Warning - One or two sentences in this may contain content that will offend some readers.
If you're extremely easily offended I'd advise you to turn back now.
A Local Pizza Place.
"So does Breena know about this little secret of yours?" Abby picks up a slice of pizza and takes a bite.
"Of course." Jimmy replies through a mouthful of garlic bread.
"You've been spending too much time with Tony."
"Swallow, then talk Palmer."
"Sorry. Breena thinks it's great I have a hobby. She's my muse and sometimes she helps out if I get stuck."
"So she is the Lena character. I thought so."
"And if she provides you with ideas does that mean in chapter six of your newest story when Lena visits Pimmy Jalmer at work and they..." She raises her eyebrows suggestively. Palmer starts to blush. "Does that mean you and she?"
"It's fiction Abby. Anything can happen in fiction."
She nods and takes another bite of her pizza kindly not pressing him on the fact he hasn't actually answered the question. "Who's the most fun character to write?"
"I can get in Jalmer's head pretty easily and Agent Tommy is always fun. It's really cool now the new book is out there's more characters to play with. The new director is getting a lot of interest. There's been heaps of people commenting on him and hardly anyone seems to like him."
"I guess it's cos he replaced director Penny and she was really popular although I've always preferred director Sorrow myself." She takes another bite of pizza. "I like director Noel too. Especially the way he clashes with Tibbs."
"Oh!" Jimmy nearly drops his slice of pizza as a thought occurs to him.
"I've just figured out who you must be. One of the very few director Noel Pance fans. You're IHeartHippos404." She smiles at him and nods in confirmation. "Thanks Abby. All your reviews have been really helpful. Almost as good as the psychological insights I get from my most regular reviewer The12thMan."
"It's a creative name. Most are really boring like LisaSoHot, TommySoCool and PanceDown. I get the hippo bit but where does the 404 come from?"
"That's where I was on the name list. Who doesn't love a hippo?" She notices Jimmy is now frowning.
"Sometimes a little too much." He mutters.
"It's nothing." He scrunches his napkin in his hands and refuses to meet her eyes.
"Tell me Jimmy."
"They're almost as crazy as the Tommy whumpers."
"Those that ship Amert." He looks up at her.
"Amert. The pairing of Amy and Bert."
"Euw! That's disgusting."
"Couldn't agree more. It takes all sorts I guess."
Anxious to alleviate his embarrassment Abby tries to move the conversation onto less weird ground. "Who else does Amy get paired up with in fan fic?"
"Almost everyone from the books. The common ship names are McAmy for her and McGregor, Tamy for her and Tommy, Liamy for her and Lisa and Tutton for her and Tibbs."
"That doesn't sound too bad. I mean they could've used Mutton for her and McGregor."
Palmer chuckles. "What are some of the less common ones?"
"Apart from Amert there's a strong fan base for Amy and Ronald Ballard given her known preference for older men. Then there's the ones who favor her and Zachariah Cornell as some type of payback on Tibbs."
"It does make a nice change from all the Tisa fans out there."
"Yeah. I really want Ramon Firth to make a comeback in the next book to stir things up a bit."
"Good idea. Wonder if McGee will go for it?"
"Dunno. What else is new in fan fic?"
"There's a new fic that's getting a lot of attention. It's called Deep Sex The Continuing Misadventures Of L. J. Tibbs And His Many Wives And Exes."
"That's a mouthful."
"It covers quite a range. There's Rhiannon and Ellie's deaths at the start as a way to explain the many relationships Tibbs has had since. There's Leanne, Myfwany, director Penny, Colonel Dolly Cann. The author even includes potential love interests like agent Gail Snorin and M. Allusion Head."
"Who calls their kid Allusion?"
"She had hippy parents. Tibbs is joined in these adventures by his old friend and mentor Ike Banks."
"Nice." Abby nods approvingly. "What's the latest on Tisa?"
"Most Tisa shippers have come up with a way to get them together."
"By claiming Agent Trey lied to Lisa and did sleep with Agent Caret when assigned to liaise on the coast to coast case."
"It's French and spelt C-a-r-e-t. Not sure I pronounced it right."
"I'll have to read it."
"There's also quite a bizarre fic that's gaining quite a number of followers. No-one is sure if Amy's on an undercover mission or he is or if she's really in love but she gets involved with a CIA agent."
"Agent Trey? Lisa's not going to like that."
"No, it's not Trey."
"Well if it's not Agent Trey then who is it? Wait. That only leaves... Amy and Agent Dent Wort?"
She almost screams it as her eyes widen in horror at the thought.
Jimmy just nods at her. What he knows and she is yet to discover is that when an author unleashes the imagination many wonderful (and strange) things may happen.