The Girlfriend Complexity

Sheldon groaned as he sat in his spot on the couch. "This is bad. This is very, very bad." He said to himself as he rubbed his temples in frustration.

He had just gotten off of skype with his mother and meemaw and they had brought up such a disturbing issue that he was caught off guard and pursued to say anything that came to mind. Damn his 'whipped' nature to the hand and words of his female blood relatives.

"Shelly, although it will happen when God wants it to, we want to speed up the process." His mother told him over the screen with Meemaw right beside her. Sheldon eyed his mother, "What process are you implying mother? My bowel movements? Because I assure you they are quite regular as are my food and liquid intakes."

"No, Shelly. I am talking about your chances of giving me grandbabies." Mary stated and Meemaw quickly added in, "And I great grandbabies. You don't have no idea on how long I'm gonna be here and I want to at least be a part of that." Sheldon ignored the misused grammar in his sweet meemaw's words and eyed them both. "Why must such an issue be brought up? As you can see I am quite well enough to maintain a well put schedule on my own and a child, or relationship of any sort would damage my schedule."

Meemaw shook her head and stared at her moonpie. "Moonpie, I'm gonna tell you this once and only once so you better listen good. A man is only as good as the woman at home taking care of his fine behind. I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself, but a woman in your life will be a good thing in the end. You hear?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes and nodded, "Yes, Meemaw." She nodded, "Good. Now yer momma and I have rigged up a list of eligible young ladies that will make lovely brides. There's Martha May, she's the Pastor's daughter ya know. She's goin' to school to be a teacher like her momma so she has some smarts up in that head of hers and boy does she know how to fry a chicken…" Sheldon saw oh too quickly where their meeting was heading and he had no urge whatsoever to discuss with them the matters of not only the most moronic set of females they had decided worthy of his superiority but also of their poor attempt to have him marry.

"But meemaw, I don't wish to wed. Nor do I wish to procreate with any of those peabrained females." He objected but his meemaw and mother didn't listen to him worth a thing. "What about Cindy Lynn? She's teaching that female softball team but I don't think that defines her sexuality…." Sheldon couldn't take it anymore and shouted abruptly, "I'm dating Penny!"

His mother was shocked for a moment then shrugged, "She is a pretty young thang, she doesn't exactly dress like a true Christian girl but that can be arranged. We were going to come to Pasadena and drag you back home to meet these girls but I suppose such a thing will be replaced with us coming to visit you and your girlfriend. We'll see you in a week, Shelly!"