Everything I do
I roll on my side once again; I look at the clock and its 3:30 am but I haven't been able to sleep, the baby is unusually restless and I fell just the same as her, I turn around to face Cato who is sleeping peacefully, his perfect features, the calm in his face makes a knot in my stomach and I can't hold the tears anymore.
-"What's the matter love? - He straightens to turn on the night lamp aside our bed.
-"It's nothing honey the baby is having troubles to sleep and so am I"- I try to hide the concern with a slight smile which is useless because he immediately catches the tears that I'm trying so hard to hold.
Cato has been training for his first mission since last month, I'm now 34 weeks which means that the baby can come anytime during the next two weeks and It has been the longest 4 weeks of my life, I feel an oppression in my chest every day, I haven't told him but I am terrified that something happens to him at the Capitol.
-"Clo I already told you, everything is going to be okay"- He knows that he can't promise that-"I won't be on the front line; I will only fight if they need me".
The baby kicks hard so I bent a little bit so she can be comfortable, Cato leans over my stomach and starts talking to our daughter.
-"Hi there princess it's you dad, mommy is tired you know? And she needs to rest and so do you"- I slowly start to close my eyes and Cato thinks that I already fell asleep so he continues talking at her.
- "Tomorrow is going to be a long day for all of us, I'm going to be away for a while but I promise you that I'm going to be back just in time to be here when you are born, and I promise that I will be careful for you, your sister and brother and for your mom"-
He places a kiss in my belly and another one in my forehead, silent tears run down my cheeks again until I finally fall asleep.
-"Mommy, mommy?"- Claire shakes my shoulder gently to wake me up so I open my eyes slowly; the first thing that I see is the faces of my angels.
-"Morning honey, are you guys hungry already?"- I expected them to be jumping all over the bed but when I look at their expressions I find the same look that I see in the mirror every day, they are worried and sad because Cato is going to the Capitol today along with the rest of the squad which includes Finnick.
-"Where is daddy?"- Cade asks as he looks around the room but he is nowhere to be found.
-"I don't know honey, I guess he is with Uncle Brutus talking about his trip"- It breaks my heart to watch them like this but I have to be strong for them and for Cato.
We get dress and head to the cafeteria to get breakfast and see if we can find Cato, Annie is sitting in a table with Aiden sitting in front of her eating, Arielle is sleeping soundly in her pink little carrier.
-"Good morning Clo"- Her sea green eyes look puffed and red, I bet that she spend the night crying, Ann is the only one that knows how afraid I am because we share the same fears- "Did Finnick also disappeared this morning?"
-"Yes he was already gone when we woke up, I guess him and Cato are together with Brutus or Plutarch"- We continue eating breakfast in silence, I'm about to go and look for Cato and Finn when I feel a pair of warm hands around my belly.
-"Good morning beautiful, where were you going?"- It kind of makes me angry to see him like this, like nothing was about to happen.
-"I was just going to look for you; your clothes aren't ready yet"- I turn around and walk quickly to our compartment without waiting for him, I take out a small black backpack from the closet and start packing a few shirts and cargo pants.
A few seconds later I hear the door and I turn around, Cato is leaning against the doorframe looking directly at me and I know what comes next.
-"Don't you dare telling me to keep calm! How can you expect me to be calm when I don't know if something is going to happen to you?"- My whole body is shaking as I start sobbing; Cato kneels next to me and starts rubbing my back waiting for me to calm down.
-"I'm not going to tell you that because I know exactly how you feel, but I promise you that I'm going to come back, you and our kids are the most important thing for me"- He carries me to bed and I rest my head in his chest hearing his heartbeat for what it seemed like hours.
-"Clo, it's time now"-
I hold Claire and Cade as we stand outside the hovercraft with just a few minutes to go, their tinny arms hold on to me tightly and Clove watches us as she tries to smile, Finn is with Annie and their kids just a few meters away from us, the rest of the squad is already inside, Plutarch, Boogs, Beetee and some other soldiers from district 13.
