Father and Son
Chapter 11: Chunin Exams PT 1
(I own nothing)
"Wow Boss, your wife is hot!" Konohamaru all but cheered as the three walked into the blonds apartment with Naruto pulling up the rear with Beel, who someone managed to say unseen, on his back. Udon nodded, his glasses fogged up and face dark red.
Introducing Hilda, Naruto then pulled Beel from his back and introduced him to them.
"He's so cute!" Moegi gushed as Beel hopped out of Naruto's hands and stood on the floor proudly, "And he's butt naked! So adorable!"
To both Naruto and Hilda's shock, Beel blushed and covered himself up under Moegi's gaze.
"Hey ah… what's with the doll?" Konohamaru called, making Naruto turn away from where Beel was covering himself to find the Hokage's grandson looking at the assassin doll as it sat on the arm of the couch with it's eyes closed.
He poked it a few times, "This thing is creepy," the kid mused while poking it's head, "don't it scare the-"
Without warning, the doll came alive and chomped down on Konohamaru's finger, making him squeal.
"Actually, Baby Beel don't mess with it, it's mine now." Naruto told him while ignoring how the boy shook his hand around, trying to shake the doll off his finger. "I'm training it to be my minion."
Finally, the doll let go and was flung across the room and Konohamaru was left with a series of teeth marks around his finger. But instead of hitting the wall and falling, the doll spun in the air and landed on the wall feet first, allowing it to hop back down onto the floor with a victory punch to the air.
"Anyway," Naruto exclaimed loudly, getting the three kid's attention, "As your Boss, you shall now refer to my son as…" he stopped to build up suspense, "Mini-me!"
"Idiot!" Hilda hissed, smacking Naruto over the head with her umbrella and sending him face first into the floor, "They shall call him no such thing!"
"Ok, ok, ok!" he quickly called out, "Young Boss or Jr. Boss!"
Hilda thought about it for a second before putting the umbrella away, "That'll do." She then turned to the three kids and narrowed her eyes, "Do you three understand?"
Nodding, Hilda turned and picked up Baby Beel, "Come along, time for your nap."
Looking between the retreating blond and the one laying on the floor, Konohamaru looked to his friends, "Man, Boss' wife sure is scary!"
"It's time to begin."
Naruto inwardly sighed as he sat at his assigned seat between Hinata Hyuuga and some Iwa ninja for the written part of the test, the only high point of the day so far had been seeing Sasuke get his ass whooped by a fellow leaf ninja by the name of Rock Lee and when he meant whooped he meant in a way that Sasuke most likely wouldn't enjoy.
Team seven started out meeting at the academy, which was closed down for the test and went up to the second floor where they came across two chunin trying to weed out the weaklings. And of course, Sasuke being the ass pirate he was, loudly alerted the whole group that they were on the second floor and that the room they were looking for, room 301 was on the third floor.
On the way, Sasuke was stopped by Rock Lee and the fight ended with Lee nearly using a potentially deadly move but was stopped by a talking turtle and then, in a puff of smoke, Gai appeared and slugged him before they hugged and cried with the sun setting in the background.
Naturally, this sight put Baby Beel in a bad mood and he had to nail both of them over the head, sending both sensei's and student's heads through the floor while the talking turtle freaked out.
Then finally, when they reached the classroom, Kakashi was there to wish them luck at the door and they walked in to be faced with every genin present sending waves of Killing Intent at them. This of course made Baby Beel giddy as hell, surprising the other genin because not only did the presence of a toddler hanging on the back of the blonds coat come as a shock, but when most children his age were exposed to KI they cried.
After sending back a pulse of KI himself, which was Beel powered, the other genin backed off and the others of the rookie nine came over. Kiba was naturally being arrogant and tried to badmouth the blond as usual but Naruto put a stop to it by threatening to knock every tooth out of his mouth again and chuckling demonically while making sure that the entire room overheard.
Then some older genin named Kabuto came over and after some talking, told them that he had information on most of the people participating. Sasuke wanted information on Rock Lee, and Kiba wanted to hear Naruto's thinking that he could embarrass the blonde.
"Oh, you already know their names," Kabuto mused while flipping through his information cards, "That's no fun… Let's see, Rock Lee… Looks like he's about a year older than you. Mission experience, 54 D-ranks and 11 C-ranks. His team leader is Might Gai and in the last 12 months his Taijutsu has radically improved but his other skills are pretty shaky."
Sasuke stared at the card for a minute, a calculating look in his eyes…
That is, until Naruto walked up, "Your looking at his picture pretty hard there Sasuke, did he turn you on back then? I've heard that some people get a sick sexual thrill out of their ass kicked."
"Shut up!" the Uchiha yelled, losing his cool, "I wasn't thinking about how he looked in that tight spandex suit!"
Naruto chuckled, "Who said anything about how he looked in spandex?"
The room was dead silent.
