Can't Remember Dick

By Galaxy 1001D

Doctor Mary Albright was dying, cirrhosis of the liver the doctors said, but she knew better. She was dying of a broken heart. Her life was over and she had never met her true love. How the hell could she not have met the love of her life? She was sixty-four for crying out loud! She had certainly tried hard enough. There were a few old professors back at Pendleton who still thought of her as "Doctor Slutbunny." How the hell could she not have found the love of her life when she had played the field for so long? For the last ten years she made the mistake of drinking alcohol to relieve her loneliness. That took out her liver and now she was on her way out.

Even now she was being kept alive by machines. Every once and a while a doctor or nurse would come in to see if she was dead yet. You'd think her brother would at least show up!

Wait! She heard voices! Somebody had showed up! Somebody actually cared! Of course, it might just be some med students waiting for her to leave her body to science…

"Oh my God! Mary!" said a hysterical man's voice. "It's even worse than we heard! Tommy! Sally! Harry! Quick! We've got to act fast or else we'll lose her! Tommy, get a move on you old fool! What's taking so long?"

Were these loved ones who came to say goodbye or were they doctors? The painkillers had made Mary pretty loopy. She honestly couldn't tell.

"Keep your shirt on Dick," a boy answered. "You try setting up this equipment when you're stuck in a body with only two hands!"

"Harry, keep an eye on the hallway!" a woman ordered. "If the staff sees alien technology in here, they'll freak!"

"Gotcha Sally," said a masculine voice that sounded like it was on painkillers too. "Don't worry. No one is gonna freak on my watch!"

"Harry you're still looking at me," the woman named Sally said. "You're not even looking at the door!"

"Oops!" the one named Harry said. "Got it! Keepin' an eye on the hallway…"

"Harry you're heading to the window," the woman said. "The door's that way."

"Lieutenant, maybe you better keep guard with him," the first voice.

"Yeah, and maybe you two better go bite yourselves while you're at it!" the boy exclaimed.

"What's his problem?" the one named Harry asked.

"Tommy's just upset because they gave him the same body he was in last time," the woman called Sally snickered.

"So what's the big deal?" Harry's voice asked. "I thought we asked for the same bodies we had last time."

"I wanted my body to be the age it was when we left!" the boy called Tommy grumbled. "Instead I'm the same age I was when we first arrived back in 1996! I can't believe this! I'm going to have to go through puberty all over again!"

"Get ahold of yourself, man!" the voice the boy had called 'Dick' ordered. "You can grow up all you want after we save Mary's life! Look at her! She's become a shrunken wreck of a woman being kept alive by these machines!"

"Well you gotta admit," the one called Harry said. "They look like pretty cool machines…"

A slapping sound was heard. "Harry you idiot!" Sally growled. "You're supposed to be watching the hallway!"

"Isn't that we are supposed to be watching the hallway?"

Mary heard the sound of punch, followed by the sound of someone bouncing off the wall and falling to the floor.

"Watching the hallway!" Harry said as he rose shakily to his feet. "Got it! You can count on me!" Mary heard the door open and shut.

"Okay, I've got the bioenergizer set up," Tommy's voice said. "Give me the readings Dick."

"Alright, I've homed in on her liver," Dick said. "Goodness! It's the size of a basketball!" he gasped in disbelief. "Tommy take a look at it! You've got to see this!"

A bright light shone through Mary's eyelids as an electronic humming sound was heard. It was strange, even though the light was blinding it didn't hurt. Those painkillers must be real good.

"Okay, transferring bioenergy now," Tommy said. "You should be seeing some improvement!"

"It's working Tommy! It's working!" Dick cried. "It's shrinking! It's starting to look like a liver again!"

"Okay, I'll keep it up for a little while and she'll have the liver of a twenty year old," the boy said.

"It isn't working!" Dick cried. "I don't understand it! Her liver is back to normal but she still looks like hell!"

"Yeah she looks like one of those little dried raisins you find in a bowl of Raisin Bran," Sally grunted.

"Well without her liver, all sorts of things went wrong with her body," Tommy explained. "Let's face it, Dick. Her biochemistry's shot. It will take weeks for her to…"

"Keep up the treatment!"

"Are you crazy?"

"She looks like a shrunken Voodoo doll!" Dick gasped. "Keep up the treatment. Give her more bioenergy! We're going to get her back to normal!"

"Okay," said the boy as the electronic hum and glow increased. "Punching it to two eighty!"

"I've got one eighty three over ninety!" Dick called.

"Bioshock pressure's at two eighty and holding!" the boy called back.

"I'm down to one fifty!" Dick announced. "Adjust energy feed to two ninety!"

"Two ninety!"

"It's no good give me three hundred!" Dick ordered.

"Three hundred!" Tommy called back.

The glow and the electronic hum continued as the man and boy shouted numbers at each other. It was hard to tell if they were taking medical readings or playing bingo.

