A Civil Conversation
Spoilers: Season 2
Summary: Kurt finds an indirect way into Noah Puckerman's life.
A Civil Conversation
"Wait." Puck places his hands on his requires wheelchair and slows down. He looks up and back at his mother. "Can . . . can I see him Ma?"
Gina bites her lip before sighing. "Well . . . I'll have to talk to someone to find out."
Puck smiles wide at her. "Thanks Ma."
Gina can't help but smile down at her hopeful son. Even through the bandages on his head and around his chest, he is still moving along.
Puck settles back in his chair, smiling as his mother turns him away from the entrance and back into the hospital.
I get to see Kurt. Maybe . . . maybe he's changed . Maybe he'll finally realize that I do love him, and . . . he might start loving me back.
Puck's smile gets impossibly wider as his mother shakes hands with a doctor before leading him into a different wing of the building than he was in.
"Are they going to let me see him?" Puck asks, already expecting a yes.
Gina chuckles down at her son. "Yes, but it's up to him." She tells him firmly. "His dad's still with him too. So you have to get a yes from both of them."
Puck eagerly nods as he looks away and down the hall. Door after door, patient after patient.
This place doesn't seem as bad as they make it look like in the movies. Less crazy, and more cleanliness.
Puck chuckles quietly to himself as Gina steers him to one of the doors. Puck looks up and reads the door: Rm 334.
Puck memorizes the door before watching as his mother knocks on the door. It only takes a few seconds before the big door is open and Burt Hummel stands in the doorway. A red-eyed Burt Hummel. An exhausted and distraught Burt Hummel.
"Mr. Hummel." Puck says quietly as he extends a hand. "I was wondering . . . do you think . . . I could see him?" Puck gulps.
Burt finally smiles. "You . . . you saved my boy from that man. This would be the least I could do." Burt takes his hand and squeezes it tight.
Puck smiles, before frowning. "Does . . . does he want to see me?"
Burt bites his lip and lets go of Puck's hand. "I'll ask him, but . . . I'm sorry if he turns you away. He hasn't really been himself."
Puck nods and lets out a shaky sigh. Burt gives him a sad smile before returning to the room. Puck waits until the door slowly swings shut before looking at Gina.
"Do you think he'll want to see me?" Puck asks softly.
Gina sighs and slowly shakes her head no. "From everything that I've heard in the past few days, he doesn't want to see anyone except . . . that man."
Puck sighs and slowly accepts the fate that he might not be able to see the love of his life.
I have to prove to him that I love him. I have . . . I have to find some way.
Puck looks up when the door opens. Burt Hummel is there, smiling down at Puck.
"He's not talking, but . . . he didn't say no. He's been yelling at everyone else that's wanted to come in." Burt chuckles. "You're lucky I guess." Burt steps out of the way and holds the door open for Puck. "I'll be out here with your mom. Take as long as you need."
Puck smiles at the man. Gina pats Puck on the shoulder before motioning Burt over towards a bench. Puck quickly wheels himself in before the door can shut on him.
The room is awfully quiet. Puck looks around and sees that Kurt has the room to himself. The boy in question is laying on the hospital bed, the hospital gown draped around him, in the fetal position. Puck gulps before wheeling himself around the bed so he's on the side Kurt is facing. He watches as Kurt tenses before he stops by the bed. The boy has his eyes closed.
"Kurt . . ." Puck mutters. He clears his throat and moves to as close to the bed as possible. "Kurt." He repeats with a firm voice.
The boys eyelids flutter, but he doesn't open them.
Puck gulps. "Well your dad said that you haven't really talked to anyone, but I guess . . . no. This is a good thing. I need you to hear what I have to say."
Puck finds some sort of bravery and reaches out and takes Kurt's hand from where it's pressed to his stomach. Kurt' hand tenses in his, but he's lucky that the pale boy doesn't pull away.
Good. At least he trusts me somewhat.
Puck lets out a shaky breath. "Kurt . . . Kurt Hummel . . . my future husband."
Kurt's eyes snap open and narrow at Puck's smile. Kurt pulls his hand away and holds it to his face with the other.
"Are you going to listen to me now?" Puck asks.
Kurt sighs. "What are you doing here Puck?" His voice is full of lost tears and hopelessness.
Puck smiles. "Well, well, well. You finally decide to speak. I guess I should be honored." Puck says sarcastically.
Kurt raises an eyebrow.
Puck sighs. "Fine. I need you to listen to me. Just listen, that's all I ask." Puck waits, and after a slight hesitation, Kurt nods quickly. "Okay Kurt. I need you to know . . . that I am so deep in love with you that it's killing me to see you like this." Puck's voice goes deep and serious. "It kills me. Because I know that you deserve love and you went to the one man that could never give you that."
"He loved me." Kurt says as he slowly sits up. "Will still does love me." Kurt sweeps his legs off the bed and stares Puck down. "We love each other and we will be together. You're only trying to destroy something you don't understand."
"I understand everything." Puck argues.
"You don't." Kurt is quick to say. "For once in my life, I found something that made me happy. Why can't you just let me have this one thing in my life?" Kurt's eyes are suddenly full of tears.
