note: sorry this took forever. Is anyone even reading this? I doubt it. I think the chapter after this may be the last, despite the fact that I have enough plans for at least 7 more chapters. I've been writing this for years and it is an awful story. I need to rename the story too, so don't be shocked if the title changes. I would appreciate a message or two about title ideas and whether the story has been a complete waste of time or not but I know that isn't going to happen. (:

Pessimistic/Optimistic!

Part VII - Slipping Away

I wish I could close my eyes and sleep forever. I knew I'd fucked up beyond repair. But for now I had to get myself into the shadows to prevent anyone not in the know from seeing.

Tears fall as I attempt to move because now I know what it felt like to be shot and... I deserved it too. I was an irrational, wild animal and I deserved every last bullet that pierced my skin. There is absolutely no excuse for my inability to control myself. I had to accept whatever punishment that was surely heading my way.

X X X X

Before I know it Brady is by my side and the look in his eyes is painful to see. I never even thought of the impact this would have on anyone but Embry. I never realised how much I meant to Brady. At first he looked like he was facing his worst nightmare, but when I spoke and sounded only tired and shaken up rather than on my deathbed, he calmed down slightly. That was until I relaxed from the painful ball I had rolled into in order to conserve my modesty and the warmth that was leaving my body - and of course to hide the blood! His wolfy eyes widened with fear - Did I look that bad naked?

"Sorry, I know I look disgusting. I bet you wish you didn't come now, right?" I say in a surprisingly weak voice in an attempt to make a joke.

He shook his head before turning and running behind some trees.

"I'm sorry that you have to see something like this!" I call after him before wincing in even more pain than I already felt.

He reemerged human and in shorts, holding a small blanket which he draped over my body.

"What happened?" he asked softly, kneeling down at my side.

"A man who has a problem with my brother followed me and we got into a fight. I couldn't control my anger and I willingly phased. He was scared and shot me a few times before running off after I phased back." I answer, my voice worn from the shouting from earlier and devoid of emotion.

He sighed but did not get up and leave or even chastise me for my stupidity.

"Th-thanks. I'm glad you didn't leave me," I say quietly.

Brady's face scrunched up.

"I would never ever turn my back on you!" Brady shouted outraged.

My eyes widen and tears threaten, "After what I've done you should leave, but I'm grateful. Thank you for staying by my side Brady. I'm sorry for everything I have done,"

Brady's face softens again, "No matter what, even if you do something that destroys the whole of La Push, I would forgive you and stay by your side because you mean a lot to me."

I smile, "I've never had a friend like you before."

Brady looks down at his lap before he suddenly stands up and takes a deep breath. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"No." Brady says with some force after a moment of silence.

I look up at him confused. I can't work out if he's speaking to me or himself as he looks off to the side admiring the muddy floor. Then his eyes shoot up and connect to mine and I cannot look away from the conflict that's held within them.

He breathes shakily and gives a smile full of sadness, "No, I'm not a friend… I love you, Sylvia Cross."

There's no time to respond as Carlisle and Jacob appear. Did they hear? Jacob's face, even in wolf form, gave me my answer.

I was numb and I wanted this to be a joke. It had to be a joke.

X X X X

Soon I'm back at the Cullen mansion getting fixed up and attempting to not make eye contact with anyone in the room I'm taken to. The pain as bullets are removed doesn't bother me. I felt sick to my stomach with guilt over what had happened and also Brady's out of the blue confession. I also felt very, very ashamed. I was the worst shapeshifter to ever exist. If I wasn't still so young, I'm sure I'd be quietly disowned and asked to leave La Push. If I didn't have my imprint with Embry, I'd have probably already run off to England by now.

I'm worthless and useless. I'd give anything to disappear right now.

After a while Alice and Jacob leave the room at Carlisle's suggestion. The rest of the Cullen's were not around and Brady chose to sit in the living room since his confession made things awkward between us. I then told Carlisle everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything from the evening I met Embry to when he and Jacob arrived to help me. I don't know why but I felt this was my only opportunity to talk about what had happened to me recently. He didn't ask questions, he just listened without judging or rolling his eyes. When you think about it, it all sounds ridiculous. A teenage girl venting to a vampire. I knew I could trust him though, and that he wouldn't laugh.

