Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any related characters or settings. They belong to JKRowling – I play in her sandbox and make no money off these fan works
AN: This is a Oneshot, and I don't plan to make anything else in this little Alternate Universe I created. This was a plotbunny that would not get out of my head so I had to write it. It IS rated M, and contains sexual content. I'm not a fan of the new FF dot net enforcement, which is being rather heavyhanded and outright has deleted some of my friends accounts without any warning, causing several stories to be lost. Should FF dot net admins decide to delete this, alternate locations will be available in my profile, where you can find it.
This is an AU set in a world that ignores the Epilogue, and slightly adjusts who dies in the Deathly Hallows. Off to the story!
Beginning To Live
Nymphadora Tonks stroked her sleeping son's cheek, smiling softly as his hair shifted wildly through a wide array of colors as he dreamed. He was a Metamorphmagus, much as she was, though she could not remember the last time her features had shifted – even unconsciously – from the dark, mousy brown hair that adorned her head. Perhaps not since just after Remus' death.
She turned her head and choked back a sob as the memory hit her like a sledgehammer – it was always the worst, always like this, on the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, where she'd lost not only her husband and love, but also her mother.
Andromeda had been insistent, had told Tonks not to even think about going out while she had a child to care for, had even threatened to tie her down and toss her wand out the window if she didn't stay with Teddy. Tonks had finally given in when Remus got involved as well, and the next day, her world had shattered around her.
It was a morose, exhausted, Harry Potter that had arrived on her doorstep that day, and told her the news. She'd never seen him look as helpless as when she'd collapsed, sobbing against him, and he held her, doing anything he could think of to help calm her. She'd learned later that he believed himself to be horrible at comforting crying women – dating back to his time with Cho Chang. Tonks, however, reassured him and told him that he'd handled her just fine.
Tonks felt tears stream down her cheeks, as she looked down at her son, hardly believing that four years had already passed since she'd lost them. Now, all she had was Teddy.
Well, that wasn't completely true, she thought, her tear-blurred vision glancing around the now cheery atmosphere of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. No, she also had Harry.
He'd taken his Godfather duties quite seriously, and fixed up the once gloomy Grimmauld Place into a rather fetching home. Then, he had insisted that Tonks and Teddy move in and live with him so he could help her raise Teddy. It had taken some pleading, and arm-twisting on Harry's part, and reassuring her that he really wanted them there, and that they wouldn't be intruding on the young man's life, but he'd finally convinced her.
Harry hadn't gone back to Hogwarts, and had instead worked with Hermione, who helped tutor him and Ron to the point where all three had been able to pass their N.E.W.T.s. Harry likely could have just asked for them, and the grateful Ministry would have leapt at giving them, but as usual, he hated the idea of using his fame for such a thing.
Since then, Harry had spent the last three years training to become an Auror, much like he'd planned it years back. She knew he'd thought of going into professional Quidditch, but that he had come to realize that he loved flying much more than he loved playing the game.
He'd graduated with honors several months back, and was one of the many new Aurors joining the Corps. Tonks knew he was out on patrol and likely wouldn't be back until the morning, but she wished he was here - like he had been every other year on this day, holding her, comforting her.
She'd worried, the first several years, that he didn't seem interested in getting into any sort of relationship. She'd felt that she and Teddy were the cause of it, either him feeling some sort of obligation to commit himself to them, or simply that few women were interested in getting involved with a man who lived in the same house as an older woman and her child, even if he was the 'Man-Who-Won', as they were now labeling him.
Harry had told her that his teenage romance with Ginny Weasley in his Sixth Year had been just that – a short, teenaged romance. Now that he'd been forced to mature, and after all he'd been through in the battles against Voldemort, he simply found that they had nothing in common, no way to even connect, and he'd promptly broken off any attempts she'd made to rekindle the relationship.
Tonks' shaking hands smoothed out the blanket over Teddy, and she gave him a kiss on the forehead, leaving a few tears along with it, before she left the room and quietly closed the door behind her. She made it to the end of the hall, near her room, before her legs gave out, and she found her back pressed against the door to Harry's room as she sobbed into her hands.
She knew it wasn't truly Remus' or her mother's deaths that were affecting her so, though indeed the thought of it saddened her. Instead, it was her other feelings – a feeling of guilt, of shame and embarrassment for where her mind had begun to turn in recent years, a feeling of betraying Remus' memory.
"Tonks?" Harry's voice called softly up the stairs from the lower level, making her jump as the source of her feelings of betrayal spoke. "I managed to get Neville to cover the rest of my shift. He understood."
