Chapter 7: Memento Mori

"If you gave someone your heart and they died, did they take it with them? Did you spend the rest of forever with a hole inside you that couldn't be filled?"Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes






"I will not die."

"Not until I find you, I will not die."

Allen stared at Kanda in silence, his previous sentences echoing repeatedly in his mind for a while since they were here a few hours ago. There was something stirring within him which he could not define. It literally burnt at his chest, making his heart wrenched hardly at every word that he had said, as though he was waiting for someone to say them for a very long time.

"Shut your mouth, Exorcist. I don't know you," he hissed out, bearing his weapon as he glared at him hardly.

"Oh, is it?" Kanda drawled, chuckling softly in response. "How about we test it out then? To see whether you know me or not."

The white-haired teen snarled, getting irritated by his conceited taunting. Forming a black blade similar to his at his right hand, he sped towards him, aiming his sword at his chest. Seeing through it instantly, Kanda reflected his weapon and attempted to kick the blade away, but Allen dodged, flipping himself around as he pressed his Innocence hand at his shoulder.


"Not so fast." Silver eyes widened as the raven-haired swordsman had already taken a few steps back, his body turning to face him at the same time when he placed his hand on his shoulder. A wide smirk graced along his lips as Kanda gripped onto his black claws, stopping him before he could finish his sentence.

"You should know that this will not work a second time, Moyashi."

Allen growled as he pulled his hand out roughly, cutting his fingers with the sharp claws in the process. Blood slowly seeped out, dripping out of the broken nails. He stared at the raven-haired man who hardly reacted to the serious wounds, as though they were absolutely nothing to him. That particular gaze from his eyes was cold and unnerving, as though he was trying to search for something which was hidden within him. He hissed, clenching his hands beneath his coat as his anger grew.

Just how much did he know about him?

"You are just wasting your time. Even if I knew you before, I will never remember anything. Those memories have already been erased from the day I was awakened," Allen said, his eyes turning gold momentarily, before they reverted back to its original grey colour.

"You will definitely remember it."

The white-haired teen stiffened, his eyes widening slightly at his instant reply. He started to wonder what made him say such overconfident words. What exactly was in that arrogance of his which made him say that without any hesitation, as though it would definitely happen? Slightly disturbed by this, Allen gripped the black sword tightly by his hand, narrowing his eyes.

"What makes you decide on that?"

"Because you will never abandon that side of you. You are a coward to throw it away."

Allen frowned at his statement. What was he saying? There was only this side of himself. He was the only existence of Allen Walker, so what exactly did he mean by that?

'I'm a coward to throw that side of me away?' Now that he thought about it, who exactly was he? He knew that he was once an Exorcist, but after that, his identity was a complete mystery. Many questions started to appear, and his mind was slowly drifting away from the main task that he was doing.

"Stop your nonsense this instant. There is no other. I am me." Allen raised his sword and threw it straight at Kanda. The raven-haired man dodged a second before the weapon hit the ground where he was standing. The dark matter slowly faded away, and another blade had formed at his hand almost instantaneously. He started to run, gaining his speed at every second as white belt shot out beneath his wrist, wrapping around Kanda's wrist in a firm grip. Sapphire eyes widened as the white-haired teen reached to him and leaped up, holding the blade in the still air.

His other hand reached out, gripping his black sword as he stopped it. But Allen only smiled as his sword slowly brightened.

"Goodbye, Exorcist."

The ground exploded, and Allen jumped away to a safe distance, watching as the patch of land began burning in flames. He thought of the words that Kanda had said to him earlier, and he concluded that whatever past he once had, they did not mean anything to him now. He was only going to move forward, facing the future that he was soon going to destroy. There wasn't a need to destroy his Innocence as well, since that particular blast would have erased the only evidence of his past memory.

Allen turned around, and just as he was about to take a step, his eyes widened as he saw faint sapphire light looming behind him. The blinding light was reaching him quickly, attempting to swallow him whole with the immerse power that it brought along. Allen threw himself aside as the power barely brushed past his shoulders, burning the edge of his white coat.

"I have already said. You aren't getting away, Moyashi."

The white-haired teen stared at the ground for a moment, before he slowly turned to the one who caused it. Kanda was there, gripping the hilt of his sword with his bloodied hands. The human was still standing, his Exorcist uniform completely shredded and his bloodied body swaying slightly on the field. Allen just stared at him, shocked. Normally one wouldn't even be alive after that attack, so why was he still standing, talking to him as though nothing had happened?

"If you are judging me among those weaklings that you have fought, you are greatly mistaken. I am not them," Kanda said, spitting blood out of his mouth as he cleaned the stains away with his hand, brushing his strands of long hair from his face. He looked at him more closely, and it was then when he noticed that the wounds on his body were closing up very quickly. The swordsman cracked his knuckles, sending him a smirk.

"I will not be defeated by that."

Allen showed his stance, brandishing his Innocence hand. What exactly was this man right in front of him? Why was he so persistent? Why wasn't he like the others who would already bow down to him, begging for mercy? Did he really want to pursue his death that much?

"Do you want to know the reason behind it?"

"I have already told you to stop your nonsense. Do you really want to die that much?" Allen hissed in response.

"It seems that you are starting to waver, Moyashi," Kanda taunted with a smirk.

