POST SCRASH SESSION

CHAPTER 1: MEET JANET ROBERTS

Hi, my name is Janet Roberts and I live in 413 post-Condensation in my house. As it turned out there's only 4 humans alive on Planet Earth: me, Jack London, Roxanne "Roxa" Lavigne and Richard "Dick" Stiller (AN: ROXA AND DICK FOUND A TIME MACHINE SO THEIR IN THE FUTURE :P). Today is November 11th and while it isn't my birthday, today a boo game by the ever awesome BETTY CROCKET named Sburb Alpha is releasing.

As I said, I don't have any humans living in my house, but instead I have a robodad and his robopet Lil' Sebastian (Dick sent me a robobunny named Huggy Bear, but Dad adopted him, so he's Lil' Seb now). My real dad was a son of Grandma London and PoopUp Roberts, who was a son of Betty Crocket and Colonel Massacre. It also just so happens I'm a great-great-great-great-something granddaughter of Chell Junior Roberts, who was a kid of Wheatley Potter and Marissa Roberts, who was a kid of Gabe Johnson and Caroline, who was a kid of Principals Business Man and GLaDOS, so I have a really famous ancestry. But then the CANDACENSION PIXIES (AN: SHE'S THE NEW LEADER OF CRITICS UNITED, AND INSTEAD OF THE HUNGER GAMES RUNNING, SHE MADE OUR PLANET LIKE HERS, BUT THEN EVERYONE DIED) had to ruin it all and kill my dad and give me a robot who likes to lock me inside my room. She also took over the BC CORP and said I'm her hairless but I'm going to bankrupt Critics United and prosper BC Corp ASAP when I become 18.

Last night I had a relay terrible dream. I was on a golden land called Prophet where apparently I and Jack live in our dreams. But then I saw... THE CARAPACES OF PRESTO CRYING! They said those things over and over like the Page is died and the hope is lost and they were carrying a coffin, so I looked inside and so... JACK LONDON DIED! I then woke up and was really sad that dream Jack was died and wanted to bother real Jack about it, but I couldn't, because he was still asleep, but then someone else talked to me. It was... URANIAN UMBRÆ!

- uranianUmbrae [UU] began cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

UU: hello again, janey.
GG: Hi, alien?
GG: Can you just tell me your name now?
UU: no.
UU: my bro woUld wank me horribly.
AN: Uranian Umbræ's like a British alien, okay?
GG: Awwww.
GG: Okay.
GG: I need you to do me a favour.
GG: You have time travel.
GG: Could you tell Jack that his dream self on Prophet dead?
UU: sUre!
UU: ok, told him.
UU: he's thinking what the bloody heil i didn't dream aboUt prophet.
GG: Then what was it?
UU: a spider alien.
UU: aranna serket.
GG: I no no Aranna, keep on going.
UU: he saw a glimpse of her and woke up.
GG: That's it?
GG: Disappointing.
GG: OK, fangs, bye.
UU: wait before yoU go.
UU: i have to tell yoU something aboUt the game.
GG: Sburb Alpha?
UU: yes.
UU: the pond is yoU're the made of life in it.
UU: which grants yoU some powers.
GG: So?
UU: imagine yoU coUld revive yoUrself oUt of nowhere.
UU: yoU'll see on prophet.
UU: bye!

- uranianUmbrae [UU] ceased cheering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

So now at least I new that the real Jack was alive, and all I needed was to get my game on. I tried to exit the door, but then saw it was... LOCKED! As a pretend hard-bald detective, I needed to figure out how to escape without breaking the window. I thought for a while when someone appeared. It was... GCAT! (AN: She's the first guardian of our planet, since she was made in an ectobibliology lab with the genes which give Marissa SPECIAL POWERS, so she's also powerful)

The next thing I know, I was already at the living room. There was a stuffed corpse of PoopUp, so I took his copy of Colonel Massacre's into my sillydex using my Recipe Modes and exited. Outside there was a mailbox with a flapping thingy delay up, so I tried to pick up the mail when there was an explosion and I died.

But then... I WOKE UP ON PROPHET EVEN AS A DIED! There was my different room and a Betty Crocket chess board and clouds of Skynet which told the past and the future and I very much liked dreaming on Prophet. But then I turned around and there was a black guy with a knife who stabbed me. Then everything turned black and I died again.

TO BE CONTINUED?

OH NO JANET IS DOUBLE DIED! WILL HER MADE OF LIFE POWERS WORK OR IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE AT THE SAVINGS? FIND OUT SOON!