She gave herself a satisfied smirk as she admired herself in her bedroom mirror, proud of her work. Her eyelashes were naturally long, and since they were coated with mascara, it increased their length. Her eyeshadow was dark and smokey, making her cerulean eyes stand out even more than they usually did. Lipgloss helped her lips look even more pouty, which was a definite yes for her.
Her Mama, who was away with her little brother and jii-chan for the weekend, had told her that she didn't need much makeup, that she should embrace her natural beauty. Sure, Kagome believed that, too, but tonight was special. Very special.
Her hair, so dark that it almost seemed blue in bright lighting, fell to her back in a mass of curls. She gave herself a nervous smile before moving away from the mirror to make sure that her room was set up perfectly.
Soft jazz music played in the background, something that relaxed her. She had lit candles to make things seem more romantic. Her nerves were off the charts, her palms starting to sweat as she awaited his arrival.
It had been months since she'd seen Inuyasha. What he'd been up to, she wasn't sure. The thought of him being with another woman made her heart beat rapidly in disappointment and hurt. She remembered the feeling. She was accustomed to it, even though she wasn't supposed to be. She wasn't his woman. He wasn't her man. But still, he was constantly reminding her that she was his, no one else's. And she didn't have a say. But she didn't think she minded. And maybe for that, some would call her a masochistic, but if any woman spent enough time with him, they'd understand.
But still, whatever she felt for him, she had never once classified it as love. A strong attraction and that was all. Whenever her conscious reminded her she was lying to herself, spitting out reasons like 'why do you wait, then' or 'why does he have a key to the house, then' or why she continued to let him disappoint and hurt her, she pushed all of those thoughts away and buried them, but the thing was, they kept digging up their graves. Sometimes, she wondered why she kept doing this to herself.
He made her feel things that she'd never felt before with other men. She'd had her few share of boyfriends, and sex was something she needed, something she craved for ever since Inuyasha had gave her a taste of what it felt like to be so full, so crazily aroused.
And three years laters, at the ripe age of twenty-one, she still couldn't control her feelings for the damn man. He'd taken her virginity and her first kiss, two important things that were supposed to be given to someone that you were serious about. But Inuyasha wasn't serious about any of that. She'd remained innocent since she was eighteen, while Inuyasha started drugs at fourteen and lost all of his innocence at thirteen. He'd told her. She'd been disgusted and he had laughed at her, calling her impeccable. That had hurt more than anything, and she had denied it with her mouth and back then, with sweating palms, a little determination, courage and a wildly beating heart, she had denied with her body, too. She showed him that she could be the kind of girl that he wanted.
But he had fucked her and took her most important possession that she had meant to give to someone that loved her back, or at least liked her back, but he left her upset and wondering what was wrong with her body, her face, her everything, when he had told her that she couldn't be one of those girls that were lined up for him. And instantly, she knew that to be one of those girls, she'd have to be a fast one that learned from cigarette burns, motorcycles and fast cars and cheap liquor and experience with men, and she had to be gorgeous. She wasn't one of those girls. She had never even been around smoke, and if she was, by some chance, she coughed when someone lit one up. She was terrified of motorcycles, and any old, jacked up car was good enough for her. She didn't care. She'd tried beer once at the age of thirteen when she was mad at the world, and the taste was enough to make her puke and she didn't like the burning trail it left on her throat. Her lips were still virgin back then and she didn't know the first thing about boys and she knew of sex, but she also knew that she'd wait. And she wasn't gorgeous. She looked at gorgeous girl with pure envy in her cerulean eyes.
But now, her body belonged soley to him. He reminded her of that every time since he had smelled another man on her. But what he didn't know was that she was still exploring. Still trying men to see if they could give her the connection that she shared with the half-demon. None could. They tried, they begged her not to leave. But either way, she always found herself back in Inuyasha's arms. Sometimes hoping he could smell another male on her, so he could give her those butterflies that filled her stomach full whenever he got possessive, whenever he bit his lip after his eyes flashed from gold to red. She liked to see him hurt just as she felt. It gave her hope in the most masochistic way.
