A/N: So... new story. I love Shakespeare, and, like a nerd, went to study Shakespeare for 3 weeks over summer. Now, a couple of the easier assignments we had were to change up and/or write a sequel to some of his plays. This was the mess that followed. I'm doing the plays out of order, so the chapters will tell you which poor play will be mutilated. Enjoy!
P.S. Henry IV is changed a... little, as it is converted into a children's book. Don't like, don't read. And... I'm sorry, in advance.
THE TALE OF HENRY THE HAPPY AND HOTSPUR THE HATEFUL
Previously known as Henry IV, Part 1, before it was butchered, chopped up and glued back together as a children's book.
Once upon a time, there was a great and jolly king named Henry the Happy. He was a great and jolly king and was loved by his people for being a great and jolly king.
But there was one person who didn't like King Henry, and his name was Hotspur the Hateful. He was bald and ugly, which instantly qualified him as evil. Anyways, Hotspur wanted a friend of his named Morty to be king, and so he stole some of King Henry the Happy's followers, hoping to convince them to join Morty's side.
All of a sudden, Henry was less of a jolly king. He was still great, but he was sad. And so he talked with his best friends about how to get his stolen followers back, so he could once more be a great and jolly king. However, Henry was also sad that his son, Prince Hal the Oh-So-Handsome-And-Young, was not there to help him plan.
Hal was a handsome young prince, but his friend, Falstaff the Fat, who also happened to be the great and jolly king's least favorite person, was a bad friend. Falstaff, while jolly, was not so great - he drank lots of... water, dangerously unbalancing his... flesh:water ratio.
Soon, though, Henry took Hal to DisneyLand ("The Most Magical Place on Earth for Kings and Their Sons to Reconcile") to have 'father-son' time.
On Space Mountain, Henry the Happy turned to Hal. "Hal," said Henry in a great and jolly way. "You must change. You are making me embarrassed with all of your drinking."
"Okay, Daddy," said Hal in a young and handsome way. "I will be a better son."
And that was that.
Meanwhile, Hotspur the Hateful recieved some evil and ugly news - his daddy was too sick with a cold to come and help Morty become king, and his friend Mr Northy had become scared of helping because he had read a horoscope in Seventeen magazine that said, "You will get grumpy." And so he stayed home.
"Oh, well," said Hotspur in an evil and ugly way. "Well, to battle!"
The battle was long and hard, but none of King Henry's men, in lovely silver suits of armor that river-nymphs had given them, were hurt, while many of Hotspur the Hateful's men, thinking that King Henry's great and jolly silver armor was the moon, thought it was night and all went to sleep for a very long time.
Meanwhile, Hal and Hotspur fought, but because Hal was so young and handsome, Hotspur could not hurt him. Suddenly, in a young and handsome way, Hal said, "Mr Hotspur, you're very grumpy. Is this because you missed your afternoon nap?"
Hotspur thought for a moment. "You're right!" he said in an evil and ugly way, and laid down to take a long nap.
Hal, who got bored in a young and handsome way, wandered off to do something young and handsome.
Meanwhile, Falstaff woke up from a short nap he had been taking nearby, and looked at Hotspur in a fat and druken-on-water way.
"I will go tell everyone that I was the one to tell Hotspur to take a nap," he said in a fat and drunken-on-water way, and off he went.
When Falstaff told everyone, the young and handsome Hal said, "Hey! I told him to take a nap, not you!" in a young and handsome way.
"Oh," said Falstaff in a fat and drunken-on-water way. "Well, can we share the glory?"
Hal thought for a moment, and then said in a young and handsome way, "Because sharing is the young and handsome thing to do, okay."
And everyone hugged and kissed in a great and jolly way, and they all lived happily ever after.
A/N: Yikes. I am so sorry. Please don't think this is the best I can do. This collection of scraps is meant to be read for humor and enjoyment only. I respect the Bard and all of his works. Don't kill me.