The Soundtrack Of My Summer
"When words fail, music speaks." A collection of Big Time Rush songfics with various ships and plots.
Song: How A Heart Breaks by Drew Seeley
Plot: Logan and Camille have broken up, but are they truly over each other?
Rating: T for… I don't know; it's just rated T okay.
Word count: 2537
A/N: requested by and dedicated to Loganator-JR (: I'm not really a fan of this but I've been having some writers block lately and… this is finally finished! And without further ado, here's yet another songfic! I don't own anything.
"I don't understand," Camille said slowly. "You… forgive me, but you're breaking up with me?"
Logan sighed. "Camille, ninety-six percent of all teen romances end in break ups." Camille raised an eyebrow at that; of course he had statistics behind it. "You kissing James gives us a perfect opportunity to get ours out of the way now."
"And you're not sad about this?" she had to ask.
Logan hesitated. "Yes." He admitted, and they locked eyes for a moment, their mutual pain over this evident in their eyes. Camille couldn't help but to wonder why it had to be like this. "But," he started, snapping her out of her thoughts. "I'm going to mask my pain by joining the gym, buzz-cutting my hair, and nicknaming myself 'The Island'."
Camille somehow managed a small smile. "But can we be friends?" she asked hopefully.
Logan sighed again, pushing himself up from the couch and extended his hand towards her. "Friends it is." He said, and they shook hands, the two of them both trying to ignore the spark they still felt between each other.
"Can we hug?" Camille asked, wanting just one more time, even if it were the last time, to be in his arms. "I mean, friends hug, right?"
"It is the friendly thing to do." Logan shrugged, and reached out for her, pulling her into one final tight hug. She rested her head on his shoulder, breathing deeply, inhaling his scent for the final time. He kept his arms locked around her waist, biting his lip lightly. This was the right thing to do; he had to do this. It was better this way. They broke their hug, but were still holding onto each other, keeping one another at arm's length. The only sound in the apartment was their breathing, before they both leaned, a heated kiss taking place. Camille placed her hand on the back of his neck, holding him to her as she felt herself getting lost into the kiss. However, just as soon as it happened, the pair broke the kiss, as if realizing that they had just broken up and they can't do this anymore. Logan looked at her with slightly wide eyes as he stuttered out, "Friends it is."
She smiled sort of sadly at him, before exiting the apartment, and Logan dropped down onto the couch again. He sighed heavily, dropping his head back and closing his eyes. No matter how many times he had convinced himself that he needed to do this, it didn't make it any easier.
Camille could feel Jo's fingers raking through her hair, trying to sooth her as the brunette girl's body shook with sobs. Her face buried into her pillow and tears slipping down her cheeks, Camille didn't have to explain what had happened before this moment. Jo knew; it was in the unwritten girl code that when your best friend called you, saying you were going to have a talk with your boyfriend, and then called you again an hour later, you didn't have to ask if they'd broken up - that much she be pretty obvious. "I can't believe I was so stupid." Camille whimpered into her pillow, rolling her head onto the side so she could breathe easier.
"It's not your fault, Mill." Jo consoled her. "He said he forgave you; that much is put in the past now."
"But- but I just- I miss him." She sniffled, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "And I still love him Jo; I want him to love me back again."
"He didn't just stop loving you because you two broke up." Jo insisted. "You can't fall out of love that fast."
"Well than maybe he never loved me in the first place." Camille replied mournfully.
"He did." Jo got off of her friend's bed to kneel down on the floor in front of her, looking her square in the eye. "I know he loved you as much as you loved him. And if you two are meant to be together, than you'll be together. Whether it's up to you both, or fate, or whatever- I know you guys will get back together." Camille simply shrugged, not too convinced by Jo's words. "Call him." The blonde said. "Call him and talk to him."
"We already talked." Camille replied. "…and kissed."
Jo's eyes went wide. "I'm sorry, you kissed him?"
