Chasing the Sun
AN: Been forever since I've written anything and I come up with a random, non-humor, first person POV one shot that was somewhat inspired by Blood_Crow on LiveJournal's Dogs of War series. It's a good read if you want to pick up some pretty writing about Renji and Stark.
Hope you enjoy this little tidbit I spent a whopping thirty minutes on. Anyway, have at it, kids, and read and review if you're feeling nice.
I volunteer to watch you
Through the dreams that haunt you
I promise to wake you
Before the fear takes you
-"The Lucky One" Vertical Horizon
It was unknown whether or not he knew he had nightmares. I wonder myself sometimes as I gently press a cool hand to his flushed skin, watching the slight downward curl of moistened lips still for a moment. If he did, he didn't let them shake him at all. Those confident eyes are moving frantically behind eyelids translucent enough to see veins. It almost makes him seem a little more human to me. Perhaps a weakness, but somehow it was impossible to think that someone as close to perfection as Aizen Sosuke was, would be delicate in any way.
Like always, I relish my luck that he can't read my thoughts. Thinking he was weak in any way would be insulting to him. Perhaps he did have a few weaknesses though. I kiss his fingers and he awakes immediately, dark eyes burning. He doesn't have even the slightest hint of confusion in them. He seems to be as certain and fearless as ever as if he'd been awake this entire time.
"I'm sorry," I murmur, leaning my head into his shoulder, eyes closing to the heart drumming quickly in his chest. No, he can't completely hide his fear. A pounding heart and the tacky dampness of sweat on his skin are obvious to me while we're alone at night. I know the feeling of waking to a fear like this. I'd had my own dreams to fear long before I'd met Aizen. Now they've all but gone away in his presence.
My fears have lessened, but haven't completely disappeared. They never will.
I press my mouth softly against his jaw for a moment, tilting my head down to tuck neatly under his chin. He may think I'm reassuring myself, but I would recognize the way his body has been reacting without even thinking.
He's afraid to be alone.
I know I'm not really there to keep him company. His loneliness is something I can't exactly grasp, but I can see it. We both have similar fears, but in reality, they're worlds apart.
My loneliness will never compare to what he fears. I wonder what it's like to be so far removed from us as he is. To be a gleaming statue on a pedestal that can be looked at, but never touched. A mysterious book dying to be read, but no one can seem to understand the language. There are so many things I could compare him to, but nothing seems to fit exactly what he is.
Perhaps I am a little like him, but he's so different from me that we're worlds apart. He will always be shining and shimmering just beyond my fingers, eyes almost taunting as I chase him. I leap for him and call his name, but it will always end the same. The pull of reality will forever be the gravity holding me down to the prison of these dead sands, reminding me that the sun may look close, but the stars will always be beyond my reach.
Thanks for reading!