WARNING: Graphic violence.

The Chipmunks and Chipettes are owned by Ross Bagdasarian and Janice Karman. I own nothing.


For who can bear himself to be forgotten?
-W. H. Auden


December 31, 2007

San Francisco, California

"So I told her, blah blah blah blah blah," Alvin glanced over at where his wife, Brittany, was applying a fresh layer of lipstick in the car mirror. "Then she had the nerve to tell me to blah blah blah blah blah!" What on Earth was she talking about? Her lips were moving...but it seemed like she was speaking a foreign language.

So he just did what any man would do in his situation. He smiled and nodded, with the occasional "Uh-huh." and "Yeah." Maybe, if he was lucky, she wouldn't notice he wasn't paying her any attention.

Alvin winced when a sippy cup hit him in the back of the head. He turned around when he got to a red-light to see he and Brittany's two year old twins laughing and giggling in the back seat. He glanced back over to Brittany to see that she was just hanging up her cell phone.

She looked over at him. "Alvie~" She batted her eyelids. "Can you watch the twins by yourself for a few hours today? They just got some new clothes in stock at that shop I love to go to and I want to take a look at them."

Alvin rolled his eyes. "Sure." He had nothing better to do. Brittany narrowed her eyes at him.

"And don't you dare dump them on Theodore and Eleanor like you did last time! Don't think I don't know about that!" She put her hands on her hips. "You know how bad Theodore is with keeping secrets."

"Yeah, yeah." Alvin pulled up in front of the mall to let her out. "Just how long is this gonna take?"

"Oh, four hours, maybe five...or more." She smirked.

"Just don't use my credit card." He glared at her.

"Wouldn't dream of it." She smirked again. Alvin reached over and pulled the door shut before she could say another word. As soon as he was sure he wouldn't run over her feet, he drove off, leaving Brittany in his wake.


As soon as he had the chance to do so, he turned on the radio. What he heard was something he never in a million years would have expected to hear.


Yeah... In the place to be!

Chipmunks on the M.I.C.


Alvin raised an eyebrow and turned up the volume.


Witch Doctor!

Everybody can they do it (can they do it)

Come on people let's get to it (let's get to it)

Come on shake, come on roll

Everybody hit the floor

Come on shake, come on roll

Hit the Chipmunks here we go!


The chipmunk's blue eyes went wide. "What the..?" He turned the volume up some more.


I told the Witch Doctor I was in love with you

I told the Witch Doctor you didn't love me too

And then the Witch Doctor he told me what to do

He told me:
Oooh to the eee the oooh the ah ah the ting to the tang

the Walla walla bang bang

Oooh to the eee the oooh the ah ah the ting to the tang

the Walla walla bang bang

Oooh to the eee the oooh the ah ah the ting to the tang

the Walla walla bang bang

Oooh to the eee the oooh the ah ah the ting to the tang

the Walla walla bang bang


Alvin slammed on the breaks. "What the fuck is this shit?" He pulled over on the side of the road. When he glanced into the back seat he saw his two children dancing along with the 'music' that was playing on the radio.

He emitted a low growl. What was this...this...abomination? This monstrosity?

For what seemed like forever, the 'music' went on...and on...and on...Alvin was practically shaking with rage by the time the song was finished.

"That was it, folks! This furry little trio of brothers have taken the world by storm!" Alvin's grip on the steering wheel tightened. "That was Alvin and the Chipmunks!"

Alvin and the Chipmunks. No, that wasn't Alvin and the Chipmunks. He and his brothers were Alvin and the Chipmunks. These were imposters.

Alvin turned to look in the back seat again with a sick grin on his face. "How would you two like to stay with your Uncle Simon and Auntie Jeanette for a while? Daddy has something he needs to take care of." The two babies danced around excitedly.

The red-clad chipmunk sped back onto the road and headed in the direction of his younger brother's house. He had to leave his children there if he was going to do what he was planning.

After some convincing on his part, he managed to get Simon and Jeanette to take care of Al and Alvin Jr. Although Simon promised him he would be telling Brittany about this. At this point, though, Alvin didn't care. He couldn't have his kids home when he did what he was about to do.


After leaving Simon's house, Alvin drove over to the CD shop nearby. He walked up to the counter before speaking politely to the person at the register.

"Do you have anything by Alvin and the Chipmunks?"

"We have the soundtrack for the movie, kid." The teenage girl at the register replied, not even bothering to hide the fact that she was smacking a large piece of bubble gum. Alvin ignored the fact that she called him "kid", despite the fact that he was a lot older than she was.

"That works. I'll take it."

"That'll be $29.95." The girl held out her hand.

Alvin rolled his eyes at the amount of money these imposters were milking out of people and paid her before grabbing his CD and walking back out to his car. He looked at the cover when he pulled away and grimaced.

These ugly little furry...things were pretending to be him and his brothers? Unable to contain his rage, Alvin threw the CD at his windshield, causing a small crack to form from the sheer force of it.