He was a half-demon who thought drugs could ease away the pain he felt when he had gotten his heart broke for the first time by Kikyo. But it was stupid. He continued to let her hurt him when she opened her legs for other men. And it hurt Kagome, too. It hurt her a lot to see him so in love and so broken at the same time.
But still, Kikyo opened her legs for him, too. And then, she showed him, by harsh words and actions, that he wasn't good enough. Kagome reminded him that she loved-well...liked...every side of him. She never showed him love. She never admitted what she felt was love, and she wouldn't.
She was so deep in her thoughts that she jumped when from the corner of her eye, she saw a figure enter. But then, realization ran through her and her heart started to beat faster and she smiled, quickly standing to her feet.
She had never been so happy to see him. Well, actually, she had. Sometimes, he was gone longer than just two months. It always killed her and made her look for comfort that she couldn't find in other men.
No words were spoken as he walked over to her with urgency and lust in his eyes, pushed her against the wall, meshing his lips hard with hers. She whimpered as his fangs grazed across her bottom lip. She returned it by sliding her tongue into his mouth and wrapping her legs tight around his waist.
God, she had missed him. He would have to be crazy if somewhere in the back of his mind, he was thinking she would say it.
Instead, she pulled away, panting as she spoke. "Fuck me, Inuyasha."
His breath came across her cheek in heavy pants. But he was complying as always, killing her as always.
And then, he started kissing her neck while his talented, experienced hands slipped slowly up her shirt. He groaned as he cupped her breasts roughly to find that just for him, she wasn't wearing a bra.
"No bra, Gome?" he asked her, amusement in his eyes as she moaned, wrapping her legs tighter around his waist. "Who else has seen you like this?"
"No one," she panted out, her lips brushing against his. "Only you."
She was too busy kissing his neck, relishing in the fact that she could feel his dick hard against her belly, but she could also feel him smirking. He liked to think that while he was away, riding with his boys and getting too drunk and sleeping with older women, that there was no other man that she got intimate with. But she knew that he knew different. That was not the case. Maybe they didn't make her feel like he did, but she'd learned to draw a map around her loneliness, deal with it, and not pull Inuyasha in.
In just milliseconds, she was a big pile of goo, melting into him and losing herself, completely unaware with how vocal she was being as he rubbed her wetness through her thong. And when he slipped two fingers inside of her, he almost had her seeing stars right there, her back pressed against the wall of her bedroom with the soft sound of jazz music.
One hand massaged her breast and his other hand was busy stroking her clit, almost making her scream. And just seconds later, she did scream, releasing all over his hand as he smirked proudly at her trembling figure. He held her there until she recovered, finally came down from the high he was so good at causing.
She snuggled into him as he kissed her neck. His body was hot and hard against hers, his dick throbbing in his pants. But right now, no matter how much she wanted to be fucked by him, being this close to him felt too good. She knew that she had to enjoy moments like this as much as possible, because he'd stay for just about two weeks, fuck her senseless, and then, he was on the road again with his buddies, meeting woman that were much more gorgeous than her and taking them to cheap hotel rooms.
His tongue licked across her sensitive neck languidly, and she moaned softly, burying her face into his shoulder and inhaling his scent. He smelled of all male, of rain and shaving cream. But much to her dismay, there was another scent on him.
She had met Kikyo a few times. Sometimes, he'd bring her back and when he thought she looked too jealous, he'd pull her into seclusion and angrily whisper to her that they were nothing more, and that him and Kikyo were nothing more than friends. So it was odd for her when he didn't explain to her exactly what they were, and she found it odd that also, he'd sometimes be reeking of her signature perfume.