"It was mutual!" Camille insisted. "Sort of like a goodbye kiss. But the point is that we said we were going to be just friends, even after we kissed, and there's nothing that can-"
"Just give him a call and talk to him about everything." Jo cut in. "I bet he wants you back just as bad as you do, he just doesn't want to admit it."
Camille sighed. "Fine I'll give him a call. Just not today, today is about crying and ice cream."
Jo smiled gently. "Lucky for you I have a pint of rocky road, A Walk To Remember, and The Notebook all ready."
Managing a smile – a real smile since the breakup – Camille forced herself out of bed, and forced all thoughts of Logan out of her mind for the rest of the day.
It had been two - almost three - weeks since Logan had seen or heard from Camille. He was going for the whole "out of sight, out of mind" plan to make sure that their breakup was still smooth sailing… or as smooth sailing as a breakup could be. But mostly, he just missed her. He wanted more than anything to run up to her and ask her to be his girlfriend again, but she was doing a hell of a job ignoring him and that's why he kept himself at bay. No reason to get both of their hearts broken all over again.
And if anything, she had already moved on. And who could blame her? Once you got past her eccentricities, Camille was a sweet, funny, beautiful girl and he was… Logan. No real lose there.
And then his phone rang, one of their love songs they had recorded blaring. Logan didn't have to look t the phone to know who was calling him. As soon as he heard, "I would scream to the world, they would see you're my girl," he knew that a picture of his ex, wearing that beautiful blue dress, was illuminating his lock screen.
Camille was calling.
"You should answer." A voice startled Logan, and he spun around to see James standing in the doorway from the kitchen to the hallway that led to the bedrooms. He had still been keeping his distance from Logan, even though the two had made up from the time that James kissed Camille - ultimately leading to the breakup. It didn't take a genius to see that James was still basking in guilt over it. "Talk to her." He continued his voice smooth and convincing. But Logan was still unsure. "She misses you, and you miss her."
The phone vibrated once more against the coffee table, the song still playing.
"Answer." James encouraged him, and Logan quickly unlocked his phone, bringing it up to his ear before he lost the call, and the girl.
"Hey." His voice was soft as he answered the call.
"Hey, Logan." Camille's voice was as soft as his. "How are you?"
"Oh you know," Logan's eyes darted towards James, silently asking him to come over. Lucky, James was telepathic. "I'm alright. How are you?"
He imagined she shrugged before replying, "You know."
"Yeah." He agreed, and he did know. Because he wasn't alright and neither was she. They were both a wreck, they both missed each other, they both wanted to be together again. But neither of them would say it.
"So I was wondering." As she said that, James leaned in close towards Logan's phone, wanting in on their conversation. Logan didn't object, seeing as he was probably going to ask James want to do anyway. "Can I, I mean can we…" he heard her sigh, conflicting emotions swirling around inside of her. "Can I see you?" she finally asked. "I'd like to talk, if that's okay…"
Logan briefly glanced at James, but he didn't have to ask him what to do in this case. Without hesitating he replied, "Okay."
"Awesome, uh, just stop by sometime later today?" she asked. When he confirmed their meeting, the phone call ended somewhat awkwardly before they both hung up.
Logan sighed. He had worked so hard, put so much effort into deciding to break up with Camille, and then focused on keeping them broken up, and now it was all burning down. He guessed he never really let her go. "You think this could be it?" James asked. "You think you'll get back together with her?"
Logan shrugged. "What do you think I should do?" he asked.
James bit the inside of his cheek. "I think you should do what you think is right." He finally said. "You thought breaking up with her was the right thing to do, and now you'll know if getting back together is the right thing to do, I guess."
Logan smiled ruefully. "When did you become so insightful?" he asked.
"When I started hanging around you." James joked, ruffling the shorter boy's hair. But Logan's hands flew up instantly to fix it. If he was going to see Camille, no matter what was going to happen, he had to look his best.
And that meant borrowing James' Cuda.