With a sigh, he picked it back up and put it in his CD player. He pulled out of the parking lot as the first song played.

As each song went by, Alvin became angrier and angrier. These rats were eating up his fame. How could people forget him so easily? He was a legend! He was one of Rock n' Roll's finest! He was Alvin Seville, world famous rockstar!

He wasn't sure if people even knew that anymore. He could bet that everyone forgot him years ago. He wasn't going to let them forget him ever again.


It took some research, the gathering of which was quite painful for Alvin, but it would all be worth it in the end. Because he now knew where these rats lived.

After buying a heavy, metal box, Alvin stabbed a small air hole in the top of it with a sharp knife and headed to the residence of three very unsuspecting rodents.

If fake Dave was anything like the real Dave, he'd probably leave them home alone. When he got there he found that this was the case. Although this Dave was nothing like his father, he had left them home alone. It was too perfect.


Alvin parked his car down the street and crept slowly up the path to the front door. He looked up at the address on the small house that had absolutely no resemblance to his childhood home. The door said "1958". He almost laughed. What a mockery. It was like they were trying to make a tribute when all they had done was fuck things up.

The chipmunk glanced in the window. He saw a little rat, clad in green, sitting on the couch beside a large bowl of...cheese balls? The television was blaring, so he doubted he could hear him. Alvin slowly crept through the front door, which, to his surprise, had been left unlocked.

The fake Theodore didn't even hear him coming. He was too distracted by the...were those meerkats..? He was too distracted by the television.

Alvin grabbed him from behind, gagged him, and began to squeeze. The fat little rodent let out a small squeak before loosing consciousness. Alvin dropped him in the metal box, where he landed with a quiet thud.

He closed the box with a smirk. One down, two to go. If the other two were as easy as this one, this would be a piece of cake.


Alvin tip-toed over to another room in the house where he saw a light on. There was a light humming coming from inside. He peeked in the door to find another rat, this one in blue and wearing glasses. This must be the Simon imposter. Alvin smirked.

The ugly little big muzzled rodent was reading. If he was anything like the real Simon, he would be too caught up in that book of his to even notice when Alvin came in the room. Alvin hoped that would be the case.

The red-capped Chipmunk slowly crept up behind fake Simon. He was sitting on a bed, much larger than he was, of course. When Alvin approached him he pushed his face down into the mattress.

The rat scrambled, but Alvin was stronger. Soon the fact that his air supply had been cut off was too much for the rodent, and he, like his brother, lost consciousness.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" Alvin looked up to see a rodent clad in red. Ah, there he was. The one who had tried stealing his life, his identity, away from him. Alvin smirked deviously as he stared at the brown, furry creature.

Without even looking at what he was doing, Alvin dropped the rat he held in his hand into the metal box. He landed with a thud, his glasses landing with their own special clank beside him. The chipmunk locked the box, still keeping his eyes on his arch rival on the other side of the room.

"I was talking to you! What are you doing?" Alvin slowly walked towards his fake counterpart. The red-clad rodent backed up as he came closer.

When Alvin didn't say a word, the imposter turned and scampered off on all fours. Alvin ran after him, grabbing him by the tail. The rodent stopped running.

"Did you know that chipmunks have very fragile tails? If I picked you up by the tail, it would probably break." Alvin smirked. The brown eyed monstrosity looked back at him.

"Who do you think you are?"

"Alvin Seville." His smirk widened. "The real Alvin Seville."

"Uhh...No." The rat glared at him. "I'm Alvin Seville." Alvin's smirk fell as his blue eyes narrowed into a glare. He put his hand around the furry rodent's waist, picking him up. The little pest attempted to bite him. Alvin laughed his attempt off.

"See, that's one major difference between you and I. I'm not a wild animal." He threw the still conscious furball into the metal box, locking it shut.

Fake Alvin rammed up against the sides. For some reason he had the idea in his tiny brain that he could get out of there.

The true, one and only Alvin Seville laughed at the pitiful attempts as he got back into his car, and drove home.


When the fake Chipmunks woke up, they were tied down with metal wires to a heavy wooden block. They had been stripped of their little hoodies.

They looked around. There was a single light in the room they were in. It was a lamp. It was shining down on a small figure sitting in a large chair. His blue eyes glistened, in the lamplight, and he wore a dark smirk on his face. He stood up and walked over to them.

"So..." He looked down at them. "Which one of you is the oldest?"

"I-I am." The blue clad rat spoke up. Alvin chuckled darkly.

"Well I guess they forgot to tell you boys something. If you really want to be like us, try getting the age order right." He grabbed the glasses off of his face and snapped them in two. "And what the hell are these? Are these from a doll or something? I bet you see just fine. You're just trying to copy my younger brother."

"Look dude, what did we do to you, anyway?" Fake Alvin tried pushing himself up on the table by his arms, only to find that the metal wires started to cut into his skin when he did so.

