Touhou Doujin: Yutaka's Big Fat Youkai Wedding

Chapter 1: And now for something Completely Different

Dawitsu Mansion, around five ante-meridian

Months had passed, and peace seemed to be permeating Gensokyo at the moment... not only had most rivalries ceased, but no incidents had made themselves apparent as of recent, beyond a small one that was both easily fixed and moderately unmemorable. The residents of the Dawitsu Mansion were mostly fast asleep. Even the hard-working, rarely sleeping Shikigami, Ran, was curled up in her bed, and seemed to have formed her duvet into a den of some description. Of course, the late-to-bed, late-to-rise Dawitsu was snoring away, a little bit of drool dropping from his wide-open mouth as he slept on his side. Chen was curled up in the foetal position, and occasionally made a cat-like purring noise as she clearly came across something nice in her dreams.

However, there was one resident of the house who was wide awake, yet insisted on lying in her bed. It was, of course, the short, young-looking Shikigami who slept in the closest bedroom to the master of the house- Yutaka Hadekawa. She lay on her back in the dark, staring at the ceiling, her eyes wide open for the first time in a while.

Doing so didn't make a difference, though. The curtains, although translucent, didn't let in a significant amount of light, making Yutaka desperately want to go back to sleep, but in the end gave up on her endeavour, and rolled over, and got out of her bed. Closing her eyes to her usual squint, she turned on her bedroom light.

She proceeded to leave her bedroom, and take the nearest lift down to the foyer, before walking into the kitchen to make herself some cereal with synthesised milk. She opened her mouth to say something, but remembered that no-one was around to hear her. So she remained silent, and ate her breakfast standing up.

Of course, after that, she got a shower, dressed herself, and decided to spend the rest of her arduous wait in the library, where she decided to read a large Grimoire written by Patchouli documenting her skills and how best to pull off her elemental combinations.

"Five Elements Sign: Philosopher's Stone... hmm, I wonder if Patchy would like to read Harry Potter at some point..." Yutaka's face switched to her trademark smile, as if she had forgotten to put it on, ", I'm sure she wouldn't. If she did, she'd probably just point out how inaccurate their depiction of performing magic is."

Yutaka's thoughts trailed to Patchouli... she began to ponder where, if anywhere, their relationship would be going. Yutaka had always been the kind of person who believed that if one is sufficiently committed to a person, one should marry that person, yet... something seemed strange about that idea to her at the moment. If they were to get married... would they have to leave their respective houses and live with each other? Would anything change? Or would it be a pointless piece of symbolism?

Yutaka wasn't sure how marriages worked in Gensokyo, and shook her head as she tried to shake the ideas from her head. She walked into the room labelled 'Mah Office: Keep Out!', taking the Grimoire with her, and proceeded to form the room into a titanium-lined safe-box, presumably indestructible to any kind of assault.

Lift her arm into the air, she called out, "Five Elements Sign! Philosopher's Stone!" and formed five books to act as her turrets.

Each book did a commanded, and Yutaka floated to a point behind the destructive barrage, where she could observe it better. She noticed the metal bullets kept splitting into smaller ones, and the fire bullets went out in the middle of flight.

Sighing to herself, she muttered, "Oh... offensive magic isn't my thing. Maybe I'll try to learn how to form cheesy romance books without any thought and attention instead... I'm pretty sure there's a book somewhere on that..."

Reforming the office, Yutaka exited into the main area of the Library, only to come across Dawitsu, standing and folding his arms as he looked at his Shikigami. Smiling slightly, he said, "Wow, you're practising some scenery manipulation in my office... it's been a while since you've needed to practise that... so, what's the occasion?"

"Um..." Yutaka didn't know whether admitting she was giving offensive magic a try would be productive, but decided to do so anyway, "...I was actually practising some offensive magic. Patchy gave me one of her Grimoires especially, I couldn't just take it and not try it out... anyway, you don't spend an awful lot of time up here in the library either. Is there something you're looking for?"

"Well, only you." Dawitsu replied, "We're teaching today, remember?"