Kikyo was a model. A stunning, skinny one at that. Even with makeup, Kagome knew she wasn't stunning. Inuyasha told her he loved her body, as did other men, but her body wasn't better than Kikyo's. She didn't smell as sweet and she didn't wear that familiar scent of expensive perfume. And Kikyo was a whopping twenty six, five years older than Kagome and three years older than Inuyasha and so successful while Kagome was twenty one and still living with her mother.
So maybe that's why jealousy overtook her whole body when she smelled the scent on him, as if Kikyo was the first person to get a taste of him when he had come back. Most of the time, her heart would drop and her spirit would dampen while she tried not to show him her anger, her hurt, her jealousy.
But this time, it showed badly.
She pulled away, looking at him with hurt in her eyes. He looked up, confused and still aroused when he felt her fighting against him. She unhooked her legs from his waist with ease, and he was angry, too. Angry and hot and aroused and so fucking mad he wasn't getting what he had been waiting for.
He felt her punch at his chest, the smell of her tears making him angrier. "Get the fuck off of me."
He was surprised when she pushed him with all her strength. He hadn't been expecting that, so he backed away and watched her as she adjusted her short, denim skirt and pulled her shirt down so that it covered her tight belly. He watched her do all of these things, her eyes threatening to spill the tears she was holding back.
He growled at her, warning her that she was playing with fire. She paid no attention to him. And it hurt.
She gave him a glare, her body shaking with anger. "Where's your shit? I know you thought you were staying. But you know what?" she spat. "Fuck that. Get all of your shit together and go hop on that damn death contraption of yours and get the fuck out of here. Go stay with Miroku and Sango if Sango even allows it. Or go back and fuck her some more, let her break you some more. And when I say get all of your shit, I mean everything. I mean the t-shirts you let me sleep in," she said, sounding disgusted, "all of everything else you've got in this room, the bathroom, and Souta's room."
For a while, he looked at her like she was crazy, not knowing what to say, not knowing what he did to make the pain in those cerulean eyes so visible. And as a result for him not saying anything, Kagomde growled and pushed by him harshly, swinging open the closet door as she choked back sobs.
Of course she was serious as she said these things. But she was even more hurt than she usually was. She wanted him to at least stay longer this time. She didn't want to smell another woman on him. She didn't want to know he was with another woman. Kikyo was gorgeous, and while he kissed and stroked her to a high, she was probably in his head while she thought it was only her. What a fucking idiot she was, dressing up for him, wanting him, fucking waiting for him over and over again. She wanted nothing more than to smash his face in, now. So, he'd made her come plenty of times before. It didn't make him a god. It didn't make him have the right to fuck with her feelings so badly.
She was throwing all of the things he had packed in her closet on the floor. And when she was sure that all of the shit from her closet was gone, she began under her bed. And somewhere in the middle of her anger, her sadness took over and tears spilled, making her whole form shake as mascara trailed down her cheeks.
He finally snapped out of whatever surprise he was feeling because suddenly, his mind was reeling as he grabbed her hand and jerked her up from the floor, pulling her close to him so she could hear the low, dangerous rumbling that made his chest tremble. "What the fuck did I do now, bitch, huh?" He all but roared into her ear.
It was like somebody had set fire to the ocean of her eyes. And then, she was gasping and pushing away, panting as she hit him because she could, because she needed to show him the shit he was so unaware of.
"What you fucking did over and over again is coming back to me! Get the fuck away and I'm fucking serious, Inuyasha, don't come back!" she spat, angry tears spilling from her eyes. He didn't understand what he'd did to hurt her so much, but he would find out.
"If you want me to get my shit together and leave so bad, then why were you so fucking ready to be fucked earlier, Kagome?" he spat, taking a step away from her. Her hurt eyes and figure that was shaking from anger scared him. "Why the fuck are you acting like this, bitch? What the fuck's gotten into you tonight?"
That was it. She grabbed onto the nearest object she could find, which was her hair brush, chucking it at his head without any hesitation.
She didn't wait for a response as she began to walk off to the bathroom to throw some more of his shit around so she wouldn't have to see it anymore, so when he was gone for good, he wouldn't be a reminder of what she couldn't ever have.
