Author's Note: I promised myself I would not get into another multi-chaptered fic. But this idea hit me, and it would not leave me alone.
This will be a dark fic, not my normal cup of tea. There won't be any pairings.
WARNING: This story will have mentions of abuse and rape. It will start at a T rating, but may change to an M. (It will never at any point be MA however.)
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds, nor any of its awesome characters. Oh, how I wish I did though.
"Why do I have to be here?" JJ asked, her tone strangely quiet. In her frustration, her eyes scanned the room quickly, taking everything in from the colour of the walls, to the plasters on the above the shelves. Her heart hammered nervously in her chest. The fear. Why was it here? It wasn't welcome.
"It's mandatory that you go through these assessments if you hope to go back to work," Dr. Kyte told her calmly. She pushed her glasses, that had fallen down her nose slightly, back up to where they belonged. On her lap perched a book where she wrote down notes that JJ wasn't allowed to see.
The frustration grew in JJ's voice with every scribble the pen made. "I'm fine. I'm ready to go back."
"You've been through a terrible ordeal. You, having worked with the FBI for many years, know we must go through this. It'll go a lot quicker if you co-operate," Dr. Kyte said, repeating herself for the 4th time, though her voice remained calm as always.
"Well, where do we start?" JJ said, her tone rising a bit. She'd do anything to get this over with.
"Where do you want to start?" Dr. Kyte said, not giving JJ the answer she wanted.
JJ's jaw twitched in annoyance. Why wouldn't anyone listen to her when she said she was fine? She was strong and she shouldn't have to be here.
"Are you always this irritated?"
The question broke JJ out of the small trance she'd been in. "I'm not irritated," she argued, though a part of her knew it was useless. Her eyes flickered over to the shelf full of books as Dr. Kyte began scribbling some more notes down and JJ sighed. This was going to be a long process, and she just wished she could skip to the end step. She wanted to go back to work, she wanted to be left alone to deal with this and most of all... She just wanted to forget any of this had ever happened and move on with her life. If only it were that simple...
~*Home Sweet Home*~
Throwing her purse on the table in her frustration, JJ walked up the stairs to check on Henry. The pounding in her chest didn't stop until she caught sight of him harmlessly playing with his blocks, and Garcia sitting on the couch watching him closely.
"Everything go all right?" JJ questioned, looking over at her friend.
"A perfect angel," Garcia responded, giving Henry a quick wink. "Are you feeling okay?" Garcia had caught sight of the expression on JJ's face.
Within seconds, a smile had appeared and JJ nodded. "I'm fine, really," she lied, hoping Penelope wouldn't catch on to her tone, though that didn't seem likely. "How much do I owe you?"
"JJ, you know I don't expect anything." Garcia didn't voice her suspicions or worries, but she longed to reach out to hug her friend.
JJ shrugged. "I know."
Chewing her lip in worry, Garcia examined JJ quickly. She'd been through a terrible ordeal. But it appeared her friend wanted to be alone, and no matter how much she wanted to help her she respected how JJ felt.
"I best be going," Garcia spoke up much to JJ's relief.
"Thanks again," JJ said, moving to allow Garcia to leave.
"Any time." She met JJ's eyes again, trying to convey the meaning. And JJ understood. Garcia would be there for her any time, anywhere. Though, in the moment it didn't matter.
"What do you want?" she hissed, the anger in her eyes evident.
"That remains to be seen," the masked man insisted, watching her carefully. Both his partners stood to the side, a bit behind him. JJ frantically searched their expression, their body language and their tone. But her profiler instincts could only help her so much in this situation. How could she admit it? She was helpless. Her gun was in the other room and they were armed. She couldn't risk taking them with Henry here.
The tears welled up. She refused to cry. But the fear... The fear of losing Henry. Her chest tightened. Oh, how it hurt.
"Please don't hurt him," she begged, not stopping to think on what to say. All professionalism went out the window as she began to fear for her son's life and her own.
"That all depends on you," the harsh voice sneered.
She'd sworn to protect him. She'd sworn to never let any harm come to him and yet here she stood, frozen, unable to do anything but listen. Unable to hug him, to even run to him. And despite what was to come, this was the worst torture she'd ever have to endure... Feeling helpless to protect her son from harm, not able to fulfil her duty to him. It broke her heart in ways only a mother could imagine.
JJ scooped the water up to splash lightly on her face. Refusing to look at her reflection, she dabbed it away with the cloth. For a split second, she met her own gaze in the mirror and immediately she turned away. This girl wasn't her. The girl looking back at her... Where had she gone? Had a part of her died that night?
Not bothering to look up again, she walked down the hallway, pausing only for a second to check in on Henry whom slept peacefully on his bed. Soon enough she was in the comfort of her own room, though it didn't seem so comforting any more. Taking a quick breath, she crawled onto her bed where she slipped under the covers and flicked the lamp off.
What had happened to her? She was strong. It wasn't supposed to hurt like this. She was supposed to bounce back, like always. So why did her eyes well up? And why did tears threaten to fall?
"I'm okay," she whispered, clinging to her blanket much like a child. The silence both calmed and terrified her as she could hear each shaky breath she took. "I am okay." The repetition did little for her, and instead she felt herself falling apart. The act she put on for her team, for Henry... It all crumbled in those moments. "I'm okay," she repeated again her voice cracking. Still, the tears wanted to spill.
"I'm okay," she said in one last effort and this time, they fell. With each trembling gasp, the tears fell to soak her pillow, and she felt like she was suffocating. She squeezed her eyes shut, and allowed them to fall. No one was here to see her weakness. No one but her. And maybe, maybe that was okay.
Thank you so much for reading.
I know this story is a bit darker than my other stuff, but I still hope you enjoyed reading it nonetheless.
Thanks for your time! A new chapter should be up within a week.
Thank you to thecompositionnotebook for looking this over for me!