Muha ha ha!

For those of you who are my usual readers, you guys are probably going WTF MangoKat? I watched Ace Ventura for the first time since I was a kid and got a different perspective on his character and decided to explore it a bit. Sorry to confuse anyone reading my main series! ;p

In this universe the third movie does NOT exist because it was so unbelievably terrible. If you disagree, then I apologize you had to be that in that movie. I hope your sanity recovers someday. Cheers.

Any thoughts or suggestions are always encouraged!


A Little Understanding


Ace sat high above New York City, his chin resting on his knees as he stared down at the turmoil that was Times Square. His usual, familiar haunt was Miami but he'd been working on a case for the past few weeks and was still getting used to such an enormous city. He didn't like New York and found it dull, grey, crowded with almost no plants or animals. He loved central park but it just wasn't the same; it felt too controlled.

His capuchin, Spike, was curled around his neck silently, sensing his owner's strange mood and offered what comfort it could, clutching at his shirt uncertainly. The bright colours of the Hawaiian shirt were a stain against the blandness of the skyscrapers around him and he could easily be seen from the windows. The night air was frigid, the bitter breeze hinting at snow but Ace wasn't bothered, his breath coming out in small puffs as he watched the people below.

Anyone who had ever met Ace knew he liked to be noticed and that he didn't care what people thought of him. Every fibre of his being radiated confidence and just a hint of insanity as he purposely infuriated everyone around him. He was a genius at getting under people's skin and they thought he did it purely for the attention, but they couldn't be farther from the truth.

Ace wasn't a moron and every action he took had its reasons. They may have been selfish reasons but they did have a purpose. He was simply observing. With every scream of fury, yelp of surprise, look of astonishment, laugh of amusement and the hundreds of other emotions he managed to draw from his victim, he filed his observations away. Every human seemed to react a different way and he couldn't comprehend this. Animals were easy to understand but humans didn't make any sense to him. Animals were predictable, humans were not.

Shifting his position slightly on the icy ledge, Ace's fingers rested on the rough stone and he couldn't stop the small shiver from making its way up his spine. Spike wrapped around him even tighter in an attempt to protect him from the cold and Ace rubbed a finger over the capuchin's head affectionately.

Ever since he was a child, he had always loved animals but he had never been able to connect with people. He understood basic emotions and needs but not why humans reacted and acted the way they did. He loved his parents but didn't understand them. They had taken him to several doctors who had all told them he'd grow out of it over time. He never did. The older he got, the worse it seemed to get as he seemed unable to genuinely understand or connect with anyone. He would always tease, annoy, or chew too loudly and no one would want to be within ten feet of him. He always seemed to do something wrong whether it was on purpose or not.

Far below on the street, a fight broke out between two teenagers and Ace watched the display with both interest and confusion. Humans claimed they were above primitive instincts but the more Ace observed their behaviours, the more he was inclined to disagree. One thing he did understand were animals and the signs of territory and anger. That's exactly what was being displayed below. Two males fighting tooth and nail over a bit of land they both claimed were theirs. Throw in a fertile female and some food and that fight could be 98% of the animals on the planet.

Sighing, he allowed his eyes to drift closed, the wind feeling more and more bitter by the second. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting out on the ledge but he knew it must have been for quite a while as his limbs were beginning to feel quite numb.

A few years ago his parents had taken him to see a specialist, assuring him that doctors had improved over the last twenty years or so and he'd grudgingly agreed to go. They'd run all sorts of weird tests on him which had taken several visits to complete. The tests were different than the ones they'd done on him as a child and were just a bunch of seemingly random questions and quizzes.

When the results had come back, the doctor had then said he had some sort of disorder that began with ass or azzburgers or something mixed with a few other things that he couldn't be bothered to remember. It meant he had trouble comprehending emotions and had several different social disorders. This was nothing he couldn't have told them himself.

The whole thing had been a waste of time in his opinion but his parents seemed relieved for some reason. It seemed they were just happy to finally have a word for whatever was wrong with him. From then on he had to listen to his parents loudly announce to relatives during get-togethers and events every time he embarrassed them that he had a 'disorder'. If he so much as spoke from his anus or choked on a pistachio, it was because of his 'disorder'. He stopped going to family get-togethers.

