I swear it's all I see nowadays.
The days where I use to see a bright blue ocean of care and gentleness are almost seemingly gone.
A lifetime gone.
This war has changed him; it's changed us all no doubt.
Everyone seems so tired now, looking as though the life is slowly being drained out of them. You see the same look everywhere, from the senate to the Jedi order, even the civilians on both sides.
No one is profiting from this war and I can be sure as hell when I claim this, and yet the fighting still continues. From working in the senate I know that the republic is in the hole, and there is definitely no light seen from where we're standing that's for sure. But… someone is profiting from this war, and I know exactly who, in some twisted way he's profiting from it. The worst part about knowing? I can't tell a soul, no one can know, the republic will have to figure out their life altering mistake. And by then it will be too late.
I see Anakin every day, I always do. Even if it's over a hologram I make sure I see his face, I make sure because it keeps me going, it keeps me fighting the fight, the fight for our lives. I make sure to see him because of his eyes, because in his eyes you see something embedded deep within that soft blue, something that's hard to come across these days. It's a spark, a spark that proves he won't stop fighting for a moment, that he knows what right… or his definition of right anyway (which can sometimes [often] be wrong.)
It's a spark that shows he is still the same kind hearted, caring Annie I met all those years ago on Tatooine, and still through those years of training to be Jedi knights. The order may have changed Anakin to something wiser than what he could have ended up being, but he's still hot headed, and arrogant… and still loved in a way by so many.
The spark has changed since the early days… especially after Geonosis; I could see it, so did Obi-Wan. He's asked a few times, I know because I saw it in Anakin's mind as he contemplates what our master has said on numerous occasions afterword, and yet Anakin would either lash out or wriggle his way out of those conversations. He always found a way out. Of course, it was Anakin, he would always find a way out of something he didn't want to do or talk about.
Then I would ask him, quietly and calmly. He would always get mad at first, but after being reminded that no, Obi-Wan did not set me up to this and hey, you do the exact same thing to me! he starts to talk. He'll talk quietly the entire time with his head hung low, telling me what's wrong and so many other things, it's at these times that he looks like the rest of us; broken and defeated. But I know the spark is still there, it always has been, and always will be.
That's off the battlefield though, when he's on the battlefield… oh Anakin, my dear Anakin. The spark is lost, not lost completely, but consumed. Lost within the hate and anger, the fear and loss, his arrogance and cockiness that has brought him so close to the brink of death on numerous occasions. His soft blue eyes are consumed with the sharp, burning flames we have been trained to defeat and overpower with the warm and welcoming light of the force, not the dark side of it that can be seen in Anakin's eyes in battle. He argues that it strengthens him, and it helps us win, but I know it will lead to the inevitable I am not so eager to see anytime soon. Darkness, utter black. So while I still can, I enjoy the light and the blue.
Yet it still hangs over us, it's always with us, we can never escape it because it is a part of Anakin and who he is. A dear old friend of mine from my home galaxy once taught me a short phrase of his native language, the dead language of time. I believe it whole heartedly, for I see it every day in Anakin's eyes.