Am I churning out these oneshots or what? Anyway, song parodies have grown on me, and this is one of three that I worked on while on vacation!

Seriously, no one ever writes a complete parody of this song, they only do the chorus. Not me, though!

Nope, I don't own Star Wars or "Call Me Maybe."


Join Me Maybe

Vader clenched his fist menacingly, seeming to loom over Luke despite the distance between them. "If you only know the power of the Dark Side! Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father."

Luke gritted his teeth and snarled, "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"

Vader shook his head and said, "No..." Suddenly, a spotlight shined down on the Dark Lord, and seemingly from subspace Vader plucked up a microphone. Bubbly yet annoying pop music began to play in the background as Vader sang.


"I know I seem like a tool

Because I haven't been cool

I didn't mean to be cruel

But you were in my way

You lost your hand to my blade

Just now it fell into space

But you can have it replaced

'Cause that'll go my way


Your mom was pretty

Kind, smart, and so witty

We left from the city

We then married and got busy


Hey, I just met you

And this is crazy

But I'm your father

So join me maybe!"


By now, Luke was positively gaping, but Vader did not halt his song.


"And I know that you whine

Like a baby

But I'm your father

So join me maybe

Hey, I just met you

And this is crazy

But I'm your father

So join me maybe

And I know that you whine

Like a baby

But I'm your father

So join me maybe


You really should join the Dark

I know the difference is stark

But you can make things like sparks

Please, son, just go my way

We'll rule the whole galaxy

Create our own dynasty

We'll do what we want, all for free

Screw all that's in our way


Your mom was pretty

Kind, smart, and so witty

We left from the city

We then married and got busy


Hey, I just met you

And this is crazy

But I'm your father

So join me maybe

And I know that you whine

Like a baby

But I'm your father

So join me maybe

Hey, I just met you

And this is crazy

But I'm your father

So join me maybe

And I know that you whine

Like a baby

But I'm your father

So join me maybe


And son, I know that the Jedi

Said I'm so bad

Said I'm so bad

Said I'm so, so bad

And son, I know that the Jedi

Said I'm so bad

But you can bet that

I'll make a real great dad!"


Vader paused and let the music play as him and Luke made eye contact, though Luke looked as if he wanted to gouge his eyes out with a lightsaber rather than listen anymore. Still, Vader had to finish.


"And I know that you whine

Like a baby

But I'm your father

So join me maybe

Hey, I just met you

And this is crazy

But I'm your father

So join me maybe

And I know that you whine

Like a baby

But I'm your father

So join me maybe


And, son, I know that the Jedi

Said I'm so bad

But you can bet that

Join me, maybe?"


Vader, once again, glanced to Luke, waiting for his son to make the big decision. Luke gazed at Vader, then looked downward, before letting go of the gantry and falling to the planet's core.

Vader shook his head mournfully. "I knew I shouldn't have used autotune!"


Geez...I am absolutely sick of this song now after having to sing it in my head in order to write. I didn't even like it in the first place!

Do you know what alleviates this agony? Reviews! Reviews make a happy (err, happier) Wolf.