Thanks again for sticking with this story! It will be ending soon. MAYBE about ten chapters or less. After that I will be doing weekly one-shots in the "Glassy Surface" series of Alex and Casey's married life. They will each just be one-shots, mostly fluff, and following after the events of "The Glassy Surface" and this story. I like these girls too much to stop writing them. Hope you will all read the one-shots!
As soon as I see Amanda get in her car I turn around and go back in the house. I can't hide the smile on my face. I had such a great time today. Even though it didn't start out that way, it was the best day in a long time. After I got over the initial awkwardness of seeing my friends again I relaxed and had a wonderful time.
I know my medication has something to do with that. And you know what? I'm okay with that. I was embarrassed beyond belief about having to be on depression and anti-anxiety medication after my suicide attempt. But now that it has had a chance to stabilize in my body and I'm starting to feel more like myself, I'm not embarrassed anymore. I know Alex has a lot to do with me getting better; so do I, actually. I know it's not just the medication. But I'm at the point now where I'm willing to admit it's okay to have a little help on the road to recovery.
After today, I feel more confident that things will slow start to get back to normal.
I walk through the house and go back out the open slider door. Blaze is sitting by the pool, and he whines as soon as he sees me. I smile at him as I step out onto the deck. "Hey, Blaze." I look around and realize my wife is nowhere to be found. Blaze comes up to me and I pet his head. "Did Alex go back inside?"
I lift my eyes to scan the backyard again, and a dark shadow in the pool catches my eye. I frown and step onto the marble poolside, squinting in the sunlight. I slowly begin to realize that it's Alex in the water.
What is she doing? A smile spreads across my face as I come to the realization that she probably jumped in the pool in an attempt to be playful and is waiting for me to join her. I step to the side of the pool and look at her again.
My smile fades. She wouldn't jump into the pool with her clothes on – not those clothes anyway. And something about the way she's floating on the bottom of the pool…
I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and panic grips me as I suddenly realize something isn't right. I waste no time in jumping into the pool. I go under in record time and grab Alex. As soon as I have a hold of her shoulders, I shake her to get her attention. But her eyes are squeezed tightly shut and she feels like a rag doll as I struggle to pull her to the surface.
As soon as we break the surface I'm in full-on panic mode. Alex is completely unresponsive in my arms. "Alex, oh my god, Alex!" I cry out as I paddle towards the pool ladder, trying to keep a grip on Alex so she doesn't fall below the surface again. I feel nauseated; what could have happened to Alex in the short amount of time I was gone?
Suddenly a voice calls out, "Casey? What's going on?"
I quickly look up and see Amanda standing by the pool, looking at us in confusion. I have no idea why she came back, but I'm thankful she did. I may need help getting Alex out of the pool.
"Amanda!" I rush out as I reach the ladder and grab the side of it. I'm crying now as I manage to say, "Help me! I – I found Alex unconscious in the pool!"
Amanda immediately climbs down the ladder and helps me hold Alex up. "Oh my god…is she breathing?"
"I – I don't know," I cry out. I'm starting to shake and I'm not thinking clearly, yet somehow my mind is still working. "We have to get her out of here!"
I can tell Amanda is trying to check for vitals, but she doesn't say anything. Instead she nods at the ladder. "Get out of the pool and I'll hand her up to you."
I make no attempt to move. I'm terrified beyond belief as I clutch my wife's lifeless limp body. I'm sobbing harder than I thought possible as I realize this is how she must have felt when she found me in our bed.
Amanda's rational voice snaps me from my thoughts. "Casey! We don't have much time!"
I shake my head. It's like I'm paralyzed by fear and actually unable to move. "I – I can't…"
"Casey," Amanda's voice softens a little. "Listen to me. I know you're scared, but we have to help Alex. Climb up the ladder and help me get her out of the water. We need to call for help." I still don't move until she says, "Alex needs you."
Hearing those words seems to spur me into action. I reluctantly let go of Alex and quickly ascend the ladder. As soon as I'm out of the pool, I kneel down and reach for Alex as Amanda lifts her out of the pool. I get a good hold on her and drag her out of the pool and lay her down on the marble poolside. I immediately drop to my knees beside her.
My heart is pounding out of my chest and tears are flowing down my cheek as I caress Alex's forehead and feel for a pulse in her neck. She has one, but it's weak. And she's not breathing.
Amanda kneels down beside me, leaning over Alex. She looks at me frantically. "I left my phone on one of your tables – that's what I came back for. Get it, call an ambulance." She positions her hands over Alex and starts CPR.