His eyebrow twitched at that particular name he just addressed him. A strange yet nostalgic feeling was surfacing every time he said that nickname, and it was making him feel strangely uneasy, as though he did not want to remember anything regarding that particular feeling which was bringing him. The white-haired teen disappeared, instantaneously appearing in front of Kanda as he aimed his sharp claws directly at where his heart was. He almost made it...if the raven-haired man did not bend backwards, falling to the ground. Allen growled, glaring down as he hurled his Innocence weapon towards him once again, but Kanda dodged it, and his black claws were thrust deep inside the soil where he once was.

"What are you rushing at?" Kanda questioned, hurling his sword down at him. He pulled out his Innocence hand, barely dodging the blade as it cut his arm. Something grabbed his wrist, and he felt himself being pulled to the other who had already raised Mugen with blue flames leaking out of the metal blade. Allen reached out, gripping it with his Innocence hand as he stopped it from advancing further.

"What are you thinking? What are you hiding from, Moyashi?"

Allen bit his lips to control himself from growling out. That name was disgusting. It was triggering something within him, and he could not stop the burning sensation that was spreading along his body like fire. It was slowly devouring him, to the point which he could not think properly.

"I am not hiding anything."

"Yes, you are!" Kanda said, forcing him back. Allen hissed, holding his position as he could feel his feet being pushed backwards.

"You are afraid. Of remembering."

Allen snarled angrily, tightening his grip on Mugen as he threw Kanda off, sending the other to the ground, a few metres across him. Before the raven-haired man could get up, he was already standing in front of him, forming a blade made of dark matter as he instantaneously pierced it straight into his abdomen. Kanda coughed out, hissing sharply as Allen thrust it deeper inside, causing blood to splatter out of the gruesome wound.

"Shut up, Exorcist. You know nothing. You know nothing of me," he muttered under his breath, watching as gurgling blood started leaking out of his parted lips. How dare he say that he was afraid of regaining his memories?! He was not afraid at all, simply because there wasn't anything to remember right at the beginning. From the moment he woke up, everything was already erased. It was simply revenge...

"What are you afraid of?"

Silver eyes widened as he stared into that pair of unmoving eyes which was staring back at him. He wondered why he was hesitant to meet his gaze which was reminding him of something he could not identify. That pair of deep blue eyes were slowly drawing him in, paralysing him and numbing his senses. Why was this person still not yielding even though he was on the verge of death? Why did he still have that firm look present in his eyes, as though he was commanding him to kill him right now?

Allen bent forward, placing his Innocence hand directly on his face. He could feel his power coursing through his veins, reaching to the tip of his claws as it waited for that final moment for its release. After that, everything would be over.


What are you afraid of?

His eyes widened as he froze, seeing something flashing past.


"You ingrate! How dare you turn me into an Akuma?!"

The white-haired teen grimaced as he felt himself being kicked away. Kanda slowly stood up to his feet, gripping onto the blade which was still embedded deep inside his abdomen as he pulled it out forcefully, throwing it aside. More blood splattered on the ground as the wound was closing on its own rapidly. Allen stared at the raven-haired swordsman who slowly held up his Innocence blade, the hardened resolve reflected in that pair of steel eyes.

"If you do not dare to remember, I shall make you remember."

What was it that made him so desperate; so much that he was risking his own life simply just to make him remember?


Another dot appeared inside his black pupils. Silver eyes widened as Kanda suddenly disappeared, and before he realised it, he was already behind him. Allen spun around quickly, raising his Innocence hand as he blocked his attack, but the raven-haired man lifted his leg and slammed his foot onto his chest, sending him crashing down to the ground several metres away.

Allen coughed hoarsely, staring at the cuts inflicted on his arms which were beginning to heal. The white-haired teen rolled aside immediately as he felt something coming towards his direction, avoiding the blade which landed centimetres beside his face. Kanda was definitely faster and more agile in his movements, which was completely different from what he previously was.

"Let me in."

White belt shot out, tripping Kanda by his foot as he took the chance to stand up. Both of their Innocence clashed loudly in the silent air, none of them wanting to give way to each other. Some strands of his white hair were snipped off as he dodged the incoming slash, and Kanda stopped his black blade which was aiming at the same wound at his abdomen.

"Let me in if you want to win, my nephew."

He could feel the existence of the Noah slowly surfacing, overpowering his sub-consciousness. It was one of his tricks which he always loved to play, and he wasn't going to let him be this time. Allen held up his hands, stopping the blade as he felt himself being pushed back. Just as he released his grip on it, Kanda swung it across his face. He bent back slightly, seeing that particular flash of blue light across his eyes.

"Why are you doing this?! Don't you have anything that is important to you?!"

Silver eyes widened, his vision fading as he found himself standing in an abandoned place which looked rather familiar. Someone was there, singing a heavy, sorrowful melody.

"I lost what was important to me a long time ago."

Kanda began slashing at him in all directions, to which he blocked all the attacks with the wrist of his Innocence hand. The movements were so fast that everything became rather blurry. The clashes of metals were ringing irritably at his ears as he started hearing voices which he could not recognise. Then, shadows which were supposed to disappear began to form in his head, becoming dark figures of people whom he had seen and known before.

"You said you would definitely save me!"

His eyes widened, staring at a human who was already beyond recognisable, sunken halfway inside the white, blobbing matter. His expression was blank, his eyes showing nothing. Bile slowly rose up to his throat, and he felt disgusted and nauseous all of a sudden.

"Even though I also want to live, why did you only survive?"

"Why am I not allowed to live as well?"


