A/N - sorry that it's so crappy! It was done in a rush. :S
Life is such an amazing thing. You could do anything with it; there is decisions and views that change your life, for better or for worse, but life is a beautiful thing, and everyone knows that. Everyone should be so privileged to live a life, but people throw it away so carelessly, and it hurts Peggy Carter. It hurts her to pieces.
Why? She lost the love of her life when he killed himself, saving the world in doing so.
Steve Rogers was always the best man. When she first met him, she thought he was a wimp. He was a wimp. But she soon learnt over time that it didn't matter what was on the outside, it mattered what was on the inside, and that affected people greatly. He was brave, willing to lay his life down as others were, under the attitude of if others are, why can't I? And for that, Peggy admired him. They all did, even though they didn't say it. But who knew that just a boy from Brooklyn could save the world from peril?
She fell in love with him. He always had that little crush on her, Peggy knew the signs. She ignored them; they were in a war, for Christ's sake. But she couldn't help but be drawn into this little boy, eager to fight, eager to let the world know that he was ready to save it.
He changed. Peggy was cautious around him, his new found strength may change him. But he was still the same boy from Brooklyn, and she was still in love with him. Sure, he was just some guy advertising the war now, but he wanted to do more. Peggy knew that.
She let him go save his friends. He needed this as an outlet; he's been wanting to be a soldier for so long, while no one let him. He had to do this, Peggy understood that. Letting him go was somewhat hard (more than a bit hard, Peggy reflects), but when he came back she felt such euphoria, and everything was alright again.
Well, as alright as it could be in a war.
They continued on. Steve lost many people. Peggy was there to help him through his emotions. They fought on, wanting to end this war and move on. All was good for a small amount of time.
But things got bad very quickly.
Of course, Steve was on the front line. Peggy couldn't question that, he was probably the best soldier the world's ever had, and they needed him. So, she let him go. Things got hectic, and Steve was still there, on the front line. He would always be there; the ultimate soldier. He wanted to fight, no, he needed to. Many people believed he was passionate for a fight, but all he really wanted to do was protect the people of his nation. No one could question that.
Their first kiss. Sweet. Beautiful. Quick. No one could deny that Peggy would let him go. It was what she did, every time. Why though? Because she couldn't question the fact that he was trying to save his country, his world. He was Captain America. Being the lover of Captain America meant certain responsibilities. One was letting him walk into a war.
Was it a sin? Peggy thought yes. She couldn't really stop herself, though.
He saved the world, but at a terrible price: his life. Peggy wept for days, while others celebrated the victory of the war, she couldn't leave her room. For, alas, their first kiss was their last.
She talks about him in the past tense. It lets others around her know that she's given up hope, that she really thinks that he's gone. Sure, Stark grieved too, but not as much as the lover of Captain America.
She loved him. She let him go. Why did she do that?
It's crazy, how much she feels about this one boy from Brooklyn. The boy that stood up and made a difference to the world. The one kid that no one could stop, no one could question, and no one could deny. That one boy that broke her heart.
"Peggy?" someone says, knocking on her door. Peggy sighs and wipes her eyes with a tissue. She really is falling apart, as anyone would when the love of their life is swept away from them as they were just starting. She just feels so awful, like the world is dying. No one can help her; maybe it's because she refuses help. She needs to cope with this by herself.
Steve isn't coming back. She needs to accept that.
"Go away," she mutters and falls back onto her bed, sobbing into the sheets. They don't understand! she thinks, and screams.
She should be celebrating, they say. She should not be mourning.
That poor boy from Brooklyn. Drawn in by war and to be killed at such a young age, it's awful. But, maybe the hole Steve left in Peggy's heart was even more awful. Does anyone appreciate that? Peggy thinks, because she honestly thinks no one does.
She falls asleep. She has nightmares. She wakes up crying. She locks herself in her room for the day. The cycle continues, and she honestly can't stop. She hears people celebrating outside her room, and she clutches a prototype of his shield, and thinks about how much she misses him.
She's only got memories now, and she's going to use them. No matter how hard it is, she'll get through this. Weeks, months, years later, she won't forget him. She can't.
She won't forget the boy from Brooklyn, with the shield and the courageous behaviour. She won't ever forget the man she fell in love with; the love of her life. Who could? No one could forget that beautiful man.
The fact is, even his memories are hard to handle. Sometimes, she just wants to forget. But she won't.
She's keeping his legacy intact.
A/N - don't favourite/alert this without a review