So many months ago I had an idea, the idea never panned out – or technically I just got wrapped up in a lot of other things and now I have the time to write it. When I started, as always, I had no clue how it was going to play out. I always have a beginning in mind, but never go past that. I have no clue how this will end. I know this one will be relatively angst free. There is definitely some sadness, some sweetness, some GAH, just say something already! The layout is a little different as in there are emails and text messaging and instant messaging. Ultimately I'm happy with how it's turning out.
Each chapter will start in SPOV and end in EPOV, so we'll get to know them both and find out what makes them tick.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Charlaine Harris.
To: Sookie at brigant interiors dot com
From: yoursecretadmirer at gmail dot com
My dearest Sookie,
I don't know how to tell you this so I'm putting it in a letter or email as the case may be.
Please don't think I'm some strange stalker, which probably makes me sound worse. I can't tell you who I am for a few reasons, the most important and the one I'm willing to give is I'm terrified of what I'm about to say. I'm scared you would look at me like I was insane if you knew who I was. So, this is just to let you know you're amazing.
You've captivated me. Your smile lights up a room like the sun and your gracious heart and soul can melt even the coldest heart. In a word, you're wonderful and the highlight of my day anytime I get to see you.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for coming into my life and opening my eyes to a world I shunned. You, Sookie, are my first thought every morning when I wake up. Thoughts of you fill my day making it more pleasant and most times bearable. If you were available to me right now this email may not have been necessary, but alas you aren't so I will love you from afar. I will get through this as your heart heals. One day I hope I can find someone as perfect as you to share my life with.
Through all of the hurt I've dealt with recently this... letter? Email? Wow, I really have no words for this and more importantly I have no idea who would've sent it. Is it just to make me feel better after losing Preston? Or is this person real, and truly cares for me.
"Sook," my boss' deep voice pulls me from my musings.
"Yes?" I reply, my voice cracking a little. The letter actually has me a little choked up, which isn't hard these days.
"Uh... is everything okay?" Poor Eric doesn't deal with emotional girls... well, at all. Anytime someone is having a rough day I have to console them even though he's head of HR. He once told me I have a natural maternal instinct that people respond to.
"Oh, yeah, just a bad day. You know, some days are okay, some days not," I shrug my shoulders a little with a soft smile.
"Okay, I called your name four times before you responded. Do you need a break?" This is his answer for emotional girls, giving us a break to compose ourselves so he doesn't have to try to comfort us. He really is lovely once you get to know him, just a little cold. Maybe cold isn't the right word, inept at dealing with people. Which again makes me laugh given his chosen profession.
"Maybe," I stand and straighten my blouse. "I'll be right back."
I walk to the restroom and take a look in the mirror. I look like Hell and I know I have for some weeks now. I lost my fiancé to cancer two months ago and I've not been right since. We caught it too late so there was no chance in saving him. By the time he was diagnosed they offered some pain management options, but informed us anything more aggressive would simply kill him faster. We spent the little time we had left trying to pack in as much living as possible given his condition; just being around each other was enough though. We had all of the talks you would or wouldn't expect. He told me he wants me to live and love again after he's gone. He even threatened to haunt me if I went against his wishes. Most days I would welcome that just to have him near; I'd take him in any form. I love that man's soul if that makes sense. He was the kind of man that made you want to be a better person by just being in his presence.
I splash a little water on my face. I gave up wearing makeup when I Preston got sick since I cry at least once a day. What's the point right? I take one last look in the mirror and straighten my clothes again. I will get through the day. This is my last day before I take leave. Eric talked me into taking a month off to regroup. I think he just can't handle the crying anymore is all. I appreciate it either way.
I gasp when I approach my desk. I left the email up and Eric is reading it, or just finished reading it. His hand is on my mouse and he has a grim look on his face as his eyes dart from left to right as he reads the kind words on my screen.
"Sookie," he looks up at me. "Sorry, the word anonymous caught my eye. You know I don't―"
"Stop," I cut him off. "It's okay, I don't care. I was a little shocked ― I still am shocked ― by that email. I have no idea who it could be."
"That's insane," he says finally standing up straight. "Is this what has you so upset? I can have IT trace it and find out who sent it so you know who your stalker is."
That makes me laugh, Eric looks genuinely concerned for my safety. I appreciate him. "No, I don't think I have a stalker. Just someone who cares."
"You're too nice, it makes me uncomfortable." Not that I'm nice, but that I'm okay with the email.
"Why because I'm not paranoid and think everyone is out to get me?" I smile, Eric is captain conspiracy theory. "If I find any boiling bunnies or slashed tires I'll let you trace it."
He looks thoughtful for a moment before giving a curt nod, accepting my stance on the situation. "Good deal, I have to get to a meeting, I'll probably be back before you go so I'll walk out with you just in case."