Allen gasped out as he was thrown off, tumbling to the ground. He hissed with clenched teeth, his hands gripping the roots of the grass and the soil tightly as he struggled to stand up, focusing on Kanda who was a few feet across him. He grimaced, looking down for a moment as he shut his eyes, seeing several bright flashes across his mind.

"I came to greet you, Allen Walker."

Loud splashes of water crashed over him hardly, and he found himself sinking deeper into it. It was dark, and he could not see properly. The air was stuck at his throat, and he gasped out, wanting to relieve the constriction tightening at his chest. Silver eyes fluttered open as he saw the light above the surface, and he stretched his left hand out, trying to reach to it.

"Allen! ALLEN!"


The overwhelming power was pushing him further into this darkness. The voices were getting fainter at his ears, and his vision was fading quickly. And as he breathed his last breath, he wondered why he was here.

Who was he?

"MOYASHI!" Kanda yelled, swinging his blade furiously as it sent a tremendous amount of explosive power towards him. The ground burst out at each wave, and Allen leaped backwards, hurling himself at the opposite side as the previous position where he once was blew up. He winced at the tear at his wounded shoulder as he landed, gripping it with his blood-stained hand as it began to heal. His golden eyes flashed momentarily, hearing the light laughter ringing in his head.

"You are hesitating."

"They do not mean anything to me." His voice was quivering slightly as he spoke those words, as though he was uncertain of the answer he was supposed to say.

"You know."

The white-haired teen turned, his eyes meeting Kanda's.

"You are just running away from it."

Why was he convincing himself that he wasn't running away from what was supposed to be 'his memory'? There was nothing else. There was no one else. It was just him alone. After all, there was only the Akuma, the Millennium Earl, the Innocence, and...



The next moment, he saw thousands of bodies lying across the broken ground of a building. Exorcists were fighting and falling at the same time, with the Millennium Earl and the Noah Family present in the scene, watching everything. There was a huge explosion blasting everything away, and before he realised it, he was watching a battle between Kanda and another being which had almost transformed into an Akuma.

Allen hissed, dodging his sword and moving away from Kanda. He touched his forehead, wincing at the pain that suddenly crashed upon him. What exactly was this? He disliked the emotions which was starting to overwhelm him, and it was definitely something which he did not want to remember. He howled furiously, charging forward as he slammed Kanda down to the ground.

"I'm Allen, an Exorcist! And I'd die before becoming anything else!"

His body froze, his arms unable to move momentarily. Kanda noticed this and shove him off, getting up to his feet. Allen glared at the other, his rage surging within him each time he thought of the reasons why he was still standing here, staring at him with an almost pitiful gaze reflected in his sapphire eyes. Why was he staring at him like that? He did not even know him...!

"You aren't supposed to abandon everything."

Silver eyes widened. Kanda growled, and his glare hardened.

"Didn't you promise that?!"

"Until this holy war ends, until this bloodshed ceases and the world becomes peaceful again, we will not die, Kanda. You will not die. Lenalee will not die. Lavi will not die."

"What about you?"

"I...will definitely not die. Not until I walk down this path I chose."

Something within him just snapped. His past memories just crashed to his mind like a tidal wave, from the day he was abandoned till the day he joined the Black Order as an Exorcist. Allen grimaced, his legs giving way all of a sudden as he collapsed to the ground.

There was nothing else.

"Hello! I'm Lenalee Lee, and welcome to the Black Order!"

"Have a good trip, Allen."

There was supposed to be no one else.

"The name's Lavi. Nice to meet you, Allen!"

"Like I would shake hands with someone cursed."

People whom he knew started to appear. He was surrounded with comrades fighting alongside him. But he found out that everything he had seen and experienced was nothing but a lie.

"I'll save you as many times as it takes!"


"Allen, a main street packed with people is dangerous."


"I don't want you to disappear, Walker-san!"

Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar.

"Die, Walker. For the sake of the people and the peacefulness in this world."

Golden eyes snapped open as Allen screamed out hysterically, his body completely engulfed in black flames as the ground surrounding him exploded. The huge impact was enough to throw Kanda a few metres back as the raven-haired man fell on his chest. He groaned at the wound at his abdomen which had opened again, staring at that particular position where Allen once was.

"Why are you here?"

Sapphire eyes widened at his voice which sounded slightly different from usual. The air slowly cleared, and Allen was standing there, that pair of dark golden eyes glaring at him in primal rage. His white hair had turned slightly red, lengthening to his shoulders. Dark energy surfaced from his body as Crown Clown was gradually shadowed by dark matter. Before Kanda realised it, Allen vanished and reappeared in front of him.

"Why do you have..." His Innocence hand vibrated strongly as he hurled it towards him.

The silver blade in Kanda's hand started to shimmer in response.

" make me remember again?!"






Tyki sat up, his eyes widening in shock as he stared at the blinding light which was swallowing the entire land a few radius away. He blinked for a few seconds, before he let out a long sigh, shaking his head softly.

"That kitchen wannabe really did it," he muttered, sighing.

"Did what?"

Golden eyes opened to see the pumpkin umbrella settling beside him.

"Oh, Relo. What makes you come here?"

"The Earl wants me to locate you. He wants you to report back to him after you finish your mission," Relo replied, turning back to stare at the smoke from the explosion which was a few feet away. "So what happened over there?"

"Our shounen remembers everything."

"He did? That is faster than I thought."

"Yeah. And he is extremely angry about it," Tyki said, smiling as he twirled his dark curls in his finger.

