Okay frendos and people of the interwebs, this is The Heck. I have been feeling the need to let out some comedic steam and I thought "Hey The Heck, why don't you go and parody various television shows and movies?" And now I'm actually doing it. This is all for comedic release and fun, so don't expect this to be updated all the time. Also, don't take any of the jokes personally. It's for lolz so don't take it seriously.
I will be using my characters from my main fanfic The Dark Chronicles, but don't expect them to be super serious. This is all for some quick fun and I hope you guys get a few laughs.
Also, if any of you want me to use any other universes to exploit for your entertainment feel free to tell me in a review or message. I hope you enjoy!
P.S. my Spanish sucks, so if I messed up tell me. ;)
Razors's point of view.
"What the hell is going on..." I said to myself, not knowing how I got to where I was and not really caring. Last thing I remembered was going to sleep and thinking about all the crazy good dreams I would be having. Next thing I know I'm sitting alone on some road in the middle of some perfect looking forest trying to figure why I felt so freaking good. Being a Bulbasaur and- by the way I'm a Bulbasaur- I loved the sun, and this sun was just everything I ever wanted.
Sighing I looked around, obviously I wasn't where I was last night and I wanted for find out just where I was and how to get back home. I was about to start to walked down this road when I heard a loud shrilly voice yell "Hi! I'm Dora!"
A little freaked out by this new development I jumped and turned to this new speaker and was surprised at what I saw. She was a normal looking human, dark brown eyes, brown hair, pink shirt... you know, the standard little girl fair. She however did have a creepy smile on her face "Wha-" I replied.
"Te Amo se Dora!" she exclaimed again.
"Wait a minute." I said wanting to get a word in "You... you speak in English first and then just in case I didn't speak the language that I replied with... your brilliant idea is to reply in Spanish?"
"Dora, Dora, it's a dinosaur!" shouted another voice, a male one this time. A monkey jumped out of the trees behind me and landed next to this Dora person. The prime ape was sporting two large pink boots for no real reason and had the same bizarre smile on his face as the girl.
A little offended that the monkey had called me a dinosaur I had to say something "I'm not a dinosaur... they're extinct, I'm a Pokemon..." I paused "And I'm just trying to get home and-"
"Who do we call when we don't know which way to go?" shouted the girl to no one in particular. She was staring out into open space, like an idiot.
"Do... do you want me to answe-" I started.
"That's right, the map!" shouted the monkey.
I glared at the duo blankly "I didn't say that-"
"That's right Boots!" yelled Dora with a smile "Say map!" once again she was staring out into space.
"Who are you talking to..." I questioned again.
Suddenly the little girl turned and revealed that she had a backpack and out of the backpack popped out a map... with eyes and a mouth. Said map then proceeded to jump in my face and sing "If there's a place you gotta go, I'm the one you need to know, I'm the map. I'm the map. I'm the map. I'm the map. I'm the map.I'm the map. I'm the map.I'm the map. I'm the map. I'M THE MAP!"
"Um..." I spoke slightly terrified now "You're the map?"
"Hi!, Dora and Boots are trying to bring the baby dinosaur home!" shouted the Map in my face.
"I know where to go!" he yelled again "First you go to the bridge, then to the Pool, and that's how you get him home!"
I frowned "That's really vague information, all you did is state three places and-"
"Bridge... Pool... Home!" yelled the Map "Bridge... Pool... Home. Bridge... Pool... Home!" and with that the Map flew back into Dora's backpack.
"Where do we go?" asked Dora once it was all over.
Dumbfounded I exploded "Are you stupid, that map thing literally just told me where to go and you ask me where?" I blinked "Are you kidding me right now?"
The little girl ignored me and simply said "Bridge... Pool... Home! Good job!"
"This can't be a real place... people can't be like this." I said to myself realizing that I was in my own personal hell.
Night's point of view
"Ugh... my head..." I moaned laying on the ground. I felt soft grass under my body despite the fact that I remembered falling asleep in the Pokemon center the night before. Fresh forest air hit my nose and a warm breeze ran through my fur. I felt rejuvenated despite the wooziness I felt from being in the sun. Being an Umbreon I despised the sun and was visibly not loving this new environment.
"Alright Night, time to get up." spoke the intellectual voice of my counterpart, Dexter. The Espeon was standing over me with a judgmental frown on his face, his blue eyes glaring down at me "We should try and figure out just where we are and if anyone else is with us."
I forced myself to stand and stretched wanting to get at least comfortable before I got going. I could barley hear my own thoughts before a familiar voice yelled in my ear "What did you idiots get me into!"