Yutaka's sleep-deprived mind seemed to have forgotten that it was a Monday, most likely because the sun still hadn't come up yet. It was as if the Equinox had never occurred in Gensokyo, and the days were still as short as they were in winter. Although Dawitsu insisted that it was an incident, the warm weather when the sun did come out suggested it wasn't the work of ghosts stealing spring, or a celestial bored out of her mind.

Yutaka scratched her head, "So... what time is it, I haven't seen a clock since I got up this morning..."

"It's seven-thirty. It's okay, though, we're both dressed and ready, aren't we?" Dawitsu asked.

"I guess..." Yutaka mumbled, and then perked up suddenly, as if she had just remembered something, "Oh! My lipstick!"

"Lip... stick?" Dawitsu asked in a confused manner, "Since when did you wear lipstick? How did you get lipstick?"

"To answer your questions in the order they were asked- I'm going to see Patchy after school today, and I formed it from an old pencil..." Yutaka replied.

"Oh... I see. You and Patchy, eh..." Dawitsu's face formed a perverse grin before he thought about the statement some more, at which his expression turned into a worried one, "Wait... that pencil wasn't in my Animé Gallery, was it?"

Yutaka sweat-dropped, "Well... um... it was, but... why does that matter, Boss?"

Dawitsu began to get worked up over the loss of yet another pointless trinket of his, before calming down, "No reason. So, should we get going? I've left Ran a list of shopping that she has to get from the human village, do you want anything?"

"No thanks." Yutaka swiftly replied, and walked towards the master lift to take her into the Foyer, and continued, "Come on, Boss, let's get going, we'll be late..."

"Well... if you say so." Dawitsu said, shrugging as he followed Yutaka into the lift, and the two left the house, walking out just in time to see the light blue sunrise on their way to work.

The Forest of Magic, Marisa's House, about eight ante-meridian

Although Jean had promised that he would be spending more time with Reimu (at the request of Reimu herself), Jean found himself spending more and more time with his best friend and teacher, Marisa Kirisame instead of the unfortunate young shrine maiden who was responsible for bringing him to Gensokyo in the first place.

And, after all the months he had spent here, the more he thought that this was a good thing, something that deserved thanks. He could honestly say that he had more fun within the last few months than he had had in all of his life, be that picking a danmaku battle with a Tokage Reiketsu, getting the hang of flying upside down on a broomstick, making bracket fungus soup and adding his own twists, or deciding to pay some of the overpowered, overly eccentric residents of this place a visit. He had loved almost every moment within the insane bowl of super-powered women that he now called home. He was even picking up some of the Gensokyo dialect, and similarly, Marisa was getting more fluent in French.

However, there was still a niggling feeling within him. A mild irritant that buzzed away within his mind in a way akin to a mosquito, however, this irritant was not one easily shooed away. He was feeling a tiny piece of guilt over the way he had reacted to what he considered at the time terrible, terrible news. He was mulling over the way he treated Byakuren when she informed him of his supposed Buddhist Ancestry- if one can even call it ancestry.

Jean was lying on the sofa that was now effectively his bed, and wondered if Byakuren hated him for how he had acted. There was barely anyone in this world which hated him, and even the ones who may well have wanted him dead would most likely have no personal vendetta against him, merely a hungry stomach. So it somewhat disturbed him that he could have insulted someone enough to make them hate him.

Finally, Jean decided to confront this issue head-on. Long-gone were the days in which he required an escort through Gensokyo, and he simply wrote a note saying 'I have left for the day to the Temple where Byakuren is, do not worry about me- Jean.' before taking his broomstick and riding it out of the house.

Souring above the forest canopy, Jean stared downwards and gulped. He was still a little afraid of heights despite his time in Gensokyo, but his rational side forced him to acknowledge that it was safer than flying through (and thus mostly into) trees at a speed more determined by the broom than the rider.

He scanned the area from the sky, and found the Human Village. Presumably they would have the directions to the temple he was looking for...

The Human Village, outside the Village School, eight-ten ante-meridian

Keine Kamishirasawa was tapping her feet as she waited for her two fellow members of staff, and she looked up at the clock that stood on a tower in the centre of the human village, disbelievingly shaking her head and saying, "That can't be right. It has to be late. My instincts tell me it's later than that..."