"Anyway." Kabuto spoke, breaking the silence as he got another card out. "Uzumaki Naruto, wow I got a lot more on him. He's a year older than you guys, the same age as Rock Lee. (Remember, he's 13) Mission experience, 16 D-ranks and 1 low C-rank that was raised to a mid B-rank where his team faced missing ninja, Zabuza the 'Demon of the Mist', The Demon Brothers, and a Zabuza's apprentice. His sensei killed Zabuza but get this, Naruto's wife slaughtered the Demon Brothers and later, Naruto nearly beat Zabuza's apprentice to death and finished 'em off by breaking his neck with his bare hands."
With that, they all looked at Naruto with surprised expressions.
"What? The cocksucker threatened my kid?" he mused with Beel nodding sagely.
"A-Anyway," Kabuto started back, getting their attention again, "His team leader is Hatake Kakashi. His Ninjutsu is ok, but his Genjutsu is shaky, his Taijutsu on the other hand is scary."
Standing in the front of the room was a tall man wearing a grey uniform and a black trench coat with a matching bandana over his head, his face had two long scars going down it and his very presence had a dark feel to it. Behind him there were various ninja, all dressed in matching grey uniforms.
"My name is Ibiki Morino, the proctor for this part of the test…" he smirked, "And from this point on, your worst enemy."
"First off, there will be no combat without the permission of your proctor and even then, the use of fatal force is strictly forbidden. Anyone that even thinks of messing with me will regret it… got it?" he continued in a dark, don't fuck with me voice.
The room was silent… almost.
"OI!" Naruto yelled from his seat, "You think you can be a little more scarier?"
The teen pointed to Beel, who sat on the desk with a blank look on his face, "Baby Beel is getting bored, can you kick it up a notch or something before I have to do something to keep him occupied?"
As he was talking, Beel was looking around and turned his gaze on the Iwa ninja next to Naruto and gave him the most evil glare the ninja had ever seen, making the ninja flinch.
"What is that kid doing here anyway?" Ibiki questioned.
Naruto looked down at Beel, "From the looks of it he's scoping out the competition… and he's not impressed."
"No… I mean why did you bring him in here?"
"Well what the fuck? Did you want me to leave him outside the door? He's a toddler for fuck's sake you heartless bastard, not some trained dog I can tell to sit and stay while I'm in here."
"That's not what I meant! I meant why didn't you just leave him at home!"
"Because he cries if I get too far away."
"So? He's a baby, a baby will cry."
"Yes but when he cries it just kills me," Naruto stated as if it was the simplest thing in the world, actually speaking the truth seeing as if Beel cried when he was over 49 feet away, it's literally kill the teen.
If he had hair, Ibiki would've pulled it out. "Whatever… just… shut the fuck up!"
While his father went back and forth with the proctor, Beel turned and looked at Hinata.
'Oh no, Naruto-kun's son, he's looking at me!' she thought nervously before seeing Beel cock his head, 'Does he like me?'
Suddenly, Baby Beel turned his head.
'Naruto-kun's son doesn't even like me!' she cried to herself before perking up when Beel looked at her again, 'Wait, maybe he does, maybe there's a chance that Naruto will leave his wife for me!'
Ibiki explained the test and before they knew it, they had an hour to finish it.
Naruto looked down to the toddler sitting in his lap, "Huh?"
Beel reached up and patted the test that he had yet to work on having decided to go for the last question at the end.
"What, you wanna try?"
The kid nodded.
Picking Beel up, Naruto set him down on the desk and handed him the pencil, "Here you go, good luck kid."
If it hadn't been so strange, the proctors would've called him out on it but as it was, the females were gushing over the sight while everyone else was thinking 'WTF?'.
So while the test went on, Naruto was thinking about the rules. They were kind of fucked up with all sorts of ways to lose 'em and the way Ibiki kept on going on about being caught cheating was weird, what, had he been molested too many times for cheating as a kid?
Then it hit him, maybe they wanted him to cheat.
Looking back at the test, he grimaced, Beel fucked that paper up but on the other hand it was pretty good to say the least. It was crude but he could tell that the picture was of him and Beel standing atop a pile of corpses.
"Alright people, you got five minutes before the last question."
He wasn't feeling as confident as before, Ibiki mentioned that if you failed the last question you failed the test period. So either the last question of get some answers… then the light bulb went off above his head.
"Alright Maggots, one minute left."
"Oi, Iwa ninja!" Naruto called, making the ninja next to him turn along with everyone else just in time to see the blonde's fist crash into the ninja's face, knocking him out of his chair, over the desk and crashing head first into the wall where he passed out and laid there stuck in the wall.
Everyone gaped at the show of power long enough for Naruto to snatch the ninja's paper, erase the name and write his own.
"Whoo!" he cheered with a vicious grin, "All done!"
"You know that's going to be a point from your score right?"
Naruto shrugged at Ibiki, "So what, I'm done and so is he."
Beel copied his father, proudly making himself known but holding up his picture, freaking out those close enough to see what he drew. They got even more freaked when Naruto patted him on the head with what they saw as a dark chuckle and said 'That's my boy'
Shaking his head, Ibiki exclaimed that it was time for the final question, "But there's one more rule," he stopped, letting them mutter and bitch for a second before continuing. "You have a choice, you can choose rather or not to take it. But… if you chose not to take it, you fail the test."
