Chapter Four – I miss you
Thomas was waiting for me at the car, a cautious expression on his face that quickly turned into a polite smile when our gazes met.
"Are you all right? You look a bit shaken"
"I'm fine, thank you", I calmly responded.
Looking at Thomas, I could tell that he didn't buy it. But, instead of saying something about it, he asked, "Is Mr Michaelis' grave here as well?"
For a moment I was dumbstruck. I hadn't expected that.
"What a funny question", I then mused. "How do you know about Sebastian?"
Thomas shrugged. "My Grandfather told me. He said that you cried a lot after Mr Michaelis left"
That's what you got when you went soft on your servants. They became all nosy and inquisitive and started caring about things they shouldn't even know about…
I crossed my arms. "Sebastian is a demon, and a strong one too. I doubt that he's dead, and even if he were… it doesn't matter to me. He was just a butler"
Thomas gave me a sceptical look, but he still changed the topic.
"It must be hard to outlive everyone you know… don't you feel lonely?"
"I never had many friends", I said, then I got into the car. "We still need to pick up my new school uniform", I pointed out. "And I need some other things, too. And I think it's time for a new haircut", and then, when Thomas didn't reply, I added, "I don't have time to waste, you know? There's a telephone conference tonight, and I want to be back by then"
Thomas seemed to get the hint; he got into the car and started the engine.
"Still, you were kinda close, right? You and your butler…"
He shot me a curious glance, and I looked away.
"Seems like he didn't think so", I muttered. "I can't say I disliked him, though…"
I was so pathetic.
I still remembered the day when I had hired Thomas' Grandfather. Well, actually, Sebastian had hired him the day he had left…
Tall, blonde, and fairly handsome, Mr William Grey had looked just like Thomas did now. He had been very polite. When he had first approached me – I had been in my bedroom at that time, reading and re-reading Sebastian's letter in a somewhat futile attempt to understand the meaning behind my butler's words – I had thought he was a burglar of sorts and had been ready to kill him then and there. Then, he had explained himself: Sebastian, not wanting to leave me all by myself, had hired him in order to look after me.
Mr Grey's words had made me realize that Sebastian really wasn't coming back, and although I had felt like curling up in my bed and weeping, I had forced myself to remain calm and collected, and I had made a contract with Mr Grey – not the Faustian kind of contract, just a simple employment contract that basically said that Mr Grey was my driver and that he was to follow me wherever I decided to live. In return, I provided him and his family with food and lodging and, of course, a certain weekly allowance. That contract hadn't changed much until today – Thomas worked under the same conditions, with only minor changes due to changes in law or etiquette.
A few years ago, Thomas had married a young woman named Charlotte, and since then, she was a member of the household, too – and my cook, at least officially. I didn't need a cook, or even food, and to be quite honest, I didn't need a driver, either, but I enjoyed their company. They were a more than welcome distraction at times when I felt so depressed I could hardly find the motivation to get up in the mornings, and they almost made me feel like I was part of a family again, especially with Charlotte currently being pregnant – because I had to admit that I was a little excited about that.
Thomas and Charlotte were the only friends I had, and that thought made me both happy and sad.
When Thomas and I returned home, I decided to spend the night in Sebastian's room – the master bedroom was a terrible mess, after all, and while I didn't want to admit it, I really missed Sebastian, and I couldn't help but bury my face in his pillow and take in his scent when I went to bed. It brought back so many memories…
Like I had done many times since Sebastian had left me, I cried myself to sleep that night…