"It seems that the kitchen knife boy works a few steps ahead than us. Thanks to him, we have achieved our aim."

"But you have to go back and report to the Earl, Tyki! Or else I will be scolded!" Relo whined, hitting him by his shoulder. Tyki just slapped it away, enjoying the scene which was about to play right before his eyes.

"This is getting interesting. I am going to watch this for a while longer," he said, his lips curving into a grin.






Lavi just stared, his emerald eyes widening in horror at the large amount of field which just exploded, the piercing noise ringing sharply at his ears. The heavy impact soon travelled to their side quickly, and most of them were thrown off by the strong gust of wind blowing in their way. He swallowed, his feet taking a few hesitant steps backwards, as though he was intimidated by the overwhelming aura from the aftermath of the explosion.

"What has happened?!"

"What should we do?!"

Everyone was panicking. Finders and Exorcists were too stunned to react, while the people were screaming, running all over the place.

"Calm down, everyone! Follow the instructions by the Exorcists!" Marie shouted, trying to gain back their attention as he shook his comrades' shoulders, telling them to calm down, but the current situation was too chaotic, and with more groups of Akuma coming in, they simply did not know how to put everything back under control.

"Lavi! Don't just stand there!"

The redhead blinked as he stared ahead, seeing a faint figure of an Akuma flying towards him. Snapping himself out of daze, he lifted his Innocence weapon and swung it at its face immediately, sending it to the ground before it exploded. Lavi wiped the sweat off his forehead, staring at the scene which was currently at their disadvantage. Furthermore, he could not ignore a foreboding feeling about the previous explosion happening at where Kanda and Allen were.

"Me and Ma-kun will be here to assist. You and Chaoji go over to Kanda and check out what had exactly happened!" General Tiedoll shouted, waving his arms as he gestured them to move ahead. Lavi nodded his head, while Chaoji had already sped off, running towards the cleared field. Just when they were halfway there, he suddenly felt that something was amiss. Emerald eyes widened as Lavi fell on the ground instantly.

"The two of you aren't going anywhere."

He looked up, seeing two Noah standing in front of them. Chaoji was also on the ground, stopped by a heeled foot which belonged to no other than Lulubell. The other Noah smirked, brushing his long curls aside as his golden eyes flashed brightly in view.

"You dodged well. The thread was supposed to aim at your heart."

Lavi blinked in slight bewilderment, before he turned, seeing an almost invisible thread around his ankle which caused him to fall just now. The tragedy of the third Exorcists was played in front of his eyes once again, and he growled under gritted teeth, glaring at the one who had participated.

"What did you want? Kill us?"

Sheryl raised his eyebrow, his long nail of his index finger scratching his chin lightly.

"I also wish to kill you, but we shall hold it till later, Lavi Bookman."

Lavi narrowed his eyes at his name.

"The two of you shall not interrupt the battle between Exorcist Kanda Yuu and Allen Walker. This is the Millennium Earl's order."

He frowned slightly at his statement. What exactly was the Millennium Earl planning? In normal situations, he would have tried all means to stop what they were doing and capture Allen before he regained his memory, but he just decided to stand aside and watch?

"Let me go! Let me, you disgusting Noah!" Chaoji hissed as he struggled to break free. Lulubell made no moves as she continued to hold him down firmly, staring at a particular direction of the field, as though she was waiting for something to happen. Sheryl was also grinning in anticipation for the past few minutes. Lavi peered at the place where Kanda and Allen were, getting a bad feeling about this.

"You are soo going to love this, Exorcists! Gladly accept this as part of the Earl's gift!" Sheryl roared out in laughter, his voice echoing loudly as another explosion occurred, blowing the entire area up. The dust in the air slowly dissipated, revealing two beings standing on the empty field. Lavi just stared, his brows knitting into a frown. Then slowly, his mouth fell open, and his eyes began to widen in horror.

"Allen..." He muttered his name, his heart beating hardly at his chest. Even Chaoji stopped yelling and just stayed in silence, shocked. His hands trembled by their own, and he clenched them hardly, refusing to yield into the fear at seeing his comrade who had completely transformed into something else. He could no longer recognise the familiar warmth in that pair of beast-liked eyes mixed with dark rage.

"This is what he truly is! A monster!" Sheryl shrilled in excitement, smiling madly as he watched closely at what was about to happen. Lavi found himself unable to rebuke that particular statement, as though he was silently agreeing to what he had said. Kanda was not in a good state either. He shut his eyes, trying to erase those thoughts off his mind.

This is what he truly is!


A monster!

It did not need to end up like this. Not like this.

But this isn't Allen.

The same words in his mind gradually died down as he stared at the white-haired teen who was standing on the field.

If this wasn't him, then...

...what are you, Allen?







Kanda raised his blade in time as his weapon hand clashed down upon it, just centimetres from his face. Red strands of hair were fluttering in front of him as that pair of golden eyes glaring at him furiously. His hands began to shake by the overwhelming force pressing him downwards, and he twisted his body, getting out of the tight grasp.

"You aren't going anywhere," Allen muttered, leaping towards him in large strides as he kicked him directly at his face, sending the other to the ground instantly. Before Kanda could get a hold of the current situation, the white-haired teen reached to him within seconds and delivered a swift punch straight at his stomach. Kanda held back a grimace as he was thrown harshly into the air, before he fell onto the ground with a thundering crash.