"You fucking crazy bitch!" she heard him yell.
She heard angry footsteps behind her, and before she could even take the time to turn around, to shove him away once more, she was being shoved into the bathroom wall, his hard body pressed roughly against hers. She let out a pained whimper as she felt pain in her back, and Inuyasha's eyes softened for just a moment with concern. But when she was glaring at him again, panting and fighting against him, his eyes flickered to red and then quickly changed back to gold.
"Inuyasha, if you don't get the fuck off of me-" she tried to threaten him, but it was finished by a gasp when she felt his sharp claws digging into the sensitive flesh of her arm.
"Don't even count on it, bitch. Slap me. Punch me. Kick at me. Push me down and see how long I'll stay down." He growled in he ear, and she calmed down just a little, more tears spilling out of her eyes.
Her voice was as broken as he'd ever heard it. "Inuyasha, I don't want you here anymore."
If he was to tell her how much she was hurting him right now, he knew she wouldn't believe it. Of course she wouldn't. "Kagome, you're acting fucking delirious." He whispered in her ear, and he knew he was just making everything worse, but he couldn't help it. He just wanted to understand why she was saying the things she was. He couldn't stand seeing her like this, he couldn't stand the fact that he was the cause of her pain.
"God, fuck you!" she spat out, her voice venemous and deadly. "If you love her so much, then you should be with her right now, not with me!"
He'd had enough. "Who the fuck do I love so much then? Can you please just fucking inform me? Cause last time I checked, I didn't love anyone!"
She thrashed in his arms at that statement, showing him all of her anger, showing him all of the fierceness that he knew she'd always had in her. He had always liked that about her, he'd always loved how different she was, how quiet she was until she lost herself. But right now, he felt himself hating it.
"Fucking liar," she panted, completely worn from all her thrashing and fighting.
He exhaled through his nose harshly, anger driving him mad. But he didn't want to hurt her. Not anymore, which was why he came back to her.
Feelings were always a confusing thing for him. He'd never understood how people stated they were in love so quickly. He knew drugs were quick and he knew woman were fast. He never had the time to catch feelings or get confused by them. But when he was with Kagome, inside of her and listening to the sounds she made for him, or even when they were holding hands, when she smiled so beautifully at him or even when they were cuddling in the afterglow of their sex, it was a whole new world for him. A world that was so much better than the world he'd had with the girl he gave his heart to a long time ago, and it scared the shit out of him. That's why he had always went away. That's why he tried to feel better by using women. But for some reason, he'd always found himself come crawling back to Kagome.
"Kagome-" he started, only to be interrupted by her.
She wore a nasty smirk on her face as she spoke, and he shivered. "How would it feel for you to know that I fuck other guys, too? While you're out fucking Kikyo or any other woman better than me, just know that I'm having my fun, too."
As soon as the words escaped her mouth, she knew she was lying. She wasnt having fun when she was out with other men. Because any man she even tried to look at, she always knew she would be looking for the same feeling Inuyasha gave her, always looking for a small piece of him in every one of those other guys.
She knew that she wasn't his woman and he wasn't her man and that they still fucked like it was the end of the world. It hurt.
She looked into his eyes, watching them flash from gold to red, gold to red. She bit her lip and let the guilt overtake her, let more tears spill from her eyes. She'd hurt him. She had wanted to, but now, she realized it wasn't fun. Why should she try to make him feel what she felt when the feeling nearly drove her insane?
She watched him intently as his eyes went red once more and then, he bit his lip hard, keeping himself from exploding. He felt his face heat up, and he was sure that if his eyes weren't flashing red, they had to be darkened. Slowly, he pulled away from her. He didn't mean to sound so weak, but his voice was hoarse and raspy, raw with too many emotions for his liking. "Who?"
