Am I churning out these oneshots or what? Anyway, song parodies have grown on me, and this is one of three that I worked on while on vacation!
Seriously, no one ever writes a complete parody of this song, they only do the chorus. Not me, though!
Nope, I don't own Star Wars or "Call Me Maybe."
Join Me Maybe
Vader clenched his fist menacingly, seeming to loom over Luke despite the distance between them. "If you only know the power of the Dark Side! Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father."
Luke gritted his teeth and snarled, "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
Vader shook his head and said, "No..." Suddenly, a spotlight shined down on the Dark Lord, and seemingly from subspace Vader plucked up a microphone. Bubbly yet annoying pop music began to play in the background as Vader sang.
"I know I seem like a tool
Because I haven't been cool
I didn't mean to be cruel
But you were in my way
You lost your hand to my blade
Just now it fell into space
But you can have it replaced
'Cause that'll go my way
Your mom was pretty
Kind, smart, and so witty
We left from the city
We then married and got busy
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But I'm your father
So join me maybe!"
By now, Luke was positively gaping, but Vader did not halt his song.
"And I know that you whine
Like a baby
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
And I know that you whine
Like a baby
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
You really should join the Dark
I know the difference is stark
But you can make things like sparks
Please, son, just go my way
We'll rule the whole galaxy
Create our own dynasty
We'll do what we want, all for free
Screw all that's in our way
Your mom was pretty
Kind, smart, and so witty
We left from the city
We then married and got busy
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
And I know that you whine
Like a baby
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
And I know that you whine
Like a baby
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
And son, I know that the Jedi
Said I'm so bad
Said I'm so bad
Said I'm so, so bad
And son, I know that the Jedi
Said I'm so bad
But you can bet that
I'll make a real great dad!"
Vader paused and let the music play as him and Luke made eye contact, though Luke looked as if he wanted to gouge his eyes out with a lightsaber rather than listen anymore. Still, Vader had to finish.
"And I know that you whine
Like a baby
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
And I know that you whine
Like a baby
But I'm your father
So join me maybe
And, son, I know that the Jedi
Said I'm so bad
But you can bet that
Join me, maybe?"
Vader, once again, glanced to Luke, waiting for his son to make the big decision. Luke gazed at Vader, then looked downward, before letting go of the gantry and falling to the planet's core.
Vader shook his head mournfully. "I knew I shouldn't have used autotune!"
Geez...I am absolutely sick of this song now after having to sing it in my head in order to write. I didn't even like it in the first place!
Do you know what alleviates this agony? Reviews! Reviews make a happy (err, happier) Wolf.