Like most things I write, I don't know what this is. And yes, the title is Green Day inspired. Reviews would be great, also :)
There are times when Mickey stops long enough to think and lets his mind roam free. He enters a state of serenity: his eyes flutter shut and all he can hear are whatever it is that's racing through his head. He hears his mom laughing as she plays with a five year old Mandy, he hears hate entwined in the words that his dad spits out and fear in the ones his mom screams back; he sees his dad and brothers fighting until they're nothing more than bleeding heaps on the floor, he sees his parents smiling at each other when they're high and blissful; he feels a lump forming in his throat and forces himself back into reality.
Sometimes, not as rarely as he likes, he thinks about Ian. It's not always thoughts about his face that Mickey knows he likes too much, or that fucking smile he gets after sex or how he's maybe the only person Mickey can make laugh. It's all kinds of things. Like he questions whether he's had a harder life than himself. Mickey wants to know why Ian smiles like he means it when he's gone through so much shit; why he can stand to be around the two people responsible for how unfair his life has been. It doesn't make sense to Mickey. But other times, he thinks he knows exactly why: love is a living thing in Ian's family, it is mingled in their veins and it pushes out the darkness that threatens to destroy them. Mickey's house is overrun with shadows.
They both are broken and ruined but in different ways. Mickey thinks that Ian is better at hiding it, his fragility doesn't run his life. He doesn't think the same about himself. In fact, he knows that it runs his life. It's made him into a petty thug and a kid with a criminal record before he's reached the age of eighteen. Maybe other people would tell him that it's his fault, that he should take control of his life and stop blaming his parents for his own screw ups. Only they wouldn't understand because if they did they wouldn't be saying that. He knows Ian would think the same as him. Except Ian has strength that Mickey doesn't understand. He has motivation when he shouldn't, motivation to do something good with his life.
But their similarities... their similarities outweigh their differences. Mickey never used to know that but then again he never used to know Ian like he does now. A lot of the time, he's convinced that he knows the guy better than he knows himself. He knows things about Ian that have never been spoken; he's subconsciously absorbed his every habit and movement so that his mind runs the risk of overflowing with images of the guy. At times, he doesn't think that would be so bad. Maybe then he'd no longer be haunted by the pictures of his dad with bloody knuckles and his mom laying motionless on the floor.
Mickey stares at Ian a lot. It's something he can't help and he'd like to know why but is too afraid to ask himself. Too afraid of the answers he'd uncover. So he never does, just lets it be. Ian stares back at him sometimes and that always reminds Mickey of the fact that he can feel emotions other than anger. Ian does that to him. He's always fucking do that to him. And he should hate it. He should. But Ian looks at him like he knows, like he understands and Mickey could never hate that because nobody else looks at him like that, not even Mandy.
He can feel the darkness and the animosity slipping away with every look and every touch. It's replaced with familiarity and understanding and something else that Mickey does his best to ignore because it feels like love or something close to that. He should be terrified and at moments he is, but he isn't running from it, he can't. Because, you know how they say that opposites attract? Well, Mickey thinks that that's bullshit because everybody needs someone they can relate to. He's no different. Only he's found his someone and he does not intend on letting them go.