Recently found this cute one-shot I wrote awhile back, and felt the need to publish it. So, here you go!

Of Planes and Guns
By CalwynN.

"You are so thick-headed if you think I'm getting on that plane."

"Alice, don't be stupid. We're getting on a plane, not a flamingo."

"It might as well be a flamingo!"

"We're not in Wonderland, love. Just get on the plane."

"I'm glad you're so understanding of my fear, Hatter."

"I'll be understanding during the take-off, this is just idiotic."

"It is not idiotic. If my fear of heights is stupid, then so is your fear of guns."

"...What the hell are you talking about? Guns are one-hundred percent serious! They can kill you in thousands of different ways, each more painful than the next."

"So can heights!"

"Only if you fall, Alice. Just get on the plane."

"No! Why couldn't we pick a closer place to go! New Zealand is so far and scary!"

"New Zealand is beautiful! You've always wanted to go to New Zealand!"

"Only if it doesn't involve planes and flying and heights."

"Which it does in most cases."

"THUS, I will stay here. In nice, little New York."

"I'm not going to go on this trip by myself!"

"Why not? You were the one who planned it and bought the tickets!"

"You were supposed to come."

"Why am I even needed! You can have fun without me."

"I'm not going alone. This was supposed to be our honeymoon, Alice. I can't go on a honeymoon by myself."

"Why not?"

"Alice, just get on the plane. Please."


"I'll protect you, I swear. If anything happens, I'll protect you. Okay?"


"See. Just put one foot in front of the other. This is easy. You can do it."

"Let's go back. Please!"

"No, Alice. You're almost on."

"But, Hatter!"

"But nothing. Do you want me to carry you on?"


"I meant that in the least romantic, most uncomfortable sense of the word."

"Then no, I do not."

"Well, in that case: get on the plane."

"Fine. Fine. Fine!"

"Good. We're sitting in row 7, seats A and B."

"There's a scary lady sitting in C, Hatter."

"Just ignore her, I'll sit beside her if you want."

"I want."

"Fine. Just sit down."