April 2012

Everyone comes to a point in their life where they are at a crossroads and don't know which road to take. It is a point of tough deliberation and if you haven't reached that crossroads yet don't worry because one day you will find yourself at the crossroads. You will not know which way to go. It will take days, weeks even months to make a decision and when you finally do you take the one road you think is best for yourself and others you find yourself wondering if you took the wrong road or if it was really the right path for your life. . I reached my crossroad 8 years ago. I find myself always wondering why I chose the road I did or asking myself what would have happened if I had gone the other way but in the end I know my decision and this road was what was best for me. It was the road that was best for all of us.

My name is Natalie Morgan and I am 28 years old. I am originally from West Newbury, Mass. But because of the road I have chosen to take I no longer live there. I live in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I have not been to West Newbury for 7 ½ years and at the time I feel I will never go back. I don't want to go back. I could never go back. I chose this road for a reason and to travel back would make me question my decision all over again.

February 2004

I was 20 years old in my junior year of college at Boston College. I went back to my hometown of West Newbury for the weekend to celebrate the homecoming of a good family friend; John Cena. John's family and my family had been friends for years. Our parents were good friends and John was good friends with my older brother as they grew up together. I always thought John was a dork. He was always wrestling around with my brother and his own brothers. I never expected John to make it to WWE but it was his dream since childhood. I don't think anyone was as surprised as I was when John became a WWE superstar. It's not that I didn't like John because we did get along I just didn't talk to him that much. He has always been 7 years older than me so we never really had that much in common. I was always like a little sister to him. I guess I kind of looked at him like an older brother too but we never really talked more than a simple casual conversation. That night of his party changed EVERYTHING!

The party was nothing more than drinking and playing games. It was something like a frat party in college. It really was nothing special. Everyone congratulated John on his success but it was still a party full of booze. Just like the old John I remembered. I was standing drinking a beer by myself when I heard a familiar voice. "Nat," said John.

"John," I said turning around to face him. I flashed him a smile which he returned with a smile of his own. He always had the best smile which is why I assume he was voted best smile in the high school yearbook. It was a picture I studied often in my brother's senior yearbook. John standing in a football jersey wearing jeans and flashing his beautiful smile showing off his dimples and perfect teeth played in my mind. I guess it's safe to say I may have had a small crush on John but nothing too serious. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," he said as he moved closer to me. "How have you been? How's school?"

"I've been pretty good I'm not living the fast life but I am living the usual college life studying, parties and underage drinking," I said holding up my red solo cup of beer.

"That's the life," he said with a laugh. "Other than all that stuff how is school?"

"It's good. I only have one more year left. I was thinking of taking some summer courses to finish by December so I can get out in the big world," I said.

"What are you taking up again?"

"Business management," I said.

"Awesome so you're going to be a big CEO some day?"

"That's the plan," I said with a smile. "And what about you Mr. WWE. What are all your plans?"

"To be the WWE champion," he said. "And just letting the WWE take me where it takes me. I am already where I want to be."

"I know," I said with a smile. "I can't wait till I reach my goals. I have so many."

"I bet you do," he said. "I'm sorry but you've really grown up. The last time I saw you you were about 12? 13?"

"13," I said.

"It's been a long time," he said as I saw something in his eyes. Something I had never seen before. He wasn't looking at me like a big brother looks at his little sister like he had many times before. "You look great."

"Thanks," I said as I felt my face turn red. I am not sure why he made me blush but hearing those words really made me blush and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't remember a time I ever had that feeling when it came to a guy. Guys were not my thing. I was very inexperienced. I had only ever been kissed.

"You're welcome," he said flashing me that smile again. I was starting to look at him in a not so big brother type of way. I was starting to see how much he had grown up from the boy that used to hang out with my brother. He was now a man; a very good looking man. "So any boyfriends or anything?"

"No," I said. "No boyfriend here. What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No. Not right now," he said. For some reason this made me smile inside.

We sat and talked for a while. We talked through 3 cups of beer and the sunsetting in the sky. He put his arm around me as we watched the sun go down filling the sky with pinks and oranges. It was February but it was still as beautiful as ever and it wasn't that cold for a February. It was chilly but not freezing very unusual weather for a February. "The sky is beautiful," I said.

"It is," he said pulling me closer to him. "You're cold. Let's go inside and get you into some warmer clothes." I thought I was dressed warm enough in my black dress and nylons but I obliged and followed him into his house. He led me up the stairs to his old bedroom; the room he had once slept in when he was growing up. He opened the wooden door and allowed me to walk in first. It was a typical high school boy's room. There were pictures of women in bikinis plastered on the wall as well as pictures of him and his high school friends but mainly of him and his high school girlfriend Liz. I wasn't sure what happened between him and Liz because I always thought they would have married and what not but no he was single. "Sorry for the way it looks. I haven't been here since before I left for college."

"It's okay," I said with a smile as he shut the door behind him.

"I was your typical high school boy," he said, "but you know this."

"Yeah," I said brushing a piece of my brown hair out of my face.

"Are you nervous?" he asked.

"A little," I said. I wasn't entirely comfortable being in his bedroom.

"Why?" he asked handing me a pair of his sweatpants and one of his t-shirts displaying his high school mascot.

"I don't know," I said taking the clothes from him.

"Not in a lot of guys' bedrooms?" he asked with that smile.

"No not really," I said.

"I'm actually surprised by that," he said. "You're a very beautiful girl. I would have thought a lot of guys would have invited you to their room."

"Um," I said. It sounded worse than what it was supposed to be.

