Wow, angst is pretty much all I can write. Hope none of you get bored! Please drop me some reviews!
A mortal. That's all he was now. Odin had taken his powers and banished him permanently to Midgard. That was a few months ago now. Loki had originally not changed his behaviour at all, but upon realising just how weak his mortal form was. He became quiet and withdrawn. Loki had many very demeaning, unmentionable jobs and had earned enough to rent out a very small apartment which felt more like a box to the former Prince. He looked into his hand. A gun. He knew that he was no longer welcome in Asgard and the Midgardians had nothing but hate for him. He had nowhere else to go. So, there he was. In an alley with a gun in his mouth.
It had been much too long since he had seen his younger brother. He was thankful for the punishment Loki had received; it could have been much, much worse. He knew it would be hard on Loki, especially in his current state of mind. And despite all that Loki had done, he still loved his brother, and worried non-stop for him.
Thor had a plan. Not much a plan really, it mostly involved attempting to trick Heimdall into allowing him to travel to Midgard without letting slip he was going for Loki. But of course, being the awful liar he was, Heimdall saw through him immediately. To his surprise however, Heimdall shared concern for the former Prince's wellbeing, and had allowed Thor to go to him.
Thor was transported to Loki's approximate location and after a short walk he came upon him, in a dark alley…with a weapon.
"Brother?" Thor's voice was quiet but horrified at the scene before him. He did not know what he had expected to find on Midgard when he went after Loki but this was not it. "Brother, what are you doing?"
Loki spun on his heel, turning his head to the source of the voice that was all too familiar. His eyes widened and the gun was slowly, shakily pulled from his mouth only to be held against his neck, so that he could at least speak. Taking slow steps backward he began to shake his head "Stay away from me…" he said voice tired, ragged, and softer.
"Why?" Thor said, taking a step toward him. "Are you not happy to see me?"
Loki's tired eyes widened even more "Stop!" he shouted as he jammed the gun under his chin.
"Loki!" he held his hands up "Do not do this."
"Why?" Loki questioned, peering at Thor through his shaggy black hair. "Why shouldn't I? What have I to live for?"
"You have me." Thor answered quietly.
A smirk spread across thin chapped lips. "Oh yes, and I should be so very grateful to have the mighty Thor shouldn't I?" Loki couldn't understand. "Why do you keep this up? I am nothing but a monster and you know this!" he screeched, attempting to keep his voice from breaking.
"You are my brother and I have gone through great lengths to find you again."
"I am NOT your brother!" he spat the last word out as if it were poison. "Everything would be so much better if I were gone. Can you not see that Thor?" he asked, voice quieting and face twisting into a truly heartbreaking expression.
Thor shook his head. "I will never see that."
"Then you are blind." He whispered ad he lifted the gun with a shaking hand, back into his mouth.
"Loki! Put it down!" he begged. He couldn't let Loki do this; he couldn't stand losing his brother, not like this.
Loki hesitated, taking a few deep breaths through his nose. His finger went to the trigger.
Suddenly there was movement. Loki's eyes snapped shut as he pulled the trigger.
To his own horror, Loki opened his dull green eyes to see a pair of bright blue staring back down at him. His head flopped to the side looking to his hand and he understood what had happened. Thor had pulled the gun away just before Loki pulled the trigger, sending the bullet into the brick wall.
He lay unmoving on the dirt ground, breathing uneven. He swallowed and attempted to speak "Why..?"
"Because I love you Loki." Thor was panting and half laying on top of Loki, holding his arm with the gun to the ground. He took the gun from his loosening grip and threw it down the alley, out of his reach. He heard a strangled sound from underneath him as Loki sprung up and clung to his shoulders, sobbing. Thor clung back, rocking him slightly. "Loki," he said, voice breaking.
"I just want to go home." Loki whined between sobs. "But I can't…they'll hate me...everyone will. I can't fix it Thor."
"Shhh," Thor said soothingly as he placed a kiss on Loki's forehead. "I'm here."
"What do I do?" he whispered.
"Not this." Thor said, as he continued to rock his broken brother. "Let us rest for a moment. There is much to talk about."
Nodding, Loki pushed Thor's arms away and moved to the wall which he leaned his back on.
"Where have you been staying?" he asked concerned.
Loki sniffed and wiped at his eyes as he answered. "Got a room…last week."
Thor closed his eyes. Loki had been on Midgard for months and he'd only just acquired a place to live. "Let us return to it then and converse in a…better area."
Loki looked to the ground. It would not be much of an improvement. He did not want Thor to see the pathetic excuse for an apartment that he lived in, but the wind was terribly cold, so he agreed and lead Thor to the apartment building, eyeing the gun as they passed it.
They arrived a few minutes later and Loki hesitated in front of the door, slowly turning the key and pushing the squeaking door open. The apartment was very small. One room, no bathroom or kitchen, and apparently no electricity or heat either. There was no furniture save for a sleeping bag along with a few tattered blankets against a wall.
Loki walked up to a wall, kicking trash out of his way before taking a seat. Thor sat next to him, their thighs touching. "I have wanted to find you for a long while, brother." He said, checking Loki's expression, or lack thereof. "However, Father would not allow it."
Loki nodded, eyes focussed intensely on the floor in front of him.
"But now that I am with you," Thor spoke up again, "it will be alright." He said as he wound his arms around the younger one, pulling him closer.
"You truly are blind Thor…" Loki muttered, not taking his eyes away from the creaky wood of the floor. "It will never be alright."
"Nonsense. I will bring you home and we will convince father to restore your powers."
"No." Loki said bluntly. "I do not deserve my powers, nor the status of a god, or even an Aesir for that matter…"
"You deserve to come home." Thor insisted.
"He will not allow me to stay, and even if he does, I will only be thrown into a prison to rot…"
"Father wouldn't. I wouldn't let him."
"I wish it were that easy…" Loki could only imagine how Odin, not to mention Frigga, would react to knowing he had sunk so low that he attempted to take his own life. He'd be treated as if he were a child that needed to be looked after and protected and he didn't want that. All Loki wanted was for everything to be normal again.
"It might not be easy. But it will be better than…than that." He insisted.
Loki closed his eyes and a sad smile spread across his trembling lips. "I do not think that it will but perhaps I deserve that."
After a while of uncomfortable silence that seemed to crush him, Loki spoke up. "Why don't you hate me?" he whispered.
"I could never hate you my Loki." Thor said, stroking Loki's hair. "Never."
Loki turned, leaning into Thor evermore as his hair was played with soothingly and he realised just how tired he was. "You're such an idiot." He mumbled, closing his eyes and promptly fell asleep on the cool metal of Thor's chest.
"I know." Thor said as he kissed his hair and went to sleep himself.