She heard him continue to speak as he climbed up the stairs, and her eyes closed, a blush covering her tear-stained cheeks. Her feelings for Harry had developed slowly, over the last four years, but now they were as strong as those she had once had for Remus. The thought of that only made her feel worse, as if she was betraying her husband - even while the small part of her brain tried you yell out that she was being stupid, that Remus would want her to keep on living, and take love wherever she could get it.
"Is Teddy asleep?" Harry began as he reached the top of the steps. She heard a pause in his footfalls, and she knew he'd seen her against his door. Her knowledge was confirmed when she heard his footsteps once more, moving rapidly closer, until he was there next to her, dropping down onto his knees and gathering her into his warm arms.
She gave up any pretense of composure, and let her tears soak his chest, and hands gripped blindly at his shirt, his unique scent of musk, sweat, and leather filling her senses.
"S'alright, Tonks," he murmured against her hair, his arms encircling her, pulling her tight to him. "I know, it's that day…. I'm sorry I didn't get home sooner for you, Dora." He whispered.
She let out a choked hiccough at the name she'd not let anyone but Harry use these last four years. Tonks gripped his shirt when he started to move, and sighed softly into the side of his neck when he easily lifted her, and started carrying her toward her room.
She moved a hand to squeeze his muscled arm, and pushed down a sudden rush of lust – he'd filled out quite a bit since his Hogwarts days, and that had only added to her attraction to him. She'd found herself checking him out, running her eyes over his body when she'd catch him coming out of the shower with nothing but a towel around his waist, and that had only made her emotional attraction to him become worse.
"Harry," she whispered, no longer willing to keep holding back, even if she felt like it was wrong, even if it felt like she was stabbing Remus in the back. "Please, your room, can I stay the night?"
Harry stopped, and then looked down, his emerald eyes searching her heart-shaped face for a moment, softening at the sight of the tear tracks on her cheeks. "Alright, Dora," he said, with a hesitant smile that made her heart flutter – made her feel as if she was a teenager again, and not twenty-nine.
He turned, and made his way back to where he'd picked her up, awkwardly turning the knob of the door, pushing it open before he carried her inside and placed her reverently on the bed.
When he started to pull back, thinking to take a quick shower and change his clothes, she gripped the front of his shirt and kept him in place, bending awkwardly over her. "Tonks, lemme go change, I'm still sweaty from my patrol – it's roasting out there." He said gently.
She shook her head, and gave a yank to his shirt, causing him to lose his balance and tumble on top of her. "No, don't leave, Harry, I need you. Don't care if you're smelly." She murmured against the skin of his cheek, and she felt him swallow hard, his lips so near hers that she had to grit her teeth to not give into the temptation just yet.
Harry nodded, and settled in slightly on the bed next to her, no longer nearly squishing her with his weight. He reached out a hand to brush back her unkempt hair where it had stuck to one of the drying tear tracks on her cheek, and then ran a thumb comfortingly across her skin, wiping at the moisture gathered there. "Need to talk, Dora? You know you can tell me anything," he said, concern radiating from his emerald eyes.
"Just hold me," she said, moving closer, pressing as close to him as she could, her cheek coming to rest against the skin of his neck. As her breasts brushed against his chest, and then pressed against him, she could feel his body's response growing against her leg. He tried to shift, somewhat awkwardly, as if hoping she didn't feel him, but she pressed even closer, reveling in the feeling of him against her skin, his hardness pressing insistently against her thigh.
She sighed against him once more, feeling his muscles tense at the full contact, but his arms still encircled her. She knew what she had to do – knew what Remus would likely be telling her to do, even if she believed she was hurting his memory.
"Harry," she began in a shaky voice. "Th…thanks," she said softly. "I've… I've been feeling so guilty recently, and I-"
Harry looked down his chest at her, and placed a finger on her lips before he dropped a soft kiss on her forehead. "We already talked about this, Dora," Harry said reprovingly. "It's not your fault. Remus and Andromeda… they didn't deserve to die, but nothing you did had anything to do with the fact that they did die. They loved you, and wouldn't want you beating yourself up like this."
Tonks sniffled slightly, her eyes watery, and she carefully reached up and pulled his finger back, before slowly taking his hand and twining her fingers with his. She gave him a watery smile, and shook her head. "Not about that, Harry. I… You've made me come to accept that, even if those thoughts still do pop up from time to time. It's…." She looked down, her cheeks flushing bright red. "It's something else."
"What is it-" Harry started, only to be cut off by a direct answer.