I'm still crying, but I force myself into action. I get up so quickly that I nearly slip in the water that's been spilled on the marble poolside and making it very slick. My eyes desperately search the tables until I see Amanda's iPhone on the table closest. I run to it and call 911, pressing the phone to my ear with a shaking hand.
I tell the dispatcher what's happened and give her our address. I'm surprised she can make out anything I've said through my tears. She tells me to stay on the line, but I disconnect the call and run back to Alex and Amanda.
Amanda is still doing CPR. She's doing mouth-to-mouth as I approach, and when she's finished, Alex starts to gag and cough.
I'm at her side in an instant. "Alex, baby! Everything is going to be okay," I sob. Amanda rolls Alex onto her side and gently hits her on the back to help her expel the water in her lungs. As Alex harshly coughs again, I'm horrified to see blood coming up with the water.
Amanda looks up at me with a look of horror identical to my own. "What happened?"
I'm crying too hard to answer. Alex finishes coughing and struggles for breath as Amanda lays her back down again. I'm holding her hand and stroking her hair, letting her know I'm here for her and won't leave her. I tell her I love her over and over again. Her breathing evens out and becomes steady, but she still doesn't open her eyes despite my pleas for her to do so.
This is my Alex – my wife. What has happened to her? She's the love of my life; I can't lose her! Not when I just got her back.
Amanda is examining her. I know she's a trained detective, but I have no idea how she's reaming so calm. She has her hand on Alex's head as she looks at me and says, "I feel a lump on the side of her head here…she must have slipped and hit her head and then fallen into the pool."
"Why was she coughing up blood?" I ask in horror.
Amanda shakes her head, running her hand lightly over Alex's stomach. "Maybe she hit her stomach and she's…"
She trails off, but my mind finishes her thought – maybe she's bleeding internally.
This can't be happening. We were given another chance to be Calex again. Alex always told me that when I tried to commit suicide years before, I didn't succeed for a reason. That I was still here because I was meant to find her. And that I didn't die this last time I foolishly tried to take my life for the same reason ; because Alex is my soul mate and I can't leave her alone in this world.
Well, she can't leave me either. I need her. I can't live in a world where Alex doesn't. I'm not going to lose her. I can't lose her. I haven't fully given myself back to her yet.
The next few minutes are a blur. I continue to hold my wife's hand crying as I beg her to open her baby blue eyes and look at me. I tell her how much I love her and promise I'll never leave her. Her breathing remains steady, but she doesn't open her eyes.
The ambulance arrives and Amanda runs into the house to direct them to the backyard. I feel panic rising up inside me again and I know I'm close to having a full-blown panic attack. I know that can't happen; I need to remain strong for Alex, and I don't know where my pills are. I take several deep breaths to calm myself down, like I did earlier when I was anxious about the cookout. I focus on Alex and what's happening and I tell myself that everything is going to be okay, that we found her in time and help is here. I tell myself I'm going to be looking into her beautiful blue eyes soon enough.
The paramedics come into the backyard and load Alex on a stretcher. I don't break contact with her hand; I want her to know I'm here every step of the way, like she did for me when I attempted suicide. I'm asked a series of questions about her health history and what happened as we hurry through the house and out the front door.
Amanda is right behind me. As we reach the ambulance, I'm crying so hard I can barely contain myself. Amanda takes my arm and says, "Casey – it's going to be all right. I'll call Olivia and I'll meet you at the hospital."
I can only nod to her as I climb into the back of the ambulance. One of the paramedics immediately starts checking Alex's vitals. I know I'm probably in his way, but I'm not going to leave my Alex.
"Alex, baby," I say gently, leaning down and kissing my baby's forehead. "I love you so much. I don't know what happened, but please don't leave me. Please. I am so sorry for everything that's happened. It's all my fault." Another tear slides down my cheek. "I'm trying to make it better. I want it to be better. I love you more than I could ever say. I want us to be Calex again. Please give me that chance. Fight, Alex; whatever it is, fight."
She doesn't open her eyes or give any indication that she's heard me. I kiss her once more and lay my head on her chest, sobbing all the way to the hospital.
Once we arrive at the hospital, I and Alex are separated. She's taken into a trauma emergency room where I'm not allowed to follow.
"Please – she's my wife!" I scream at the nurse who is preventing me from following through the double doors in front of me. My entire body is shaking from the sheer fear and panic of everything that has happened. "You can't keep me from being with her!"
"Ma'am – your wife needs medical attention. As soon as anyone knows anything, you will be notified. But I cannot allow you through those doors. Rest assured she is getting the best help available." The nurse is using a gentle tone, and she reaches for me. "I need to ask you to sit down so you can fill out the admittance paperwork."