Grinding my teeth I turned to the source "Ruby... please don't yell, it gives me headaches. Your voice is just so... unpleasing and terrible to hear in the morning."
Ruby, a discolored almost pinkish Vulpix, snarled at this remark "At least my body isn't a night light mister 'I hate the sun'. And sorry if I'm a little pissed, I didn't expect to wake up in the middle of some stupid forest." the fox breathed in some air "Even though it does smell nice." she glared at our resident Espeon "Dex, you have any idea whats going on here."
Dexter was scanning the area "No, but I think we can assume we aren't in Kanto anymore. This place, it has a different energy... my psychic abilities are not as potent here."
I raised a brow "How can you tell?"
"I can't sense anything around me, if I wasn't looking at you I wouldn't be able to tell if you were here or not." he paused "If I'm guessing right that means that your Dark matter energy might be out of sync too."
"I hope it is." stated Ruby with a smile " Maybe without your attacks your brain might actually have to be used."
Letting that one slide and sighed "Well, I think we should try to find someone to talk to. It would suck being the only intelligent life here."
Ruby let out a laugh "You called yourself intelligent... I guess we all can dream."
"At least I can see in tall grass pipsqueak." I replied sharply.
"Quiet you two... I think I see a house." said Dexter in a quiet tone "Maybe we can figure out where we are."
We made out way to the building and as we got closer I figured that we were not in a normal place. The house looked like the perfect picture of a witches grog. The house was constructed from dull, old wood and various masks were strewn across the landscape. Even a slight mist surrounding the home... everything in my body was telling me that this would be the coolest place to be.
"This place is amazing!" I yelled, breaking from Dexter and Ruby I rushed up to the home and peaked inside a window "Hello? Is anyone home?"
"Night, shut up." said Ruby calmly making her way up to the house "Would you want someone to yell in your window?"
Dexter knocked on the door "Is anyone-" the moment his paw hit the door it creaked open "-home?"
Ruby peaked in and sighed "Great job Dex, you opened the door." she took a step in the house "Hello? Anyone here?"
I followed the fox in and looked around "I don't think so Rubes... no one's home."
"Hey!" yelled Dexter from behind us "We can't just barge into people's houses!"
"Calm down Dexter, where's your sense of adventure!" I exclaimed looking at a shelf of books "This is some kind of witch's house... you can't tell me you aren't just a little curious."
The Espeon sighed and walked in "We only stay here a couple of minutes, and then we leave." the ambitious Pokemon closed the door "After I take a look around."
"See, there's some emotion!" proclaimed Ruby, "I guess you really do have a soul."
Our little posse barley had enough time to blink before we heard the door creak open and the sound foreign footsteps hit the wood floor "What... who... what is going on?" yelled a deep female voice.
I turned to see a bizarre looking zebra looking thing with a craving for gold jewelry and Mohawks. She was about my height and eyes us with anger "I don't care why your in my home, but I want you gone!"
"Wait, wait..." pleaded Dexter "We can explain."
Feeling my instincts take over I had the feeling that we were dealing with a witch, and everyone knows that witches will kill you and use you... for soups and potions and stuff. Last thing I wanted was my sexy body being put in some pot. So I did the only logical thing that anyone would have done. I charged up a shadow ball and blasted out new guest before she could pull off any bullcrap spells.
The Zebra screamed and flew into a wall and then slumped into unconsciousness.
"Bulls eye!" I yelled in triumph.
"Oh crap..." spat out Ruby looking at me in surprise.
"Goddammit Night!" yelled Dexter "Why would you do that!"
I frowned "Cus that witch was about to-"
"Kick us out after we broke into her house?" he finished my sentence "We're gonna go to jail!"
I shrugged "Why." I waltzed over to the Zebra and nudged her "She's still breathing, no harm done."
"No harm done? Not only are we going down for breaking and entering, now we have an assault charge on us?" Dexter seemed to be very concerned.
"Chill out Dexter." spoke up Ruby "How do we know they even have laws here?"
Dexter sighed "I think if they are smart enough to build houses they have a law system, and one of the first things people can agree on is you shouldn't break into people's houses and attack them!"
"Okay..." I said understanding him "I see your point, but let's say the citizens of this world are all-" I looked at the zebra "Horse people like that... we're freaking Pokemon... and we can just kick their asses."
"Or we can work together and try to find out where we are?" added on Dexter at the end "And that's going to be a little harder now that we just attacked on of their own."
"Hmmm." I sighed "I see..."
Razor's point of view
"God... finally I got away from those idiots." I said to myself as I walked down the road. I had just about reached my limit with the little girl and her monkey friend so I just walked away from them. Following no real map I had spotted a tall shape in the distance and made my way to it. As I got closer and closer I saw that I was approaching a small city... or a large town. Houses started to pop up and I started to see a couple of humans. Smiling at familiar sites I thought I was in a safe place.