Tonks' warm, pink lips covered his own, dry chapped ones, cutting off any further words as she squirmed in his arms to get closer and deepen the kiss.
He felt her thigh rub against him and he groaned into the kiss, unconsciously running his tongue over her lips, which opened promptly and let him in to meet her own tongue.
Harry couldn't believe it. Tonks – this beautiful, mature woman who he'd come to love with all his heart – was kissing him. The mother of his godchild was kissing him. Remus' wife was kissing him! He pulled back gasping. "Dora, what…? He started, and then trailed off, seeing the need and hunger gleaming up at him from her eyes.
"Harry, I need you. I… I… You've been so good to me, so kind, so caring. You took us in when you didn't have to, and-"
It was Harry's turn to cut her off. "Dora, if you're doing this because you think I… I don't know, you think I want some sort of 'payment' or something in return for things, I don't. I don't want anything… I don't want you doing this out of some sort of stupid feeling of obligation…"
She smiled up at him, and pressed tighter against him. "Harry, stop. I'm not doing this for that. I'm doing this because I want it. I want you. You've been there for me whenever I've needed you. You're the father figure Teddy needs in his life. But that's only part of it. You're just… I love you Harry, and I don't think Remus would want me spending my life trying to make myself miserable trying to deny it."
He felt his breath leave him for several long moments at her words, and he stared down at her, his jaw slack. She started fidgeting when he didn't respond, and that snapped him out of it.
He reached across and cupped her cheek with his palm, leaning in to kiss her softly. When he pulled back, he stared into her dark grey eyes. "Gods, Dora, I was… I never dreamed you'd ever feel that way about me. I realized this last year, I've fallen in love with you, but I didn't think you ever could… with Remus…" He smiled slightly. "I love you too, Dora."
Tears of relief flooded her eyes, and she kissed him, hard. Her teeth nipped at his lower lip as she rubbed against him, making him groan into the kiss. Their kisses turned frantic with need, and she reached down with trembling hands to grab the hem of his shirt and yank it upward, only cutting off the kiss as it passed over his head.
He reached down to help her when she began to fumble with the button on his pants, and he lifted up slightly, allowing her to slide them down, and off his ankles – his shoes coming off with it. She pounced on him once again, her lips running across the slightly sweaty skin, savoring the salty taste on her tongue as she moved lower, and then felt Harry jump with a slight yelp as she ran her tongue across his right nipple.
He growled slightly, low and rumbling in his chest, and she felt it through her lips, and looked up at him. "You've too much on, Dora," he said, his eyes running over her. She let out a surprised gasp when he grabbed her shoulders and flipped them so she was suddenly underneath him as he rested astride her hips, even as his hands reached up and began swiftly unbuttoning her blouse. She shifted, allowing him to pull it off of her, and allow his hands to run along her back to find the release on her bra.
Harry pulled it down, over her shoulders, and she blushed slightly under his gaze. Her hand moved to cover her bared breasts before Harry grabbed her wrists and pressed them into the bed. He leaned down and copied her earlier actions, kissing down the skin of her neck until he reached the soft swell of her breasts.
Her natural form had small breasts, but she felt any thought of trying to get her Metamorph powers working on making them larger, flee from her mind when she saw the awed look on Harry's face, and his soft whisper of "Beautiful…." as he cupped each breast lightly in both his hands, easily filling up his cupped hands.
She whimpered as his calloused fingers ran over her purplish-pink nipples, tweaking them slightly before his tongue followed, swirling around first one nipple and then the other. He suckled slightly at the second, and she had a wild image of being pregnant with his child as he drank from her milk-swollen breasts.
Tonks moaned, and bucked her hips, reminding him that they both were still partially clothed. She felt him grin against her breast, and then trail his lips downward. She released a choked gasp when his tongue briefly dipped into her bellybutton, but that feeling was forgotten when she felt him unbutton her pants, and slowly pull them down, a tingling feeling following his lips as they kissed their way down her thighs, and followed her pants down her legs.
Harry let the pants fall to the floor, and moved back up her body. He grasped her hand, and brought it to his lips, placing soft, light kisses across her palm before moving up to kiss every inch of her fingers, lingering at the pad of each finger before he trailed back to her palm, making her giggle slightly at the ticklish feeling.
He grinned his lopsided grin at her, and she smiled back, her eyes bright. She shifted her hand to entwine her fingers in his hair and guide him back to her breasts, which now heaved up and down with her breathing. Tonks bucked her panty-clad crotch against his still-covered hardness when he nipped at her breasts, biting down very lightly on each nipple.
