Why her?

Grissom sat in the darkness of their home. What was his, Sara and their 5 year old daughter Emma's home but from today on would be without his wife. He felt sick inside. Completely empty but at the same time like his blood was on fire and trying to burn him from the inside out. How was he going to tell Emma that her mum was gone? That a cruel thoughtless man shot her while she was doing her job just because he was too much of a coward to be caught. His body shook violently with his sobs.

"WHY? WHY HER?" he screamed.

"Daddy?" a small voice asked from the door way.

His heart broke upon seeing her. She was so innocent and her world was about to be destroyed.

"Hey, sweet heart." he said softly.

"Is something wrong?"

"Come here darling."

She complied but looked worried. He sat her on his knee and she curled up against him. Grissom leaned back into the sofa cradling his daughter and he took a deep breath.

"Sweetie, I have some bad news to tell you."

She nodded and grasped his shirt lightly.

"You know what you mummy and daddy do as a job?"

"You help catch the bad guys"

"Yes, that's right honey." his voice broke on the last word. "Well sometimes when we work with the bad guys they do something nasty and try and hurt us."

"Did they hurt mummy?" she asked sitting up looking into his blue eyes with her brown ones that were wide with worry. Looking at her face he saw Sara looking back at her. That only what he had to say next even harder.

"Yes. They did"

"Can I go see mummy? She always says my hugs make her feel better!"

With tears rolling down his cheeks he shook his head and replied, "No darling."


"Your mummy's gone"

"When is she coming back?"

"She's not, Emma. She can't." He stuttered, forcing the words out.

"Why where is she? Maybe I can go with her?"

"No, your mummy wouldn't want you to follow her. Not until you are much older"

"Why? Where is she?"

Grissom didn't know how to explain this to her. His head was spinning. This was something he needed Sara for.

He suddenly had an idea. He would use Sara to explain this. He took her hand and led her to the garden.

"You know when your mum would take you out here at night and show you the stars."

"She would always tell me stories." Emma smiled.

"Yes," Gil remembered fondly. "Well she couldn't stay here any longer so she went off beyond the stars, to another world, on an adventure."

"But I don't want her to leave me."

"She didn't have a choice sweetheart but your mummy will never really leave you. She will be watching over us from up above, and she will be with you for the rest of your life and longer. Your mum loves you and that sort of love can't be broken by anything not even death. She lives on in you. When I look at you, I see her; sweetheart I know she is so proud of you. If you ever need her talk to her, I know she'll be listening and she will take care of you."

Both Grissoms were now in tears. Emma flung her arms around her father and Grissom held her tightly. He didn't know where that speech came from but he could feel Sara with him now and knew she would have had something to do with it.

"I love you sweetheart." E whispered into her ear.

"I love you too daddy"

Grissom held his daughter for another hour. They just lay there watching the stars knowing that Sara was up there somewhere. When Emma fell asleep Grissom lifted her gently and took her to her room. Laying her down on the bed he kissed her forehead and whispered "goodnight."

He went back to the lounge and grabbed a picture of the three of them as a family. He looked down on it and remembered the day this was taken fondly. It was just a normal day out by Lake Meade but it was perfect.

He looked at Sara and began to speak to her. He knew she would be listening.

"Sara, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't with you when he got you. I keep thinking if I had come with you I would have stopped him somehow. Everyone tells me I'm being ridiculous. That I couldn't have done anything. Maybe they are right, I don't know, but it doesn't matter now. I would do anything to see you again. Even just once to say goodbye. To see your famous smile and just to hold you one more time.

Wherever you are now, I hope you are happy and at peace. You can put all the daemons you were forced to face on earth away. They are behind you now. I know you wanted to be here with Emma as she grew up. To see her first day of school, prom, graduation, marriage. You were taken too young. You still had so much left to give. It's not fair. If I could swap with you I would.

But I also know you will still be watching over her as she grows up into the most amazing women. I will keep her safe I promise. Be at peace now. Go into the light, cross over to whatever awaits you in the afterlife. But keep an eye out for us. One day we will be together again.

You were a truly wonderful woman. You taught me to love. You will never be forgotten Sara Sidle. Never. I promise you that."

He held the photo close to him and went to their bedroom. When he was passing Emma's room he put his ear to the door to make sure she was alright.

"I love you mummy"

What he heard next didn't shock him in the slightest. It would never have been any other way.

"I love you too sweetie"

He smiled through his tears and held the photo closer. She was gone but she would always be with them. The love shared in their family would always live on. He knew things would be okay in the end.