I have to stop this, people are starting to notice. At the thought of this I can feel a faint blush warm my cheeks. But maybe it's normal for a bride to be so enveloped in her future husband. Especially when her wedding is less than thirty hours away. It's amazing to me how all of this turned around.
Obviously since Peeta and I had our own hunger games we've been putting on a show for the Capitol audience. A world-wind hormonal teenage romance. That's what gets the crowd going. But up until recently I've dreaded the idea of becoming Mrs. Peeta Mellark. Not because I didn't care for Peeta, but because the idea of the Capitol's President Snow forcing romance, and even marriage on me. Something I never wanted to experience, simply for fear of having children that would surely be reaped into one of the future hunger games.
But something had changed inside of me, inside of my heart.
I have fallen in love with him. Peeta Mellark, my boy with the bread. I didn't realize it at first, I guess recognize would be a better word for it. Suddenly my kisses to him became more tender, sweeter. I would catch myself running my own fingers through his blonde curls. Feeling almost disoriented, and lonely when I'm not in his presence. Longing, and mentally wishing he would kiss my hand once more, put his strong, steady hands around my waist. Then moving his hand lower, and lower….wait! This is exactly what I need to stop doing. Lustfully gazing at him, especially in public…where people take note. This is where my love-induced hormones come into play.
They are also the way I recognized my concealed love for Peeta. I have to admit, in times like this one I have a ping of pity and guilt for how I've acted towards Peeta in the past. If he looks at me, and feels this same way I feel about him, the undeniable lust and longing, I have obviously been very cruel to him. Two months since I've realized my affection is real, and not a forced product of the capitol. Two months of almost uncontrolled sexual intensity. Every time I see or think of Peeta it takes everything I am not to rip his clothes off, and beg him to make love to me. Which I knew he would, in a heartbeat. I doubt he would believe it really means I want it as much as he does.
But it's the truth. I want so badly to tell him how much I love him, adore him! How I want more than anything in the world is for him to take me as no man has ever taken me before. To make love with me, and fill me with his glorious manhood, and oh how I want to hear his sounds of pleasure. Gasping, and grunting, and calling MY name. My heart skips a beat at that that thought. But I've been saving all of these words and feelings. On our wedding night, tomorrow night, I will confess everything to Peeta. And simply let him take me. He caught my eye. Now he knows I'm staring again. It seems worth it though, I get to stare into those gorgeous baby blue eyes. And that makes me smile. Only a smile Peeta can get out of me. Then he smiles back, such a beautiful, heart-breaking smile. All I can do is sigh with pleasure at that smile.
This is going to be hard. I'm basically screaming I love you to him in my mind. It takes me a minute to realize that he has a glint in his eyes. Something seductive. Does he know what I'm thinking? Is it so obviously posted on my forehead? Hey Peeta, I'm so madly in love with you and I haven't even told you yet! But I do realize Peeta had absolutely no intension on trying to seduce me tomorrow night, Peeta is just too good to me. The only man I know who is perfectly content with not having sex on his wedding night. Just to make me happy.
Ok I've had enough of this I just want to go stand next to him. I'm feeling a serious urge to hold his hand. As I walk towards him, a short walk that it is, I see his eyes light up, he's excited to see me! I have to repress a very girlish, out of character giggle of excitement. I take hold of his index and middle finger, instead of grabbing his whole hand. I have to tug at his fingers for him to lean down so I can kiss his cheek. He's gotten so big in the last two years, it's only added to his attractiveness. 6'1", strong arms, and broad shoulders. I'm still stuck at 5'5", but he doesn't seem to mind leaning down for me. "Cinna has sure gone all out for our wedding," he says to me. Our wedding. Oh dear god, I'm blushing. Stop blushing Katniss! Stop it! We've been setting up the site of our wedding day since early this morning.
Well we haven't been really setting up, they wouldn't let us help with really anything. It was highly suggested by Haymitch that we show up and act excited for the camera's sake. I'm not acting though, and I very highly doubt Peeta is.