He coughed hardly, clutching his bruised abdomen as blood foamed at his mouth. That particular punch was totally unexpected, breaking some of his bones and rapturing his stomach instantly. The raven-haired man slowly stood up on his feet, trying to focus at the blurred figure in front of him. He snarled, gripping Mugen tightly by his hand as he narrowed his eyes.

The shadow disappeared almost instantly, and Kanda raised his sword just in time to block the attack directed at him. He then bent himself forward, pushing his foot out in an attempt to trip Allen, but he had already noticed and lifted his left leg upwards to dodge it. Turning his entire body around, Kanda grabbed his other leg and forced the white-haired teen down to the ground. The two of them started struggling furiously, refusing to give way.

"You know nothing, Exorcist!"

His eyes flashed dark red, and Allen sent another powerful kick at his chest, throwing him back. Kanda stabbed his sword to the ground, forcing himself to stop. Before he realised it, dark matter was already accumulating at the tips of his fingers pointing at where he was standing.


The silver blade in his hand started glowing brightly, together with the curse which was activated. Kanda sprinted towards Allen in quick steps and pierced his sword into the dark matter, cutting it down forcefully. The power slowly cracked, and he jumped back just as it exploded. He stood in place and waited, and as the air gradually cleared, Allen was standing across him, the fluttering strands of his white hair covering his golden eyes partially.

"Who are you?" Kanda asked, staring at him with a long, intense gaze. He was very certain that the voice which he heard just now wasn't Allen's, and he knew that he was a Noah―an enemy which had to be taken down, yet for some reason, he could not bring himself to do it. Despite seeing his current appearance right now, there seemed to be something in the white-haired teen which reminded him of the beansprout whom he once knew.

"I'm asking you who―!"

"Who do you want me to be?"

Sapphire eyes widened, and he stiffened slightly at the melancholic voice which somehow sounded just like Allen. That particular distant gaze reflected in his eyes made him hesitate again, and he was beginning to get irritated by it. Kanda growled lowly as he held up his sword which was pointing towards him.

"You did not answer my question."

"I will be what you want to be,"Allen said, taking a step forward as he walked towards him, while Kanda moved backwards at the same time. The white-haired teen opened his hand as a black sword made of dark matter was slowly formed. He hurled it towards Kanda, to which he dodged it with ease. White belt shot out beneath his white sleeves as it caught the raven-haired man by his arm, and Kanda felt himself being pulled forward. He dragged his two feet against the ground in an attempt to stop himself from moving, his hand reaching out as he stopped the small black dagger which was about to stab him.

"Who are you?" He demanded.

"Can't you see? I am Allen Walker, a Noah."

He yanked the dagger from his grasp and aimed it at him once again. Kanda rolled his body aside, his eyebrows raised into a slight frown. That pair of golden eyes were twinkling playfully, that sinister smile at his lips telling him that he was his enemy, yet something wasn't right. Despite wanting to believe that everything he said was true, it did not sound right.


Allen flinched, a frown on his face. It only happened within seconds, but he noticed everything. Kanda smirked, transforming Mugen into two swords as he sprinted towards him, knocking off the dagger from his hand. The raven-haired man shove him down to the ground, straddling him at his waist. He bent down, his face centimetres from his as he made sure that he was seeing him very clearly.

"Moyashi. Moyashi," he sang out his nickname he loved to call him, admiring his expression which was getting stiff and more obvious to read. Allen growled, raising his foot to kick him away, but he placed his hands firmly onto his two calves, preventing him from doing anything.

"You remembered something, don't you?"

"I absolutely do not know what you are talking about."

"Stop lying to me," he hissed, tightening his grip on his legs which caused the other to wince slightly. "You know very well that among all the people you know, you can never lie to me."

His golden eyes narrowed, his Innocence weapon reaching to his neck. Kanda released one of his legs to stop his hand, and Allen made use of this chance to wrap his leg which was free around his neck, turning himself around and forcing the other down instead. The white-haired teen then broke free, summoning two level-four Akuma which landed beside him. The Akuma raised their fists in the air, before they hurled them towards him. Kanda hissed, taking a few steps back quickly as he merged his two swords into one and held it up, trying to block the overwhelming power which was attempting to throw him off.

"Why are you doing this?"

Allen remained silent as he continued to watch him. Kanda winced at the sharp wind blowing at his face, leaving small cuts beneath his skin. He struggled to look forward, staring straight at that pair of eyes which was still unmoving. He could have killed these monsters immediately, but it would not be now. Not until he got an answer from him.


"They betrayed me."

Sapphire eyes widened, and his grip almost loosened at what he had exactly heard.

"I will never forgive you, Exorcists. You are the ones who killed me," Allen hissed angrily, his eyes glinting brightly as faint vapours of dark matter began to surface from his body. Kanda just stared in bewilderment, having no idea what he was talking about. His feet were forced back, the large metal fists of the Akuma getting nearer to him. He gritted his teeth as Mugen started to glow. Dark veins protruded out of his arms as he let out a fierce roar, using all his strength to impel the two monsters to the air. Kanda then leaped up, delivering a heavy blow from his Innocence which sent them exploding.

"I have helped them, and I have pledged loyalty upon them. And this is how they repay me!"

Low, vibrating noises echoed loudly as his black boots moved roughly against the uneven ground, reaching to him within seconds. Allen grabbed his sword with his Innocence weapon, his other hand with dark matter slamming straight at his shoulder. Kanda grimaced, falling back slightly to avoid the lethal blow. Two black blades were formed as the two of them started clashing against each other, black against white.