-"Squad 53 the hovercraft is about to depart, please go to your seats and check on your mission equipment"-
The countdown begins 60, 59, 58, 57, 56, 55… I open my arms for Clove one more time before leaving; I kiss her and my kids before going up the hovercraft.
49, 48, 47, 46, 45…
-"I'll be back soon I promise"-
-"I know I'll be waiting for you"- she answers as she holds our kids by her side.
25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20…
-"Everything I do I'm doing it for you"-
5, 4, 3, 2…
-"I love you"- She whispers.
-"I love you more". - He answers.
I watch them one last time as we take off and start our journey to the Capitol, Finn and I stay silent for about half an hour and then we start to discuss our plans with the other members.
-"We are going to land in the east side of the city, is less populated or hopefully abandoned by now"- Boogs explains to us in a map.
-"Remember that we are going under covered, our mission isn't killing Snow, at least not yet"- Plutarch looks at us with determination and we go once again through each one positions- "You should rest now because we're arriving to the capitol around midnight".
It took me a while to sleep because I can't stop thinking about my family, Clove is eight and a half months and I'm worried that all the stress that she is dealing with may cause an early delivery.
"Cato, come on we're about to land"- Finnick calls me a few hours later, I stand up and check on my radio and my weapons.
We make our way outside easily, since its midnight there's nobody on the streets, we take refuge in an abandoned house as we wait for instructions. The first day goes on fast between memorizing the underground tunnels and practicing spying tactics.
On the second day the house it's registered by a bunch of peacekeepers but luckily we heard them before they went inside so we had time to leave by the back and get into one of the underground passages.
Soon enough is the fifth day, the day that the soldiers on the front line will go inside Snow's house to get all the information that we need, Finnick and I will only intervene if the mission gets complicated and they need backups.
They leave the stash around 7 am with their radios, weapons and a device that Beetee created to transfer the information from the Capitol's main computers to us, they will also have to install a device that is going to allow us to interfere in their television messages for the nation. We wait patiently, ready to go if they need us but after 3 hours they come back, the mission is complete.
"We'll be returning to district 13 right away"- Plutarch informs with a triumphant smile as we all celebrate.
About 10 minutes after we take off a suspicious silence overcomes, the lights go out and we lose communication.
I'm in our room reading while I watch Cade and Claire who are sleeping soundly in my bed, it's hard for me not to spend the whole day at the control center monitoring the mission but Doctor Aurelius said that it was best for me to be distracted with someone.
I haven't been able to sleep the last five days, part because of the baby is running out of space in there so she is kicking really hard, but mostly because the other side of the bed is empty and I miss the arms of my husband.
I'm so immersed in the book looking for the meaning of the baby names that we choose that I get scared when I notice that Annie is standing right next to me with a huge grin in her face.
-"The mission was successful, they are coming home now Clo"- It takes me a few minutes to assimilate the news but after that I start cheering and smiling.
-"What is it mommy?"- Claire asks rubbing her eyes.
-"Daddy is coming home honey"- I turn to Annie- "We should leave the kids with Enobaria for a little while to go to the control center Ann".
I wake Caden up and we go for Aiden and Arielle to take them with Enobaria, she gladly accepts to take care of them and we rush to the main office, if my belly wasn't so big I swear I will run.
As soon as we get in I hear Brutus talking with Plutarch through the hovercraft radio, he looks up at us and smiles widely.
-"The mission was completed successfully, Soldier Odair and Soldier Ludwig were not requested as backups so you can tell Clove and Annie that…"- His voice distorts and we hear alarms- "We are being attacked plea…"- that's the last thing we hear.
-"We have lost contact with Squad 53, try to reconnect immediately"- The rest of the people in the room mobilizes quickly but their faces are a blur to me, suddenly I feel an intense pain on my stomach.
-"Clove?"- Annie asks concernedly as she and Brutus rush to hold me.
-"I think my water just broke"-
Finally! I know it's been a while but I hope you understand me and that you guys love this chapter cause next one is the end! I'm so sad but excited at the same time cause I can't wait to read you reactions for this chapter, it's a cliffhanger I know, I'm sorry but still I want to know how you felt about this, wait for the update next week. As always I love you guys & thanks for reading.