a man half their size but she didn't really care.

"Puppy boy?" Jay repeated, still surprised.

Shada continued to watch as well; Frodo's eyes were captivating, though she had never lusted after a Hobbit. Mytsie glanced over at Frodo and shrugged, hobbits didn't have that 'older' look so she wasn't interested.

It wasn't the look, but he was just so cute... though Shada agreed with Mytsie.

Bast was firmly NOT paying attention. Instead, she was very busily wondering just how much of a height difference 5'5" and 3'6" was.

"So are you gonna take a picture of Frodo?" Aranel asked Jay. Jay did. And got a picture of Bast drooling, too.

Abruptly (Bast did pretty much everything abruptly), the catgirl sensed eyes on her. "What?" she demanded. "What're you staring at???"

'Hobbits, hmm, pet people,' Diane thought to herself and smiled. She preferred her men taller and even sometimes older, and more experienced.

Shada herself preferred her men *much* older and also taller. And Mytsie and Shada apparently had damn near the same taste in men... well as far as height and age go, at least.

"By the Valar!" Aranel suddenly dropped to the ground. "It's him! And Glorfindel," she added as an afterthought.

"PICTURE!" There was a [click] *FLASH*.

"Glorfindel?" Mytsie looked up and around.

Shada got up and peered round as well. An Elf! What a miracle! "Thank Eru!" she exclaimed, though not so loudly as to give away their hideout.

"Mablung!" Aranel clawed at Jay's feet. "Please! Picture!" The ability to speak coherently was apparently leaving her. Penn, meanwhile, was drooling profusely, and was of no use to anybody. Aranel crawled over to her bag and pulled out a towel. She handed it up to Penn all the while never looking away from her Ranger.

Bast swore. "Dammit, now he's gone! Thanks for distracting me, girls. Y'know, I don't get to indulge the Pervy Hobbit Fancier thing too often. Too busy caring for Her Ladyship or getting out of trouble."

Jay's Polaroid clicked furiously, and she handed out pictures. "Here," she said, absentmindedly handing Bast the now-developed Frodo picture.

"I wonder if Frodo likes Sam Adams?" she asked the air. "I know Merry does." Then she noticed Jay's Polaroid. "For me? Really? Whoa!! Thanks!!"

Shada, by now, had been sent to a state of near-paralysis, staring longingly at the Elf-lord, but she recovered in time to grab a picture of Glorfindel.

Mytsie was thinking rather hard, and spared little of her time glancing at the lust objects. She finally looked up and blinked. "Hey, why don't we try to get... more... interesting pictures of them?" Mytsie suggested with a rather mischievous smirk. Shada knew that look, and wondered just what Mytsie was up to.

"I'm almost sure we could... 'accidentally' stumble into a tree that looked into all the staff rooms on the west side of the building..." Mytsie coughed, for she had nearly slept in that tree once.

"That doesn't work," Bast averred. "They keep blackout shades on that window, just to keep us out. Merry told me, once when he was getting me drunk. Or I was getting him drunk. Anyway, there was drinking involved."

"Here's two more Glorfindels... just wave them in the air, they'll develop... Towels, PLEASE!" Numbly, Penn accepted the picture of Glorfindel. Jay had to grab it back to prevent drool from ruining the developing chemicals.

Bast passed out the extra towels. One thing she'd learned during her apprenticeship to Shelob - there's no such thing as too many towels on hand.

"Save them for May 25th."

"Why?" Penn looked up at Jay, completely dazed. "What's May 25th?"

"Towel Day." Jay's perpetual smile flickered.

"Oh! I remember." Aranel grinned. "Good old Towel Day."

"Towel Day, aye?" Mytsie smiled.

Jay sighed sadly. "Douglas Adams. May he rest in peace..." She sniffed.

Bast would have removed her hat, had she been wearing one. As it was, she bowed her head in homage. "The world lost a great, then. Like Mel Blanc or Jim Henson, he can never be replaced."

Aranel sighed. "Very sad."

"Ah," Mytsie sighed and bowed her head as well. "Indeed."

On a lighter note, "Actually, I broke the habit of drooling," Shada confessed. "I took the 'Stop Drooling from Pooling' class last semester."

"All PPC agents are broken of it early on," Jay informed her.

"Well I guess that means Upstairs will be removing my salivary glands." Penn sounded a bit distressed as she said this.

Jay nodded. "Yeah. We have to watch No Drool videos."

"What are No Drool videos?" Aranel asked.

"I think you can buy them in a three-pack," Shada offered. "They definitely come in a set."

"Hey, did anyone but me ever wonder which Muppets would be cast in 'A Muppet Lord of the Rings'?" Bast still looked somewhat dazed.

Shada shuddered at the thought of a Lord of the Rings Muppet special, shivering.

"Sorry, don't drink much... beer." Diane shrugged and looked for her L.O. - or one of them, anyway.

"Piggy is Arwen, Kermit is Aragorn." Jay mused.