"Look!" It's working!" Dick gasped. "She looks like herself again! She's no longer a dried up wrinkled old prune! She looks like Mary again. Stabilize her biochemistry."

"Done and done," the boy said as electronic sounds were heard. "All toxins should be removed from the body, biochemistry normal for her DNA."

Mary felt much better. She felt… good. Really, really good. Her head was clear, her pain was gone, she felt strong enough to open her eyes and sit up…

"She's waking up!" Dick cried. "She's waking up!"

"What do you expect?" the boy snapped. "I just got rid of all the toxins in her body! That includes any drugs they gave her to keep her out!"

"What do we do?" Dick cried. "Should we let her see our alien technology? It might scare her!"

"Huh?" Mary sat up and opened her eyes just in time to be struck senseless by a blow to the chin.

"Sally!" Dick scolded. "What do you think you're doing Lieutenant?"

"I didn't see any of you doing anything!" The woman said defensively. "Quick, while she's out. Let's get this stuff out of sight."

As Mary's senses came back one by one, she could hear a lot of movement on the floor. There was clicking and slamming and zipping, and she heard the door open. "Harry get back in here and help them!" Dick ordered.

"What's up, Dick?" the one called Harry asked as he came back in. "Oh look! Doctor Albright looks like Doctor Albright again! Can I look under her gown?"

"No, you can't look under her gown!" Dick snapped.

"Who are you people?" Mary said as she opened her eyes.

"Mary!" a middle-aged man over six feet tall hugged her. He about fifty, balding and his blonde hair was turning white. "Mary! You're alive!"

"Yes and why are you touching me like that?" she asked.

"Mary!" the huge man sniveled. "I know it's been over ten years but surely you haven't forgotten me?"

"Yeah, all of Rutherford knows that Mary likes Dick," a shorter younger man squinted at them.

"Yes!" the huge man nodded. "Everybody in Rutherford knows how much Mary likes Dick! Mary loves Dick! Mary can't get enough of Dick!"

"Who are you and why are you saying these horrible things to me?" Mary said aghast.

A young woman's head popped up into view. "So the mummy rises huh?"

"Who are you people?" Mary demanded.

"Mary!" the tall man begged. "It's me! It's me! It's Dick!" As the others dissembled and packed up something on the floor, the one called Dick yammered on like there was no tomorrow. "I never meant to leave you! We've spent the last ten years trying to get over the Big Giant Head so we could kiss the Big Giant Ass and convince him that this planet deserved saving! And we did it! We won! We're back! And I'm not leaving you this time Mary! I'm not leaving you!"

A thirteen year old boy got up off the floor and shouldered a heavy satchel. "Dick it's no good. She doesn't remember us."

Dick winced and closed his eyes. "That's right; we had to erase her memory. In that case, assemble the neural stimulator."

"Uh Dick, we didn't bring it," the woman got up to reveal that she was a tall curvy amazon holding a large satchel of her own. "We didn't have room. We had to make room for the equipment we're going to use to save the Earth from that giant asteroid that's going to collide with it in three years."

Dick closed his eyes and grunted in frustration. He then looked back at Mary with a condescending smile on his face. "You must be awfully confused," he cooed reassuringly. "I'm Doctor Dick Solomon."

"Doctor Solomon?" Mary repeated as she pointed at him. "Did you say that you're a doctor? Are you the one who took my pain away?" She glanced down at her hand. "Hey, what happened to my skin?" she asked. "It feels as smooth as a baby's rear!" She smiled childishly and rubbed the back of her hand. Where were the age spots?

"Yeah when we started, you looked like a wrinkled old prune!" the woman smiled, "but now you look like yourself again!"

"Lieutenant I believe I can handle this," Dick murmured arrogantly as he held her now forty-nine year old hand.

"No you can't Dick," the boy called Tommy reminded him. "Did you forget? You're a physics professor, not a medical doctor!"

Dick winced yet again with a violent nod that made Mary back up in her bed. "Well, I hope you feel better soon," he smiled weakly. "I had them save your office for you," he added as he and the others backed up to the door. "We can see each other at the university when you go back to work! Well toodle-loo!" With that, the four of them turned and ran out the door.

"Who were those people?" Mary asked herself. Dick Solomon? Didn't Nina say that she used to date a Dick Solomon? She just couldn't remember him. Come to think of it, it was after she got those gaps in her memory that she started to drink.

The doctors were amazed at her recovery, but nowhere as much as Mary herself when she looked into a mirror. Chronologically she was fifteen years younger! It was amazing! It was as if she had a facelift! No! More than a facelift, a bodylift! It was incredible! She was healthier than she had been in years! Who was Dick Solomon? Did he say that he would see her at work? She didn't know who Dick Solomon was but she had a feeling it was going to be a lot of fun finding out! The grim reaper was just going to have to wait, because Mary Albright wasn't going anywhere soon!