Disclaimer: I don't own Mario, and the name "Ashley" actually comes from Disney's Recess.
Author's Notes: I wrote this two years ago (in the summer of 2010) for a "bad fanfiction" contest on another website (I came in second out of five entries), but since I was in the middle of writing Super Koopa World, I wanted to wait to publish anything else, especially a silly parody piece. Then I forgot about the story entirely, until the other day when I was backing stuff up, so I figured I should actually publish it this time, before I forget again.
This is meant as a light-hearted parody of stuff that seemed to pop up in fanfics on a regular basis, in my experience (as of 2010). I mean no offense to anyone with this, and I didn't have any specific authors in mind when I went about my writing. This is just meant to be for fun, and I hope you guys like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Mario but I really wish I did!
Author's Notes: This is a fun story I wrote, but it has some themes people might find offensive, like slash and incest and CRACK PAIRINGS, so if you don't like that stuff don't read it. And no flames, but please review!
The Mushroom Kingdom Adventure
One day I was playing my Super Mario Bros. videogame when suddenly the characters on the screen started talking instead of just moving around and stomping on each other. They said: "Oh, Ashley, you are such a good player - we wish you could help us fight Bowser fore real!" And I said "What? Are you talking to me, Mario and Luigi?" And they said "Yes, we-a-are." "We love you" "I want to help you too!" I said, and I dove into the TV screen.
I fell through space, but really slowly like I was falling through water, only I wasn't wet, but surrounded by warm air. Then I landed in a grassy meadow, and I called "Hey Mario and Luigi, where are you? I'm here to help you stop Bowser!"
Then Mario appeared over a hill and walked over to me. He was short, but so am I so we were the same height, and I could get a good look at him: he was very muscular except for his belly, but that was okay because I thought he was SOOO cute! His moustache was as luxurious as everyone in the games says it is, and his sideburns were nice too, even though no one really talks about those - and they were sorta a different colour than the moustache. But his eyes were his best part (besides his cute round nose): they were big and shone like magical sapphires as he smiled at me and said "Hello Ashley, I'm glad you could come!"
"I'm glad too," I said "Where are we? Are we in World 1-1?" Mario explained "There are no levels in the real Mushroom Kingdom - that's all just a ruse we use to get people to play out game, so we can check to see if they're good enough to help us fight Bowser." "Oh I see now" I said, nodding. "That's really smart" "Thank-a-you, Princess Ashley," smiled Mario. "But I'm not a princess!" I said, shocked, "Yes, you are!" said Mario, just look in that mirror!"
So I looked in the mirror and saw that I was wearing a beautiful pink and purple dress. But unlike Princess Peach's dress, this one was nice and form-fitting, and it made me look very pretty. I had jewelry too: big earings shaped like half-moons, and a brooch that wasn't just one colour, but many, all shining together magically! And best of all was the pretty golden tiara atop my long, brown hair. Using a hand clothed in a delicate silk glove, I raised the dress a little and looked at my shoes. I was expecting them to be crystal like Cinderella's, but they were a sensible low-rise pair of leather boots!
"That's so you can-a-fight Bowser!" said Mario "We-a-know you like to-a-dress beautifully yet sensibly, which is-a-part of the reason we-a-chose you to-a-help us!" "Oh my," I said blushing, but then I remembered about Peach. "But what about Princess Peach? How can I be a princess too?" "She's a Princess just like you - she was a beta tester, and Bowser captured her using a glitch before we were able to perfect the game." "Oh dear!" "Yes, it was very sad, and now we must rescue her as well as stop Bowser!" "That's so brave of you!" "It's what I do," said Mario humbly. "Your so sweet!" I said, making him blush.
Then Luigi came. "Oh, hello-a-Princess Ashley!" "Hi!" I giggled, shaking his hand: Luigi was even CUTER than Mario! He was tall and lean, and I could feel the muscles in his hand - ready to fight Bowser and save the world! But best of all were his eyes: looking into them, I felt like I was looking into an ocean that ran so deep. "Oh yes, I forgot to-a-properly greet you!" Mario reached forward and grabbed my other hand, but instead of shaking it, he kissed it; the hairs of his moustache tickling my skin. "Oh yes!" said Luigi, doing the same, and his own, shorter yet softer hairs tickled my other hand. And we stood there for a moment, the two hunky and very cute plumbers tenderly caressing the backs of my hands with their lips, when suddenly Bowser appeared!
"Ra ha ha ha! I'm here to KILL YOU, Mario!" "NO YOU WON'T!" yelled Mario, looking up yet not releasing my hand, as did Luigi who yelled a bit more quietly than his brother (but it was still pretty loud) "We Will Defeat You!" "DIE YOU HORRIBLE MONSTER!" I screamed, and a wave of energy filled the three of us, carrying us into the air. Bowser spat fire at us but he missed sand we threw fire at him and we hit him! "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" he said "I WON'T BE DEFEATED!" "YES YOU WILL BE!" I commanded and used my secret weapon: my rainbow brooch let out a beam of energy that was blinding, and Bowser screamed as it made him disappear into thin air!
"You did it!" said Mario, squeezing my hand. "Oh yes!" said Luigi, squeezing my other hand as we floated to the ground. Peach ran up to us, but I could tell it was with some difficulty because her shoes weren't sensible like mine, and she said "Oh, thank you! You have saved this kingdom, Princess Ashley!" "It was the least I could do after all the fun I've had playing the games!" I smiled. Mario smiled at me, "you are so generous!" he said, "I have a confession... I love you!" he said. "What?" I gasped. "Will you marry me?" "Yes! I love you too!" I cried, and we hugged. But then I said, "but what about Luigi? I don't want him to be alone..." "That's okay," said Luigi "I'm in a relationship with Link." Then Link was there and the two cute men kissed, and hugged while the rest of us watched and smiled!
(See, I told you there was a CRACK PAIRING! XD XD XD
"So was your game a ruse too? Did you need saving from Gannondorf?" I asked Link. "No, because our beta tester Princess Zelda stopped Gannondorf, but it was such a good story we decided to make the game anyway for the people of Earth to enjoy!" "That's very generous of you!" I said and I then turned to Mario "I hope we still make more Mario games even though Bowser is defeated because they are very fun too!" "Oh yes, of course we will, my love!" said Mario, hugging me. "I'm so happy!" I said, hugging him back.
And so I lived happily with Mario in the Mushroom Kingdom as King and Queen. Luigi and Link got married too, and we often visited them and had many adventures.
The End (or is it?)
A/N: Yay! Wow, this is my longest ever fanfic! Did you catch the clever reference I made to that Mario anime about the TV? Well, anyway, please review XD But no flames, haha!