There was the sound of the window sliding open from behind him with a sharp creak, the noise startling him out of his thoughts. He heard someone large lumber out through the window behind him and a moment later there was the click of a revolver. Ace let out a heavy sigh as he felt the cold steel press into the back of his skull.

"Well?" the deep voice from behind him demanded. "Have you made your decision?"

Very slowly, Ace opened his eyes and turned to look up at the man behind him. The man was large and burly, looking more like an ape than a human. His back was bent from years of bad posture and his head was shaven with no neck to be seen, a bright red tattoo of a snake on his shoulder. He was part of a local gang hoping to make it big and they had gotten lucky. That is until Ace had gotten involved. Unless they recovered their 'merchandise' they'd be right back at the bottom of the barrel where they belonged.

Ace gave the man an infuriating grin and tilted his head up at him. "I think my ass froze to the building." he stated lightly. "You guys reeeeally know how to make a fella feel loved."

The gun was nudged against his temple hard in warning. "The boss ain't gunna give ya no more chances, Ventura. Where's the dog?"

Ace leaned back against the man's legs and seemed to ponder a long moment, his face a mask of over-exaggerated concentration before he answered. "Have you considered hiring a pet detective?" he asked innocently.

The man let out a low growl, his eyes narrowing. "Either you tell me where the mutt is or you might as well take a leap cause you ain't gunna leave this ledge!"

Ace's brown eyes slowly studied the aggravated man, sensing his hostility and knew from experience it usually didn't end well. The man was big, dumb and obviously felt himself the alpha of his pack and didn't like to be disrespected in any way shape or form. Ace knew if he pushed him too far, he probably would shoot him. The man bared his teeth at him, gave him another nudge.

"The dog!"

The dog in question had been the only one of its kind, a Crested Kingsler, technically a wolf, but it had been hand-raised since birth in an animal sanctuary in Peru. When the world had found out about its existence just a few months prior, the Kingsler family, a New York mob had staked claim on it. They ordered the wolf to be kidnapped and to be brought to their family restaurant. There the entire Kingsler mob planned to eat the only living Kingsler wolf. They had hired a local gang to retrieve the wolf for them as one of their member had connections in Peru.

Ace gave the man a shrug. "Sorry, tall, bald, and really, really ugly, I'm fresh out of dog. Try Lois Einhorn, she probably has some dog you can have..."

The man grabbed him roughly by the shirt collar and gave him a shake, causing Spike to let out a shrill cry of protest. That instantly sobered Ace as he didn't want his capuchin getting involved in this and he gave a grimace.

He actually did know where the wolf was but he wasn't about to tell him that. The moment it was stolen, Ace had been immediately hired and the thought of seeing such a rare animal had been too tempting to resist and he'd eagerly accepted the job. His investigations had brought him all the way to New York City where he'd managed to get himself into deep trouble. He'd found the wolf safe and sound and had stolen it right out from underneath their noses. It was now re-homed with a little disabled girl in the country who thought it was a husky. The wolf was used to people anyway and who would take away a little disabled girl's puppy? As far as he was concerned, it was the best possible place for it.

The man ripped him to his feet harshly and held him at the very edge of the ledge, the gun now pointed between his eyes. The man's expression seemed desperate, angry and perhaps just a little bit afraid. The Kingslers were putting pressure on his gang then.

"Spill!" the man yelled into his face. "Tell me where the damn dog is or I shoot!"

Ace stared at the man as he shook in fury and a large gust of wind ripped over the both of them, causing Ace's shirt to billow out behind him dramatically. Vaguely, Ace wondered if he did look dramatic at that moment.

"Did I ever tell you the story about the time I had to touch a bat?"

The man's expression darkened.

"I'm going somewhere with this, I promise." Ace assured him. "There's a moral to it and everything!"