A passing human overheard the were-hakutaku's soliloquy, and joked, "You're always thinking of the past, Hakutaku, perhaps you're just early..."

The human walked away before Keine could respond to the somewhat unfair jibe, and Keine folded her arms, standing by her school, hoping for someone, anyone to arrive. It didn't matter if it was a child or a teacher, anything that would give her an excuse to do something other than stand around with a bored expression on her face. That excuse arrived in the form of a strange human riding a broomstick, wearing a black jacket and witch-like hat.

Jean asked Keine, "Uh... hello, Madame, I am looking for the Temple where Miss Byakuren Hijiri lives? The humans all said that a woman in the blue was the smartest woman in the village, so I looked for her... you are the Haku... Haku... are you that woman?"

Keine blushed with pride at the fact that people thought of her as the smartest woman in the village, "Yes, I am that woman. And... to my knowledge, Byakuren Hijiri lives in the Myouren Temple just to the west of this village. That's..." Keine thought for a moment, before pointing to the right of the school she was standing in front of, "That way."

"Oh, I see. How far is it?" Jean continued, "Could I walked there?"

"Yes, it's only about a mile. We humans have placed a path to it, just so it's less likely humans get ambushed by all the Youkai that go to that temple... are you sure you want to go? Many people think it's dangerous." Keine warned, "There's a ghost there which used to spend her time capsizing ships."

"I am sure. I imagine Byakuren would not allow dangerous youkai into the temple." Jean pondered, and tried to recall any of Myouren's memories of Byakuren's attitude to humans, but his conscious efforts were futile, "...uh, yes, I trust her. I am well protected if not, though."

"Okay. What's your name, I haven't seen you around the village before..." Keine asked.

"Jean Franc Levoisier. I live with Marisa Kirisame..." Jean explained, which for some reason caused Keine to turn red.

"Um... get out of the village! Any associate of Marisa is not welcome here!" Keine suddenly blurted from nowhere.

"But I..."

Keine's sudden ranting continued, "She beat me up! Threatened to attack the human village! Attacked Fujiwara no Mokou! She is an enemy! Leave, now!"

"But I am also a friend of Miss Mokou..." Jean tried to say, but Keine's expression was indignant to the point of not listening.

"Just... leave. Or do you want me to attack you? Don't you have some filthy, human-killing youkai to hang around with, anyway?" Keine asked.

Jean rolled his eyes and left, muttering to himself, "Je ne peux pas croire que Marisa ait attaqué le village des humains, je n'ai vraiment pas envie d'être importun dans un lieu habité par ma même espèce..."

Leaving the village and heading in the general direction given to him by the now-hostile Keine, Jean walked for about twenty minutes, before breaking into a run once he found the paved path Keine had talked about, and finally reached the somewhat majestic, Japanese-style temple.

Walking up the short flight of stairs leading to the front door, Jean was surprised to see a tall woman with yellow-and-black hair sporadically leap in front of him and yell, "You shall not pass!"

"I shall... not pass?" Jean asked, "But Byakuren knows me, I am here to..."

The woman in question, of course, was Shou Toramaru, and she was obviously cynical of a human she had never met before knowing Byakuren, "I don't believe you! Unless you pass me, you shall not see Byakuren! Now... face the wrath of Bishamonten himse... huh?"

Jean stepped back, and boarded his broomstick just in case a fight broke out, but the tension seemed to disappear as the woman seemed to fumble in her pockets, almost as if looking for something. Her face was panicked, and she stammered, "Uh... oh no... um... where is it? Where's my Pagoda? It can't have gone... unless..." Shou looked around a little more, and then shouted, "NAZRIN! You've taken it, haven't you?"

Jean looked at the Tiger Youkai, slightly disappointed, and asked, "Have you lost an item?"

"Uh... yes... but... uh... oh, fine! You can go through! But don't mess up the temple... what's your name, anyway?" Shou asked.

"Jean Franc Levoisier..." Jean replied, causing Shou's expression to change.

"Well, why didn't you say you were the reincarnation of Myouren? Byakuren talks about you all the time, I would have let you right on through..." Shou replied, "Now, where could my Pagoda be... and where is that Mouse when I need her?"

