[Author's Note]


Holy crap, that was a long break. I'm so sorry, guys. D:

But it's here now! It's 50 shades of Yaoi Hell, and 50 shades of gay as well!
Hooray for word play!

Speaking of hooray, I have shout-outs to give, because you guys are great. Automatic shout-out to all who review.

And a special shout-out to MitchiMarra, Akatsuki Annabell-YAOI ROCKS, vampaddiction, and Sunfish-chan, who have reviewed every chapter!
*round of applause*
PsychoPyro and Solace In The Chaos also get a pat on the back for only missing one chapter.

And a SUPER-DUPER shout-out to my male readers! I'll be discrete about your identities (if I know you), okay? You know who you are.
My boyfriend, who loves this story, despite being straight and not liking yaoi, SasoDei, reading, or the Naruto series. I did not force him to read it. But he did, and he's been bugging me to write this chapter, so I made sure to finish it for his birthday (9/08). Happy birthday, love.

The Lie, who likes the story despite the gay pairing. He says it's well-written

And The Mum, who hasn't read it yet, but looks forward to doing so. He says he'll read it this weekend.

I love you all! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you for your awesome support; read and review!

"The voice of the intellect is a soft one, but it does not rest until it has gained a hearing." —Sigmund Freud

So Help Me, Freud — Chapter 6

"But Senpaiiiiiii~!"

Deidara cast a one-eyed glare at his roommate.

"I have an appointment, Tobi! I have to go, un!" he shouted. He knew it would be better to ignore him, but that wasn't something he was good at. The kid's voice was so annoying! So fucking happy!
It wasn't hard for the blonde to shut the door in his face.

Besides, this appointment was important. He actually had something important to talk about with Danna. Most of their sessions were kept out of habit, not need; they were more like relaxing discussions with a friend than visits to a doctor. It was one of the reasons Deidara was fond of the man —he wasn't what he seemed to be. He wasn't the expressionless face that he wore.

The teen shook his head with a smile. No, that wasn't the case at all. He had feelings, expressions, beliefs. He had likes and dislikes, loves and hates. You could see it in his eyes, thirty-five years of emotion gathered on antiquated wood. Maybe that was why he could share so much with Danna; he emanated indifference, but truly understood. He wasn't the puppet he claimed to be —he was Real.

Perhaps that was the reason for what the teen was feeling now, that Sasori no Danna really could hear him and judge him. He had never judged him before, but...

Wait, what was he even worried about being judged for? He didn't even know why he felt the way he did. What was it?

"I'm not gay."

It always went back to that; every single time. Why did that bother him so much? Why did it make him sick when he thought about it? Why did it hurt so much to even think about talking to the man about it?

It didn't matter. Danna would know.

That was the thought in his mind as he walked, smiling as a familiar sign came into his field of vision.


That was Danna's office; he'd have answers soon enough. He just had to tell him, and he would know—

A wave of cool air hit the young blonde as he entered the building; Danna hated hot places. He said that they made him feel slow. It was actually because they reminded him of home —Danna didn't like his desert home. He didn't like "doctor smells" either, so the entire office always smelled like flowers or spices. Today it was flowers.
Deidara liked flowers.
The teen took a deep breath of the rose and cherry blossom air, walking up to the front desk where the receptionist —Yuura— sat. The office was completely silent, save for his pen on paper. By the sound of it, he was running out of ink.

"Hey, Yuura." Deidara said, arms crossed as he leaned casually on the counter. "Need ink?"

The receptionist looked up, dropping the pen he had been banging on the table. His eyes seemed surprised and his goatee swayed slightly with the disturbance in the air.

"Oh, it's you—"

"Deidara." the boy supplied. He didn't need to; he had been going to this clinic longer than Yuura had worked there. The man knew his name by now.

Yuura nodded, pushing back a strand of his wispy hair.

"Yes; Master Sasori isn't in today." he said calmly. Deidara laughed.

"Yeah, right, un. Good one, Yuura."