He knew if he hadn't stepped away, he'd seriously hurt her. He was regretting coming, now. If he would've stayed on the rode, staying at cheap hotels and drowning away his feelings with cheep liquor, he wouldn't be feeling so fucking hurt and crazed at the same time. If he would've just tried harder to forget her acceptance for him, the way she sounded when she laughed, how perfect her body was with his, how beautiful she was when she gave him a genuine smile, and all of the good times they had, and how she'd helped him to recover, to forget about the bitch who'd destroyed his heart.
He watched in amazement when she wiped her tears away and fell to the floor. "I don't remember. All I remember is you in my head the whole time."
She was telling the truth, he knew that. But it was just the fact that another man had saw what belonged to him, had saw what only he was supposed to see. They had felt what it was like to be inside of her. Something that only he was supposed to feel. They'd kissed the lips that he'd kissed so many times, and he knew he had no right to feel jealousy pumping through his veins wildly, feeding his demon so that it was speaking to him, tempting him to show her that she belonged to no one but him.
Slowly, he sank down on the floor beside of her while she cried. He didn't say he was sorry for all those other times he slept with women he could never compare to her. He didn't comfort her. He closed his eyes and fought his demon away, simply because he wanted no more arguing, because he knew that they were already fucked up enough.
"You should leave," she said, not raising her head to look at him. He was glad she didn't, because if she did, she would see hurt, glossy, amber eyes that threatened to spill liquid, a lip that was enduring a harsh bite causing blood. She would see everything. He would be completely naked, the feelings he'd fought back suddenly on display.
"I really didn't want to leave. This time, I wanted to stay. I wanted to let you know that I was missing you too much," her head snapped up to him, and he bit his lip harder. "Did you love them? Any of them? Did you smile at them the way you smile at me? Make them feel as good as you make me feel?"
Her eyes were wide at the display of emotions. For a while, she didn't say anything and she looked away.
He was upset. Upset as he'd ever been. And the thought of another man buried deep inside of her, the thought of another man kissing her, touching her, making her come, made his blood boil. He stood to his feet, preparing to walk away and not come back. But he felt her grab his hand, felt her pull him back.
She looked at him, her gaze intense before giving him a small, unhappy, fucked-up-in-her-own-way smile.
He pulled her close, just because he could. Just because he wanted to and buried his nose into her neck, his breath uneven and his long, silver hair tickling her skin. "I was so excited to see you. It was the only thing I could think about the night before. It was dark and cold out and she was walking alone. I gave her a ride to her apartment and she wanted me to come in. You know how persistent she can be, Kagome. She kissed me. And for a while, I was froze. She came onto me hard and I knew what she wanted and I said no. I don't love her anymore." He told her these things gently, an apology hidden beneath his words.
"What about all of those other times, Yash? Huh? What about all of those other times you came back covered in her perfume?" She asked softly, shutting her eyes tightly.
She felt his hand cup her cheek. "Do you ever think about mistakes and regrets, Kagome?"
"All the time," she answered. He knew what she meant and he groaned, pressing his lips against hers.
She was forgiving him. And he was forgiving her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body close to his. Slowly, she pulled away, grabbing his hand and leading him to her room.
Candles were still lit and the jazz was still playing. She kissed him deeply, tasting blood on his lips and the natural taste he held. He always tasted like sunshine and war and spice. She liked that about him, found it extremely sexy.
She fell back onto the bed, intentionally pulling him down on top of her. He kissed her still, never breaking the kiss, his tongue flicking wild against hers, and catching her lucious lip with his teeth carefully, sucking on it and making her moan and push up into him. She pulled his shirt off, her hands roaming up his chest, making his muscles twitch underneath her fingertips. He groaned, briefly pulling away from the vixen underneath him because he knew he wanted to tell her, because he knew he wouldn't be able to stand it if she left him, if she let another man touch her just because of her frustration towards him.