Jean walked past the somewhat klutzy Tiger Youkai and opened the front door of the Myouren Temple, and immediately gasped at the sheer size of the place- it was almost entirely one giant room, filled with shrines to various Buddhist Teachers and Gods, and there were four youkai hanging around the area. One was in a sailor uniform, one was in some sort of black outfit with thigh-high socks and had asymmetrical wings, yet another one was wearing a black hood and was meditating next to Jean's intended target, Byakuren Hijiri herself.

Byakuren too was meditating, and didn't even open her eyes before acknowledging who had entered, "Oh... it's you... Jean Franc Levoisier. How have you been?"

Jean walked up to the shrine Byakuren was meditating at, and looked over the statue. It depicted a young man, of similar stature and build as himself, albeit bald and in some sort of loose-fitting robes. His nose almost exactly echoed his own, however his ears were very different indeed. There were a lot of similarities, but not too many to potentially differentiate Jean from the man of the past.

"Ah... so is this man here..." Jean began to say, before Byakuren interrupted him.

"...yes, that's Myouren. He's just like you. But you have more hair..." Byakuren giggled, and opened her eyes to look at Jean, ", why are you here? Are you thinking of converting to Buddhism?"

Jean stopped in thought. He had never considered the idea of becoming a Buddhist, nor had he really thought of joining any religion at all. He had only come for a quick apology, but the idea was tempting.

Jean finally said, "I am only here to say... I am here to say..."

Byakuren stood up, and sighed, "I know what you've come for. You're sorry about all the animosity between us two. Well, it's alright. I've made my peace with the idea that you and Myouren are, in fact, two separate entities. Although, that has profound implications..."

"What do you mean?" Jean asked.

"Well, upon meditation, I have come to the conclusion that if you and Myouren are on the same reincarnation line, but your personalities are subtly different, it can only mean that the soul is not the only determining factor in how humans think and act..." Byakuren explained, " other words, the body that the soul is reincarnated into also determines some of the will also. It would also explain why beings forget their former incarnations unless they are allowing the subconscious to take over..."

Jean smiled, "I see. So I am useful to your Buddhist research... I am glad to hear that, I think."

Byakuren shrugged her shoulders, "Well, it's not research per se... research involves going out and getting new information or otherwise acquiring it. Meditation involves taking what information you already have, and organising it, thinking about until it adds up to make a coherent meaning. It's... sort of like compiling knowledge rather than obtaining it. You should try it..."

"...meditation? But I am... how do you do the meditation?" Jean asked.

"It's really quite simple." Byakuren said, "All you need to do is sit, stay quiet, and close yourself to the surroundings, and focus entirely on your own thoughts. Some people, like Ichirin and I, like to sit in the Lotus Position to think, but if you want, you can lie down, or sit, or... whatever position you want, really. As long as you can think. That's all that matters."

"I see. So... where should I do it?" Jean asked.

"Here, on the floor." Byakuren replied, and descended, folding her legs into the Lotus Position, "Come on, try it..."

So Jean did the much simpler task of crossing his legs, and sat on the floor next to Byakuren, closing his eyes and humming to himself. Shortly after, Ichirin tapped Jean on the back, and said, "Sssh! No-one hums during meditation! It annoys everyone else around you. It's just a stereotype!"

Jean smirked awkwardly, "My apologies, Miss... Ichirin?"

"It's alright. I did it my first time here, too..."

Keine's Village School, the Human Village, five hours later

Dawitsu and Yutaka were sitting in the assembly hall, awkwardly sipping at their tea as they waited for Keine's lesson to end and thus they had official clearance to leave. The staff room remained a hovel that was to be avoided at all costs despite Yutaka's occasional look into the room to see what she could do, so the only places they could go to relax after teaching the basics of mechanics and statistical mathematics were the dinner room and the assembly hall.

Dawitsu gulped down the last of his black tea and decided to chat with Yutaka, "So... is there... anything... special you want to do with Patchouli?"

Yutaka instantly took the defensive, "Boss, please don't joke about that. What Patchouli and I do in private is not a concern of yours..."