"Kurt." Puck says slowly. "I don't want you to be lonely. I want . . . I want you to have a boyfriend, a husband even. I want you to live a long life doing whatever you want. I want you to know what love is." Puck lets out a shaky breath. "And even if I'm not the one to give it to you, I want you to have it."
"Then why didn't you let me and Will be? We were fine." Kurt says through the silent tears on his face.
"You weren't." Puck says with a growl. Don't you remember everything. Remember when he left that bruise on your neck."
Kurt's hand flies up to his neck. "How . . . how do you know about that?"
"Doesn't matter." Puck answers. "But also, don't you remember him kidnapping Sarah? Then you?"
"I went there voluntarily." Kurt answers.
"You went there to save someone's life. You sacrificed yourself to this monster and now you've fallen under his brainwashing." Puck spits. "I mean, I thought you were stronger than that. How could you-"
"Because he's the only one that will ever love m-me." Kurt's voice breaks as he's full on crying. "He's the only one that would ever want me. Yes the circumstances were not the best. But I quickly fell in love with him." Kurt lets out a shaky breath. "He is so caring, and he made sure I was taken care of. I knew that I would fall for him and I'm glad I did."
"But that's not you Kurt." Puck says, trying not to cry at Kurt's rant. "What happened to the boy that believes that you can find love anywhere?"
"He grew up." Kurt snaps. "He got forced into reality and realized that true love doesn't exist."
"It does with me." Puck struggles to stand up, his ribs aching with pain. "And it does with us. I know you love me. Maybe even as much as I love you."
Kurt scoffs. "Like I would ever love you Puckerman. All you ever were was a fling. Hell . . . you can barely stand up on your own." Kurt sneers as he motions at Puck's shaking body. "Now tell me what kind of man that you are then? Hmm. You know nothing of love you low-life piece of scum."
Puck feels his heart quiver and break. He falls back into his chair and the tears start falling.
Does he . . . is that really . . . am I scum?
"No Kurt." Puck says weakly.
"Yes Puck.' Kurt spits. "You were never in love with me. It was just some stunt your pathetic brain came up with. Sure it was fun dragging you along, but I knew I'd find my love soon. And once you were out of my door, the real man stepped in."
Puck shakes his head. "No."
"It is. Now leave me alone. Go on with your life hating what me and Will have . . . knowing that you will never have it." Kurt adds on slowly.
Puck slowly looks up at Kurt. The pure hatred is shown on the pale boys face. Puck looks away and starts rolling his chair away. The only sound heard is the squeaks from the wheels. Puck stops with his hand on the doorknob."
"Kurt." He hears the bed move. "I . . . I could never hate you . . . because loving you . . . it's the only thing that I have right now."
Puck doesn't wait for a response before opening the door and wheeling out.
Kurt stares after the boy before falling back on his bed, tears running down his face.
Stupid . . . idiotic . . . stupid . . . Puck. Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just accept that . . . we can never love each other. I can't love you. I can't.
Kurt rolls on his side, back into the fetal position, allowing his sobs to echo throughout the room.
Please . . . please don't love me. Please . . . please . . .
Puck rolls past his mother and Burt, not wanting to stop. He can hear his name being yelled, but he's not going to answer.
No one . . . no one loves me. I'm all alone.
Puck can feel the wheels getting slick around his hands, he can feel his hands burning from the skin that he's peeling off at the force he's using.
He's suddenly stopped by someone grabbing his wheelchair. "Noah." The voice he always heard growing up, the one that's always been right. "What has gotten into you? What happened back there?" Gina is suddenly kneeling in front of her only son. "Talk to me Noah." Noah looks up and Gina jumps a bit in shock at the rage and hatred in her sons eyes. She reaches out and cups his chin. "Please Noah. Talk to me." Puck keeps staring at her. Gina lets a tear escape as her chin quivers slightly. "Please Noah . . . I can't deal with both you and your sister not talking. I need you to stay with me. Talk to me."
Puck breaks eye contact and looks down at his lap. Gina says and lets out a shaky breath before standing up. She moves to stand behind Puck and slowly pushes him towards the exit. The doors slide open for them and they're met with the fall air. Gina stops pushing Puck next to an awaiting vehicle. The door opens and Sarah steps out.
Puck lifts his eyes and meets his sisters. Her frown quivers before she jumps into Puck's lap, crying.
She knows me without me saying anything. That . . . that's love.
Puck slowly stands up out of the wheelchair. He holds Sarah in his arms as he slides into the vehicle. He barely glances at his Nana before he shuts the door, and his eyes, and his heart.
And what an ending. It was so, so hard to write. You have no idea. I hated writing Kurt's dialogue. I hated writing Puck not talking to Gina. The only part I enjoyed writing was Sarah and Puck coming together.
So, let me know what you think. i want to hear everything that's been unsaid. Any comments, concerns, criticisms. I want you to rant and rant at everything in this chapter. Then . . . I want to hear about what you're expecting of the sequel. :) That's right. I already have a few ideas in place, but it wouldn't hurt to hear more. So let me know. I want to hear from my readers. I want to know if I'm pleasing them or killing them inside.
And, the poll on my profile decides the next story that I'm writing after this. So . . . stay tuned.