There's no way I can fill out paperwork right now. I feel like I want to scream at the top of my lungs; there's a crushing pressure in my chest and I feel like I'm going to vomit.
"I need to be with her! You don't understand!" I rush out. I reach out and grab the counter in front of me to steady myself. I feel like I have no strength and I'm going to fall over without the support. "She's – she's everything to me."
The nurse smiles sympathetically. "I do understand. I'm sorry for what's happening. But the best thing you can do now is –"
I slam my hand down on the counter. I feel myself growing angry – angry about being told no, angry about the situation, and angry at myself. "Don't tell me the best thing to do!" The nurse and the receptionist behind the desk both jump in surprise. "Take me to my wife – now!"
I can't control myself. I'm upset and stressed and giving in to all my emotions at once. The nurse tells me to calm down and tries to walk me over to the nearby chairs in the waiting room. I scream at her again and tell her not to touch me. The receptionist behind the desk eyes me suspiciously and picks up the phone, turning her back so I can't see what she's saying.
I'm not helping the situation and I know it. I can tell I'm frightening everyone with my actions and my outbursts. I scream at the nurse again that I want to see Alex, and at that moment Amanda appears.
She practically runs right up to me, sensing the situation is about to escalate. She goes to put her hands on my shoulders but I shake her away; I don't want to be touched right now. She respects my space, and says softly, "Let's go sit down, Casey. I'll sit with you, and Olivia is on her way."
"No! I want to be with Alex!" I yell, walking a few feet away and slumping down against the wall until I hit the floor. I have no strength left. I can't do this. I burst into tears and pull my knees to my chest, burying my face in them.
I hear Amanda and the nurse talking softly, and then she crouches beside me. "Casey," she says gently. When I don't answer she sits down beside me, being careful not to touch me. She lets me cry it out for a few minutes before she calls my name again. This time I look up at her. "Are you okay?"
I shake my head. I'm not okay; not at all. I won't be okay until I know that my Alex is going to recover and I'm sitting at her side.
Someone approaches us but I don't look at them. I keep my forehead pressed against my knees, doing my breathing exercises and trying to keep myself under control as I feel my heart rate increasing to near dangerous levels. I'm so glad I took my heart medication this morning.
"Do I need to get a sedative?" a woman's voice asks.
"No – she's okay," Amanda answers. "Please give her a few minutes."
There's a pause, and then, "We need Mrs. Cabot's admittance papers filled out and we need insurance information."
Amanda wastes no time in answering. "I'm sure that can wait. She needs some time."
"We are going to need the paperwork soon, in case any decisions need to be made –"
That's all I can take. I get up off the floor quickly, and run down the hall as fast as I can. I see a bathroom on the left, and I quickly throw the door open nosily and go inside. I go into the first stall I can find and empty my stomach into the toilet. I retch so hard that it hurts my still-healing ribs, but I can't stop it.
After I'm finished getting sick, I collapse on the floor next to the toilet and just sob. Everything is so overwhelming. I thought I was stronger, but I can't do this without Alex.
After a few minutes, someone else comes into the bathroom. I'm about to kick the stall door closed when Amanda appears, a look of concern on her face. She comes into the stall uninvited and stands over me. "I'm so sorry about Alex. She'll be okay, Casey. I know this is scary as hell for you. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I'm going to help you any way I can, okay?"
I let my head fall back against the stall door and say, "I love her, Amanda."
"I know," she answers. "Of course you do; she loves you too. But Alex needs you right now. I talked to the nurse; a doctor will come and talk to you about Alex. You will be able to see her soon, I promise you. Alex wouldn't want you to be this upset. You have to be able to talk to the doctor." She extends her hand and smiles at me. "Come on – that floor doesn't look very comfortable. Let's go sit down. Olivia will be here soon, and you'll get to see Alex before you know it."
I look at her extended hand and ask, "Is the press here yet?" The District Attorney rushed to the hospital is big news, especially considering what's been going on. I can't even imagine facing them now. I'd break down again; a very public break down, splashed on the front page and on the evening news.
Amanda shakes her head. "They won't get through me or Olivia, I promise you that."
Looking into her eyes, I know she's telling the truth. As frightened as I am right now, there's something comforting about her presence. So I reach out and take her hand and allow her to help me stand. I'm unsteady on my feet and I have to reach out and place my hand on the stall door to regain my balance. Amanda gives me a few minutes to compose myself, and then asks if I'm ready.
I'm not ready; not at all. But what choice do I have?