Without a word, the man clocked him upside the head with the revolver and Ace's vision went black for a moment. Blinking heavily as he felt a trickle of blood run down his temple, Ace blearily looked up. If the man hadn't of been holding him, he would have fallen. The man held up the gun as if he was going to hit him a second time.

"It's just a dog!" the man snarled. "Why do you care if some fat rich man kills one stupid, little dog?"

Ace couldn't help but get mad and stepped away from the edge which the man allowed. "And you're just a stupid human!" he retorted. "A little stupid human who was beat with an ugly stick who should learn from his parents mistakes and use birth control!"

Both of the man's eyebrows rose in surprise as Ace shoved ineffectively on his chest. Sighing heavily, the man raised the gun and pointed it once again at Ace's forehead.

"You have a choice now. Tell me where the mutt is or I shoot you and the monkey."

Ace's eyes widened in horror. "Leave Spike out of this, you monster!"

The man gave him a smirk and turned the gun until it pointed at the capuchin. "Talk, Ventura."

Ace glanced at the gun, at Spike then back again, letting out a careful gulp. Slowly reaching up his hands to his shoulder, he lifted the monkey down into his arms, keeping his eyes on the gun. The man said nothing, simply watching with a frown, and without warning Ace flung Spike off the side of the building.

Clearly shocked, the man's mouth dropped open and he watched the capuchin sail through the air then land harmlessly on a nearby fire escape. Ace cackled at him as there was no way the man could now get a clear shot. The man stared a moment then gave a shrug and turned back to face him. He pointed the gun back at Ace's face.

"Talk or die." he said in a tone that left no room for negotiation.

Ace thought back to the wolf when he'd found him locked in a kennel waiting to be slaughtered in the Kingsler's family's kitchen. The wolf had somehow known its death was coming as all animals did and was just laying there mournfully. When Ace had liberated it, he'd seen the genuine joy in its eyes and that was what he did this job for. The moment an animal was back in its familiar setting or was content once more, Ace loved that grateful look they gave him. Humans rewarded him but animals did too in their own way. He couldn't disappoint the wolf. It had had enough disappointments in its life.

Readying himself, Ace turned towards the edge and spread his arms. The man raised an eyebrow and slowly lowered the gun.

"Really?" he questioned. "Are you serious?"

Ace didn't answer, for once not having anything to say. He had made it his mission to protect those who could not speak for themselves and allowed his eyes to close. He wouldn't allow them to win; he only hoped Spike would be alright without him.

"I hope I land on your car." he stated petulantly. "And that your girlfriend is inside it. And that your insurance has expired."

The man gave him a downright skeptical look as Ace hesitated, standing at the very edge, tipping precariously then he said.

"Just tell me where the damn dog is, Ventura. I'm tired of standing out here."

Taking a deep breath, Ace allowed himself to fall forward. Letting out a curse, the man caught him by the back of the shirt just in time. Surprised, Ace glanced over his shoulder just as the man yanked him back onto the ledge.

"Dumbass!" the man yelled into his face. "If you die, I die! You need to tell me where the stupid dog is!"

Now Ace understood the reason he was saved. "Sorry. Not going to happen. You should have just let me fall."

The man narrowed his eyes to small, angry creases. Still, holding onto his shirt tightly, he dragged him towards the open window.

"Don't worry, I'll make you talk one way or another." he promised. "I will not have the Kingsler Family come down on me because of you!"

The man crawled through the window awkwardly then yanked Ace through brutally after him. One would never expect they were in a mob hideout cleverly disguised as a well known office building at Times Square. Wonders never ceased. Ace was dragged by dozens of shady looking individuals who openly stared at him in disgust until they reached a room locked with a deadbolt. The man unlocked it and threw him inside without a word.

Ace hit the floor hard and layed stunned a long moment before carefully sitting up just as the door was closed and re-locked. The room was completely empty besides a lumpy looking cot and a mop bucket in one corner. There were no windows and no other pieces of furniture. The single lightbulb above him flickered and Ace blinked once then twice as realization of his situation slowly dawned on him. There would be no escaping this room. He'd be trapped until they decided to either kill him or release him. He was here to stay.

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