Hi there! Here's the new chapter! Sorry it took me so long to update but you know how life can be crazy!
So, I hope you haven't forgotten where we left off and that you'll enjoy the new chapter, if you do so, please leave a review! Thank you!
Kahlan closed her book and let out a long sigh. The sun was finally up. Her daughter would soon wake and another day would start. Sitting on her bed, her back resting the headboard, she rubbed her eyes. She was exhausted but couldn't sleep. It's been like this for two years now. At first she tried to sleep but found herself being restless so she started to work and read. It was a good thing that being Mother Confessor came with all this amount of work. Then, when she gave birth, Cassie was the one keeping her up but she didn't mind. She loved spending time with her daughter but after only one month, the little girl was sleeping through the nights so Kahlan went back to her books. She dozed off from time to time, resting just enough to get some strength back to go through the day but she had long forgotten was a good night of sleep was like. Her little time of sleep was full of nightmares so she decided to keep herself busy when the sun was down.
She opened her book again in another attempt to read but it was hopeless, her thoughts immediately went to Richard. In two years she had managed to think less about him, at least during the day. His face in her mind almost became blurry but now that he was back in Aydindrill, everything had changed. She kept seeing his face, the look in his eyes when they met her belly was the same than when he watched Cassie running in Tim's arms.
She closed her book again and tossed it on the bed next to her and she finally got up and made her way to the window. Watching the city slowly waking up was calming her. She closed her eyes trying to push Richard out of her thoughts. He was making her emotions uncontrollable and she hated it. She could feel the cracks in her Confessor mask and she wanted to yell at him for making her feel so powerless against the waves of emotions overwhelming her. Ever since she met him in the woods of Hartland he had been her weakness.
"Mama!" She heard her daughter called, making a small smile appear on Kahlan's face. She walked to the adjacent room to find Cassie standing up in her bed, waiting to be picked up.
"Hi there." Kahlan greeted her daughter with a kiss on the cheek before picking her up and walking to her own bed. She sat just like she did before, with her back against the headboard, holding her daughter in her arms.
"We have a big day today." She told her. "First we are going to have breakfast and get ready and then we are going to the city to explain to the people of Aydindrill that the Midlands are now united to D'Hara."
A knock at the door interrupted her and Sylvia entered the room.
"Good morning Mother Confessor." The maid said, bowing in front of Kahlan.
"Good morning." She replied.
"How's the little Cassie this morning?" Sylvia asked.
"Looks like she could use some more sleep." Kahlan replied.
"You could use some more sleep too." Sylvia replied with a sad smile.
"We've talk about it already." Kahlan replied.
"I know but some tea will help you relax." The maid insisted.
"But the tea won't make the nightmares go away." Kahlan told her, hugging her daughter tightly.
Sylvia sat on the edge of the bed and said: "But he's here now… Maybe he could…"
"He feels like I betrayed him." Kahlan cut her. "He must already feel like I'm a monster and he doesn't know everything I did while he was gone."
She took a deep breath, trying to prevent her tears from falling and she added: "If you could see the look in his eyes when he looks at me… When Cassie ran to Tim when she saw him."
She slightly shook her head and continued: "I already hurt him too much."
"What are you going to do?" Sylvia asked.
"Nothing… Keep my Confessor mask as much as I can." She said as tears finally broke free.
"Mama Wy" Cassie said as she reached to touch her mother's face.
"It's okay baby." Kahlan reassured her, quickly drying her tears.
"Where is he now?" Kahlan asked Sylvia.
"In the library, he spent the night there, looking for a cure for his grandfather." The maid replied.
"Does he know about the meeting with the people in town?" She asked.
"No, not yet. I figured that if you're not the one to tell him, he won't get out of the library." Sylvia replied.
"He'll listen to you." Kahlan told her.
"No, Kahlan you have to go. Go see him, let him see Cassie. I'm sure you'll find your way back together." The maid said before getting up and leaving the room before Kahlan could argue.
"I'll send someone to let you know when your breakfast will be ready." She added and closed the door.
Sylvia was right, she had to go see him and talk to him. If he was going to stay in the Palace with her, she had to learn to be near him without being angry or being devastated. And her daughter had the right to know her father, just like he had the right know his daughter.