"You are the ones who did this to me!"

"What...exactly happened?!" Kanda yelled out through the deafening noise as he was gradually forced back, not able to attack. Allen was still strong, but he seemed to be lashing out his power messily this time, as though he was not thinking rationally. The raven-haired man winced as he stumbled in his steps, gripping his left arm which was wounded by dark matter.

"You have no right to ask me, Exorcist!"

"You already know my name, Moyashi, so stop pretending that you do not know!" Kanda growled, shoving the white-haired teen off as he dodged the incoming dark matter which sped above his head. He was getting annoyed at where this one-sided conversation was leading when Allen refused to answer his questions at all. Kanda grabbed his two hands to prevent him from activating his own power as he threw the both of them to the ground, and they struggled for a few minutes.

"Shut up! You know nothing!" Allen snapped.

"Then tell me, you idiot!" Kanda answered back in sheer frustration, trying to avoid his flying fists which were aimed at his face. The white-haired teen snarled wildly, his fiery gaze burning in his eyes as he bore his teeth, as though he wanted to tear him alive. In the midst of fighting, he noticed that small blue veins were gradually appearing beneath Allen's skin, getting more evident each time he exerted force upon him. He frowned, and as his hand was about to reach out to him, Allen slapped it away, glaring at him darkly.

"Don't touch me," he said with the same coldness, yet softer tone. And when he saw the white-haired teen at a closer view, sapphire eyes widened as he began to realise why he felt that way just now. Despite becoming a Noah, Allen Walker still existed. The face and his eyes might show no emotions, but the words he spoke gave everything away. If he was really the Fourteenth, there wasn't a need to mention anything regarding the Order at all.

If he was really Neah, he would have killed him without hesitation.

Allen narrowed his eyes, his Innocence hand beginning to shine as his powers blew the both of them off the ground. As he searched across the surface through the swirling dust in the air, his eyes widened and his body stiffened for a second, somehow detecting something dangerous heading towards him. Kanda turned, and his Innocence hand instantaneously burst through the whirling wind surrounding him, lunging at him. Kanda caught it with his bare hand and stopped it, wincing at its power which burnt his skin at his palm.

The air cleared, and Allen was standing there, staring at him with an emotionless gaze. The white coat flew upwards, and he could see the blue veins very clearly beneath his skin, and what looked like a pair of black wings behind his back. Suddenly, his hand which was supposed to hold his other hand fell, and Kanda just stared at it for a moment, before he looked up at Allen whose body was beginning to fade.


His sentence was cut off abruptly as a white belt shot out, wrapping around his ankle and pulling him down to the ground. He was dragged forcefully to him, his hands grabbed behind his head. He could feel the aura of the dark matter surrounding him, and it seemed to be materialising the current form of the white-haired teen who was now facing him.

"What happened to you?"

"There is nothing for you to know," Allen replied coldly, his sharp Innocence claws aiming at his throat. Kanda hissed, turning himself aside to dodge it. He kicked him at his thigh, and as the white-haired teen looked away to balance himself, he stood up to his feet and moved to a safe distance. He then stared at Allen, knowing that something must have happened.

A low snicker was heard, and suddenly Allen disappeared. Sapphire eyes widened, and as Kanda turned around, he was instantaneously met with his Innocence hand which was stabbed into his abdomen. His body trembled violently as he bent down, coughing out blood from his lips.

"You are too weak, my nephew."

He froze at that particular voice which sounded too familiar. Kanda slowly looked up, meeting his dark golden eyes which were now twinkling in glee. His white hair had almost changed to a maroon red. Although he looked almost the same, the look in his eyes was completely different.

"The Fourteenth," he mouthed out his name with a low hiss. The smirk on his face went wider as he pulled out his Innocence hand. Kanda touched the gashing wound, breathing heavily.

"It is unexpected of me to come out at this moment, but it is necessary," Neah spoke out, waving his hand to get rid of the gruesome blood at his fingers.

"Allen might be alive for now, but if this goes on, he will really be dead."

Sapphire eyes widened, his eyebrows slowly rising into a frown.

"What are you talking about?" Kanda questioned, not caring about the large amount of blood dripping on the ground. Neah just stared at him in brief amusement.

"And I thought you saw it just now. Didn't his hand fade at the last second?"

His gaze slowly wandered to the ground, remembering that moment when his hand suddenly lost the grip when he was supposed to be holding Allen's Innocence hand, as though it had passed through it. His thoughts came to a stop, his heart thumping in slight panic as he stared at the white-haired teen once again.

He suddenly remembered that Allen Walker was already dead.

"Explain―You better explain to me what the hell is going on here," Kanda demanded with a low hiss, glaring at the Noah. Just as Neah started opening his mouth, the white-haired teen froze. His body started shaking, his hands clutching his hair which was turning back to its white colour. His expression became emotionless once again, that pair of dull eyes falling upon him.


Allen looked up, drawing a black blade from his other hand. Lightning flashed as the wind started roaring fiercely throughout the barren land they were in. His white coat fluttered roughly, his aura growing darker as his power began to accumulate drastically.

"You are a bother."

Kanda raised his hand to shield his face from the wind, his feet moving back forcefully. The pair of golden eyes glinted momentarily, before he sped to him in an instant. He barely avoided it, the heavy blow sending him tumbling to the ground. Kanda jumped back to his feet quickly, running in the opposite direction in an attempt to throw him off course, but Allen was already ahead, unleashing dark matter onto him which crushed the bones of his left arm into several pieces.

