The Midnight Hour
Boyd/Grace – It's late and Grace has something on her mind, post Breaking Glass.
Disclaimer – I own nothing, no infringement intended.
Rating – T for language.
Boyd nibbled gently along her jaw line and neck, but he sensed a reluctance in her that he was unsure of. "What's wrong?" He whispered the words into her ear as he continued to gently bite and suck on her earlobe.
"Nothing." She lied.
Still unhappy he pulled away. "Normally by now you'd have found something very naughty to do with those very beautiful lips of yours." He finished the sentence by kissing her lips, slowly.
"Nothing's wrong, I'm fine, this is fine." She moved her mouth to his neck and started to kiss down his chest, but he gently pushed her away.
"This doesn't feel right."
"Why doesn't it feel right?"
"You seem, well like you're just going through the motions."
"Well excuse me if I'm not rolling around the bed like a bloody porn star, maybe it's because I'm 65 years old and bloody tired, or maybe it's because I've spent the last week trying to understand the mind of a young man who was the victim of violent sexual abuse, or maybe I'm just not in the mood." She got out of bed and walked out of the bedroom, grabbing his discarded shirt on the way.
He waited a few minutes before pulling on his trousers and following her, he found her standing in the kitchen, looking out of the window and staring into the darkness. "What's wrong Grace?" He asked from the doorway.
"Nothing…everything." She replied without turning around.
"Are you saying you're not happy, with us I mean."
"I don't know."
"I'm just tired Peter, it's been a long and difficult week."
"It's been the same for me, it was a difficult case."
"It doesn't normally affect you like this."
"It always affects me like this, it's just that normally I come back to an empty house have a glass of wine, a bloody good cry and go to bed, you're not normally here."
"Do you want me to leave?"
"Does it ever occur to you that maybe I just want you to hold me, to feel the big strong arms of the man I love soothing me, and making it all feel better."
"You never said."
"Why do I need to say?"
"Oh I don't know, maybe because I'm not a bloody mind reader."
He heard her sniff, the only indication that she was crying. "Every time you stay over its the same, we discuss the case, we eat, go to bed, have sex, you fall asleep and get up at 6am to go home. We never just watch a movie together, or cuddle up on the sofa, you tell me you love me during sex yet you can barely even hold me afterwards."
"I do love you."
"Then why can you only tell me when you're about to climax?"
"I know I have issues Grace, I do, but I'm doing my best here."
"Issues? You're sixty years old and you can't tell me you love me unless we're in the heat of the moment, that's not an issue Peter it's a bloody nightmare."
"I can't help the way I am, it's the way I've always been, military boarding schools don't teach you how to show your emotions, they show you how to bury them, they teach you discipline and how to follow orders and stick to rules, but not how to show your emotions."
"You've had a bloody lifetime to change."
"Yeah, and a lifetime to remember, I'm not perfect, I know that, and I'm sorry if I haven't noticed what you need, but you've hardly been the greatest communicator in this relationship."
"Maybe I just wanted you to notice what I wanted, what I needed."
"Maybe I want to win the lottery, but if I don't buy a ticket it isn't going to happen."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means I'm sorry okay, if I've got this wrong and made mistakes then I'm sorry, I love you and I know I don't say it enough, but could you not just give me a hint every now and again, nudge me in the right direction if I'm going off course."
"If? If you've got this wrong?"
"Slip of the tongue Grace and to be fair, you don't usually mind when I slip you the tongue."
"Why does everything have to come back to that?"
"Come back to what?"
"Sex Peter, Sex! Do you know that we have sex every time you stay over, there hasn't been one occasion when we've spent the night together and not been physical?"
"There has, I'm sure there has."
"No there hasn't, I damn well know there hasn't."
"Is that what this is about, my sex drive?"
"I don't know."
"I'm not going to apologise for it Grace, I find you amazingly sexy, and yes, when I get into bed with you I want to do things that make me hot, sweaty and out of breath, so if that's a crime then I am guilty as charged. For god's sake is it wrong of me to be attracted to you?"
"Do you ever think about what I want?"
"I thought you wanted the same things I do, are you saying it isn't what you want?"
"I'm just tired Peter, maybe you should go home tonight, let me sleep on things."
"Sleep on what?"
"I don't think this is going to work out, we're too different."
"Bollocks, everything's been fine up to now, you've never said a word about this before, if you didn't want to have sex then why didn't you mention it, or just say not tonight, why wait till midnight to throw a hissy fit about it."
"Maybe I just wanted us to want the same things; I was trying too hard to make it work."
"So you don't think it's working?"
"I don't know."
"But you've never complained, I mean you always seem to enjoy it, when we make love I mean."
"Yeah well like I said, maybe I've been trying too hard to make you feel good."
"Are you saying you've been faking it?"
"No Peter, far be it from me to shatter your male pride."