Then of course things started to get bad.
"Oh my gawd!" screamed a loud female voice "A monster!"
I pouted and kept going "That was rude."
"Someone, we need help!" yelled a freaky loud male voice.
"Maybe they put all the nuts on the outskirts of town?" I wondered and kept going. Looking back on that moment I can say that I should have turned back, it would have saved me from a very bad situation.
It only took me a couple of minutes to make it to the actual buildings, but by that time the streets were completely clear. I guess they were making way for their new guest.
"Stop monster!" shouted (I guess people can't talk normally in this city) a very young sounding female voice from behind me.
Sighing I turned around to face my fate, and didn't expect to see what I saw. About ten feet away from me stood three very short, very weird little girls. Each on had some kind of color thing going on. The one in the middle was red, with red eyes... hair... cloths... and a red ribbon. Another was blue, blue eyes, blue cloths and blond hair. The last had green eyes and cloths along with black hair.
"Who..." I paused "Are you talking to me?"
"Of course you ugly monster!" yelled the green one in anger "You're going down!"
"Wha- you're little girls. I think they're been a misunderstanding... I'm just passing-"
Before I could blink the green one rushed up to me and slugged me across the face, with real force. I screamed in a mixture of terror and pain as I flew back several feet before landing on my chest "Ow!" I yelled "What was that for?"
"We're here to defend the city!" yelled the red one before she pointed at me "From the likes of you!"
Not really listening to her I was transfixed on her hand... if you could even call it that "Oh my god! You don't have fingers, and you call me a monster!"
My out-burst was rewarded by another very painful punch to the gut. Wishing I had spent more time working on my abs I collapsed and felt everything go black.
Ruby's point of view
"So let's just pretend that never happened." I said curtly as we left the house "We didn't see anything, we didn't do anything and we don't know anything."
After freaking out for a couple of minutes Dexter, Night, and I put the knocked out zebra lady in her bed and left the house before she had the chance to wake up and realize she had been attacked.
"I would just like to say we are bad people for doing this." spoke Dexter as he avoided a batch of flowers "It's mostly Night's fault, but I feel terrible. I say we look for some type of settlement or town and contact the local law enforcement."
"And say what?" blurted out Night, his rings glowing a little brighter than usual "Oh... we saw some Pokemon that looked just like us break into some Blitzle's house, knock her out and put her in her bed? They'll know it was us."
"Hey, we don't know that..." I interjected "Maybe... just maybe... the people here aren't that smart and we can become their rulers." I shrugged "I'm just saying."
"And I think-" started Dexter before he was interrupted from a voice above us.
Without warning a figure landed in front of us with a soft thud. It was a horse thing again, except this one had wings... and multicolored hair... and a tomboy haircut. I didn't care, but Night (being the idiot he is) did a little freak out.
"What there's no crime here." said the Umbreon quickly.
"Um..." said this new conversee "What?"
Not wanting to get put in jail I stepped in "Don't worry about him, he's legally an idiot."
Night frowned "At least I'm not ugly."
I scoffed "Says the guy who doesn't have holes in his ears.
"That's racist, all Umbreon's don't have earholes!" he yelled back "That's not my fault!"
"Nice to meet you." loudly spoke Dexter to end our little agruement "I'm Dexter, the Umbreon is Night and the Vulpix is Ruby. We're a little lost at the moment, can you guide us to the nearest town?"
The small horse put a look of confusion on her face "Umbreon... Vulpix... what are those?"
Dexter's eyes widened "Um... they're Pokemon... like me."
Again the horse looked confused "Pokemon... what are you talking about. Do you make up words?"
"No I don't." said Dexter with a bit of anger before calming down "Never mind, what's you're name?"
The winged being put a proud look on her face and said with a smile "Rainbow Dash."
A defining silence filled the forest before I said "That's... that's a name, wow. I can't even..." I paused and nodded "That's your name, okay."
"What?" questioned the horse with anger "Is something wrong with it? Better than yours Ruby."
Now I was mad "What did you just say? Do you want to lose blood?"
"Whoa, hey!" yelled Night before things could escalate more "Let's just calm down. Everyone has great name, Night, Dexter, Ruby..." he paused and looked at the petite horse "You..."
"I just said my name." she said with a tone "Just... whatever." she looked at Dexter "I don't hate you so Ponyville is that way." she pointed with a wing and flew away in a cloud of dust leaving us alone again.
"Ponyville?" I asked "What the hell kind of retarded name for a city is that?"