Logan stood outside of Camille's apartment for ten minutes before he knocked on the door. A few seconds later, the door opened and Camille stood before him looking...breathtaking in blue- Logan's favorite blue dress to be specific. She blamed it on an audition, but Logan knew better. If she wanted to be more obvious about wanting him back, all she needed was a bright neon sign. But then Logan took into account his own appearance- he had gotten James to help him with his hair, he took the time to dress nice enough for her and wear the red button-down shirt she loved do much- and wondered of he was holding a neon sign on his own.
"I'm glad you came by." she was saying, letting him into her apartment. "I really wanted to talk to you." Logan nodded and sighed, taking a seat on her couch. "Um, so about our break up…" she started, a little awkwardly. "I know you said we should just be friends but, I miss you."
Logan was silent, taking a deep breath and contemplating his next move. Yeah, he missed Camille and now that he knew she missed him, things had changed. He really wanted to be with her but from the time their phone call ended until now, he had time to really think. Was it good for them to be together? They had only been together for a short amount of time and she had already cheated on him. Maybe he wasn't enough for her…
"Logan?" her voice snapped him out of his thoughts, but he wasn't all the way back to reality yet…
"What's your game plan, mon ami?" James asked him.
Logan's eyes traveled over to where Camille was seated on a lawn chair, running lines for an upcoming audition. "Oh, you know," he stuttered. "I was thinking of p-possibly asking-"
James caught on to where he was staring and smiled. "Camille, nice!" he said, nodding his head and Logan's cheeks flushed. He never thought the day would come where he actually developed feelings for Camille but it was a reality now. He wanted Camille to be his girlfriend.
"Logan?" he blinked and met her eyes. "Everything okay?"
Logan sighed. "I have to go." he said, abruptly standing up.
"What- you're leaving?" she asked, getting up to rush after him as he started towards the door.
"Camille, I can't be here." he told here. "When I'm with you, my brain short-circuits - not literally of course - and I just can't focus anymore."
"I'm sorry, Camille." he turned his back to her, not wanting to see the look in her eyes as he said, "But I just can't be here anymore… I can't be with you."
There was a moment of silence and Logan's hand was on the door, about to turn the knob and let himself out when Camille blurted out, "I love you, Logan!"
He froze, eyes going wide, wondering if he heard what he thought he heard.
"Please don't leave." she begged, tears falling down her face. "I love you…"
'Don't care,' Logan told himself. 'Please, just don't care. Open the door and leave. Now.'
But he didn't. Instead, he turned around and rushed to her, grasping her body and pulling her against him, capturing her lips in a heated kiss. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, he knew he should've just left but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't let Camille go…
When Logan awoke the next day, upon realizing he was laying in bed with Camille, he knew that the two of them were going to be paying the price. He made a mistake; he knew he was making a mistake while he was kissing her. He knew he was making a mistake when he agreed to spend the night with her. He knew he was making a mistake waking up with her right now.
He laid there, knowing he couldn't just leave, but not knowing what to do next. She started to stir next to him and her realized he had less time than he thought to figure out what he was going to do. "Hey." she murmured, rolling over on her side to look at him.
"Hey," he said, his voice soft. "Millie, we need to talk."
She closed her eyes, her lips going in a tight line. "I was afraid you'd say that." she whispered.
"Camille, I love you." he said, rolling over so he was facing her. "I love you more than I've ever loved any girl but… Camille, we can't keep doing this."
She swallowed thickly. "But… Logan, I-"
"It's not your fault." he told her, quickly. "You deserve someone better than me-"
"But I want you Logan." she insisted. "You're all I've ever wanted." she added, her voice cracking slightly.
Logan felt his composure breaking down. "We just can't be together." he said softly. "Maybe one day, things will be different but until then… I just- we can't do this, Camille. I'm sorry."
He didn't know what else to say; she had started crying and Logan's chest was tight, like he couldn't breathe. But for the first time, he was finally able to walk away. Trying to ignore Camille's tears, he got up from her bed and quickly rushed out of her room, then out of her apartment, as if he was trying to beat his own tears from falling. But they were ready for take off as Logan leaned against the door to her apartment, his hand over his chest, almost positive that this was how a heart can break.