"No, I wasn't talking about that..." Dawitsu corrected, somewhat insulted that she'd instantly think the worst of him, but at the same time, could see why she'd assume that, "I mean, are you doing anything like going out, or something? It's just you never put on lipstick... you look nice, by the way."

Yutaka smiled to herself, "But I always look nice to you, don't I?"

Dawitsu shrugged, "You got me. So, what's so different?"

"Well... Boss, I was thinking... you know how Patchouli and I are together?" Yutaka asked.


"And... you're totally fine with it..." Yutaka asked uncertainly.

Dawitsu paused before repeating, "Yeah..."

"Well, I was thinking... what would you think if Patchouli and I were to... I mean..." Yutaka found herself struggling to say the words out loud, almost as if it was too ridiculous to imagine, "...Boss, I was thinking that Patchouli and I should get married."

Dawitsu inhaled sharply, and as if he had breathed in a fly, he began coughing erratically before he replied, "...g-g-get married?"

"Yeah..." Yutaka looked towards the floor, as if she was in trouble, "...I thought that seen as we've been together for a while, and we're committed enough to each other, that we should make it official. What do you think?"

Dawitsu stammered, "That's... that's... th-that's..." Dawitsu really wanted to say it was a wonderful idea, and deep in his heart he knew it was, but something, something primal was stopping him, "...that's... brilliant. That's... fantastic."

Yutaka looked at her boss, and held his hand while staying in her seat, "Do you... do you mean that?"

"O-of course I do. You and Patchouli... you've been together long enough... I think it'd be great for you to..." Dawitsu began to say, but for some reason a stinging sensation in his throat stopped him from continuing.

"Boss..." Yutaka stood up, "...I know it must be hard for you, but I would love to be supported by you in this..." Yutaka opened her eyes, and pierced Dawitsu's, "'re my best friend..."

Dawitsu stood up also, and hugged Yutaka, "I... I will support you... I'm sorry. I'm just being an idiot, that's all. So... who's going to propose?"

Yutaka returned the hug, then let go and closed her eyes again, "Oh... I had never thought of that. I thought, being... you know, homosexual and everything, I just thought we'd... say 'Let's get married!' and get a ceremony done for us..."

"Oh, nonsense! Just 'cos you happen to like girls doesn't mean you're gonna miss out on all the fun! So, what were you gonna do, go to see Patchy all done up and just say 'I was thinking we could get married'? Come on, how are you gonna do it?" Dawitsu asked.

"Well... I honestly didn't think..." Yutaka started a sentence, but was interrupted by a loud bell that echoed in the assembly hall, as well as throughout the school.

Shortly after, Keine entered the assembly hall, her face looking drained and her hair messed up from where she had tried to remove a spit-ball, "Okay, you two. You're... dismissed..."

Dawitsu sheepishly said, "Um... Keine, you look like hell... why didn't you ask for help? We were right here the whole time..."

"If I... can't teach history to the children... who... can?" Keine mumbled before continuing, "Anyway, you're free to go."

Dawitsu and Yutaka nodded, and walked out of the building once the noise level from the horde of children leaving dissipated. Yutaka turned to Dawitsu once they left the doorway, "Boss... before I leave to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, I want to ask... what ring should I give Patchouli? Should I give her a ring? Is it appropriate?"

Dawitsu's eyes began to fill, "...Yutaka..."

"What is it, Boss?" Yutaka asked, concerned about Dawitsu's next sentence.

"Will you... come home with me before you see Patchouli? It's... I want to show you something important." Dawitsu said, his voice shaking a little.

Yutaka was tempted to refuse him, as she'd spent most of the day building up her confidence to ask Patchouli the all-important question, and to be taken away from that, even if only temporarily, would just make her all the more nervous. However, her Boss's solemn expression made her agree anyway, "Okay, Boss..."

The two walked towards the Hakurei Shrine in silence, and once they got to the shrine in question, they levitated up towards their home. Ran and Chen were both up by then, and while Chen happily welcomed Dawitsu and Yutaka home, Ran was absent, most likely playing one of the many video games in Dawitsu's collection.