"Well no duh we'll take the question." Kiba loudly yelled from the back of the room, Akamaru yapping from atop his head.
The man grinned, "You didn't let me finish, if you don't take it, you fail… but it you do chose to answer it and you get it wrong, you not only fail but you'll remain a Genin and never be allowed to take the test again."
"What!?" someone else in the crowd yelled, "That's bull! Some of us took the test more than once!"
"Well tough shit! This is the first time I've been able to proctor this part of the exam so I guess you maggots are just shit out of luck."
"What the fuck, how the hell is that even possible!" Naruto loudly said making everyone look over to him once again to see that he was glaring at Baby Beel who sat across from him on the desk with his arms crossed an a self-satisfied look on his face and a deck of cards between them.
"Da!" Beel exclaimed while leaning up and slamming his hand onto the desk glaring at his father before pointing to the five cards sitting in front on him face up, showing… five aces?
Naruto glared back, "Hell no, you can't have five of a kind in a game of poker with no wild cards! I'm not paying your cheating ass a damn yen!"
"I said no you little cheat!"
"What, you think I'm scared of her?"
"You think Hilda's gonna take your side on this?"
"Mother fucker…" he growled under his breath, reaching for his wallet and thumbing through the notes, "I fucking swear, I ain't never playing cards with you again."
Handing over the money, he noticed that everyone was looking at him and snapped, "What!? You never seen a guy lose an argument with his kid before!?"
"Forest of Death huh?" Naruto mused as they arrived at the village's most dangerous training ground.
Atop his head, Beel grinned and tugged on the blonde's hair, "Da-bu!"
"Ow, yeah I know it's nothing new, but think of it as a camping trip through the park." he muttered as this was the place that Beel liked for him to take him though as if it was a playground. But he guessed to Beel, it was, only instead of jungle gyms, swing sets, sandboxes, and the occasional bully, there were large trees higher than the eye could see, thick vines that looked strong enough to hold a ton, quicksand, and humongous man-eating beasts.
Sakura, who'd been freaked out at the sight of a large centipede across the fence turned to him, "You take you son on walks through there!?"
"Yeah, so what. You scared of a little place called the 'Forest of Death'?" he mocked.
Hearing this, Anko looked at him and smirked, narrowing her eyes to slits as she gave a small 'heh', "So… looks like we got a tough guy here."
Naruto looked back over to her broadly, "Well I like to think so." the teen mused while studying her. She had light brown, pupil-less eyes and violet hair styled in a short, spiky fanned ponytail. Her state of dress was questionable to say the least, consisting of a mesh body suit that stretched from her neck down to her thighs with a orange-brown leather skirt and lastly, a tan trench coat.
In a flash, a kunai fell from her sleeve and into her hand, which she sent flying through the air at the blonde, cutting his cheek. It then continued to sail past another genin and narrowly missed another with long hair, cutting a few strands before sticking in the dirt.
But Naruto didn't react, even when she vanished and reappeared behind him, "I've heard about you kid, the number one most violent teen in your class…" she spoke while holding onto his shoulders and leaning forward next to his ear, "But are you tough enough to handle this?"
She slowly licked the blood from his cheek.
"I'm confused…" he admitted, "Are you talking about the test or are you coming on to me because if so that's something we'd have to take up with my wife." That made everyone face fault.
"She said that I could bring other women into the relationship but she'd have to approve." he continued as they stood, making every man there gape at god in human form, this man living the dream that so many others coveted.
Recovering from her sudden fall, Anko went back up to the front and started explaining the rules and had a chunin pass out yet another release form saying that if they died they knew the risk.
"Alright listen up, once you sign the forms, you are to go to the tent over there and hand over your signed forms." she said while motioning to one that a chunin had just finished putting together. "In return for your two forms, you will be given one of these scrolls."
The woman pulled two simple looking scrolls from her coat and held them out, both were a little larger than her hand but one was colored white with the symbol for heaven on it while the other was a dark blue labeled earth.
"There are twenty-six teams and as such there will be twenty-six scrolls, one for each team. One half of you will receive a heaven scroll and you must find and retrieve the other, those with a earth scroll must do the same and get a heaven scroll. While going through the forest, you must not open your scrolls, all the time, chunin's are trusted with missions to carry vital information and must resist the temptations of reading it." Anko explained before placing the scrolls back into her pocket, "Oh and one other thing, this test will be timed. You will have five days to get one of each and make it to the central tower. All three team members must be there or the team fails, any questions?"
There were none.
So everyone went about signing the forms and went to get the scroll before being sent to one of the many gates surrounding the forest. Team seven was given a earth scroll and was directed to gate 13.
"Hey blonde!" Anko called as she appeared behind Naruto again, placing one are around his neck and the other around his torso, "Wanted to say good luck!" she all but cooed before vanishing again, leaving Naruto with a 'WTF' look on his face.
"What was that about?" Sasuke questioned.
Naruto shook his head, "I'm… not sure…"
To be continued…