"Yes, but who's Frodo?" she wanted to know. Bast really was trying to keep the Frodo Fixation thing quiet, and failing miserably.

Mytsie thought about a muppet version of Lord of the Rings and nearly choked at the thought of the Cookie-Monster as anyone.

"Frodo," Jay muttered. "Hmmm. Beaker?" she ventured.

"The Cookie Monster is Sauron," Penn stated emphatically. "No doubt."

"The One Cookie." Mytsie snickered at the thought.

"BEAKER?!?!?!??!? As FRODO?!?!?!?! Are you insane??????" Bast bellowed, attracting the brief attention of several passing mini's. But since no staff was threatened, they went about their business.

"So they tell me," Jay shrugged.

Aranel suddenly jumped up. "Oh no! I forgot, I have to clean the bathroom!" She glared. "My punishment, for drinking. Bye guys!"

Jay waved. "Bye Aranel," Penn called.

"Ja- Aranel," Mytsie exclaimed cheerfully.

"*I* know! Bert is Frodo and Ernie is Sam. Or vice versa." Bast shouted.

"Perfect, Bast!" Shada exclaimed.

The meeting was obviously drawing to a close, and Shada as presiding officer ended it. "We'll meet again soon, sometime," she said uncertainly. Then as a last thought, "Noo! I didn't get a picture of Legolas!" Shada cried.

Jay's pocket beeped. "VERDAMMTE! AGAIN!" She shook her head angrily. "Have to go. Damn, damn. Damn." She opened a portal quickly, and leaped through.

Penn looked stricken. "Farewell, Jay!"

Mytsie blinked as she saw the portal, and then a horrid realization struck her. "I didn't get a picture of Gandalf!" Mytsie wailed.

Something was dropped carefully back through the portal, just before it closed. It was labeled: 'This camera property of Jay Thorntree. Use at your own risk.'

Bast caught the camera before it hit the ground. "Hey, look at this! We CAN still take pictures, at least until Miss Cam catches one of us with this thing!"

"Yay! The camera! You can have your Gandalf pic, Mytsie! And your Legolas pic, Shada!" Penn cheered.

"Huzzah!" Mytsie cheered, and stared at the camera with a rather 'starry- eyed' look. A bright smile appeared on Shada's face, before she realized that trying to split up one camera was easier said than done.

"Well this has been fun. I'll definitely have to make the effort to attend the next meeting." Diane stood and brushed away more grass.

"Gotta go," Penn mumbled, suddenly remembering that she was in possession of an actual photograph of Glorfindel.

The catgirl grew uncharacteristically thoughtful. "You know, I should hang on to this. The staff is used to me being in trouble, and Her Ladyship protects me a bit. I won't be as deep in the doo-doo as any of you when I'm caught. And you KNOW whoever holds this WILL be caught sooner or later."

"I'm willing to take the risk," Shada said. "I can keep it, being the ranking officer."

"Okay then...Whichever of you... If you see a cute Gandalf photo chance - You know what to do," Mytsie nearly sang.

Bast glanced at Shada dubiously. "Are you sure? Elrond has a way of coming up with very creative, very nasty punishments."

"You can always hide it in the barn, I won't say anything." Diane said as a final thought before heading off.

"Not to mention the horrors if Miss Cam catches you herself..." Mytsie stopped and blinked.

Shada grinned maliciously. "I have my ways of hiding illegal objects...don't worry about it."

Bast REALLY didn't want to take the fall for this, as she'd had her fill of Bombadil poetry, but she was willing to, to spare her sisters. Still, if Shada was willing...

Penn nodded absentmindedly at Bast, then quickly left, tripping over tree roots as she riveted her full attention on the photo in her hands. She could be heard all the way back to her dorm, mumbling, "Ai, my valiant Elf- Lord..."

"Just let me keep it for a while," Shada begged. "I promise to take pictures of everyone's favorites as conspicuously as possible."

"Ok, if you're sure," the catgirl said, tossing the camera to Shada.

"Great!" Shada exclaimed with a sinister smile. She grabbed her books and headed off into the forest.

"Well... I suppose that means 'Meeting Adjourned,'" Mytsie sighed, and walked off towards the main buildings.


Penn's Authoress' Note: And thus ends the craziest chapter of SNAOL ever. This was written by: Shada, Mytsie, Aranel, GreyLadyBast, Jay, Diane, me Pennhothwen, and... and... and that's it. In no particular order at all. And! Here are, at long last, some Authoress' Notes from the others! Woohoo!

Aranel's Authoress' Note: Due to constant badgering from our beloved Pennhothwen, I Aranel shall say this... NEVER DRINK THE WATER. And also, please review our silly little story.

GreyLadyBast's Authoress' Note: The portrayal of GreyLadyBast herein is entirely fictitious and bears little resemblance to the real GreyLadyBast, due primarily to the fact that the real personage keeps wholly to the Eleventh Commandment and does not get caught.

Jay's Authoress' Note: I didn't do it! I didn't do it, you can't prove anything, and the sheep are lying!