Don't own it. Let me know if you think this is worth carrying on.
I have to find her. I tried to stay away. I really did. I thought it would be best for her. But the pull to one's mate is too strong. Carlisle warned me. He told me the ramifications of leaving would harm not only me but her as well.
I didn't believe him until we came back. The Wolves made sure that I was crystal clear on what my leaving had done to her. And now no one knew where she was. She left in the night. Charlie doesn't know. He is out of his mind with worry. She left him a note saying she was okay, she loved him and she was leaving.
It was thought at first that Victoria had gotten her. But Victoria is still trying to get past the Wolves and get close to Bella. She doesn't have a clue Bella is gone.
Dammit I'm an idiot. Alice was right. My obsession with doing what I thought was best for her has led me here and her to wherever she is. But I don't understand why she ran. The Wolves were protecting her. She was safe for the moment. If Victoria had gotten wind that she had taken off she could have gotten Bella at any time. Something must have happened to make her take off like this. I hope she is okay. Alice can't see her and Emmett can't find her on his computer. It's like she has ceased to exist. But that's impossible. Carlisle assures me I would feel it if she was dead. But his thoughts tell me this is only a theory.
I can't believe that ass came back for her. After what he did to her? I have to find her. I have to find my imprint. I shouldn't have sprung it on her like that. I should have eased into it. The look in her eyes was one of confusion that slowly turned to panic. She kept mumbling something about how tired she was of having choices taken away from her. She got into her truck and left Sam's. Sam told me to give her time. The next morning she was gone. I have been hurting since she left. I can barely think straight. Wherever she is, she isn't close. I haven't felt this bad since I imprinted on her when she slapped me.
I know I have treated her like shit. Jake and Sam tried to warn me but I wanted to fight it. I didn't want to be around the leech lover. But I watched her and realized there was a lot more to her than that. I saw that she was everything I wasn't and I felt I wasn't good enough for her. After I couldn't stand it anymore, even Jake said I should let her know and see if it can work.
And now she is gone. I have to find her before he gets a hold of her or the red headed leech. Problem is I have no idea where to start. Where the hell could she be?
Freedom. I haven't felt this free since I walked into that damn biology classroom and sat down next to that ass. I was riding my bike through the desert to our next stop. I picked up my riding partner Amber in Arizona. She liked my bike I had traded my truck for. She also rode and was on her own. She asked where I was going and I told her I had no place in particular as long as I didn't stay long. I was technically a high school drop out with about $1000 cash on me to last me until I wound up someplace I felt like working and getting more cash. She suggested Louisiana. I liked True Blood as much as the next girl. Seemed like a cool place. Why not?
Amber was the coolest girl I had ever met. She took no shit from nobody. She always wore the smallest cutoffs and the tightest shirt she could find. Neither of us wore helmets when we rode. I liked the feel of the wind through my hair. She had shorter hair than me and she was blonde with blue eyes. Other than that we were built the same way. I had watched her get a tattoo across her back from shoulder to shoulder that read "Freedom" in Red letters with black eagle's wings behind the words. I also was with her when she got her nipples pierced in a tattoo parlor outside of Albuquerque . She tried to convince me to have mine done but it looked too painful. I did get my belly button pierced. Amber said it was a good start but I was nowhere close to where I needed to be. She said I was trying too hard to hold on to who I was instead of becoming who I was supposed to be. If being who I was in Forks was that great I would still be there. It was a good point.
I didn't know a lot about Amber's background. She did not like her mother, calling her an absentee landlord. She described her father as emotionally distant and never there for her. I told her about Edward and Jake and Paul. I told her everything. We were at a campground and she had scored some weed off a party at the campsite and we were sharing a joint. To her credit she only laughed for a while. I think the bite on my wrist convinced her. Besides who would make up that vampires sparkle? I kept to myself the rest of the night while I heard her having sex in a tent next to ours with one of the guys from the nearby party. I was worried about her leaving the crazy girl, but the next morning she was lying in the tent wrapped around me, telling me she was glad I came clean. She also told me that every guy I knew was a dick. I had to agree with her to some level. Even Jake could be a dick at times. Paul hated me. He hated me. And then to tell me I was his imprint?
Emily and Kim got men who worshipped the ground they walked on and I got the one guy who went out of his way to be rude to me? Who called me names? Seriously? The fates or spirits or whatever, decided I deserved to have an irrevocable bond with an asshole? I'm not even Native American! They aren't my spirits!
