I can't go on living this way
But I can't go back the way I came
Chained to this fear that I will never find
A way to heal my soul
And I will wander 'til the end of time
Half alive without you
- Evanescence, My Heart Is Broken
Prologue: Where it All got Burned
Fights; they actually happen a lot.
Most of the time these fights are natural. No one's perfect of course and fighting sometimes can't be helped.
There's obviously lots of types of fights, but the one I need to talk to you about is one of the worst kinds. This fight has to happen with someone you deeply care about.
It starts when you get into a silly disagreement, but it goes too far and the argument changes. Suddenly your yelling at the other person for things totally unrelated to the disagreement you just had. You're shouting about things they've done or that they do that you hate. Some of these things you're saying are not even true, but you feel the need to say them because you're so mad. The person your fighting with does the same to you.
After the yelling is done, both your feelings are hurt and you know this argument will be remembered. You also think that you won't be able to get over this fight with each other. Most of the time, you do end up getting over it. It will take a while to forgive and forget about the fight, but it can happen.
There's something important you should know: death can come easy.
Death can happen at anytime on any day. You probably don't think about this as you get up in the morning but lots of things can kill you. You could walk outside and accidentally be hit by a vehicle. Your house could catch on fire or break down when your casually sitting in it. You may soon develop a fatal disease.
You may think that's totally unrelated to the fight I was just talking about, but trust me; it needs to be considered.
Imagine this: You're in the type of fight I was just talking about with the closest person in your life. You don't want to forgive that person too easily because your feelings are deeply hurt. After a while of not talking because of the fight you discover something: the person you fought with just died.
Yes; died. Dead.
Imagine the awful feelings you would have after you discovered this. The person died while you were fighting with them. The awful things you said would be the person's last memory of you. You deeply hurt them and can never apologize or do anything about it…
That seems awful and depressing right? Well think about that the next time you're in a fight. Try to avoid fights because of that. Try to forgive because with this stupid, crappy world, you never know if the conversation your having with a loved one is your last.
This especially goes for me. I'm always in life or death situations. But I never considered what I would do if my brother (the person closest to me) died after we got in a huge fight.
That is, until it happened to me. It all started with some stupid bickering, then it got worse and suddenly we were having one of our worst fights ever. Half the things that came out of my mouth weren't true. Same goes for my brother, I'm sure. But that fact didn't mean the words didn't hurt… A lot.
After the fight, I ran out of our motel room. I had to cool down and after hours I still couldn't. I ended up sleeping in the Impala.
I woke up to the smell of smoke. I opened my eyes and saw a burned down motel room. Police were examining the burned down scene, firefighters were leaving as they finished putting out the fire. The ambulance was leaving as well, confirming that there was no body; It had been burned in the powerful fire.
Do I even have to tell you that was our motel room?
Or that my brother was locked in the room and burned?
I want revenge. The fire couldn't be a coincidence or accident. In our gig, you didn't get those. My brother had been set on fire purposely.
My name is Dean Winchester, and I'm dead inside.
My brother Sam is dead and I can never say sorry to him.