Flood of emotions

Pairings: Joshua x Neku, Shiki x Neku, some Shiki x Beat

Warnings: eventual boy's love, angst, confusion

Disclaimer: I do not own twewy

Summary : bile raises up his throat as he sunk back to his safe shell.

The snow rippled down mercilessly- smashing gently to the concrete, coagulating to form a soft mountain of a road in the scramble crossing. Neku could literally saw his breath as he walked across the road, he had never liked the cold- hugging his jacket-covered body protectively, he could see that even three layers of coats had not prevented the chill from penetrating his skinny bone. Let's just hope he won't get a flu, or worse- a pneumonia- he cringed as he remembered how he had stayed home for nearly a weak the last time he had forgotten to bring an umbrella during a storm.

Although he made it a point to not wear his headphones as often as he could, they had helped to cover his sensitive ears and music does helped to distract the trembling in his body- so he kept them in his head. It was Christmas night- Shiki had asked them to come to her house for a dinner- in his bulging pocket he had kept his gifts. One of them was for Shiki- it was a ring. He couldn't wait to see the blush in her pretty face. Shiki had been born on Christmas, so the gift won't be too ostentatious for a birthday present. They had started going out since the day the game started- Shiki had confessed to him soon after their third meeting in Hachiko- the day she blushed and stuttered that she loved him. He had blushed too- surely it had been obvious that he had cared for her- but such a romantic affection from her had been unexpected. Sure, they had come to near understanding after the first game and that it was no secret that Shiki had been Neku's entrance fee. But was it truly love that had prompted him to make her the entrance fee? Or was it compulsion out of the fact that Neku had no memories to recollect other person who might have been important to him?

It's useless to think about it. You have accepted her confession; any second thoughts would be an insult to her. Both of them had their first kiss when he had escorted her to the train after their usual hang-out. It was a sloppy kiss, mismatched lips crushing towards the other- Shiki had blushed furiously as she had initiated it with surprising bravery, her glasses touching his nose as their lips met. Her lip was wet and soft- laced with apple-lip gloss. Looking at Shiki's back when she had ran away, not daring to look at him, and the next time they met, they just sat awkwardly enough for Rhyme to notice and Beat to tease.

Truth be told, Neku liked the warmth that Shiki's lip provided for his, but he could not muster any passion to continue or deepen the kiss further. It could have been wrong.

Shiki lived in a decent neighborhood, her house was medium sized but very neat and very tastefully arranged. Neku had the decency to knock and the door was opened by a flustered Beat- who is blushing furiously and sweaty down his neck. Just what exactly happened there?

"A-ah, Phones!" Beat managed, in his gasps, his voice throaty and nervous. "You're late! We have been expecting you." He looked funny in formal attire, it was as if he was looking at a different Beat, he was wearing a suit and all- his hair cropped up neatly.

Neku decided to brush off his suspicions while he entered the house cordially, placing his shoes neatly in the rack, and mumbling, "Excuse me," as he entered his girlfriend's house. It was a two-floor house, judging from the place, the party would be held on the dining room. He had heard noise from them.

"Neku!" Rhyme bobbed his head, greeting him, her sweet smile intact as she went to hug him- she was wearing a small floral dress with sakura pattern that looked splendid on her petite structure. The little girl had been particularly fond of him for some reason- unlike her brother- she had been wiser and somewhat more reasonable. Neku found himself smiling too as he greeted Rhyme.

"Where's Shiki?" He found himself asking- he would like to see her smile as he would give her the ring that was growing heavier in his pocket.

"At the kitchen with Eri." Rhyme answered, a beat too late, she looked uncomfortable.

The two best friends had gotten together again after the game- it was to be expected, with the fact that both of them had cared for each other deeply, they understand each other perfectly, Just like him and… No, he had tried to forget that name. It would ruin the whole splendid dinner time.

He sauntered off the kitchen- wanting to catch Shiki by surprise and hugged her from behind, but he heard noises from the kitchen.

"Don't tell me, Shiki-" It was Eri's voice, sounding horrified, "You and Beat- but- Neku?"

The chunk of the words was so weird but he decided to listen since it had clearly something to do with him.

"I can't help it, Eri. Neku- he, he never kissed me first. The time it took all my courage to initiate it- he had stood still as a stone. Not even a single effort to chase me. I'm not even sure he loved me." Shiki's voice was full of grief, she was sobbing.

"Sssh." Eri held Shiki as she consoled her friend.

"Be-beat." Shiki started, gulping some air before she restarted, Neku felt like a participant in some bad movie. He felt nauseated. "He- he loves me. He wanted to help me. He actually want to kiss me- and it was all too much, I loved Neku, but he never loves me. What else should I do, Eri?"

"Its not your fault, Shiki. Hush now. Its not your fauly" Eri took Shiki's side. Neku's still trying to process what has happened. Was Shiki cheating on him- it had appeared so, by the course of the conversation. The ring in his pocket was the first thing that strikes his mind. Neku suddenly felt like laughing aloud in his foolishness- at the bitterness of the anger and whatever he had thought.

"Neku, he's sick." Shiki added, vehemently. "I hated it- how he would stop when he went to the murals- how his eyes would grow and empty and focused at the same time- like he could no longer see me. Like I was never there- that I had no longer mattered. I hated how he fixated his sad look at the Hachiko statue when we all met. I hated how he had shown more emotion there than when he was with me!"

Neku suddenly decided that he could no longer listen to this conversation. Bile was rising up his throat and he wanted nothing more than to puke and escape from this place. This was why he had been so antisocial- he was afraid of people. Of what they're thinking and their assumption of him. He covered his mouth to prevent himself from vomiting.

"Was there anyone else for Neku?" Eri had asked.

"I'd like to think there is not- but there are moments when his eyes would seem blank as if seeing another person in my presence. It's a ghost. Neku's in love with a ghost." Shiki had whispered. "I could not win against a ghost." Her sobbing had faded a bit, "Neku is abnormal- Eri, when I first met him I thought he could change for better- that he would act more normally as a healthy human being. But I could not change him, Eri. He's hopeless. You should have seen how he had blocked the world with that hideous headphones of his- he could not accept reality, he had ran from it like the coward he was." Shiki had spat the last word with contempt, all signs of sympathy gone from her voice.

Neku ran as fast as his legs could take him- dropping his box of present for Shiki and through the concerned Rhyme and the confused Beat. He ran down the streets, not knowing his destination. Anywhere as long as he would be far away from them. He doesn't think he could ever trust anyone else in his whole life.

They are laughing at me, all of them, behind my back. Was that really how they had conceived me?

I hope they would just all die.

To be continued…

Author's note : Please read and review, tell me what you think of it and whether you would like me to continue it.