I took off. I had too. It was ridiculous. I had to get the hell out of Forks or I never would. I didn't know where to go until I met Amber. Now at least we had a common destination and I had probably the first true friend I have had in a long time. If ever.
Amber rode by my side. She had a similar beat up old Harley just like I did. I wore my customary jeans and t shirt rolled up to show off my belly button ring. I don't care what Amber thinks, I think it makes me look like a badass. Charlie, Edward and Jake would shit if they could see me now. Paul would probably like it. Asshole. Hot asshole but still an asshole. Ripped, gorgeous asshole but an asshole none the less.
"Baby B, up ahead there is a campground. Let's pull over." Amber shouted out to me over the noise of our engines. I nodded to her. My butt was getting numb. The seat on my bike probably wasn't the best for long term travel but it was the best I could do.
We sat next to each other looking at the stars. Amber pulled out some bud and we smoked. Once the joint was done we shared a cigarette.
"B, you believe in God?"
"I suppose so. I mean if vampires and werewolves exist I can't see why God and the devil don't exist."
"I believe in God. I just don't like him much. And I don't think he likes me either. But I'm okay with that. If God didn't like you what would you do? Would you be okay with it or would you run in circles trying to be a perfect person for him?"
"I suppose knowing me I would run in circles. I always have. I've always been a martyr in some form or fashion. I tried to be perfect for Edward. It got me nowhere but hurt."
"Have you ever thought about being as imperfect as you can?"
"What do you mean?"
"You took off from home right? Cause this Paul guy who hates you thinks he has some mystical connection to you. I bet that's the first thing you have done for yourself in a long time. I mean it sounds like you changed your whole self to fit into this family of so called perfect beings. But no matter what, you couldn't be perfect. You never would have been the Stepford wife Edward wanted you to be. And you never would have been the good baby maker Jake wanted you to be. At least Paul just probably wants to fuck you. Are you a virgin?"
The question caught me off guard. "Yes I am."
"What do you mean why?"
"Why haven't you fucked? You've been around hot guys, why haven't you done any of them?"
"I wasn't ready."
"If you were wet you were ready. I mean your 18. When the hell are you going to be ready? You don't want to because you are hanging on to who you think Edward or Jake want you to be."
Maybe. Amber always knew how to get to the point with me, considering we had only known each other for a month.
"I can't always carry you B. You will have to make decisions for yourself one day."
"When the hell have you carried me?" I asked her.
"You would be surprised. Now lay down."
"Because you're my friend and I haven't been laid and you obviously need some release. There aren't any guys around her so we are going to do each other."
"Whoah. I have never been with a woman."
"It's okay. Stop trying to be perfect and just have fun. Be imperfect."
I felt her hands rolling my shirt up. I didn't have a bra on. I didn't stop her.
"There has to be some sign of her somewhere." I stressed to Emmett.
"Edward I want to find her as badly as you do but have you considered that since she doesn't want to be found, then maybe we should just leave her alone?"
"I have to have her, Em."
"Then why the hell did you leave her in the first place? You were determined to leave her human. What are you going to do if you find her? Leave her human and be a pet for the rest of her life?" Rosalie asked in her typical friendly fashion.
"No Rose, I plan to change her!"
"You can't Edward. You want to damn her to this life? Leaving her was the first selfless thing I think I've ever seen you do. I should have known you couldn't stick to it. Oh and by the way. The Wolves seem to have taken quite an interest in her as well. How do you think they would feel about you changing her?"
"Rose at this point I'm about to lose my mind without her. I really don't care what the dogs have to say about it."
Carlisle tried to calm me like always. "Calm down Edward, she is out there somewhere. We are doing everything we can as is Chief Swan. She will show up somewhere. In the mean time we need to figure out how to stop Victoria before she realizes Bella is gone."
"Carlisle, she is out on her own with hardly any money and no place to stay. How long do you think she can survive? She could be murdered and left in a forest, buried in a shallow grave for all we know."
I could read in his thoughts he didn't hold out much hope of finding her alive. Bella was an emotional wreck when she left Forks. The poor girl must barely be holding it together.
Last night was amazing. I woke up with Amber in my arms. I can't believe the things she showed me. I was afraid it would be awkward but she was up and talking like nothing happened. Before we got our gear stowed on the bikes she looked at me and said "B, don't worry about it. It doesn't change a thing. It was great and imperfect. Enjoy it. Now I happen to know of a little bar about three hundred miles from here. You game?"
"Lead the way."