Title: Shutting Up Barkovitch

Word Count: 517

Summary: Shutting up Barkovitch is a hard task. Luckily, Collie Parker knows just how to do it.


Peter McVries sighed and glared at the back of Barkovitch's head. The killer was quite far ahead of him, but he could still hear him. God, would he ever learn to just shut up?

"Why're you so pissed?"

McVries glanced up. Collie Parker – who, in retrospect, really was no better than Barkovitch – was looking at him curiously. McVries sighed. "It's that goddam Barkovitch. He just won't shut up."

Parker snorted. "Yeah? You've got times when you won't shut up. 'Course, you generally say things that matter."

"Of course! All he's doing – hell, I don't even know what he's doing."

"Giving me a headache, that's what he's doing," Abraham said, popping into their conversation.

Parker laughed, then pulled a roll of duct tape out of his pack.

"Seriously, Parker?" McVries asked, rolling his eyes. Raw hamburger was one thing – you actually got some use out of that. But duct tape?

"Mmhm," Parker said, biting off a strip. "Wish me luck."

"He's not going to…" Abraham gasped. He sounded almost in awe of the blond that was sauntering up to Barkovitch. McVries grinned.

"He is. C'mon, let's move closer."

"Hey, Barkovitch!"

Barkovitch jumped, looking wary. "What do you want, Dumbo?"

McVries and Abraham were only a few feet behind them now. Parker chuckled.

"You're fucking annoying, have you been told?" And with that, he reached around the shorter boy's head and slapped the tape over his mouth. Parker grinned and smoothed it down. "There. That's better."

"Warning. Warning, seventy-three."

Parker cheerfully gave the soldiers the finger and dropped back. "Knew I'd get some use outta that."

Abraham was laughing so hard he nearly drew a warning. "You're a- you're a genius," he said, swallowing the last of his laughter.

Parker grinned. "Look at the little prick," he said. Barkovitch was trying to pick the tape off of his face, letting out a muffled squeak every now or then.

Eventually he got it off and began running his mouth again. McVries sighed. "Well, it was nice while it lasted," he said. "I don't suppose…"

"Fuck no," Parker said. He was walking with two warnings. "I've got another idea – dunno if it'll give me a warning, but it seems a bit more… permanent."

McVries just looked at him. "Go for it."

Parker made his way toward Barkovitch who, upon seeing him, sped up. Parker caught up to him nonetheless.

"Hey, Barkovitch."

Barkovitch looked for the tape, saw none, and muttered a hello. Parker grinned and laid a hando n his shoulder. Barkovitch flinched away.

"Hey, look at me. Oh, and don't stop walking."

"Wasn't planning on it."

"Just warning you about my ruggedly handsome – there you go," Parker said, and, before anyone had time to react, he kissed Barkovitch.

Barkovitch stumbled, but didn't stop walking. Once Parker let go of him, he took off, not saying a word.

Parker, with his newly acquired third warning – the soldiers hadn't been sure whether to give him one, but decided on it anyway, kissing was interference, after all – waited for them to catch up.

Abe was laughing again.

"Why?" McVries asked. Parker just grinned.


Yes, I just wrote a Parkovitch from McVries's POV.

I liked it. :3 This is probably the only happy – if you forget that everyone who stars in it is all dead – Long Walk oneshot I've written.

But, uh, yeah. :3