"Thank you, Mr. Overprotective," I pat his arm as he passes and then sit down at my computer to read the note over again, searching for any clues as to who it might be.
She read it and she doesn't think I'm some crazy stalker. This is good news. I've been in love with Sookie Stackhouse for quite some time now, but she always had Preston. I'm not the kind of man to step on another man's toes. She was insanely happy with him too, so who am I to try to steal her away? It wouldn't have worked anyway.
When she told me he was sick I felt ill myself. I instantly felt like I needed to protect her from the hurt, but I knew there would be no way to do that. I gave her all the time off she needed to be with him and tried to be a good friend. Her heartbreak cut me to the bone. No one should ever know that kind of hurt, least of all Sookie. She's the kindest, funniest, cutest little thing and I mean every word I put in that email. There's just no way I can let her know it's me that wrote it.
It all started three years ago when she transferred from a different department, taking over Claudette's position when she retired. I'd never seen her before and when she walked in I felt my mouth go dry. She hadn't said word and I knew it was love at first sight. It was like I could see her goodness in her smile. The second she opened her mouth and that angelic voice filled my ears I was a lost cause. I didn't tell her of course, how weird would that be? Not to mention I'm not the kind of guy that goes sprouting off my feelings to people.
I like to think I'm nice, and a fair boss. I dohave a problem with emotional people so I have no idea why I went into human resources. Actually, HR was an accident, but that's a story for another time.
I've been sitting on that email since the day Sookie and I discussed her taking a small leave to relax her mind and hopefully get in a better place ― mentally. The sadness and her tears prompted me; I knew I needed to find a way to make her smile and everyone likes to hear they're amazing right? Well I wrote and re-wrote that damn email a hundred times over again. The final product sat in my drafts for two weeks before I gathered the balls to click send from the email account I created specifically for her. I sent it to work because after all this time I don't know her personal email address and she knows my handwriting so I if I hand wrote it and sent it through snail mail she'd know it's me.
The only problem now is I have to go a whole month without seeing her. My hope is she'll forward the email home and reply to me from her personal email so I will have it. I guess I could just ask her for it and use work as an excuse. I also plan on sending some things to Sookie's house in hopes it will help her feel better.
Huh, I managed to miss everything said in the meeting. Oh well, I'll get an email about anything important. Right now my only thought it seeing Sookie again before she goes.
"Hey, is everything wrapped up?" I ask as I approach her cubicle.
"Yeah, just shutting my computer down now."
"Good, I'll go set this down," I show her my notepad, "And I'll be back to walk with you."
I don't think I'll have an opportunity to ask her for her home email address, but that's okay I guess. I set the notepad and pen on my desk and grab my keys. I'll go home now too.
"Ready?" I ask when I come back around the corner.
"Yep, this is going to be weird," she scrunches her nose at me. She's adorable. "I haven't had this much time off like ever."
"It'll be good for you," I shrug, "At least that's what I think."
"Yeah, but you won't know what to do without me," she's right about that. "I mean, what if there's a crying girl or something while I'm gone?" she laughs.
"I'll call you and hand the phone over so you can deal with it." I seriously would. I don't do crying well at all, thus these last few months around Sookie have been weird because I want to hold her and shun her at the same time.
"You're ridiculous, I hope you know that," she gives me what I call the "Sunshine smile" this is the one she gives that can light up a room. I've never said that out loud.
"Just honest," I give her my own smile, it's probably not as good though.
"Here we are," she tells me when we walk up to her car. "Thanks for walking with me even though you didn't have to." She surprises me when she wraps her arms around my waist and gives me a tight hug. I gently place my hands on her back, but don't squeeze. I don't think I'd stop if I started.
"You're welcome," I give a pat and step out of her embrace before I get wood and embarrass myself.
"Call me when you start missing me around here, or shoot me an email to keep me updated on office gossip. I know you're secretly a gossip monger."
Perfect. "You caught me. Give me your email address and I'll send you daily updates on what horrendously bad outfit Arlene has squeezed herself into."
She takes out a pen and grabs my hand, writing it on my forearm. This is so high school and it makes me giddy, although I don't show that to Sookie. I actually roll my eyes a little for her benefit.
"You couldn't have found a piece of paper?"
"Oh hush, it washes off," she informs me as she finishes with a little flourish. Well, as much flourish as you can get with a medium point pen on skin.
She gives me one last hug which I awkwardly accept before she gets in her car, giving me a little wave after she closes the door.
This is going to be a long thirty days without her.
I look down at my arm after she drives away and bust up laughing. Fairypants at gmail is her email address. She's so stinking cute.
I hope you like the beginning! Let me know what you think. I'll tell ya now I have 15 and a half chapters written with no lemons, I actually just wrote the word "cock" for the first time in chapter 16 and it's not even how you think. LOL
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