A/N! Just what Sam was thinking/going through after Nate was killed

Ahhh! I love my shower. After being stuck with Barry all day in that house, I am thrilled to have some alone time. As I end my shower and step out, Elsa is on the phone.

"It will be OK. Don't worry. You just get home safely. Sammy and I love you." She tells the person on the other line.

She hands the phone to me and whispers. "Its Mike. His brother died."

"What?" I sit down on the bed. "Hey. Where are you?"

"Waiting to take off. Sam it's bad. This is really bad. Nate's dead. How do I fix this Sam?" I know that tone he has. It's that same, deep tone he had when I found him after Fiona was arrested. This time his speech is faster. I think he's afraid to stop talking.

"I don't know brother. Come home and we can work this out together. If Jesse is there, give the phone to him."

Elsa sat down next to me and took my hand. I don't know what I would do without this woman.

"Hey Sam." Jesus. Jesse sounds as good as Mikey.

"What the hell is going on? Nate's dead? I thought this was just supposed to be a simple mission. You were going to grab Anson and it'd be over."

"Sam, Anson is dead. Mikey had Nate follow Anson. He was supposed to watch him. Nate somehow got Anson and took him outside to meet us. We got there and Mike was going to get him, when we heard a gunshot and before I know what's going on, Mike is running off. I look over and Anson is dead and Mike is with Nate who died in his arms. Sam we are going to land around 3pm. I need you at the hanger. Mike is going to need you when he lands. I barely got him on the plane and I don't know if I can get him off the plane."

I take hanger location from Jesse and I ask him to give the phone back to Mikey.

"Mike? You there?" I ask. I hear his breathing in short spurts. I can see him in my mind. His posture is rigid, his jaw is tense. He's trying not to cry. Damn family and military teaching him not to cry. Sometimes you just need to breakdown but Frank wouldn't allow tears, neither did the Army, CIA or any other agency. He'll just stuff it down inside with everything else. "Listen brother, this is going to hurt pretty badly. You get back here and we'll clean you up. Take things one step at a time."

"We have to clean Nate up too. He not looking good. I couldn't get him to wake up." Mike says.

My heart breaks into pieces. Elsa must have seen my face when he said that because she now is behind me, wrapping her arms around me. "Don't worry about Nate. You've been a good brother but we have to let Nate rest now. I'll see you when you land."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. I want to cry for Mikey so bad, but I don't have time.

"Sammy, what about Fiona? Is she getting out of jail?" Elsa asks.

Crap! I forgot about Fiona. Elsa must have noticed my frustration. "Sammy, like you told Mikey, one step at a time. Just get ready and meet him when he lands. Mikey will need his big brother Sammy. You be strong for him and I will be here for you when you get back."

I kiss Elsa, finished getting dressed and head out the door. She leans her head out the door and shouts "I love you Sammy." I turn around and walk backwards. "Love you too Elsa"

Waiting for the plane to land is murder. What condition will Michael be in when I see him? How am I going to do this? Like anything else I will just have to guide him along and just roll with the punches.

The plane lands and Pearce gets off. She walks up to me and she tries to talk to me, but I'm not talking to her. I can't talk to her. If she had let me work with Mikey on this one, we still would have gotten Anson AND Nate would still be alive. I blame her for this. I think she can tell because as I walk past her, she hangs her head down. Jesse is the next one I see. He's tired looking.

"Where is he?" I ask.

"He didn't want to come out yet. I don't know how to get him out. I'm afraid if I tell him that Nate's off the plane, he's going to want to go to the morgue with him. He's talking like Nate's still alive." Jesse said. Never seen Jesse so pale in my life.

"Defense mechanism. When this calms down, someone is telling me what the hell went on in Atlantic City."

I climb into the plane and see Michael sitting there staring out the window. I imagine he has sat in the same position since I last talked to him.

"Mikey we have to get off the plane. Come with Jesse and me, we'll go back to the loft and you can clean up." I hear myself talking, but I know its not going to work. I have to start off somewhere though.

"Sam, Nate's a mess. I tried to clean him, but it just wouldn't come off. I have to clean him off before Mom sees him." Mike said.

Madeline. Oh God. She doesn't know yet. "Mikey, we have to go to the loft and get you cleaned up. You have to tell your mom about Nate. She has to hear it from you."

Good. Mike nodded. "Can we sit for a minute or two? I just need..."

Poor kid. It's sinking in. His brother is dead. He has to tell his mother that her son is dead. I sit next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He's still looking out the window of the plane again.

"He got me so mad Sam. He took too many risks and I kicked him off the team. He just wanted to prove to me he wasn't a screw up and he got killed. I shouldn't have taken him. I should have taken another agent..." He won't look at me but I know he's crying.

I stop him there. "You know you have never had another unknown agent helping you with this. Catching Anson and getting Fi out of jail was something you needed to control and you needed a team you could trust. I would have done the same thing you did. You can't sit there and blame yourself."

He gives me a sarcastic laugh. "My mom will blame me."

"Yeah she will, but she'll move on. It might not happen for a while, but she will."

Mike's phone rings. He answers it and has a brief conversation with Pearce. He wipes his eyes and says "Fiona gets out later today. Will you take me to Mom's house so I can tell her? I just don't want to be alone in the car. When I'm done there, we can get Fiona from the prison"

I take Michael's arm and help him up. "I'm not going to leave you alone Brother."

I'm shocked when Michael pulls me into a hug. He whispers "Thanks Sam."

Mikey walks off the plane ahead of me. I take a deep breath and follow him. Before I get in the car, I text Elsa.

Mike is as we expected. Going to tell Maddie and then get Fiona. I hope you are there when I get home.

A few minutes later, Elsa sends me a text.

I am just a phone call away if you need me. Love you and I'll see you later. Stay strong for your little brother.

Stay strong. Even though Mikey is breaking my heart today more than ever, I have to stay strong for my brother. As I get into the car and drive off I think 'Wise words from a wise woman'.