Disclaimer- I don't own Castle or any of the characters. I've read the Nikki Heat books (and the Derrick Storm novella, but not the comic) and watched the show, but they belong to Andrew Marlowe. Please don't sue me, I'm poor. I just like playing with the characters and I don't make any money from writing this and I didn't beta it. So, if you wanna beta, please feel free to ask me, I'll probably accept the offer. Leave me reviews if you did (I'm one of those douchebag crybaby authors who can't write without somebody patting them on the back for each chapter, I suck).
We took a few nights to recover from the horror of Alexis's first day. Richard called her phone five times a day the first few days. I wanted to bring him to work with me because work was my escape. Richard had no escape. He started to look and sound better when I came home on the third night.
"I haven an idea- we'll make a video for her," he said. "And we'll tell her at the end."
"I'm all for that," I said, climbing up onto the kitchen counter to sit. "But… I'm really excited about our baby. I really want to get to a doctor right away."
"After New Year's," he said.
We finally got a hold of Alexis after the first week, right before my referral appointment with my doctor. I had done all the pre-appointment tests the day before. "It's not as bad as I thought," she admitted. "I thought it would be like prison, but they're actually pretty cool here. I just worry about what people will think of me back at Columbia."
"Who cares?" I asked. "Real friends won't."
"Lainey said that mental illness is a liability on medical school applications. I might have professors who don't give me medical school recommendations and…"
"Then make sure you get better," I offered. "Don't let this get in the way of your dreams."
"It could be bad, it could be turned around as a sign of strength," Richard offered. "You're only in your first year of college, you've got a ways to go… You'll be fine when you get out of rehab, you'll get to finish school and college-"
She sighed over the phone. I thought about her last words to directly to me in the car before we took her in that nobody would ever love her again. If that's what she had said. I reminded myself of my promise to read more on this disease at the same time as I read about pregnancy. "Well, they just came through demanding our cell phones. I gotta go," she said. "I love you."
"We love you, too. Take care," Richard said, hanging up the phone. "Come on. I'll drive you."
I was nervous as we walked in. Was I going to be referred to a great doctor or would I get reports that this one was so-so? I literally had never asked about these kinds of things. Would I get a choice?
When we were called into my doctor's office, we sat down across from his desk.
"Alright, Miss Beckett- it's still Miss, right?"
"Yes, it is."
He flipped through my test results on his tablet. "I'm sorry, my nurse didn't write this down properly- are you trying to get pregnant or wanting to change your birth control?"
"No, I took a home pregnancy test a few weeks ago and it said I was pregnant."
He pressed his lips together, looking at the reports and I looked at Richard. A pang of worry struck me. "You're not pregnant," my doctor said.
Richard took my hand.
He shook his head. "I'm sorry. Sometimes, those tests can be wrong. You're showing elevated levels of cortisol, have you been under a lot of stress, lately?"
"You haven't had anything like a cycle since Thanksgiving?"
"No, I haven't."
"Then it might have been stress. Sometimes stress can cause a fake pregnancy. Other times, it can cause your cycle to stop all together. I'm sorry, Miss Beckett."
I felt such a deep sense of anger and sadness, I wanted to break down, but I couldn't. I had done enough crying in the last month. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I had wanted this so badly, and believed I was having a baby. I glanced over at Richard, who was staring at the desktop in deep thought. "We'd like to plan on having a baby. In the future, after we're married."
"Planning a pregnancy is the smart thing to do. Do you want me to refer you to an OB GYN for after your wedding?"
"Yes, please." I squeezed Richard's hand. "I really want to have a baby as soon as possible."
"I'll be happy to."
"Thank you," I whispered.
Neither of us had ever been so disappointed over something outside our control or with something so personal ever. I had been planning a whole new life with a baby, gathering information, building baby registries, reading up on the Police Force's policies on maternity leave— I just hadn't expected something to go wrong. I truly believed I was pregnant and that I was going to be a mother soon, that it was already happening and the wheels were turning. It was slightly humiliating to have my body trick me like this. I had truly believed I was having a baby. I was so glad we had kept it a secret.
I wanted to be alone in my misery for a while. Richard didn't let me.
He turned on the iHome dock and moved the coffee table out of the way in the middle of the living room. An up-beat danceable song came on. "Come on," he said, taking my hand. "Dance with me."
I half-heartedly let him lead me. "Who is this?" I asked of the song.
"Eliza Doolittle. I used to dance to this with Alexis when she went through cotillion," he said. I realized he really knew how to dance and I looked like a toe-stepping buffoon. The most I had ever learned was the basic waltz. "Don't lead, okay?" I wasn't sure what he meant. "Let me lead, please." I gave up trying to control the steps and it became easier. He was a good lead, it seemed.
"Where did you learn how to dance?" I asked.
He chuckled. "We've never really danced, have we? Yeah, in eighth grade, I had to take an elective, and I didn't want to play sports, so, I was standing there in the gym looking at the different booths to sign up in, and I saw all these pretty girls going one and practically no other boys. I thought, 'that's the class for me.' It was ballroom dance."
I chuckled, finally, my dark mood lifting.
"And I had all the girls fighting over me because they didn't want to dance with each other," he said. "There were only two other boys in the class, and let's be honest, no closet was going to hold them." I laughed, finally, a loud, happy, unexpected laugh that I hadn't felt all afternoon. "I got teased a lot, but at the spring dance, all the girls wanted to dance with me, and I was surrounded by them while all the other boys were sitting in the bleachers, trying to work up the nerve to ask them to do the eighth-grade slow dance. And all the teachers were smiling at me in approval for once. I got kicked out of school that night, too."
"You did?" I cried.
"Yeah, there was this one girl, and she and I sneaked off under the bleachers and let me put my hand up her shirt. We got caught, but it damn well worth it."
I laughed. "That sounds completely like you," I said. "Ladies' man even at fourteen."
"Fish sandwiches and cavasier, that's me."
"What?" I laughed.
"That's a quote from the Ladies' Man. Here," he said, slipped an arm across my waist from the front. "Put your arm up here, over my shoulder." He positioned my arm across his chest so I was grabbing his shoulder. "I'm going to lift you, hold on and trust me, okay?" His arm tightened on me and I was lifted up off the floor in a way that he wasn't in front of me. I found myself squealing and laughing, it felt like I was flying for a second. "Now we're going to tell each other why we love each other," he said, setting me down, spinning me about.
"Because there's nothing you and I can't handle together," he said, taking my hands and taking me into what I recognized as a Triple Liddy. "We're going make this work. I'm not getting married again after you, there's no point in it. I'll go first; I love you because you are sexy, smart, stubborn, and maddening and I can't live without you." I felt a sob aching its way up my throat. "Now you."
I stopped moving and took Richard's hands. I looked into his eyes. "I love you because… you're a wonderful father and human being. And I can't wait to make a baby with you."
"Wanna go practice?"
"Yeah, Castle. Always."
A/N- If you want the song they were dancing to, it was this one: http: [slash] [slash] [slash] dzY0 [hyphen] I4Gq5w . It's Pack Up by Eliza Doolittle. I love this song so much! I'm probably going to write another companion fic from Kate's POV son. I want to thank whoever left my review. It made me so happy! I love you!