"Well then what?"
"Like I said, I'm tired, I'm upset, I just need to sleep, so why don't you go back to your place."
"No, I'm not leaving you alone." He walked up to where she was standing, and took hold of her hand, pulling her into his arms. "Come here." He gently kissed the top of her head. "I'm an idiot, there I admit it. I'm a sex mad unemotional idiot who doesn't know how lucky he is to have found someone he loves, and I'm sorry."
Grace sighed and pulled out of his arms, she turned away from him before speaking. "It's me who should be sorry."
"Why should you be sorry?"
"Because this isn't about you or our sex life, it's about me."
"What do you mean?"
"I did something I shouldn't have, and I was ashamed, I guess starting an argument and getting you to walk out seemed like the easier option."
"Okay, now I'm really confused, what did you do?"
"You know I would never hurt you don't you?"
"Now I'm getting worried, conversations that start like that usually end up in goodbye."
"It just happened, I never planned it."
"Right, now you need to just spit it out because I am beginning to think all sorts."
"Last week after Alan and I went to visit Hugh Cullen, we went back to his place for a coffee, and to discuss the case."
"And something happened."
"Yeah I'm kind of getting that something happened, I just don't know what the hell it was, so how about you get to the fucking point."
"I don't want to lose you."
"Did you sleep with him, is that what you're trying to say, is all this because you have a guilty conscience?"
"I didn't sleep with him, it never went that far."
"But something happened?" Grace nodded her head, unable to look him in the eye. "What happened? Was it a kiss or something more? What the hell happened Grace?"
"It was more than a kiss, but we never slept together."
"Well thanks for nothing, I think I've heard all I need to hear, I'll be needing my shirt back." He turned and walked away from her.
"Peter wait, let me explain, please."
"Explain what, that he got his hand in your knickers? That you went down on him, what do you need to explain that I'm not already imagining?"
"It never went that far, it was just a bit more than a kiss but I swear nothing like that happened."
"I want my shirt, I'm leaving."
"No please don't go, stay."
"Does the word trust mean anything to you, because if I can't trust you then we have no future?"
"You can trust me; I can't lie to you, that's why I'm telling you now."
"Go back to Alan; he can have you, because I sure as hell don't want you."
"Please don't say that, I love you, and I want to be with you."
"Then why the hell did you let something happen between you and him?"
"It just happened, he went to kiss me goodbye and I turned the same way, we ended up kissing on the lips, and then it just happened."
"Really, and how would you feel if that was me and Frankie, would you feel like forgiving me?" Grace looked away, unable to answer him. "Exactly, so now you know how I feel."
"But I'm in love with you, not him."
"Then why the hell didn't you slap him around the face and walk out?"
"I don't know, I honestly don't know."
"Are you attracted to him?"
"No. Peter it was just a moment of madness, it shouldn't have happened, but it did and I can't turn back time, all I can do is be honest with you and hope that you can forgive me. So can you?"
"Honestly? I don't know, at the moment I just feel angry, and like I've been made a fool of."
"Please don't leave?"
"Oh so you expect me to just climb back into your bed after this revelation, do you?"
"I don't know what I expect; I just can't live with this on my conscience."
"What exactly happened?"
"I've told you."
"No, you said a bit more than a kiss, but you didn't have sex with him, I want to know how far it went."
"We just kissed and touched, nothing more."
"Were you undressed?"
"Care to elaborate on that?"
"I had my top off, okay, for god's sake do you really need to do this?"
"Yeah, I want to know every fucking detail of what you did, and then I'm going to find Alan Macintosh and beat him to a fucking pulp."
"And what will that achieve?"
"For him, hopefully a couple of missing teeth and broken ribs, and for me, retribution."
"Oh grow up Peter."
"Who stopped it?"
"Who stopped it going any further, you or him?"
"It was me."
"Why did you stop it?"
"Isn't that obvious?"
"Not to a dumb copper like me."
"Because I'm in love with you. I don't know why it happened; I just know it did, and that I'm sorry."
"How do I know it won't happen again?"
"Because I won't be seeing Alan again, not in any capacity."
"Maybe next time it'll be someone else."
"You know I'm not like that, I love you, I'm happy with you, but in a moment of stupidity I made a mistake, it will not happen again, with him or anyone else. Forgive me Peter, please?"
"I don't know if I can, of all the ways you could have hurt me, this is the worst."
"I know." Grace said the words in a hushed tone; she put her hand on his arm. "Stay, please?"
He brushed her hand off his arm sharply. "I'll sleep on the sofa tonight."
"And will you still be here in the morning?"
"I don't know, not if I'm honest, the only thing I know for sure is that I love you, I guess we'll just have to take it one day at a time for the moment."
"I do love you Peter and I never meant to hurt you."
He didn't respond, he just turned and walked away from her, quietly closing the lounge door behind him.