Alvin laughed darkly. "What did you do? You stole my life. My fame. My glory. You of all people should realize how painful that is. You caused me to be forgotten."

"Well it's not my fault you're outdated! Gone, zero, no more fame! Just let us go and get over it, man!"

Alvin slammed a large knife down into the wooden block, mere centimeters from the small rodent's head. "Take that back! Now!" Alvin glared down into the wrongly colored eyes of the little identity thief, who glared back defiantly. The other two rodents were silent.

Alvin turned and walked to the corner of the room for a moment, before coming back back with a hammer and nails.

He walked over to the youngest of the three little rats. The green-eyed rodent stared back up at him, eyes wide with fear.

"You know, if you were the real Theodore, you'd say something like 'P-please don't hurt me...'" He positioned a nail over where the little imposter's foot lie. "Thankfully, you're not my baby brother." He slammed the hammer down on the nail, causing the small animal to let out a loud, high pitched shriek.

The other two squirmed, trying to break free of their bindings. "Stop it!" They yelled simultaneously.

"Well, you've got the 'talking at the same time' thing down pat now, don't you?" Alvin drove a second nail into fake Theodore's other foot, causing the rodent to scream louder.

The other two rats looked at him with terror filled eyes.

"Let's put him out of his misery, shall we?" Alvin bent down and put on the table what looked like some sort of saw. "This is a table saw, they don't have them in the forest." He turned on the saw, drawing it slowly across the body of the shrieking rodent. Blood splattered and squirted all over him, but he didn't care. He was wearing red, anyway.


After fake Theodore was dead, Alvin turned back to look at the others. They were frozen. Shock, fear, probably. It didn't really matter.

"It's your turn, Mr. 'responsible one'." He walked over to the Simon imposter and smirked. "You know, the real Simon was always 'the smart one'. But I guess you're not all that smart, are you? Simon's built time machines, and what have you made? A paperclip compass?" Alvin dug the Christmas gift that fake Simon had given to fake Dave that year out of his pocket and dropped it on the table. He had swiped it from the house.

Fake Simon said not a word.

"Oh yeah, I've got something real special for you. I hear you like water?" Alvin pulled a pot of freshly boiled water out from underneath the table. "How would you like to know what it feels like to really be blind?" He poured the water over fake Simon's body, causing the rodent to let out a loud yell. When he got to his eyes, he made sure to pour extra water over them.

Alvin smirked down at him, although the rat couldn't see it. "There. Now you don't have to fake anymore."

He looked over to see the small, fuzzy identity thief that dared to go by the name of 'Alvin Seville' still attempting to escape from the wires that held him down. He looked back down at his current prey and pulled out an electric drill from underneath the table. He centered it in the center of the tallest rodent's forehead and turned it on, drilling all the way through his brains and killing him.


Alvin looked back to see that the one remaining rat had actually gotten out of the wires. There was a bit of blood on them, so he had struggled, but he had escaped. He wouldn't, however, escape this house today.

Alvin pulled the knife out of the table and walked towards the only door in the room. "Oh little shithead, where are you?" He heard a clatter the kitchen.

The blood covered chipmunk crept slowly throughout the room, knife in hand. Of all the things for him to start doing, he started to sing slowly, and in a light whisper. "Oooh eee, ooh ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang."

Something brown shot out from under a cabinet quite quickly, attempting to bite him on the foot, but he was faster. He kicked it, causing it to shoot across the room and slam into the wall.

He went over and picked it up. It was that little imposter. "You know, I'm not gonna go so easy on you like I did with them." He brought the rodent back down to the basement where they had been before.

"I think I'll start with cutting off your...paws so you can't escape again." Alvin chopped off all four limbs with the knife he held in his hand. The fake whimpered and screamed beneath him.

Alvin stared down at him. "I wonder what the most painful way to die is...I think it's probably burning alive, but perhaps if I skinned you..." The imposter was shaking his head furiously. "No? I think burning you would be easier anyway."

Alvin carried the bleeding rat into the kitchen, sticking him in the oven and turning it up to its highest setting. "You get to be cooked alive! Much more interesting than the dishwasher, huh?"

The life slowly faded out of the stupid, ugly little imposter as he was cooked alive. All the while, the real Alvin Seville was watching through the little window on the oven.


"Alvin!" The front door slammed shut. "When I told you not to dump the twins on Eleanor and Theodore, I didn't mean you could dump them on Simon and Jeanette, you dumbass!"

Alvin smirked and stood up and chuckled, before speaking in a whisper. "Try forgetting me now."


I do apologize for any grammar or spelling errors in this. I didn't go back and check for this one, and my laptop is acting up and causing my cursor to jump around when I type.
Anyway, I'd like to thank BrittMiller for helping me with this greatly, by telling me all the things I hate about CGI to fuel my anger and let it go through Alvin. Thank you for reading. :)