Kanda pulled himself to an abrupt halt. He hated to admit it, but he was running out of time. His energy and power was almost drained, and his vision was darkening. The loss of blood from the injury that the Noah gave was gradually tiring him out. But he was not going down. Not after he listened to what Allen had to say about this.

"What exactly happened at that time? What happened to you, Moyashi?" he questioned again, staring at Allen who was unresponsive for the last few minutes. There must be a reason for his sudden death, and something did not seem right as he thought about it. The report from Komui stated that he was killed by an Akuma, but no matter how he thought about it, he wouldn't be defeated by the enemy that easily.

He had to know the truth.

"It does not matter anymore."

"It does! Or else why are you still standing here when you are supposed to be dead?!" Kanda demanded angrily. Since he had made it here, he wasn't going to return without getting answers from him. Allen might have left the Order, but he did not join the enemy either, which everyone presumed he would.

Allen just stood there, his white fringe fluttering to the side of his face as black stigmata were revealed at his forehead. His expression was still blank, but he noticed the slight melancholic emotions present in his eyes at his last question.

"Looks like I have to force it out of you," Kanda muttered, taking Mugen by his hand. He stared at the silver blade shimmering in the evening light for a moment, before he stared at the deep cuts and wounds inflicted on his body. The dormant power within him began to stir as the wind started to gather around him.








"This isn't good," General Tiedoll muttered, seeing the bright light spreading across the land. It was getting brighter at each second that slipped away, and he was suspecting that something had happened to them.

"What is going on, Master?" Marie rushed to him, noticing the light ahead as well. Everyone, including the Akuma, stopped and stared at the blinding light which was approaching their area of the town. Most of them were stunned that they couldn't move from their positions. The older general just stared blankly for a moment, before his eyes wandered to the ground.

"Yuu-kun... He must have activated that."

"What do you mean―"

"Hurry up and get the people out of here! Now!" He shouted out to the Exorcists and the Finders who were assisting. The older general was muttering something incoherent under his breath, and it was only when Marie gripped his shoulders to catch his attention did he look up at his apprentice.

"What is happening here? This is the first time I see you panicking like this," Marie questioned in concern.

"Yuu-kun has activated the final stage of his Innocence. You should know very well what that means, Ma-kun," General Tiedoll replied with a grim expression. Marie's eyes widened as he slowly stepped back, shocked.

"Even though he shouldn't activate it, I respect his decision. If this is the only way to bring Allen back, we have no other choice."

"But Kanda will―!"

"It is what he has decided to do, Ma-kun. Even if it means betting his life on the line, he will do it," the general said, clutching his arms firmly. He slowly took a deep breath, before he turned to face the blinding area once again.

"I trust my own son. He will definitely make it."






"Are you serious?" Tyki muttered in disbelief as he stood up, staring at the glaring light which had already concealed the positions where Allen and Kanda currently were. He did not expect it to escalate like this. If this continued on, the impact would be massive, to the extent of destroying the town behind him. He couldn't care less about the town or the people, but the damage would be too great, and Allen might die from it as well.

"Shit," he cursed under his breath, clenching his hands as he tried to think of solutions. Their aim might be to get Allen to regain his memory, but it definitely wasn't killing him. Tyki stood up to his feet, turning to Relo which was beside him.

"Let's go, Relo. I need to see the Millennium Earl."

"Okay, but wouldn't it be too late? Oh my, the Earl will not be happy to see this," Relo muttered as it stared at the blinding view, jumping in panic. Tyki hissed in frustration, tucking his hair strands behind his ear as he turned to see the field again. The light was getting brighter, spreading towards their direction very quickly. Some of the Noah members might be present here, but he doubted that they would help him. Most of them hadn't acknowledged Allen as part of the Noah Family, and some of them might even think that this was an advantage to get rid of him.

"If only Road is around..." he muttered the blue-haired child's name, and he wondered why he said it. Tyki shook his head, focusing on what he had to do. There was no time for reminiscence. As he was about to move, his body turned rigid all of a sudden. His golden eyes widened in horror as he stared ahead for a moment, before he slowly turned, seeing flashes of blue before his eyes.






His sword slowly changed into a darker colour, emitting a tremendous amount of dark energy as lightning travelled across the surface of the blade. Small debris and soil slowly rose in the air, and his uniform was completely torn, his body literally burning from the immerse heat. His hair band was torn off, the flying hair strands turning into a light purple. His vision blurred, and he could feel the power which was beginning to overwhelm his senses.

Kanda looked up, staring at Allen who was standing across him. Their powers clashed with each other, producing sparks of electricity surrounding the both of them. He gritted his teeth as he raised his blade and released a huge amount of energy to the ground. The white-haired teen narrowed his eyes, and with one forceful swing of his Innocence hand, he nullified the explosive power heading towards him.

"It does not need to end this way, Moyashi. You know it very well," he warned, gripping his right wrist which was getting painful from the accumulating energy in his sword.

"I know. Which is why I have to kill you," Allen said, blasting large amounts of dark energy towards him continuously. Kanda dodged it with ease, his body twisting and turning in perfect agility at each possible angle which the dark matter shot past. He sprinted to him, and as he thrust his blade towards him, Allen raised his Innocence hand, stopping his movement immediately. Sapphire eyes narrowed as Kanda hurled himself up in the air, aiming his foot at his back. The white-haired teen glanced sideways as white belt instantaneously shot out and tripped him.