"P-please, Harry," she moaned.
He nodded, and slid down her body once more, quickly removing the white panties she wore, and Tonks blushed when his eyebrows rose at her well-trimmed – and very pink – thatch of pubic hair.
His breath ghosted over the hairs, and then she felt it at her core. Tonks nearly jumped when his warm tongue stretched out to run along her outer pussy lips, collecting the droplets of moisture that had appeared during their heavy snogging session.
His fingers ran along the lips, and he used his thumbs to gently spread them, revealing the pink, moist flesh of her core, and he immediately put his tongue to work on her. "Harry!" She shouted as Harry's thumb accidentally brushed against her clitoris. She jerked her hips upward, and ran a shaking hand down and threaded her fingers through his hair and used her hand to pressure the back of his head, keeping his mouth on her. "Again!" She growled out.
He chuckled, and the vibrations, along with another brush to her clit sent her over the edge. "Haaaryyyy!" She shouted, trying to muffle her scream with an arm thrown over her mouth as her thighs clenched tightly around Harry's head, and she felt her insides flutter manically with one of the hardest orgasms she'd ever had – no doubt helped by the outright lack of them for the last four and a half years.
The waves of her orgasm slowly ebbed, and she let her legs relax, allowing Harry to pull back, sputtering slightly, looking at her in shock.
"Tonks, did you….?" He asked, even as he licked at her juices, which glistened on his lips.
Tonks grinned, her face flushed as she tried to steady her breathing. "Yeah, Harry. That was brilliant." She took pity on him, and grabbed his hand, pulling him back down on the bed next to her. She rested a hand on his bare chest, fingers ghosting over his muscles, and the slight dusting of hair that grew there.
"You've never, y'know, had sex?" She asked, slightly surprised at his slight fumbling thus far – she'd have figured Ginny would have jumped his bones almost right away.
He shook his head, his cheeks pink. "No, not really. I mean, Ginny and I had a few great snogs, and she… uh…" He made a crude pumping gesture with his hand. "But that was it."
Tonks grinned wickedly. "Ah, she gave you your first handjob, eh?" She kissed his cheek. "Don't worry, I'll take care of the rest of your 'firsts' for you in time, but right now I just need you inside me."
She followed his earlier actions in kissing down his chest until she was down to his boxers, and pulled them down with a fast yank, allowing his hard cock to spring free, and point toward the ceiling. Her eyes widened slightly – while he might have been close to Remus in length, he was much thicker.
Tonks licked her lips slightly, and then climbed onto him, straddling his hips, and trapping his erection against her soaked pussy. She slowly rubbed up his length with her cunt, and then reached down to open up her lips slightly, and let his tip land between them.
"I'm not gonna hurt you, am I Dora?" He asked, looking at her with such concern and care that she nearly burst into tears once again.
She shook her head. "That's mostly with a girl's first time. You're a little wider than I was expecting, but you'll fit just fine."
Tonks slowly lowered herself onto him, reveling as he stretched her and filled her. He groaned, and his hands reached out to grip her hips firmly, but she noted with appreciation that he refrained from bucking upward or using his hands to shove her downward, letting her do this at her own speed.
She grimaced slightly, as he filled her completely, and then she felt her pelvis meet his. Tonks closed her eyes for a moment, and then took a deep breath before she opened them, flashing Harry a reassuring smile as she pulled her hips back, before moving them forward, each thrust picking up speed. She felt his hands tighten, and dig into her hips, but she paid them no mind, and began to let him chose the speed.
He sped up, thrusting upwards into her. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh filled the room along with their moans of pleasure, and he set an even pace, sliding in and out of her.
He gripped her hips tighter, and then flipped them so that he was on top, pounding down into her. The change in angle made her gasp as the head of his cock brushed against a sensitive part within her, and she moaned out loudly as he brushed it again.
"Gods, Harry, please, fuck me, you feel so good! I love you, Harry, please, fill me!"
He grunted, burying his face against her neck as he tried to keep hold on his control long enough for Tonks to cum once more. "Love you too, Dora, fuck, I love you so much." He murmured against her skin. "Shit, I can't hold it back much longer, Dora!"
"It's okay, Harry, I'm already almost there," she said, twisting her hips slightly so that his next thrust rubbed her g-spot more firmly. She moaned out loudly. "Come for me, babe," she panted, and then came, her vaginal walls fluttering and clenching around his hard cock as she dug her fingernails into his back.
Harry let out a guttural moan of "Dora!" at the feeling, and slammed into her once more, his cock jerking within her as he pumped load after load of warm cum deep into her pussy.