Gathering all her strengths, she finally got up and walk to the library to find him. Cassie was in her arms, resting her head against her shoulder and playing with her mother's hair.
When she push the door of the library open and saw him, he took her breath away. Even with his handsome features mostly hidden behind piles of books, he still made her heart race.
Hearing the noise of the door, he looked up at her. Their eyes locked for a moment before he looked at Cassie and finally at Kahlan's growing belly. She saw the emotions in his eyes, pain and anger, then without a word, he went back to the book he was reading before she interrupted him. The knot formed in her stomach before she opened the door tighten even more and she considered running away for a second.
"There… there is a meeting this morning with the people of Aydindrill. To celebrate the union of D'Hara and The Midlands. The Mother Confessor and Lord Rahl are to salute the crowd." She explained trying to sound emotionless.
"Will it take long? Because I still have a lot of word to do." He replied, not bothering to look up at her.
"No, I don't think so." She simply told him.
There was a long silence and she broke it by asking: "Do you want to hold her?"
Richard finally looked up to his daughter with a sad smile and replied: "No."
She was shocked by his answer, her knees almost gave away. The pain she felt was quickly replaced by anger. She didn't understand why he was acting like this.
"Why not?" She asked him sharply.
"Because I'm leaving. Once Zedd will be healed or dead if I fail, I'll leave for D'Hara." He explained calmly.
"I thought you wanted to get to know your daughter." She said as she put Cassie down who was wriggling in her arms and wanted to play on the floor.
"I do. But I'm the Lord Rahl now and I have urgent matters to attend to." He said vaguely.
She laughed bitterly and said: "I see leaving is still your favorite thing to do."
He angrily rose from his chair and said: "What do you think Kahlan? That I can stay here?"
He walked to her and added: "Do you think that I can stay here and watch you live with him the life I wanted for us?"
She looked down as her breathing became ragged.
"Look at me!" He almost shouted making her jump.
"Do you think I can stay here and watch you be with him, giving birth to his children?! Watch my own daughter treats him like her father?!" He said trying not to yell at her but almost failing.
When Cassie ran to her mother, he realized that he had scared her and tried to calm himself. Kahlan picked up the little girl, whispering to calm her. "She bonded with him. I missed nearly two years of her life and she thinks he's her father. I get it. I want what is best for her and I don't want to mess with her head. I know what it's like to have an adoptive father, I loved the Cyphers and knowing the truth would have been too hard for me to handle when I was a kid." He explained using a calmer tone.
He ran a hand through his hair and said: "I can't stay here Kahlan. I'm a stranger to her, I'm a stranger to you…"
"I might end up beheading Tim for taking what's mine." He said with a laugh, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
After a short silence he said: "I want what is best for you… and for Cassie. Just like the Cyphers were what was best for me."
He gave her a sad smile as tears filled his eyes and added: "I'll come visit if you want to."
"Mother Confessor." They heard as a young maid entered the library and bowed in front of them.
"Breakfast has been served." She said.
Kahlan nodded in answer and the young girl added: "Is there something else I can do to please you?"
"No, that will be all." She replied.
Watching the maid leave, Richard looked at Kahlan. "Did you confess her?" He asked.
Kahlan looked down and said: "I don't want to talk about it, I have to go."
"Is it the ConDar?" He asked.
As she stood speechless in front of him he continued: "When I came back, you got angry and I heard you releasing your powers."
Finally composing herself, she looked up at him and said: "You don't have to tell me what happened. I know what I did and I know the monster I am. I blame myself for it every day."
"Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for Cassie to have her breakfast." She told him before turning to the door.
"Kahlan wait!" He exclaimed to stop her.
She froze in her tracks but did not turn. She couldn't face him because she was ashamed and because looking in his eyes was breaking her heart.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you and scared Cassie." He apologized.
She nodded and as she was about to walked out of the library, he quickly asked: "Do you remember that morning after we've been together for the first time?"
He made a step towards her but she didn't turn to face him.
"You told me that you were scared of two things, having to take a mate and having to raise our child alone." He continued.
"I'm sorry that you had to go through those two things because of me." He added, fighting the urge to close the distance between them and to wrap his arms around her.
He watched the rise and fall of her shoulders as she breathed, desperately hoping that she would turn and tell him that she could forgive him.
"I'll see you for the meeting in the city." She told him without looking at him and she left the room.