Dear West,

Can you believe it!? That bastard Russia is forcing me to live in his house! I asked him why the fuck he was keeping me here and he did that creepy smile and said "Spoils of war, Дa?" I didn't even do anything! Sure, I'm a Germanic nation, but the awesome me didn't even participate in the war! Damn, this is stupid!

Seriously though, West, I know you're probably beating yourself up over the Holocaust, and I know that basically everyone is blaming you for it, but listen to your awesome older brother for once – it's not your fault. It's your stupid crazy boss' fault, and no one else's! You were just following orders.

Anyway, so far, it's actually not as bad as I thought it would be here. I can wander the halls as I please (although I can't leave the house)… Russia isn't torturing me or anything, so my awesomely sexy body is injury-free! Belarus keeps giving me creepy looks, and the Baltics seem to be scared of me (score one for the awesome me!). I've caught glimpses of the other nations, like… uh… what was that one… Azerbaijan? Yeah, I've caught glimpses of Azerbaijan and Uzbekistan, but they mostly stay in their rooms.

One thing I can't figure out, though, is that there's a door at the end of my hall that won't open. I'm guessing the snow bastard (snow bastard? I'm starting to sound like Romano) has the key. I checked the keyhole, but it was too dark to see anything. Therefore, I'm making it my awesome duty to discover what lies beyond that mysterious door!

Awesomely yours,


P.S. Give the prick a kick for me, will you?