"I wasn't being offensive…" he started to say but for some reason I couldn't control myself and before I knew I had dropped the clothes he gave me to the floor and my lips were up against his. I pressed my tongue against his lips where he granted me access to his mouth. I kissed him passionately as he returned it back with passion of his own. The kiss broke and he said, "Nat, what was that?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't…."

Before I could finish my sentence his lips were against mine again and he was kissing me passionately. My arms were wrapped around his neck as I felt his hands trailing down my back and slowly up my dress. He removed his hand from under my skirt and I heard the sound of a zipper realizing it was the zipper to my dress. We broke our kiss long enough for me to slip out of my dress. He picked me up and carried me over to his bed where his lips trailed kisses down my body starting from my neck working his way down till he got to the top of my nylons. He slowly removed them from my body followed by my underwear. He moved himself back up my body and unhooked my bra freeing my breasts. He softly massaged my breasts as he kissed me softly and passionately. He broke the kiss long enough to remove his own clothes before kissing me once more. I had never gone that far with a guy before in my life and I was enjoying it. John slowly entered me. I winced in pain as he looked at my face. "I'm sorry, Nat, do you want me to stop?"

"No," I said. I didn't want him to stop. I wanted this as much as he did. With my okay he continued on. He began to move slowly. It was painful and pleasurable at the same time. He pulled out long enough to grab a condom out of the drawer. He slipped it on and continued on with his movements. He was slow and gentle it was everything I expected it to be. A feeling came over I never knew before; a feeling of ecstasy. I couldn't control myself anymore and released myself letting out a moan. John continued with a few more moments before he released himself with a moan and collapsing his body on top of mine. I never thought in a million years that I would have lost my virginity to John Cena.

John softly kissed my lips before he removed himself from inside of me. I winced in pain and he said, "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"It's okay. It wasn't that bad," I said as I sat up on my elbows as John got up from the bed. He removed the condom, tied it and threw it in the trash. He walked into his bathroom and came back with a towel.

"There is a little bit of blood," he said as he gently cleaned it up. "I'm really sorry, Nat. I take it you were a virgin?"

"Yeah," I said as he wiped between my legs.

"I'm sure you didn't imagine losing your virginity that way," he said as he finished cleaning me up.

"No but it is what it is," I said.

"As long as I didn't hurt you," he said as he got up to take the towel to the bathroom.

"It hurt but it was still pleasurable," I said.

"Okay," said John as he slipped his boxers on. He handed me his sweatpants and his t-shirt. I put them on as he dressed. "So do you want to stay here tonight or go home?"

"I can stay here if you don't mind," I said.

"I don't mind. I like you h ere," he said with a smile.

"I like it here," I said with a smile of my own.

And that is where it begins. John and me slept together a total of 4 times after that night. We began our long distance relationship that lasted almost a month and a half. It was the best month and a half of my life until that one night.

April 2004

I waited and waited for my period to come but it never did. I looked at the calendar realizing I was late; very late! I thought back to that night in February with John; the first night we had sex. I thought about the time he entered me without the condom but every other time after that we had used a condom. I realized I had never gotten my period in March and now in April. I didn't think I could be pregnant because he did use a condom that night just not right away but my college roommate Kate informed me that it was entirely possible to get pregnant from pre ejaculation. I was laying on my bed reading through my business book when Kate came in the room the day after our whole conversation. "Well, Natalie," she said. "How have your sleeping habits been lately?"

"I don't know. I guess I've been sleeping more than usual," I said. "Why?"

"So you'd say you're fatigued?"

"Yeah but what college student isn't?" I asked.

"And how about eating habits? Are you eating more or less?"

"Less," I said. It was true I had been eating less food than normal because the thought of food made me sick. And anything I ever ate made me sick.

"I see," she said, "and how about nausea? Are you feeling nauseous? Any vomiting?"

"Yes I have been pretty nauseous lately and I've had some vomiting. What's this about, Kate?"

"You being pregnant," she said.

"I am not pregnant," I said but I think I knew deep down that I was. It was just something that I was trying to deny. I don't know if it was out of fear or what but I was denying all the evidence.

"You are," she said, "and what about your breasts? Any breast tenderness?"

"They do hurt and I just had to buy new bras," I said. I did grow a little in the boob area which caused me to go bra shopping. I had gone from my small A-cup to a B-Cup.

"Uh huh," she said as she pulled a box out of the plastic bag she was holding. She tossed the box to me and said, "take the test."

"Kate, I don't need a test," I said.

"Take it," she said.

I knew she wasn't going to let up so I obliged her and grabbed the test. "I don't know what this is going to prove. This is so pointless because I'm not pregnant," I said to her as I walked into the bathroom.

"Take the test, Natalie," she said as I read over the directions on the box. I never took a pregnancy test before; hell 7-8 weeks earlier I had never had sex before. I did as the instructions said and peed on the stick. I let it sit for two minutes. I paced back and forth in the bathroom as I waited. I swear those two minutes seemed to be the longest of my life. I picked up the test off the counter and took a deep breath as I read the results. Two lines; what do two lines mean; was the thought going through my mind. I picked up the box and I knew exactly what two lines meant. PREGNANT. It was a big fat positive. I felt the tears burn in my eyes as I read the results. I saw my entire future come falling down around me. A baby was not what I wanted..it was not what I needed. I was so close to finishing school. I only had a year or so till I was done. All my dreams seemed to fly out the window. I walked out of the bathroom and Kate was standing there waiting for me. "So?" I didn't even need to say a word. My tear filled eyes and my pale face said it all. "You're pregnant." Hearing her say those words made me lose all control. I broke down and began to cry. I had no idea what I was going to do now or even what John was going to do.

A/N: So what did you think? Please review. Is it a keeper or no?