"Hello Dawi! Hello Yutaka-sama! How was your day?" Chen called gladly, "Ran-sama and I made pancakes... well... most Ran-sama, but I put the syrup on them!"

"Thanks, Chen." Dawitsu said, "I'll enjoy them, but Yutaka's going to go out later..."

"Oh, really?" Chen asked, cocking her head and looking at Yutaka's face as if it were a rock from outer space, "Why are you going out, Yutaka? What's that stuff on your lips? Are you bleeding?"

"No, I'm not..." Yutaka answered, "Look, Chen, what I'm going to do is very important for me, I can't stay. I'm sorry."

Dawitsu laughed, "I guess you'll have to settle for me playing chess with you instead... anyway, follow me, Yutaka..."

Dawitsu proceeded to go to the lift which led to the floor containing the private quarters of the residents of the mansion, and pressed the call button. Yutaka followed diligently, and entered with him once the doors opened. The lift slowly ascended, and once the elevator got to the floor, Dawitsu walked down the corridor, and opened his bedroom door.

"Come here, Yutaka..." Dawitsu mumbled, looking away from her.

Yutaka walked into Dawitsu's bedroom, and said, "So... Boss, what is it you have to show me?"

Dawitsu's voice remained quiet, as if he was having a hard time talking at all, "Okay... um... how do I say this... well, remember all that time ago, when I took you to the Wharton Arms?"

"Um... yes. And you wanted to ask me out, but instead I thought you were just confessing to being a Youkai?" Yutaka said.

"Well... it's just that... well, I didn't know that you were... you know... batting for the other team then, and well... I sort of thought we were in love anyway... and... the truth is... I wasn't going to just..." Dawitsu fidgeted, and his voice became croaky, "...I... I wasn't just going to ask you out... I... Yutaka... I was going to ask you to... ask you to..."

Yutaka looked downwards, "You were going to propose to me, weren't you? That's why you were wearing your finest suit..."

"Um... yeah." Dawitsu muttered, "I... I even got the... I even got the engagement rings. I... I've never been able to bring myself to throw them away, but I've hidden them where you would never look..."

"Where's that?" Yutaka dreaded to ask.

"The wardrobe that I said I kept all my crossplay outfits in. I was pretty worried when you made me dress as a maid that one time because I thought you might have come across it..." Dawitsu said, and opened the wardrobe in question. After a short time fumbling around in there, he returned, holding a pair of small boxes, "Well... here they are. One of these... is just your size... the other one is my size, but I'm... but I'm..."

Dawitsu's voice began to break, and he fought back tears as he forced himself to continue, "...I'm sure you'll be able to resize it to fit Patchy instead..."

Dawitsu handed Yutaka the smaller of the boxes, and Yutaka took it, opening the box and putting the small, diamond-bearing platinum ring on her ring finger, "Boss... it's... it's beautiful... are you... sure that you want me to take this?"

In all honesty, Dawitsu wasn't sure, but he smiled softly, almost impossibly so, and said, "If there's anything I want most in the whole wide world... it's for you to be happy... and if I can help do that, in any way whatsoever, I'll do it for you. And... you deserve this. This is my blessing... I... I love you Yutaka. And it's time for me to grow up. Move on. Take it, Yutaka..."

"Boss... you're..." Yutaka hugged Dawitsu strongly, almost throwing herself at the mimicker, and continued, "'re the best friend I could ever have. Thank you... thank you so much..."

Dawitsu smiled on the other side of the hug, "'s alright. If there's anything else I can do, just tell me, and I'll help..."

Yutaka let go of her friend, and finally said, "Well, if you want to make me happy... get yourself a girlfriend. Hebiko's such a lonely girl, Boss... she likes you just as much as I'm sure you like her... well, Boss, I'm going to... I'm going to propose to Patchouli! I never thought this day would come but... it has! Thank you again, Boss! Oh, I'm so excited! What should I wear?"

Dawitsu was exhausted from all the emotional incidence, but continued to say, "Um... you should wear... a long dress, one that she'll... remember. I'll... let you go now..."

Yutaka grinned widely, and gave Dawitsu a kiss on the cheek before running out of the room, "Thanks again, Boss! You're the best friend ever!"

