When one of the four Emperors, Fire Fist Ace declared that all tobacco was banned in his waters, Smoker knew he was being called out. No ship, no cargo, no trader was exempt. To make matters worse, he had even convinced his fellow Emperors and father figures, Whitebeard and Shanks to follow in his attempts to 'cure the world of a deadly vice'. Like hell he was doing it for the good of anybody but himself. That punk.

Initially, many governments had protested. Tobacco was a cash crop not many wished to part with and were willing to take up arms to defend their economic interests - even with three of the four Emperors backing this endeavor. But then, Ace appealed to more members of his blasted family. Pirate King Monkey D. Luffy had always been mad - mad enough to risk the wrath of the World Government andmad enough to face the wrath of nicotine-addicted world as well. Just to indulge his sadistic punk of an elder brother. But this was the Pirate King and in the Age of the Pirates, what the King said was law.

So Smoker was put into quite a bind, of course.

How was he going to effectively give chase, terrorize and capture pirates without his tobacco? The Vice Admiral lasted two weeks before he ran out - even with careful rationing. The looming inevitability that was his tobacco-less state had beenvery stressful to say the least. He had bit through more of his cigars than he cared to recall. Surprisingly, his work ethic had picked up, the number of arrests had also increased exponentially. There had been some complaints of Marine brutality, but Smoker didn't care. If the punk couldn't handle a little pain then he had no right to try and play pirate.

Any brunette, cocky pirate he came across was served an extra helping of pain. If Tashigi noticed, she wisely remained silent.

Smirking in his own self-satisfied manner, Smoker dragged another pair of pirates back to his ship. It was another job well done. He could pull through. It was just tobacco. He had withstood worse. There was no way that brat could push him into doing his bidding. No, absolutely not. His pride as a Vice Admiral of the Marines was at stake. Vice Admiral Smoker was not going down without a fight. And such was his pep talk.

-

Ace was quite happy today.

Well, he'd been quite happy ever since the blockade came into place. Sure, a lot of people got worked up about it, but really, it was just tobacco. But then again, some people (Smoker) would not see it that way. And that was exactly what he was hoping for.

Bur-lep bur-lep bur-lep bur-lep bur-lep bur-lep bur-lep

"Ace here, talk to me."

"Ehh... Nii-chan..." Came the unusually timid voice of his little brother.

"Oh hey Luffy! How's it going?"

"Oh, not bad... I mean... ehh..." Something was definitely wrong, Ace knew. "L-Listen, Ace-nii, could you just...I mean, I know you're pissed at Smokey -"

"I'm not. Everything's great."

"...Right." Luffy wasn't buying it. "Eh...anyway, nii-chan, could you just-?"

"Luffy, is that Ace?" There was murmuring and Ace strained to hear more. Luffy was obviously trying to - what was going on over at the Pirate King's camp? "It isAce! Give me that!"

"Ah! S-Sa - Nami, Nami! No! No! Luffy! Give it to me! No! Ace -" There was squabbling over the den-den mushi now. Shouting, Luffy protesting, and then what sounded like a very, very decisive end to the fight via blow to the head.

"Eh, Luffy?"

"You listen here, Fire Fist." Well, Ace leaned back, a little surprised by the venomous tone. This definitely wasn't Sanji's day.

"Oh, hey Sanji."

"Don't, 'Oh hey Sanji' me you bastard!" There was ragged breathing on the other line. Ace's den-den mushi was looking quite put out. "Give me back my tobacco or I'llend you."

Klack.

Ace stared. He didn't know what to make of this sudden change in the usually so polite chef's persona. Well, one thing was for sure. "Luffy really needs to keep his crew in line."

Now where was his coffee?

-

A week later, Smoker found himself sneaking onto Fire Fist Ace's flagship. To beat the tar out of the little shit, of course.

God damn it. He needed tobacco and he needs it now.

How he ended up pinned to a wall by his own jitte, he'd never know. Probably tobacco withdrawal getting to him. The bastard doing the pinning was looking fresh as a daisy and smiling. "See, babe? Was it so hard for you to visit me for once?" Fire Fist Ace looked wholly pleased with himself.

He didn't hesitate in clambering all over Smoker's lap and pressing several needy kisses along the man's jaw and neck. Ace did miss having Smoker around. Even if he smelled different without his cigars. No matter, now that he had him here, he'd be lifting that blockade anyway.

Smoker gaped. "That's what this is about?!" Out of pure rage, Smoker shoved the slimmer man and managed to sit up. This brat deprived the entire Grand Line of tobacco just to get him to visit?

Ace pulled back and stared at him, uncomprehending. His lover was getting extremely riled up for such a silly reason. "...What did you think it's about?"

"Couldn't you have just said something?" He had endured Hina's nagging and tobacco withdrawal for this stupid reason?

"Maa, then you'd just reject my invitation. This is better. It got you here, didn't it?"

"...I can't believe this." Smoker groaned, shoving the Emperor off of him.

"Eh? EH?! Where are you going? Chujooooo!" Ace cried out, "You just got here!"

"Fuck you, Portgas!"

"But Smoker, it's just tobacco!"

-

"Straw Hat. You owe me."

"I...do?"

"You do, you damn monkey!"

"Oh...okay." Smoker exhaled, exasperated. This brat was Pirate King? "So, what do you need?"

"...I don't want coffee to be anywhere on the Grand Line for the foreseeable future."

"...I know you're mad at nii-chan, but -"

"I'm not. Everything's fine."

"But-"

"Just do it, Straw Hat."

Klack.

Luffy sighed sadly. "I thought being King would be fun..."

A/N: I feel so bad for Luffy. It's like mom and dad are fighting and he's stuck in the middle.