He collapsed onto her, his arms barely supporting his weight enough to keep him from crushing her, but she didn't care. They panted heavily, sharing the same breath as their lips rested next to each other, and as they came down from their orgasmic high, they pressed occasional kisses to the other's lips.
"Oh, Harry," she said, resting her sweaty forehead against his as he gently pulled out, his cum trickling from her pussy lips while his cock started to slowly shrink., resting on her thigh.
"Dora," he said, a tired smile crossing his face. "That was bloody amazing," he murmured.
She panted, and nodded, flashing him the largest grin he'd seen on her face for years. "Damn right it was, Harry. Bloody 'ell, that was your first time? Just wait'll I get you trained!" She said with a chuckle, before pulling him into a long kiss.
Harry reached up and brushed her sweaty hair away from her brow, and then pulled back, staring into her eyes. "We… This is real, right? Not just a one-off thing?" He asked, his vulnerability audible in his voice.
She felt like leaving right that moment, Apparating to the Dursleys, and cursing them to oblivion. She knew he'd always had trouble accepting love and affection from anyone, due largely to his upbringing with them.
She reached up and framed his face with both her hands, staring firmly at him. "Harry James Potter, you listen to me. Yes, this is very real, and yes, I do love you, so much that I feel like exploding every time I look at you. This is only a one-off thing if you want it to be… otherwise, I'm yours as long as you want me, Harry."
Harry's gaze lowered slightly, and she saw him swallow heavily before he nodded while her hands cradled his head. "Thanks Dora, I'm just being a dumbarse. If this is us, as long as I want, then I'm afraid you're stuck with me forever," he said, a grin managing to emerge on his face.
Tonks' heart caught in her chest, and she felt her cheeks warm. "I'll hold you to that, love," she said, as she pulled him closer, letting him rest his head against her breast.
They lay like that as their sweat cooled and dried on their skin, causing Harry to eventually pull the blanket over their naked, still-entwined, bodies. "What are we gonna tell Teddy?" Harry asked, his fingers running absently through her bangs, which had unconsciously turned a soft purple during her orgasm.
"Well, I definitely don't want to hide us from him…." Tonks began, and then blushed. "I don't mean this – we'll make sure the door is locked when we get up to this, but us…. I don't want to sneak around and steal kisses and hide it from him. We'll just tell him that mommy loves his Uncle Harry," she said, teasingly using the appellation that Teddy had given him when he was old enough to talk.
He smiled, and kissed her again, letting his eyes slide shut as she lay on his chest. "I like the sound of that. And everyone else…. Well, we'll just let them figure it out on their own."
"Agreed," Tonks said with a tired grin.
"G'night, Dora," Harry said, as his eyes slipped shut, and arms tightened around her body.
"Goodnight, love," she whispered as she felt his breathing even out, knowing that he'd already been tired from a long shift-and-a-half. Their activities had only compounded that.
Nymphadora Tonks turned her head slightly to look up at the ceiling of Harry's darkened room. He'd managed to wheedle out the secret of the Great Hall's ceiling charm from Headmistress McGonagall, and had promptly applied it to all of their bedrooms, allowing them to fall asleep beneath the sight of the night sky above the house.
As she stroked the bangs from Harry's forehead, she stared up at the sky above her, the low, twinkling lights of the stars lulling her to sleep. As her eyes slipped closed, she could have sworn she saw an extra bright twinkle from the star that made up the eye of the constellation Lupus.
She smiled slightly to herself. She knew this was what Remus would have wanted. She'd start no longer just living for her son – she would begin to live for herself, and for Harry.
AN: Hope everyone enjoyed the story! As I said, I have no plans to continue this story, I think it stands quite well on its own.
However, I greatly enjoy Harry/Tonks, and have been planning out a chaptered fic in mind, set earlier on (not sure yet if I should go Summer after 4th Year, with Tonks revealing herself against orders from the Order, and becoming friends and eventually more, or if I should go with a Summer after 5th Year with Tonks and Harry knowing one another, and her coming during the Order watches to comfort Harry after Sirius' death – whilst getting her own comfort for her cousin's demise) either way, that'll be out in a while, so look forward to that (don't plan on it really covering Half Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows – I would prefer inventing my own sixth and perhaps seventh years. Alternatively, I also have an idea for a First Year fic, with a somewhat younger Tonks than canon.
So, all Harry/Tonks fans be on the lookout for a fic in coming weeks, though others may come first. Thanks for reading, please review and tell me what you think!