"I already said that I am not this weak, Moyashi! You have to try harder than that!" Kanda growled, stabbing his sword firmly to the ground as he did a somersault, before he grabbed his blade and pierced it into his chest instantly. The surrounding became silent as blood slowly oozed out of the wound.

"And you should know that such injury will not affect me at all."

Kanda heard soft roars gradually getting louder at his ears, before a strong gust of wind hit him straight at his chest. His grip loosened as the silver sword flew out, and as he was thrown to the ground, the blade landed right beside him simultaneously. The tension across the field slowly dissipated, and the two of them just stood there in silence.

"I have known someone who is very annoying, very foolish and proclaims that he will save everyone even if he couldn't."

Allen remained silent.

"However, even if the situation is futile, he will never give up. Even if everyone begins to doubt him, he does not waver in what he chooses to do, because it is what he is. He puts his ultimate trust onto his comrades. And even up till now, I still think that he is the stupidest brat I have ever met."

The wind shifted slightly as his white coat fluttered, revealing his tattered clothes and the blue veins spreading across his body. His expression was still blank, but the dullness in that pair of clouded eyes responded a little. Kanda clenched his hand holding the sword as he started to move towards him.

"The beansprout whom I know wouldn't completely give up on himself."

He stopped in the middle of the field, waiting for his answer.

"That person is already dead. Those memories are already gone."

"You could have chosen not to!" Kanda said with a frown.

"You do not have any idea how I've been living, so stop assuming that you know!" Allen hissed, his golden eyes flashing in anger as he lunged at the raven-haired man. Their Innocence clashed, and Kanda was forced back against his will.

"Do you know how does it feel to be betrayed by the closest people whom you trust? They could cast what's called 'feelings' aside so easily, with the only aim of eliminating you for the sake of the world," Allen hissed, his gaze hardened as he grabbed his arm by his hand and flunged him into the air hardly. The white-haired teen then leaped up, reaching to him within seconds.

"The only mistake is to put your trust into others." He was about to hit his chest with his clenched fist when a hand stopped it.

"Don't mix me with those people. I am not them," Kanda said, slamming his foot onto his abdomen as it sent the other plummeting to the ground with a loud crash. He landed soon after, raising his sword as he blocked the black blade from the other instantly. Allen snarled, his golden eyes staring at him in bitterness.

"Aren't you an Exorcist? Aren't you part of them?"

"What?" Sapphire eyes widened as Kanda stumbled back, staring at the white-haired teen who was gathering the raging dark power into his blade. The blue veins on his body shone, his body gradually disappearing into the light.

"Aren't you here to kill me as well?"

Kanda just stared at him, too shocked to respond. He hadn't expected that to come. His emotions which surfaced as he said those words were getting clearer. It was desperate, to the point of hopelessness as he wanted someone to realise it, yet he knew he could no longer turn back to what he once was.


Kanda slowly raised his sword, putting in everything he had.

It had never been killing him right from the start.

He yelled, his voice gradually drowned by the howling wind as the both of them threw in whatever they had and charged towards each other. As their fiery powers clashed, the sky turned into a blinding white, wiping everything out in an instant. Time gradually slowed down, and as he heard echoing footsteps from a distance, fleeting memories of his lifetime flashed before his eyes. And he then realised that this was how it felt just before you die.

His thoughts slowly went into a complete halt, just right after he saw the blue butterfly fluttering across his vision.








Yongenshiki: Also known as the fourth illusion style, Kanda's pupils change to four dots and he gains another drastic increase in speed and power as shown by being able to severely damage Alma Karma.

Gogenshiki: Also known as the fifth illusion style, Mugen's blade changes colour and emits a large amount of dark, lightning-like energy. Similar to the Triple Illusion, it uses up Kanda's life force, though on a larger scale. The Fifth Illusion will cause excessive strain on Kanda's body and soul, eating away his life force quicker than any of the previous Illusionary styles. It also causes him to enter a berserker-like state, and causes his hair to pale to a light purple.

Take from d gray man wikia


Author's Notes: Frankly, it was challenging to write this chapter out. It took me a few days to think through how this was going to progress such that the story is heading in the right direction. And apologies for sending this in late due to little time I have.

Allen's conversation will be in bold and in italics when he is fully transformed into a Noah. Note that his appearance after the transformation will be much similar to Neah Walker, but not completely the same. This is to differentiate his identities from when he is still the normal Allen Walker to Allen Walker in Noah form. His accent will also change when he transformed, which I presume to be slightly deeper and more matured as he took in Neah's traits and personality. There is one time which Neah came out and his conversation will also be in bold and in italics. The words in italics alone are mostly recollections from his previous memory, their own thoughts, or simply to emphasise the word naming.

Many thanks to all who has reviewed and put this story under your favourites! :D

Please leave a review regarding your opinions on this chapter. I apologise for any grammatical, vocabulary or spelling mistakes that you might spot on the way. Lastly, everything is appreciated :)



Metiko: That sentence is what Kanda will answer as Allen asked him on what he is deciding to do as he goes down the road of being an Exorcist after he said that no matter what happens, he is not going to die until he sees to the end of this journey. At that time, Kanda didn't really give him an answer, and he is now giving him his reply.

Well, you have to read on to find out what would happen next :P

Naruto7771: Thank you! :) I haven't considered putting the issues regarding the Innocence Heart inside this story yet. I shall see how this plot goes.