A/N: Started writing this basically forever ago. Just finished it. Hey, yeah, it's done. BILLY.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything at all.
How to be the Worst Babysitter Ever
"Stay here, alright?" insisted Wally, jade eyes a bit worried as he watched Central City being demolished by the likes of Cinderblock. "I'll be back in-"
Zatanna chose that moment to enter the cave, a big smile sweeping across her pale features. "Where are you off to, Wally?" asked the sorceress, giving him a look as she dropped her shopping bags. "I thought Batman told-"
The speedster was already at her side before she'd even seen the blur of his brightly colored uniform. "He did," said the ginger quickly and quietly, "but it looks like Barry may need me, and I can't exactly leave unless there's another set of capable hands to-"
Her voice was a low hiss. "I am not-"
"Wally!" she insisted, flicking his forehead while a scowl smeared across her face. "I wasn't assigned to do this. I'm not babysitting Captain Marvel!" Her eyes became pleading; she compromised, saying, "I'll go help Barry, and you can stay here to keep an eye on him."
He took a nanosecond to think it over. "Nope!" He was gone in a blur.
"You guys do know I'm ten, right?" commented the kid, arms folded across his chest, face twisted into a pout. "I don't need someone to babysit me!"
Zatanna gave a heavy sigh and dropped all her shopping bags, wishing she could get some more retail therapy in after this; she figured she'd need it, especially with Billy being so... Billy.
Don't get her wrong, she loved the kid. In her eyes, he was the cutest little thing. But he was like Wally had been. With Megan. Before his sixteenth birthday. Before he knew about Conner and Megan.
Except for Billy didn't like Megan.
"Especially not you, Zee, come on," he said with what had to be the most adorable smile in the world on his face. "This is more like a date, right?"
Where was Robin when she needed him?
"No, Billy, I have to leave," pleaded the magician, "because I need to go patrol Manhattan soon, and-"
Billy still wore that quirky little smirk. "But Zatanna, Batman said someone had to keep an eye on me, remember?" He took a few steps closer and smiled up at her broadly. "And I'm pretty sure Batman will be mad if his orders aren't followed."
"But he told Wally-"
"Actually," cut in the young hero, "he assigned Robin to keep an eye on me, but then he handed me off to Artemis, but she told Superboy to watch me, but then he took me to cheerleading practice in the bioship and left me with Megan, and then she called Wally to pick me up, which is why I'm back here now." He shrugged. Then another grin swept across his face, childish and adoring. "But it's all good. It just means I get to spend more alone time with you."
She slapped her forehead, so tired of this routine. "Billy, you're ten."
"But as Captain Marvel, I'm forty-something!" he argued indignantly.
"Which makes you a pedophile."
His eyes widened at the big word. "What does that mean?"
There was a reason Zatanna had stopped being around whenever Captain Marvel or Billy were in the cave. She even called Robin to check the zeta records before leaving in fear of running into him and having to deal with it constantly.
"Here, let's call Robin, shall we?" She tugged her cell phone out of her pocket and hit the speed dial, hoping her damn boyfriend would pick up and save her from this nightmare. "I'm sure Batman would like to hear about this."
"Oh, Zatanna, come on, we can play Chutes and Ladders or something!" pleaded Billy, jumping up and down to try and snatch the phone from the pretty brunette who held it to her ear and just out of his reach. "Or you can put on a magic show or something! Please don't call Robin! He'll be mad!"
A cell phone rang on the other side of the big training area, right near where the kitchen led into the living space. It was muffled and quickly turned off.
"Bird Boy, you are in so much trouble." Zee shoved her phone back in her pocket and stormed towards the source: a kitchen cabinet. Billy tagged along right behind her, never wanting to be left behind by the raven-haired beauty.
Opening the cabinet, there was the clatter of falling pans and then the /thud!/ of a falling Robin and his laptop. "Ow!" he cried after falling almost five feet without warning into a pile of pots and pans. "Zee, come on, why'd you do that?"
One hand on her hip, the sassy sorceress gave a sly look. "Because you're on babysitting duty," she answered drily.
"But if you don't want to watch me, that's fine!" insisted Billy. "Honestly, it's more than fine! It's perfect!" He even kicked around some pans. "You can even stay locked in the cabinet, I don't mind!"
"Batman assigned Billy to you," scolded Zatanna, one hand on her hip. "Come on, it's not that bad."
Dick scoffed. "Really, Zee? You're contradicting yourself by saying it's not that bad while desperately trying to shove him off on me. It's very counterproductive." He fixed his sunglasses and snatched his laptop out of the pile of kitchenware. "You should work on some speech strategies."
"I can talk backwards."
He had no response to that.
"I am going to Manhattan. You are watching Billy." Her ground rules laid down, the girl gave her boyfriend a look. "If I hear that anyone else watched him after this, expect Batman to hear about it." An empty threat, sure. She wouldn't know if he gave Billy to someone else, and she definitely didn't want to be a snitch. Still, it felt good being in power for a few moments. "Behave for Robin, okay Billy?"
"Can't you just stay here, Zatanna?" pleaded the young boy while the older raven-haired male was already back at his keyboard, tip-tap-typing away. "I can make you cupcakes! Or cereal! I'm really good at making cereal! And nachos!"
"Manhattan," she reiterated before heading away towards the zeta tubes.
Once left alone in the vast space of Mount Justice, the two stared at each other for the longest moment. Finally, Robin asked, "You do know we're dating, right?"
Billy's lips pursed as one eyebrow quirked upwards. "And your point is...?"
He respected the kid if nothing else. He had spunk. "Hide and seek?"
Billy chirped, "Sure!"
The Boy Wonder grabbed his laptop and headed off. Hey, he would be keeping the kid busy while he worked. It was all good.