We go back to the waiting room and the waiting game begins. Amanda helps me fill out the paperwork for Alex; actually, she fills it out and I tell her what to put down. My hands are shaking too much to write legibly.
After fifteen minutes that seems like four hours, a doctor comes to talk to me about Alex. My stomach clenches when he introduces himself; sometimes the appearance of a doctor isn't good news, as they usually send a nurse out to talk to families.
"Your wife is going to be fine," he tells me as he takes a seat next to me.
I feel myself immediately relax and I release the breath I was holding. Happy tears spring to my eyes and I cover my chest with my hand and say, "Oh, thank god!" Amanda taps me on the arm and smiles at me, and I see her get her phone out and start to text someone. Probably Olivia.
"She does have a severe concussion, so we want to keep her overnight for observation. She also appears to have two cracked ribs and minor bleeding in her spleen; we need to monitor the bleed and may have to remove her spleen if necessary."
My happy expression falls. "You have to take out her spleen?"
"We may have to," he corrects me. "If the bleeding does not subside. But I will tell you this; the bleeding has let up a little since she arrived, which is a good sign. Bleeding in the spleen is a result of a direct impact with an object."
"We think she slipped and fell on our marble poolside," I say quickly, looking at Amanda and then back at the doctor. "Would that cause it?"
The doctor doesn't answer. Instead he says, "Alex is conscious, but seems to be a little out of it, which is not uncommon with a head injury. She may possibly have temporary short-term memory loss and may not remember what happened. She is, however, asking to see you."
As soon as I hear those words, I stand up. Alex is asking for me, and I won't keep her waiting. "Take me to my wife, please."
I notice the doctor make eye contact with someone across the room, and I turn to see two uniformed police officers and a short brunette woman holding a folder in her hands. They approach and I frown in confusion.
"Mrs. Cabot, this is Christine Newell, a social worker with the hospital. She needs to ask you some procedural questions. The officers need to question you as well."
I gape at the doctor in shock, but before I can get any words out, Amanda stands and says, "Can't this wait until after she sees her wife?"
"I'm afraid not," the social worker says, rather curtly. Her eyes are directly on me. "You won't be permitted to see your wife until you answer our questions."
My heart falls to my feet and I start shaking again. "You have no right to do this! She's asking for me!"
Amanda gently takes my arm, knowing full well I have no choice. "Come on, Casey; just cooperate. The sooner this is over, the sooner you can see Alex. I'll go with you if you want."
Christine and the officers lead us to an empty conference room where Amanda is asked to wait outside. I nod at her, indicating I'll be all right. I enter the room with the two officers, and Christine closes the door behind us.
I feel sick again as I sit down at the long table. I want to cry, but I somehow manage to hold back my tears. "Please – my wife is asking for me. She's probably frightened and needs me."
Christine completely ignores what I've just said. Instead, she flips open her folder. "Mrs. Cabot, our records show that you were recently hospitalized for attempted suicide and depression, is that correct?"
I squeeze my eyes shut and nod. "Yes…yes, that's correct."
She writes something down, and then, "I also see here that you did not want to see Alex for several days, and that you lashed out at her when she visited you. Can you explain why?"
I exchange glances with the two officers, who are both looking at me in anticipation. I'm wringing my hands together nervously as I answer, "Why do you think? My wife is the one who found me after I overdosed…I was embarrassed and felt I let her down." In the next second, I grow angry. "Why the hell are you asking me these questions? My wife has concussion and is asking to see me!"
This time, the younger of the two officers interjects, "All your guests had left the party when the accident occurred?"
Something about the way he said 'accident' is shaking me to the core. As if he believes it was not an accident. "Yes; I was walking our last guest out. Detective Amanda Rollins – she's the one out in the hall. She'll verify that. I came back into the backyard and that's when I found Alex."
The older officer nods and gets up from his chair and goes into the hall, presumably to talk to Amanda. I have no idea what is going on here, but I suddenly feel like a suspect and it's sending my anxiety level through the roof.
"How long were you alone with Alex?" the officer asks me.
"I wasn't; I told you, I came back and she had already fallen into the pool."
It's Christine's turn to talk. "Casey…did you have any reason to be angry with Alex? To want to hurt her? Perhaps you feel resentment for her putting you in the hospital?"
A new wave of nausea washes over me as I realize what's going on here; they think I hurt Alex. They think I did this to my wife.
So what did you think? I know Casey being accused is unfair and brutal, but it's exactly what would happen in this situation. Do you think Alex is going to remember what happened? And what happened to Jenna? I know a lot of you are wondering what is going to happen to her. I won't give anything away, but I will say that I think you'll be pleased in that regards :D Please review and let me know what you think!