"No, real—"

Deidara was already down the hall, making his way to Sasori's office. His fingers were laced behind his head in a carefree manner. Yuura hurried after him, but only caught up once he had stopped dead in front of a door. Upon stopping, the teen noticed three things immediately.

One: The door was open.

Two: The light was off.

Three: Danna was wasn't there.

Deidara spun around, grabbing Yuura by his collar.

"Where is he, un?!"

"I told you, he isn't in!

The blonde dropped the man, shoving him at the wall before storming down the hall towards the exit. Danna was ALWAYS in. Even at night. Even on the weekend. He was literally there 24/7, unless they were having an artistic session or lunch or something. Or meetings, he had those sometimes. But not without prior planning! Something was wrong; Deidara knew it.

And he would find out what it was.

Deidara took to the street, storming across the asphalt. Danna wasn't at the office. The idea was laughable! Danna being at work was more of a constant than the sun rising in the morning.

Something was off on Monday.

That was true; there was certainly something up with him then. He hadn't pressed the issue. He should have, though; what if something awful happened? What if Danna was in trouble? What if he was hurting? What if—

'Danna will be fine.' he thought to himself, cutting himself off. 'Stop worrying.'

Still, if something was wrong, if something had happened... Deidara didn't know what he would do. What would he do without Sasori no Danna? Surely he couldn't live without him to talk to...

Deidara stopped dead in his tracks. He'd never realized just how much of his existence revolved around the sessions with his doctor. Looking back, he did everything he could to keep them. He blew off friends, pulled all-nighters to finish homework he pushed aside...his entire life hinged on that hour, the hour when he truly felt accepted, when he truly felt loved.

"I'm not gay."

Suddenly, Deidara understood what the feeling in the pit of his stomach was.

He understood why he didn't like it, why it felt like a lie on his lips —it was, at least partially. Did he like boys? Did he like girls? He didn't really know anymore. He'd just ask Danna; he'd know the answer—

No. He couldn't ask Danna, not this time. What would he say? How would he react? He said that he could tell him anything, but still...he couldn't risk the only thing he held dear. He couldn't risk Danna.

The teen kicked at the gravel on the sidewalk, his mind in disarray. He needed help. But what could he do? He couldn't ask Tobi —god no. He'd rather shove pins in his eyes. But he couldn't talk to Danna either, not about this.

'I really need to talk to him.'

Deidara grabbed fistfuls of golden hair, his eyes shut in frustration. He did need to talk to him, no matter how embarrassing it might be. Still, he wasn't at the office.

The teen let his arms fall to his sides, staring blankly down at his feet as he remembered his worry. Something must be wrong. There had to be. Danna didn't miss appointments.

"I hate waiting and making people wait."

That was his BIGGEST pet peeve; the man had no patience. None at all. It wasn't just unlike him to stand someone up, it was outright heretical.

Deidara clenched his fists at his sides, a mix of worry and determination glinting in his eyes. He had to know what was going on. He had to find out. He had to know that Sasori was alright, even if he had to pay him a house visit.

He had to know.

The blonde took off, his ponytail whipping in the wind behind him. He would find his scarlet-tressed doctor, and he'd blow up anything that got in his way.

[Author's Note]

Again, sorry about the long wait. T'was a deadly combination of school and writer's block.

I'm really not satisfied with this, but it's written, it's not total shit, and damn it, it's been weeks. I wanted to update. Besides, I am my own worst critic; I wouldn't be surprised if nothing was actually wrong with it.
I hope you liked it. :3

Did you catch the Velveteen Rabbit reference?

Oh yeah, music. Here's what I wrote to:

First Bit:
[Even Flow — Pearl Jam]

[Die Another Day — Madonna] Are we even remotely surprised?

[Life Starts Now — Three Days Grace] Uh, THANK YOU, Akatsuki Annabell-YAOI ROCKS, this is an absolutely wonderful song for this story.

AN HONORABLE MENTION goes to PsychoPyro, who recommended "Already Gone" by Bayside. I wrote an essay to it! :D

Thanks guys! Keep up your suggestions and lovely reviews!

And if you don't review, I will ensure that you get in Deidara's way. *points at last line of chapter*
And we don't want that, do we?