After I finished he stood up and smiled, "Is it okay if I speak with Alice, Jacob and Brady about a few things you told me?"

I nod.

"You shouldn't feel so bad. Yes, you've potentially put yourself and the entire pack in danger and that warrants some kind of consequence, but it's clear you have been struggling and I hope we can find a way to put this right and help you resolve the issues you have so that you can move on from this," Carlisle spoke softly before leaving me alone to my thoughts.

I couldn't help myself. After ten minutes of sitting alone, I got out of bed, wincing slightly, and sneaked out of the room and to the living room where everyone was. I wanted to hear exactly what Carlisle was telling them.

"I have a crazy theory," Brady announced nervously.

I rose an eyebrow.

"What is it?" Jacob asked in a confused and tired tone.

I heard Brady take a deep breath, "Sylvia may have an ability to absorb power!"

"HUH!?" Jacob exclaimed baffled.

Carlisle was about to speak when Brady held his hand up.

"No, no listen. Her dream was too much of a coincidence to not be a vision, right? It's kind of similar but much weaker than Alice's ability. If you think about it, Sylvia has been spending quite a bit of time with Alice recently. Before that, after she was you know...," Brady gestured with his hand unable to say the word 'imprint,' "With Embry She spent a lot of the time with the pack before phasing."

"Shut up," Jacob sighed while rolling his eyes at Brady's suggestion, "Your "theory" is nonsense. You know, I'd laugh at it if I wasn't so angry with Sylvia right now,"

Brady protested, "I'm not joking! She's only half and a distant descendent making her chance of becoming a shapeshifter extremely small. Only if a large threat came would she phase, but there is no threat!" Brady protested before standing up in frustration, "Sylvia spending a lot of time with the wolves over a period of a few days triggered her phasing due to her power of absorption."

Jacob also stood up, now becoming angry at Brady's antics, "That sounds-"

I show myself from where I stood behind the wall.

"RIDICULOUS!" I yell, finishing off the sentence.

Everyone turned to looked at me before Carlisle who, unlike most people in the room, had listened thoughtfully to Brady's silly idea, raised his hands in order to get everyone's attention.

"For now we could consider it a possibility," Carlisle said smiling at Brady which encouraged Brady to calm down and smile back triumphantly and Jacob to sit back down with his arms crossed, "But, if no similar occurrences happen within the next year then I think it's safe to say it is a coincidence or simply a one off. Sylvia is still close to human, she isn't a vampire, therefore her abilities just can't possibly be that potent,"

"She may be like Bella was!" Brady countered.

Jacob shook his head, "But if Sylvia did have this supposed power then it would be expected for her to have some kind of limited telepathy as well since she has been around Edward and has the ability when phased."

Alice stood up, clasping her hands behind her back, "I think this should be kept between those here today. If word got out..."

"Aro would be jumping at the chance to meet her!" Jacob spat.

I laughed in a fake way, "Like I said, it's ridiculous! This absorbing power thing is far fetched, there is a much more logical reason for this,"

Brady looked at me properly for the first time, "Like what?"

I looked down and shrugged, "I don't know, I must have seen him before but forgot,"

Carlisle, who was speaking quietly with Edward, who had appeared out of nowhere as vampires do, turned to me and asked a question, "Have you noticed anything abnormal about yourself since you entered this room?"

"No, apart from that I have a killer headache, the worst I've ever had in my entire life," I grimaced.

Carlisle nodded, "If you notice anything strange about yourself or anything around you or your headache does not go away come and see me at once,"

"Sure, but I'm telling you, I am perfectly fine and have no special ability apart from the whole wolf thing,"

"Your well being is important though. You told me you are struggling with adapting to your shape shifting ability."

"Yes, it gets me down sometimes because it seems so natural for everyone else, even Leah. Maybe I'm too stubborn to fully accept the fact I'm not normal any more."

Maybe I should put an end to everything once and for all. It is quite clear I'm not cut out for this and now everyone hates me. Embry will probably stop talking to me for a while too.