Notes: If you can tell me where the idea for this came from, I'll shower you in love, skittles, and write you something of your (reasonable) choice.
Talking the Talk
Cloud groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "What exactly is the problem?" he asked for what felt like the tenth time, tugging at his hair. "Just... tell me."
From the floor there was a groan and Zack shook his head roughly. "No way, Spike... this is stupid even for me."
Underneath the cover of the towel he'd laid across his face, Cloud knew that Zack's cheeks were flaming red. His ears weren't doing a very good job of hiding it and he almost felt a little bad for him. He was pretty sure he'd sympathize a little more if Zack didn't take every chance he got to make him blush, however. Still, it was both annoying and satisfying to see his usually confident friend be reduced to a pile of embarrassed crap on the floor.
"If you tell me, I can help you. Or try at least."
Zack shook his head again, a thin laugh following it. "Please, there's no way you could help with this. You're too sweet and... and sweet."
Cloud frowned at that, a little offended. "What do you mean by that?"
"Nothin' bad, Spike... just that, you're... you know, really innocent and stuff so you wouldn't be any help here."
Tossing the towel to the side, Zack sat up, giving him a flat look. "Well, yeah. You're all shy and stuff. Bet you've never even been kissed."
That was... was... just—
"You're an idiot," he snapped, standing from his place on the couch. Hands propped on his hips, he glared down at Zack. "Gods, don't you have any brains in that big head of yours?"
"Whoa, whoa, calm down! I didn't mean it like a bad thing!"
Cloud shook his head. "Just tell me what the problem is." Zack's cheeks flared up again and he bit back the urge to growl in frustration. Taking a deep breath, he pushed a soft smile forward and cleared his throat. "Really, I want to help."
"Well..." Zack rubbed a hand through his hair, ruffling it up a bit before smoothing it back down. "Just... Genesis wanted me to... to do something and I don't... I dunno."
Okay, that was really... specific. "All right? Was it something weird? I'm guessing something about sex? He didn't want to hit you or anything, did he?" Cloud's smile dropped and he stepped forward, concern filling him. He didn't think Zack would let anyone do that, at least past a spank or something, and he didn't really think Genesis would be into that kind of thing. The two had been together for quite a while, and Cloud had met him on numerous occasions. He'd never gotten that kind of a vibe from Genesis but it was hard to tell with some people.
Thankfully, Zack laughed and shook his head. "No way. You don't have to worry about that, Spike. Besides, I can take care of myself."
"Just asking," Cloud said with a shrug. "You're my friend. I have to ask those kinds of things."
A hand reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "Yeah, I know. But no, it's just... it's kind of weird. I mean, I thought I'd be really into it and then when it was... time or whatever I just... couldn't do it. I had no idea what to say."
Zack nodded, eyes dropping to his hands. "Uh, yeah. He... he wanted me to talk to him."
"...Okay?" Cloud quirked an eyebrow at that, confused. "So, what's the problem? You talk all the time."
"No, Cloud... I mean he wanted me to talk to him."
It took him a moment but realization dawned and he snorted, raising a hand to slap over his mouth. Zack's eyes widened and he couldn't help the laughter that poured out. Shoulders shaking, he bent over, trying his best to keep it in, but the need to breathe won out and his hand fell away.
"Hey! Why are you laughing!"
Zack's indignation only made it worse and in a matter of seconds Cloud was reaching up, wiping at his eyes. "Oh... oh gods," he choked, holding his ribs. "Y-you... you're serious?"
"What the hell do you think?" Zack smacked him and he toppled to the side, landing on the couch.
"Okay, okay! Odin's balls..." Grinning, he sat up. "I'll help you."
Zack shook his head. "Yeah, right."
"No, really," Cloud replied, standing. Brushing himself off, he turned to face him and smiled. "Why don't you tell me what you would say if he asked you again?"
"That's the problem, Spike. I don't know what to say."
"Just say what you're thinking... what you want to do to him, stuff like that."
Zack raised a hand, running it through his hair nervously. "I don't know..."
Zack gave him a suspicious look and he shrugged. If he didn't want any help, well, it's not like he could force him to learn anything.
Biting back another smile, he waited silently for a handful of minutes, watching Zack readjust his shirt nervously and pick at his collar. It was kind of odd to see Zack like this. Usually he was the one flouncing around, grinning like an idiot and radiating confidence. It just seemed kind of... wrong to see him so bothered by something.
Finally, he sighed and waved a hand to get his attention. "I'll start."
"What! No way!"
"Yes way, Zack. It's just me."
He shook his head but Cloud ignored him in favor of stepping close and sliding a hand up his chest. "You know," he murmured. "I can't wait to feel those hands on—"
"Cloud!" Zack sputtered, gripping his shoulder and pushing him away. "What are you doing?"
Groaning, Cloud backed up. "What the hell does it look like?"
"Like... like—I don't know!"
"Oh, for the love of—" He shook his head and scowled at him. "How the fuck do you expect to say this to him if you can't even say it to me? Now just grow a pair and tell me how badly you want to caress my ass or something!"
"I can't d—"
"Oh, gods, Zack. I want to touch you everywhere. I want to run my hands all over that chest and those legs. Mmm, those legs. I can't wait... to get my hands in those pants of yours. Maybe I'll even get a chance to get a taste of what you're—"
A hand slapped over his mouth but he continued to speak, his words muffled against his palm. Zack's grip tightened and eventually he just licked him. Unfortunately, it didn't faze him at all and he was left with wet skin pressing against his face.
"Are you done?" Zack asked, exasperation and embarrassment clear in his voice.
Cloud shrugged. Maybe... maybe not. When Zack's eyes narrowed and he got that stubborn twist to his lips he usually reserved for Genesis, Cloud just gave in with a huff, nodding slightly.
The hand left him and he wiped at his lips. "It's not that—"
"I want to fuck you," Zack blurted, hands twisting in his shirt.
Cloud blinked. "Well, if you insist."
"I know, I know. I just meant... you know, be a little more detailed."
Cloud nodded. "Yeah like—"
"How the hell do you expect to learn?"
Zack didn't seem to have an answer for that and let out a frustrated noise instead. Cloud watched, trying not to smile as his friend dragged a hand roughly through his hair and stomped around the couch. He yanked open the door, slamming it shut hard enough to shake the table with his keys resting on it.
Cloud bit back another laugh and pulled out his PHS. Scrolling through the names, he stopped at the very bottom, highlighting one of the only people he ever called. He pressed dial and was pleased to note that it only took two rings for him to pick up.
"Good evening, Cloud."
Flopping back on Zack's couch, Cloud grinned. "Are you finished in the office? I've got a few things I think we need to... talk about."
There was a shuffling and he heard the shift of plastic as Sephiroth adjusted the phone. "Is there something bothering you?"
"Hmm," Sephiroth was quiet for a moment and Cloud sighed, sitting up. "Then these things you wish to speak about..." he continued, an unspoken implication in his words.
"Oh, they're definitely good..."