Dawitsu waited for the sound of Yutaka's bedroom door closing, and finally walked towards his own bedroom door. He slowly shut it, making sure no audible slam was made, and knelt on the floor, crying hysterically.

"Why?" Dawitsu asked himself, "Why am I such an idiot? I can't give Yutaka the support she needs without nearly crying my stupid eyes out... God damn it! I hate this! My brain needs rewiring, fixing, anything, just so I can be happy for Yutaka when she needs me to be..."

He proceeded to hold his face in his hands, and whimpered pathetically into them. He quickly jumped upwards from his ridiculous position when his bedroom door opened, revealing Ran, who looked at the red-faced, flustered mimicker with a mixture of concern and fright.

"Master? I... heard you making strange noises... are you okay?" Ran asked.

"I'm... I'm fine, Ran. I... wasn't crying because the final stab has been delivered to any hope of me and Yutaka..." Dawitsu started off composed, but his calm demeanour fell apart quicker than a Jenga stack in front of a set of toddlers, "OH, RAN! SHE'S GETTING MARRIED!"

Dawitsu threw himself on the confused Kitsune, and began blubbering ridiculously, "My... my... my... Ran... Yutaka's going to... she's going to get married, and then she's gonna get her own house, and she's gonna live with Patchouli, and I'm not going to see her every day... she'll probably not even want to visit me... she... Ran..."

Ran sighed, and returned the hold, "It's alright, Master. It's alright. She won't leave you all alone. She's your friend. She might go and live away, and that might be a good thing... I know that there'll be some perks..."

"Like what?" Dawitsu muttered.

"Well... you and I will be able to spend time..." Ran stopped herself from saying 'alone', fearing it'd cause an insane reaction from the clearly distraught and unpredictable wreck of a mimicker, and instead said, "Chen and I will keep you company. I won't let you be sad, master... Yutaka probably wants you to be happy for her... if she does, that fact shows she cares about you a lot... you'll never be lonely..."

"I... I know. I'm sorry, Ran. You shouldn't have to deal with this. I'm a terrible master." Dawitsu complained at himself, "You should be the one throwing problems on me, not vice-versa..."

"Why do you say that?" Ran asked.

"Because... I do nothing to help you... God, I'm an awful excuse for a sentient being." Dawitsu let go of Ran and sat on his bed, cupping his chin, "You know, I'm not sure whether me being around has helped anything at all..."

Ran sat next to him, "...I'm happier here than I've ever been before... Master, I know you're not a bad person. And you'll get better. Yutaka needs you now, so... stop this."

"I guess I am being a self-pitying idiot." Dawitsu admitted, "Yeah, you're right, Ran. Yutaka needs me. And you know what, I'm gonna be right there, helping her out. I'm gonna make sure this wedding's gonna be a brilliant one! But before I get ahead of myself, I guess Yutaka still needs to get Patchy to say yes, heh heh..."

And with that, Ran decided to take Dawitsu downstairs, and forced him into playing 'Worms 2' with her. She had got surprisingly good at it, and her team's signature weapon was the Banana Bomb, while Dawitsu's was the Holy Hand Grenade. And while this occurred, Yutaka decided to leave the Dawitsu mansion, wearing a long, red dress just as Dawitsu had suggested. Dawitsu was so pleased, he wasted thirty seconds of his turn looking at his Shikigami. He couldn't help but think that somewhere along the line, Yutaka had really turned into a fine, mature young woman, and that, although subconsciously he had acknowledged it, Dawitsu had never seen her as that.

Patchouli didn't know it, but soon, very soon, her world was going to change radically... and for the better, too...

Author's Notes: And look! I'm back! From outer space! Sorry for not being around, guys, I've been writing an original novel. But anyway, I'm back! This story just... came to me while I was on holiday! I'm so glad I thought of it... OH! Wedding antics! It's gonna be soooooo fun! I can just see it now!

Well... uh... I guess I have to see it now, I'd be a pretty crappy writer if I made this all up as I went along...

UPDATE: Thank you, anon reviewer Timeskipper. I'm glad someone's taking the job of critiquing of my most likely butchered French... good job!