Author's Note: So I decided to make a thingy where I just go on about everything. And I'm doing that here, so deal with it. This stuff is 100% written by me, unless I decide to put quotes in. You may read if you want, and if you don't, see you later.
It's getting hard to be around you,
There's so much I can't say.
Do you want me to hide the feelings?
And look the other way?
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not,
And I don't know how to make a feeling stop.
Just so you know,
This feeling's taking control of me,
And I can't help it.
I won't sit around,
I can't let him win now.
I thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you,
But I don't want to.
Just gotta' say it all before I go.
Just so you know.
- Just So You Know, Jesse McCartney
You can't imagine how sorry I am that we drifted apart. That we don't talk anymore. It hurts me to see you, because I know we can never get back to what we were before. It was so easy to be around you, to talk to you about everything. I miss feeling like I could trust someone so completely. I miss how crazy I felt when I was around you, how I couldn't breathe until I was with you.
I miss holding your hand when no one else could see us, because then it wasn't about anyone else, it was just you and me. And nothing else mattered. I don't care if we're never like that again, because I'll do anything in the world just to be your friend again. Even when I had a million reasons to hate you, you were the only one I saw. And I have no right to say these things, but it's everything that I want to say. Everything that I will never get to say to you. I'm sorry. And I miss you, okay? I don't know how else to say it. I know I was supposed to let you go a long time ago, but I haven't. I don't think I ever will.
The one thing that sucks more than anything else is when you realise that you're just apart of their past. No matter what you've been through together, it just seems like you're forgotten. He walks past you and won't even look at you. It's like you never even mattered at all. Yeah, that hurts
Whenever you're talking about something you like, it's like you're telling this amazing story and you're so happy about it, and you have this certain smile. And you always use hand gestures when you're telling your stories.
You have this weird brown dot on the palm of your hand. I remember the first time I saw it. It started out as just hitting and poking each other under the desk, and then you grabbed my hand and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I miss feeling like that. Like something as simple as holding someone's hand could make me forget about everything else going on inside my head.
I didn't think someone like you could possibly care about me. But for the next few days, every time you sat next to me, you held my hand. And it felt like everything was right. It always feels right when you're around. Even now, after everything that's happened.
I remember everything. Everything that you did. Everything that I felt. I remember every detail. And it kills me, because I don't think you remember at all.
Please. Just talk to me. Just look at me.