"Kagome," he whispered in her ear, smirking as he felt her shiver beneath him and roll her hips against his. He liked looking at her like this, seeing her like this for him instead if someone else. And like this, her lips swollen and the hair she'd fixed up for him unraveling, her cheeks flushed and the sweet olfactory of arousal she carried made her even more gorgeous than she was before. "Kagome, I missed you. I missed you so much," his voice was heavy and raspy as he spoke, as his hands glided under her shirt to cup her breasts. "And tonight, I wanted it to be the last night you would..." feelings were getting ahold of him, and he knew he sounded like a pussy, but at the time, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but her, always her. "...I wanted it to be the last night you'd spend alone or with some other bastard who isn't me." He growled out that last part, not wanting to believe it was substantial, but it was and it was a result of how much he'd hurt her.
Her eyes opened up wide, the color of the brightest, liveliest ocean focused nervously on his amber ones that spoke nothing but the truth. She looked like she was about to cry again, and for a split second, he got the silly idea that she'd be too repulsed to stay, and that hurt him. But he came to senses. If she was disgusted, then right now, she wouldn't be giving him that beautiful smile that showed perfect teeth and made the end of her eyes crinkle slightly. She wouldn't be smelling of pure, unadulterated arousal and her eyes wouldn't be so full of all the things he needed to see.
He loved her. He really, really, fucking loved her. The kind of love that he heard all of his friends talk about. The kind of love Kouga felt when he talked about Ayame, the kind Miroku felt whenever he was near Sango, the kind of love that his half brother, Sesshomaru, who he claimed to hate but didn't exactly, felt when he looked at Rin.
And he hated the fact that he hadn't noticed, that he'd pushed it away for the longest time. He absolutely couldn't stand it. He had denied and denied, using Kikyo along with other woman to push it away. He went away so many times because after the couple of weeks he did spend with her, he'd find the feeling getting worse and worse. But in the end, he never knew why he kept coming back to her time and time again. He told himself it was only because the sex was good, and even though it was amazing, it was more than that.
"I love you, idiot," Kagome told him, surprise in her voice and the smile gone. His eyes widened. She gasped and looked at him, her eyes intense.
"Fuck. Inuyasha Takahashi, I really fucking love you."
She was open about it. She didn't care if she sounded like an idiot. If he was here to stay, and if her bed wasn't empty tomorrow and she spent all day with him instead of just nights, he would know the truth. "Do you love me, Yash?" She asked, her voice quiet.
"I've always loved you, wench. Ever wondered why I kept coming back, over and over again?" He asked, his voice dead serious.
But she was hurting again. "What about those other women, Yash? The ones who're so much better than me and models were perfect bodies? What about Kikyo?"
"And what about those other men, Kagome? I love you and I've never been so serious. I came back because being away got to be too much. I wasn't expecting this at all. But I couldn't stay away. You were the only home I've ever known. When Kikyo told me I wasn't enough, I found you and you made me feel perfect. You loved my human, Inu-youkai, and my full youkai. You loved everything about me and you healed everything broken and it fucking scared me."
She wouldn't cry. And the happy tears that escaped anyway as she looked at him, she wiped them away and smiled, throwing her arms around him. "I love you, too, baka. I always have, I just didn't know what to do with it so I tried to push it away." She kissed him again. "Thank you, Inuyasha."
He wasn't sure what she was thanking him for, but he was too tired, too worn to go into it. She knew that he loved her, and now, he also knew it, too. So he pulled her into his arms, his eyelids heavy with exhaustion. She pressed her cheek against his, closing her eyes before moving to lie on his chest.
He was almost sleep when he heard her speak. "Inuyasha, let's take it slow."
He smiled to himself, not answering her because he knew that she already knew. Of course they'd take things slow. After all, they had the rest of their lives.
And with her by his side, he knew it wasn't just the rest of their lives. It was forever.
A/N: Some shit I came up with at 3:00 in the morning on my iPod. It's not getting edited and revised, because I honestly don't give a fuck. It was just a hint of inspiration I couldn't let slip. Reviews would be lovely, but if that's a no, I'll be okay. (