"Yes he did! It's so gorgeous out here. I can't wait to see it at night! So creative how he combined our district with the Capitol," I say to him. Truthfully Cinna has been amazing at this. He added US to the wedding, not just the Capitol. The color of my wedding is orange, not bright orange, but sunset orange, Peeta's favorite color. I wonder if that tipped him off about my new found love for him? I remember the first day of planning when I mentioned the color to Cinna. He's always on my side but he wasn't happy about the color, he also didn't argue. He wanted as badly as I do for this wedding to be mine. After a few minutes, he thought of something magical. We can have the wedding at sunset, it would be the perfect color scheme for the situation.
On the tables he planned to have jars of some sort of muttation bug that lights up, I think he called it a Firebug. The most pleasant mutt the Capitol had ever released. And vases of Capitol flowers I've never seen before. The way he planned it, it would have the Capitol's over the top, elegance, and District 12's simplicity. He even added just for us, a small toasting area. With a curtain we can pull closed, for privacy with us and our families. I look up at my Peeta, his mouth is frowning, but his eyes are lighted with excitement.
"What are you thinking? Are you ready for tomorrow?" I asked him curiously. He looked down at me then took my hand to his lips," I've been ready to marry you since I was 5, Miss Everdeen", this made me blush and melt on the inside, " I just didn't think it would be…like this". I know the word he's thinking of. Forced. If only he knew.
Out of no where my prep team surrounds us. Staring at me like they know my dirty little secret. But I know what their presence means…let the torture begin. Peeta chuckles at my reaction to the sudden appearance of my prep team. Almost like I'm trying to hide behind his arms like a frightened child. "So sorry we have to steal away your blushing bride Peeta, but we have some… preparations to take care of with her," purrs Octavia in a mockingly seductive voice. Peeta chuckles again," It's ok, I knew this was coming soon. I guess my team will be here shortly too." Venia nodded. "Well would it be ok if I could have just a minute alone with my future wife?" asked Peeta.
They formed a small line at the exit waiting for me, and tried to talk amongst themselves. Peeta turned his torso completely towards me so we were facing each other. He takes my hands fully into his as if he's protecting them from something. He looked down at me with those breathtaking eyes, and I can see a faint blush on his cheeks, and a sadness in his eyes. "I just needed to tell you something. Tomorrow… well tomorrow will be the best day of my life. And well I'm hoping…" he lowers his voice to an almost unbearable whisper and leans into my ear. His closeness and hot breath on my neck makes me want to melt. When he continued his voice brought me back to myself. "I'm hoping that even if you can't love me the way I do you, that you can still be happy with me as your friend. I don't want you to be miserable for the rest of your life."
Oh, Peeta. I can tell I've broken his heart so much. But I swear tomorrow night I will completely make up for every bit of it. He wipes a tear from my eye, I didn't even know I was crying. I pull him down to me so I can kiss him with urgency and hunger. Oh god I'm trembling. I want him so badly. As he pulls me close to his body I can feel him. What I do to him. His stiff manhood. I want to keep going, I want to deepen our kiss. Then he pulls away all too soon. I can see the haze in his eyes, and the blush on his cheeks indicating he didn't want it to end either. I do under stand though, but as attempt to not embarrass him I try to keep my attention off the screaming hard-on in his pants. I can feel my own excitement as well. Luckily as a female I can hide my shame.
"Peeta I can't wait until tomorrow. Especially when I think about you waiting for me at the alter." I pull him down once more to give a loving peck on his lips. Before he could say another word I ran over to meet my prep team. Before we exited the outdoor area of the wedding I turned to get one last look at Peeta, the man I am going to marry tomorrow. He still stands in the spot I left him in. He has a puzzled look on his face, and he has calmed himself down sexually. I give one last smile to give him something to hang onto, then I the moment, blow him a kiss. To my surprise he actually makes a effort to catch it with his right hand. I love you Peeta.