[Author's Note]

Here it is, as promised: Chapter Four of Enigma. It wrote easier than expected.
This chapter is EVEN LONGER than the last one! I swear, they just keep growing!
This chapter requires some warning: fucked-up shit lies ahead. It's not too bad, in my opinion, but I'm a bit messed up myself, and I'd rather be safe than sorry. So yeah, Gaara's past and all that.
Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter, even if it is a bit dark. I'm honestly not sure if I like it.
Please, please, PLEASE review! Reviews = more chapters
Reviews also = eventual LeeGaa love.

Chapter Four — Breakeven

The two men sat there in an awkward silence, neither saying a word but their eyes speaking volumes. Dark-rimmed aqua eyes spoke of years of pain.
After many moments, Lee shifted himself to lean down to Gaara's slumped-over body. Taking care not to fall of his stool, he sought answers with his round, onyx eyes.

"Gaara," he repeated, prodding the redhead with words. "Why is it absurd?"

Taking a moment to clear his head, Gaara swallowed the lump in his throat. He'd gotten himself into this; he had to deal with the consequences.

"You're not the only one that's lonely." he admitted, forcing a sad smile. "I'm alone too."

Lee frowned.

"You have your family." he said plainly.

"I have my siblings" Gaara corrected, not meeting the other man's eyes. "And Kankuro doesn't count for much."

The redhead decided to leave out the fact that his siblings kept their distance from him.

Lee nodded, tugging the bottom of his emerald suit.

"Well, that's something! I'm sure Temari is kind! And Kankuro seems most youthful—" Lee trailed off, his enthusiasm fading as dark realization fell over his features.

"Wait..." he started again. "What about your parents?"

Gaara gulped. He'd really hoped Lee wouldn't catch that —but then, why was he happy he did?

"My mother is dead."

Lee's eyes widened. "Oh..I didn't know..what about your fa—"

"He left, because I killed her."

The green-clad man's eyes grew impossibly wider and rounder as his face was drained of all color. Gaara watched with a vague interest as he stammered out incoherent sounds.

"She died giving birth to me" he explained.

Lee let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. OH.

After regaining some semblance of composure, the young man turned his head back to Gaara. He flashed a reassuring smile.

"That doesn't mean you killed her, Gaara-kun." he said


The redhead's dark eyes still refused to meet Lee's.

"That's not what father says."

The young man forced back a tear that was forming in his eyes.


Gaara hadn't seen his father since he was young, but that didn't mean he didn't remember. He certainly did. He remembered all the violent words, all the hate. He remembered the beatings. He remembered the tears.

"You're a monster, Gaara."

"You'd be better off dead."

His father had said many terrible things. But the terrible ones were the softest.

"Gaara, sweetie...Come here."

He looked up at his father through his messy red hair. He was beckoning him from the couch. Instead of going, however, he receded further under the table that held the house-plant. His father was never so inviting.

The man on the couch tilted his head, frowning. After a moment, he stood up and walked to where his five-year-old son was cowering in the shadows.

"Now..Gaara.." he cooed, gesturing for the child to come out. "I don't bite."

Even as a child, Gaara had been unsure of the smile that stretched over his father's lips that night. He seemed sincere, but Gaara couldn't help but wonder.
Despite this, he crawled out from under the table, following his father to the couch. A look of innocent wonder covered his face.
The dark-haired man sat down once he reached the sofa, smiling and patting the spot next to him. Gaara scrambled to climb up next to him.

"What is it, Daddy?" he had said eagerly. His father put his hand on a shoebox next to him.

"I found some old pictures. I thought I'd show them to you."

Gaara nodded his head. He had allowed himself to get engulfed in what seemed to be too good to be true.
They'd spent the next hour or so going through the photos, many of which were of Temari and Kankuro when they were Gaara's age or younger. There was one of Kankuro in the bath, playing with washcloth puppets, one of Temari playing with a hand fan that she had gotten at the flea market. Gaara looked at all of them with great interest, but one in particular caught his eye.

"Who's that, Daddy? She looks like Temari-niichan." he asked, looking at the photo. It showed a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair holding a brown-haired baby boy.

His father looked at the photograph, smiling.

"That's your mother, Gaara." he answered. A part of Gaara's mind would later recall that he was oddly happy.

Gaara's eyes widened, and he held the picture out in front of him.

"Mommy?" he said aloud, mostly to no one.

"Yes." he father said, closing his eyes and smiling wider. "You killed her."

That day, everything in Gaara's life shattered. He understood then, why his father hurt him and hated him. He understood why his siblings seemed to harbor a deep-rooted scorn for his existence. He understood why he was treated like a monster.

He was a monster.

Tears started streaming down the redhead's face as he choked out a sob. He was vaguely aware of the fact that the man beside him was trying to wipe his tears and get a response from him; he was lost in memories now. He could only rock back and forth, shaking.

"That's not what father says..."

[Author's Note]
I never quite understood why Yashamaru is always portrayed as the bad guy...well, yeah, I did, but I didn't like it. It was clear in the manga/anime that Yashamaru truly did care about Gaara. I don't think it's fair that we fans always portray him as something awful. What he did was an order.

That said, that was my twist on the "what-fucked-Gaara-up" story. I hope you didn't hate it.