Warning: a story about Naruto and Sakura that doesn't involve romance - at least between the two of them, that is
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.


"So he tried to make conversation with me, okay? And I was like 'Oh, hi, who are you?' and he said his name and ugh, he started talking again—"

"Wait," Naruto interrupted. "What was his name?"

Sakura looked annoyed. "I don't know. Why would I?"

"Maybe because he told you," he pointed out.

"Pft." Sakura rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I don't understand what was wrong with him. Clearly, 'who are you?' does not translate into 'why are you still talking to me?' in Boy."

As much as Sakura's stories amused Naruto and made good tales for the road, he couldn't help but think... well, that she was kind of cruel to the men that found the balls to talk to her. She was growing into a beautiful young woman, and her reputation alone was enough to send potential candidates running away from her in fear. It was bad enough that she seemed intimidating, but when she put on her bitch front...

"Sakura-chan, I'm going to tell it to you straight," Naruto said. He stopped walking and put his hands on her shoulders. "You. Are. A. Bitch."

Sakura did not look fazed. At all. "Um. Okay?"

"NO!" Naruto yelled. "Not okay! You are cruel to these guys. CRUEL, I SAY. YOU—" He stopped to take a breath. Also, he was working on this thing where he would think before speaking so now was as good a time as ever to try! "What I'm trying to say, Sakura-chan, is that maybe you should be nicer to the men who approach you."

"Why?" Sakura asked, genuinely confused.

"Because you're mean!" Naruto said. "You break their hearts like it's a game. Look, you have a grudge. I know you got screwed over in the past by one guy—"

"Do not go there," Sakura hissed.

"—but that doesn't give you the right to take it out on every guy who tries to flirt with you!"

"I do not have a grudge," she vehemently denied, "nor am I bitter because some guy left me a bench—"

"I never said that."

"—you are just delusional." Sakura took a deep, calming breath. "I just... I know what I want and I don't." Sakura smiled. "It's as simple as that. It's not my fault guys fail to meet my standards."

"UM, YES IT IS."

"UGH, STOP TRYING TO FATHER ME, NARUTO. GO AWAY."